A time for every purpose under heaven

At the close of 2007, I am reminded of these verses in Ecclesiastes chapter 3:1-8:

1 For everything there is a season, And a time for every purpose under heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to seek, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
7 A time to tear, and a time to sew; A time to be silent, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

As I read these verses, I realized that this year I have experience much of these "times" - killing, healing, tearing down, building up, weeping, laughing, mourning, dancing. While it has seemed overwhelming at times, nothing has been out of control. God has set the boundaries of each suffering, of each trial. He has supplied superabundantly above all that we could ask or think.

Today my children and my husband talked about those days back in April when I was first diagnosed. I don't remember much of that time but as they related different things that happened I was in awe of all that the Lord has done. While we were not prepared for what happened, we were supplied by God to go through it. We are still being supplied day by day, moment by moment. Even though this year has been filled with an unexpected journey through a region of life that we would never choose, what has sustained us, what has supplied us and what has carried us through has not been the resolution of the problems, but the supply of Life - the divine life that corresponds to our innermost being. We are so thankful for all of you standing with us through these "times."

The incision has healed well and is still a bit tender. I have a follow-up visit with Dr. Berkowitz and a CT scan scheduled for January 9. As the Lord provides, I hope to help out at the Boston Trinity Academy library beginning in January. Please pray for strengthening each day and continued healing.

May the new year bring with it multiple opportunities for all of us to experience and plumb the depths of the love of God, the grace of Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.

Much love to you all,
Joanne

when "not doing" is "doing"

I decided not to drive down with my husband and family to New York to be with my mother and siblings for a few days and instead take the opportunity to rest. This is completely contrary to my nature - I would never choose to do "nothing". But today as I was considering this, I realized that choosing to rest is very important - something we all need to "do." I am reminded of a story that a brother in the Lord related to me about his childhood. He was a young boy when the troops returned from fighting in Europe and the Pacific in World War II. He remembered the cheers of the crowds as the soldiers and the tanks went by his window. But he told me that the cheers got very loud at one point and he thought that these must be the strongest soldiers and the biggest tanks coming up next, but instead it was the wounded soldiers who were being carried on stretchers or pushed in wheelchairs that got the loudest cheers. He told me that sometimes it is our function to fight on the front lines and wage war, and other times it is our function to be carried. When we allow ourselves to be carried by others, we are strengthened and perhaps one day we will be the ones who carry others. This testimony has always encouraged me especially since I too often get trapped in evaluating my functioning. How wonderful to be at rest with where the Lord has placed us and enjoy the grace that He supplies either to labor or to be laid aside for a time. Watchman Nee wrote a wonderful hymn about this: Live Thyself, Lord Jesus, through me. Verse 3 says:

Every moment, every member,
Girded, waiting Thy command;
Underneath the yoke to labor
Or be laid aside as planned.
When restricted in pursuing,
No disquiet will beset;
Underneath Thy faithful dealing
Not a murmur or regret.

I am also comforted by these verses in Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come to Me all who toil and are burdened, and I will give you rest.

29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Footnotes from the Recovery Version:

To take the Lord's yoke is to take the will of the Father. It is not to be regulated or controlled by any obligation of the law or religion or to be enslaved by any work, but to be constrained by the will of the Father. The Lord lived such a life, caring for nothing but the will of His Father (John 4:34; 5:30; 6:38). He submitted Himself fully to the Father's will (26:39, 42). Hence, He asks us to learn from Him.

The Greek word means fit for use; hence, good, kind, mild, gentle, easy, pleasant — in contrast to hard, harsh, sharp, bitter.

The Lord's yoke is easy! His burden is light! To strive to fulfill any law whether external or self-made is to toil and be burdened. But the Lord calls us to come to Him to find rest for our souls. He is truly wonderful.

The incision is healing - resting helps the process - I am so thankful that I was asleep during the surgery - I am a bit needle-phobic and when I heard there was going to be local anesthesia administered with a needle, I prayed that I would be asleep during that part and I was! The last thing I remember is Dr. Berkowitz entering the operating room and smiling to me, waving his mask. At the pre-op visit, he told me I would see him before the surgery without his mask on - and he fulfilled his promise.

Praise the Lord, dear ones - may the Lord richly bless you all with Life abundant!

Much love,
Joanne

Surgery Update

Things went very well today - the IP port was taken out without any complications. I just have pain right now, which was expected. I am resting and am so grateful to the Lord for how smoothly everything went today.

I am going to rest now. Here's a hymn I have been enjoying:

Christ, whose glory fills the skies
Christ, the true, the only Light,
Sun of Righteousness, arise,
Triumph o'er the shades of night;
Dayspring from on high, be near,
Daystar, in my heart appear.

Dark and cheerless is the morn
Unaccompanied by Thee;
Joyless is the day's return,
Till Thy mercy's beams I see,
Till Thou inward light impart,
Glad my eyes, and warm my heart.

Visit then this soul of mine,
Pierce the gloom of sin and grief;
Fill me, Radiancy divine,
Scatter all my unbelief;
More and more Thyself display,
Shining to the perfect day.


Fill us, Radiancy divine! - Scatter all my unbelief and display more and more of Thyself.

Thank you for praying. He who inhabits eternity goes before and continues to supply grace moment by moment. Praise Him!

Much love,
Joanne

"Behold I make all things new!"

When I saw Dr. Berkowitz last Friday, he explained that they have done several dozen of these IP port removals and have not had any complications with the removal. Typically, they sedate the patient and use a local anesthetic. He did say that there is a remote possibility that the port might get caught or stuck and then they have to open the abdomen to remove it. This has not happened yet but its possibility causes me to again have to rely on the Lord for every detail. Please pray for this surgery that nothing will get stuck and the port will be removed easily.

One of my favorite hymn lyrics is a familiar hymn for this time of year - which I think, due to its over-use and familiarity, might cause us to miss the wonderful truth that is contained in the words. The Lord has promised that He makes all things new - even old, familiar hymns.

1 Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King;
Peace on earth, and mercy mild;
God and sinners reconciled."
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With angelic hosts proclaim,
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."

2 Christ, by highest heav'n adored,
Christ, the everlasting Lord:
Late in time behold Him come,
Offspring of a virgin's womb.
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see,
Hail th' incarnate Deity!
Pleased as man with man to dwell,
Jesus our Immanuel.

3 Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Ris'n with healing in His wings:
Mild He lays His glory by,
Born that man no more may die;
Born to raise the sons of earth;
Born to give them second birth.

4 Come, Desire of nations, come!
Fix in us Thy humble home:
Rise, the woman's conqu'ring seed,
Bruise in us the serpent's head;
Adam's likeness now efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Final Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.


The lines that jump out to me are from verse 1: God and sinners reconciled; from verse 2: Pleased as man with man to dwell, Jesus our Immanuel; from verse 3: Born that man no more may die; from verse 4: Adam's likeness now efface, Stamp Thine image in its place.

Sometimes when I am spending time with the Lord, I use the hymns to pray and also to praise and thank the Lord for what He has accomplished. Just praying those few lines above would be a wonderful way to enjoy the Lord - "Thank you Lord that through Your coming, through Your death and resurrection God and sinners are reconciled. Thank you Lord that you were pleased to become a man to dwell among men - Praise You Lord that You are Immanuel - God with us! You were born - You entered humanity and began the process of destroying sin, death, and the devil! Praise You that today You are removing every trace of old Adam and doing the work of conforming us to the image of Christ. Do that work more in us today - stamp Your image in every part of our being."

Hopefully when you hear this hymn it will be new to you - and you will enjoy the wonder of the "Incarnate Diety".

Thank you for standing with me through this time.
Much love,
Joanne

White as snow

Yesterday afternoon and evening we had a snow storm and got about 12 inches of fluffy white snow - it is really beautiful this morning to see everything covered in white. During the night however I was plagued by an incessant reminder of an old sin that I had confessed - the thought that kept me awake a good part of the night was that what I had done was not enough - I had not made it right completely and that this would cost me the kingdom. When I woke up this morning and looked at the snow, I was reminded of that verse in Isaiah 1:18: Come now and let us reason together, Says Jehovah. Though your sins are like scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are as red as crimson, They will be like wool.
Here's another verse: Psalms 103:12: As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
And of course the verse in 1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I was also reminded of the accuser of the brethren who accuses us before God day and night (Rev. 12:10) and how to overcome him: Revelation 12:11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they loved not their soul-life even unto death. The enemy of God would like to remind of our sins and keep us in a constant anxiety about them, thus robbing us of enjoying all that Christ has accomplished on the cross.

I was also reminded that I am a member of the body of Christ and as a member I am clothed with the armor of God, by which I can stand against the stratagems of the devil(Eph 6). One part of the armor is the helmet of salvation. Here is a footnote about the effectiveness of this helmet:

17-1 Receiving the helmet of salvation is for covering our mind, our mentality, against the negative thoughts shot in by the evil one. Such a helmet, such a covering, is God's salvation. Satan injects threats, worries, anxieties, and other weakening thoughts into our mind. God's salvation is the covering that we take up against all these. Such a salvation is the saving Christ whom we experience in our daily life.

With this helmet and with the sword of the Spirit-the Word of God, we are able to overcome, to withstand in the evil day! Today, I choose to be empowered in the Lord and in the might of His strength (Eph. 6:10). This strength is really quite powerful - it is the the power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him in the heavens, far above all the evil spirits in the air.

I am reminded of this wonderful hymn:
1 Praise Him! praise Him! Christ is Victor!
He has won the victory!
Sin is judged, old Adam finished,
Full redemption now we see!
Vanquished all the evil powers
Thru the Cross triumphantly!

2 Praise Him! Christ is resurrected!
God hath raised Him from the dead!
All the pow’r of death is swallowed,
Man from death to life is led!
Broken through are hell and darkness
And His pow’r exhibited!

3 Praise Him! Christ hath now ascended!
God hath raised Him to the throne!
Far above all rule and power,
He the highest Name doth own!
All authority receiving
Till His foe is overthrown!

4 Hallelujah, Christ the Victor
Triumphed on Mt. Calvary!
Hallelujah, resurrected,
He displays His victory!
Hallelujah, now ascended,
He shall reign eternally!

Here's a link to the tune if you want to sing along: http://www.hymnal.net/Hymns/Hymnal/midi/e0009_i.mid

Today I have an appointment with Dr. Berkowitz and a pre-op visit at Brigham and Women's Hospital. Please pray for the Lord to cover all aspect of the surgery which is December 20th at 7:30 am.

Take time to enjoy Christ our Victor today!
Joanne

Giving and receiving

I actually used the ellipical trainer yesterday for 11 minutes! A new world record for out of shape me! Today, however, I was not able to do much - but I did a little cooking, which was fun. I am still having intestinal issues - hopefully this will lessen as I get stronger. My outing on Friday was really wonderful. It was great to visit with dear friends who manifest the love of God to me. Last night I got a call from someone who used to live in Dedham, who was like a part of our family when my children were younger - her daughter was our babysitter and she spent a lot of time with us. She didn't know what I had been through but was so full of encouragement from the Lord for me. It was a wonderful call. I woke up today thinking about how much I have received during this time of trial. Even though it has been a time of loss, I have been the rich recipient of the superabundance of the Lord's rich supply, ministered to me by so many of you - whether through your prayer, fellowship, meals, emails, phone calls, visits, cards....you have all given so much - be assured of this promise in Luke 6:38:

38 Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, they will give into your bosom. For with what measure you measure, it shall be measured to you in return.

When I read this verse, I was reminded of this hymn - written by a sister, serving the Lord in China:

1 There is always something over,
When we taste our gracious Lord;
Ev'ry cup He fills o'erfloweth,
Rich supply He doth afford.
Nothing narrow, nothing stinted,
Ever issued from His store;
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.

2 There is always something over,
When we, from the Father's hand,
Take our portion with thanksgiving,
Praising for the things He planned.
Satisfaction, full and deepening,
All our need He doth supply,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.

3 There is always something over,
When we share in all His love;
Unplumbed depths still lie beneath us,
Unscaled heights rise far above.
Human lips can never utter
All His wondrous tenderness.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.

We really experience the riches of the Lord when we live in the reality of the Body of Christ - which I have surely experienced during these last 8 months. When we share the riches of Christ with others, we get back more riches! That exchange of riches does something eternal between us. It is too marvelous - and inexhaustible. We will never reach the end of these riches and will be enjoying them for eternity!

Well, I best be going to bed - I still somehow wake up very early.
Much love to you all,
Joanne

Finally heard from Brigham and Women's Hospital

I just have a moment as I am actually going out this afternoon to a friend's home from Westgate Christian Academy where I worked for many years. I am kind of excited to be going out - it does get lonely at home by myself at times. To think I used to yearn for alone time....the Lord has a kind of sense of humor - kind of like the quail that the children of Israel longed for and complained about - they got tons and they became loathesome to them - seems that only Christ can satisfy.

Here's a great hymn about how only Christ can satisfy:

O Christ, in Thee my soul hath found,
And found in Thee alone,
The peace, the joy I sought so long,
The bliss till now unknown.

Refrain:
Now none but Christ can satisfy,
None other name for me;
There's love, and life, and lasting joy,
Lord Jesus, found in Thee.

I sighed for rest and happiness,
I yearned for them, not Thee;
But while I passed my Saviour by,
His love laid hold on me.

I tried the broken cisterns, Lord,
But ah! the waters failed!
E'en as I stooped to drink they'd fled,
And mocked me as I wailed.

The pleasures lost I sadly mourned,
But never wept for Thee,
Till grace the sightless eyes received,
Thy loveliness to see.

My favorite line is - while I passed my Saviour by, His love laid hold on me! Hallelujah!

Oh yes, about the surgery....
The surgery to remove the IP port is scheduled for December 20 at 7:30 am. The procedure should take 30 minutes with 2 hours in recovery. Most patients really have little difficulty with this surgery - which is great for me to hear since the word surgery surely brings up memories I'd like to forget...

I must go now - I appreciate your continued prayers as the Lord leads each one of you. May He continue to satisfy you all today.
Joanne

Finding rest

These days since the chemotherapy has ended, I have been hoping for a quick resurgence of energy - but have not really experienced the immediacy I had hoped for. I have found that I need to depend helplessly on the Lord each day and not on that energy surge which seems so fleeting at times. I discovered a hymn by Margaret E. Barber - the verses were a real comfort to me:

Deep down into the depths of this Thy Name,
My God, I sink and dwell in calm delight;
Thou art enough however long the day,
Thou art enough however dark the night.

Thou art my God - the All-Sufficient One,
Thou canst create for me whate'er I lack;
Thy mighty hand has strewn the lonely track
With miracles of love and tender care.

For me, Thy trusting one, My God I dare
Once more to fling myself upon Thy breast,
And there adore Thy ways in faith's deep rest,
And there adore Thy ways in faith's quiet rest.

Isn't this a marvelous hymn? Faith offers a deep, quiet rest. I am so thankful for that. Also there is a depth in the Lord's name that we can sink and dwell in! These days I have been dwelling in my considerations about myself - there is no calm delight there - only anxiety. How wonderful to turn to the Author and Perfecter of our faith to be strengthened, nourished and encouraged. Let us all just fling ourselves upon His tender, loving breast!

Since I have been moving around more (up and down the stairs etc.) I have been having a lot of joint pain - I can't really take anything for the pain since I am also taking a blood thinner - so, please pray for more grace! Also please pray for the Lord's leading about which vitamins and nutritional path I should take - I have been receiving a lot of advice from people as well as reading books and want to follow the Lord's leading in this matter.

Yesterday I thought I would tackle the unpaired socks in my room - however, soon I was overwhelmed with probably over one hundred single socks - I spread them out all over my bed and then just had to lie down! I can't believe I had so many - it was amazing. I just separated them into darks and whites and put them in bags...to deal with another day.

I still haven't heard from the Nurse about the surgery - I will call her again today.

Thank you all for your sustaining prayers - may we all dive into Christ, our All-Sufficient One!

Much Love,
Joanne

Strength for the day

Day by day I feel like I have more strength for part of the day - although I am dealing with achy joints and intestinal difficulties - perhaps this will just be the way things are since I had that colon surgery which bypasses a good part of my large intestine. The achy joints may be a side effect of the chemo - I am going to start taking salmon oil and glucosamine to help with that. I still need to rest in the afternoon but I've been trying to do some cooking - which has been fun.

Today I have to go to Dana Farber to get the IV ports flushed - they have to access both ports (I have a double) with those one inch needles and flush them with saline and heparin (I think). I will also have blood tests. The nurses there are experts at this and there isn't usually too much pain involved. I will have to do this monthly while the IV ports are still in. I am not sure about when that port will be removed since I have terrible veins and the port makes blood tests much easier. I believe the IP port removal will be scheduled after December 12th but I haven't heard back from the nurse yet with the official date. It is day surgery at Brigham and Women's Hospital. Hopefully this will be a quick recovery.

It is hard for me these days to discern which aches and pains to pay attention to and which ones I should just ignore - I used to ignore everything and I think that practice got me where I am today. As human beings we are so inept to find our way in these kind of situations - but I was reminded of those verses in the gospel of John 14:6 - Jesus said to him, I am the way and the reality and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me.

Here is a footnote about the way: The way for man to enter into God is the Lord Himself. Since the way is a living person, the place to which the Lord brings man must also be a person, God the Father Himself. The Lord Himself is the living way by which man is brought into God the Father, the living place. The way needs the reality, and the reality needs the life. The Lord Himself is the life to us. This life brings us the reality, and the reality becomes the way by which we enter into the enjoyment of God the Father.

So I realize that while I am rather inept at knowing what to do at times, the way is the Lord Himself. He is a living person who indwells my spirit and He knows the way - so daily as I touch Him, He will be the way for me. It is comforting to know that we are not alone muddling through our life, trying our best to make the right decisions - we are joined to the Lord in our spirit - we do not have to depend on ourselves but can lean on Him. Hallelujah!

Annie Johnson Flint wrote a hymn about strength for the day - I think I have posted here before - the chorus says
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

I found a poem she wrote that must have been the inspiration for this hymn. I hope you are encouraged by it:
ONE DAY AT A TIME
By Annie Johnson Flint

One day at a time, with its failures and fears,
With its hurts and mistakes, with its weakness and tears,
With its portion of pain and its burden of care;
One day at a time we must meet and must bear.

One day at a time to be patient and strong;
To be calm under trial and sweet under wrong;
Then its toiling shall pass and its sorrow shall cease;
It shall darken and die, and the night shall bring peace.

One day at a time – but the day is so long,
And the heart is not brave, and the soul is not strong,
O Thou pitiful Christ, be Thou near all the way;
Give courage and patience and strength for the day.

Swift cometh His answer, so clear and so sweet;
“Yea, I will be with thee, thy troubles to meet;
I will not forget thee, nor fail thee, nor grieve;
I will not forsake thee; I never will leave.”

Not yesterday’s load we are called on to bear,
Nor the morrow’s uncertain and shadowy care;
Why should we look forward or back with dismay?
Our needs, as our mercies, are but for the day.

One day at a time, and the day is His day;
He hath numbered its hours, though they haste or delay.
His grace is sufficient; we walk not alone;
As the day, so the strength that He giveth His own.


Praise Him for today's portion of grace, and for the strength that He gives His own!
Much love to all of you,
Joanne

Recovering from "too much chopping"

Hi everyone,
It has taken a few days to recover from the seemingly endless chopping, baking, cooking, dishwashing and recipe reading that went on for the Thanksgiving dinner we enjoyed this week. My mom and my daughter Anna worked so hard. My brother Mike and his wife, Ai-Lien also came on Thanksgiving and worked very hard - we couldn't have done it without them. I petered out after about 15 minutes into the meal and had to lie down (for 4 hours - it turned out). I missed saying good bye to everyone but really enjoyed every moment of the day. What a wonderful opportunity to gather together and thank the Lord for all He is and has accomplished for us! Ephesians 5:20 says: "Giving thanks at all times for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to our God and Father," and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says "In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
In addition, there is a church conference in Boston, so each afternoon I have had visits and telephone calls from people I haven't seen in a long time - I am not able to attend the conference but am so thankful for these visits. What a rich inheritance we have in each other! I wouldn't be here today without all of you!

Since this was a holiday weekend, I don't have any information regarding the upcoming surgery - I hope to know more when I call on Monday.

May the Lord richly bless each of you with abundant grace,and with a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the full knowledge of Him!

Joanne

Slow recovery

Sorry for the delay in writing - it has been a long, slow process recovering from this last chemo treatment. I also went off all pain meds and am having withdrawal symptoms (headache, fatigue) and still have the intestinal issues which also make me weak. I went to a store with Anna and lasted about 10 minutes before I had to return to the car. It seems like I have no reserve supply of energy so when I use up what I have, I just about collapse. I don't do well with headaches and have a whopper of one today. I also haven't been sleeping well - but when I wake up I take the time to pray! I'm planning a Thanksgiving dinner and hope to have the energy to be there. Anna is doing most of the cooking - which is a real blessing. My mom is coming to stay for the week and my brother Michael and his family will also be here as well as Stephen and Andrew and other people that Anna has invited. It will be a full house - but I thoroughly enjoy this holiday - its roots are so wonderful - giving thanks for all that the Lord has done for us. We have so much to be thankful for. Each day when I open my eyes (even if it is 4:00 am) I thank the Lord for another day and consecrate it to Him - that throughout the day I would be one who ministers Christ to people and not just my problems or myself...

I read these verses yesterday and I was so encouraged:

2 Peter 1:3-4,
3 Seeing that His divine power has granted to us all things which relate to life and godliness, through the full knowledge of Him who has called us by His own glory and virtue,

4 Through which He has granted to us precious and exceedingly great promises that through these you might become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption which is in the world by lust.

I was so encouraged that we have been granted all things which relate to life and godliness and we have been given precious promises so that we can become partakers of the divine nature! How marvelous is this! So each day we can stand of the promises of God when we pray Lord keep me partaking of You today. Thank you for all things which relate to Life!

As the Lord leads, please continue to pray that the side effects of the chemo will subside and I will be stronger - also please pray for the upcoming surgery when they will remove the IP port. It is not scheduled yet but should be sometime in December.

Thank you all for all the different manifestations of love - by your calls, emails, meals, serving our family - it has been and continues to be such a supply to all of us and reminds me daily that the Lord, whose name is El Roi, is the God who sees and is supplying a superabundant supply of grace. You all are the channels of His grace - and I am so thankful for you all!

Much love,
Joanne

Trying to stay hydrated

Well, it's been awhile since I last wrote - I have had a tough week - last Saturday I had to go back to Dana Farber to get hydrated and get some potassium and magnesium. It seems that the chemo and the intestinal issues cause me to lose those important electrolytes. This past week the teachers at the school where my daughter works have been bringing meals - this has encouraged me to eat - my tongue has sores on it and food just doesn't taste that great - but I have been trying out all the delicious meals that the teachers have been preparing - it has been wonderful. I am drinking water and also V8 juice which has a lot of potassium in it.

Staying hydrated is so important - even spiritually. I read these verses today: Job 14:7-9
7 For there is hope for a tree: If it is cut down, it will sprout again, And its tender shoot will not cease.
8 Though its root grows old in the earth, And its trunk dies in the dirt,
9 At the scent of water it will bud and will produce branches like a new plant.

These verses are so encouraging! At the scent of water the tree will produce branches - where there is life, there is hope! How much we need to stay in the river of water of life day by day, moment by moment. How often just hearing a verse or reading a line of a hymn produces a life-bud in me. Lately I have been worried about whether I have been gaining the Lord through this ordeal. But I was encouraged by these verses today to just stay watered - and spend my days sniffing out water so that the Lord's life in me can grow.

The next step is that I will need to have a small surgery to have the IP port removed - this will be sometime in December. Then I will have to have CT scans and blood tests to see what is happening with the cancer. Please pray that I can stay hydrated and that the side effects subside.

Much love to all of you - and many thanks for your encouraging words, your prayer and your love.
Joanne

chemo complete

Hi Everyone,
Sorry I haven't written much - this has been a scary week - I had trouble stabilizing those electrolytes and kept feeling faint - I am still a bit wobbly. The chemo was okay - just oh so bloating. What a treat to find out that teachers at Boston Trinity have offered to bring meals for my family for the next week! Bringing meals is such a supply to my family - especially since my husband doesn't really cook and hasn't acquired the skill of menu planning among his million other skills. I can see how he can relax at least about the meals, which is so wonderful.

The chemo needle was hard to insert this time which was painful but endurable. Thank You Lord for Your grace - Here is a testimony Watchman Nee wrote about healing:

"Some illnesses are healed immediately; others are not. Once when sick, I asked the Lord to heal me. The Lord said, “The healing will not take place quickly, but My grace is sufficient for you.” Then the Lord showed me something. A boat sailing in the middle of a stream was facing a big rock and could not get through. The Lord asked me, “Shall I remove the rock so you can get through, or shall I raise the water level so that you can go over it?” At that moment I was clear concerning the Lord’s will, and I said, “Lord, I do not ask to have the problem removed; I ask for an increase of Your grace.”"

This testimony has always touched me - I want the boulder removed and sometimes it is. But when it is not, I need to be reminded that the Lord wants to increase grace to me. What a wonderful gift - this increased grace.

So, the next step is to see the surgeon about having the IP port removed, have a CT scan to see how effective the chemo has been - this will all be done after THanksgiving. Please pray that I am not to saddled by side effects and that I am not dehydrated from the intestinal difficulties.

Another 2 verses that really supplied me this week are 1 Peter 1:7-8:
1 Peter 1 : 7 ---- 1 Peter 1 : 8

7 So that the proving of your faith, much more precious than of gold which perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

8 Whom having not seen, you love; into whom though not seeing Him at present, yet believing, you exult with joy that is unspeakable and full of glory,

Sometimes in the fire-y trial it is hard to see the Lord - but I do love this One whom I have not seen - and I know whom I have believed. He is able. Praise Him!

Love you all,
Joanne

rough going again

Well, after the Red Sox won the World Series, I took a dive in the bathroom again - landed on the floor - I fainted - I am dehydrated from the chemo - please pray about these side effects - they are difficult to endure. I bruised by ribs a bit when I fell, but thankfully that was all. Just one more half round to go. Please also pray about my anxiety level - it seems to be creeping up. Oh Lord, how I need You!

Much love,
Joanne

home from chemo

The first half of the last chemo round is completed. It is my last round - and I am being stretched even more regarding faith and leaving everything in the Lord's hands - whose hands are able - more able than anyone's - but when faced with this, I realize how much I put into other hands - whether the "hands" of the circumstances, the environments, the doctors - and I trust in those rather than in the Lord who does all things well. We surely are a work in progress...but the encouraging thing is that phrase "in progress". With the Lord's life in us, there is transformation going on and we are not the same - we behold Him and we are changed into His image from glory to glory.
I am starting to feel the side effects of the chemo - please pray that I am able to eat and keep the hydration up - it is difficult when everything tastes bad and I feel like my throat is clogged.
I've got to get my shots now. Much love to you all. THanks for all the prayer, love and care.
Joanne

a hymn for those facing chemo

My husband reminded me of this hymn which is wonderful and a real supply to anyone facing something that they'd rather not face or somewhere that they did not choose to venture:
Here's a link to the music: My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

1 My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus Christ, my righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

2 When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

3 His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

4 When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
In Him, my righteousness, alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

This hymn says it all - His name is a sure resting place, His grace is unchanging, His promises uphold me in the flood and when everything else I ever hoped in fails, He fails not - He is all my hope and stay. Even when I stand before Him, in Him as my righteousness, He will eternally be my resting place, my hope and my refuge!

Praise Him!
Joanne

P.S. Today is chemo day - please continue to pray for the effectiveness of this chemo, not too many side effects, and that the Lord would cover my body from damage from the chemo and the nurses would get that needle in the first try! Oh Lord!

next round of chemo Tuesday

Hi everyone,
I have been feeling kind of tired but at least a bit better - still have that awful taste in my mouth but overall I have been doing better. I am scheduled to have the next and perhaps last round of chemo this week - Tuesday through Thursday at the hospital and then next Thursday (Nov 1) for the final IP treatment. I don't have the definite word yet from Dr. Berlin that this will be the last but that is what I was told at the beginning of treatment. I will check with her on Tuesday. Please pray for this chemo round - that it will target all the cancer cells and that my body will be able to endure this treatment without severe side effects. It is hard to go through when I'm not feeling that good.

I saw Dr. Berkowitz Friday and he took a look at the source of the bleeding and said that he could see no visible cancer there but that it was a crevice about the size of a pea - he used silver nitrate sticks to cauterize it - but he told me there was no reason to worry - I am thankful for that.

I saw something today about eating without any real taste for food - it is difficult but because I have the habit I just do it. It is not very enjoyable and I don't eat as much as I would if it tasted good but I still do it. I realized that this is like spiritual nutrition too. Jesus said He who eats me shall live because of Me. There is a verse in Jeremiah 15:16:
Your words were found and I ate them, And Your word became to me The gladness and joy of my heart, For I am called by Your name, O Jehovah, God of hosts.

How much I need to keep eating the Word, breathing in the Lord day by day whether I have the taste or not - so my heart will be filled with the gladness and joy that comes from enjoying the Word of God. Please pray for this too - I don't want to miss the Lord these days.

Thank you all for your continued sustaining prayer - what a supply it brings!
Much love,
Joanne

inching my way towards feeling better

It has been a slow process this time but day by day I feel a little bit better - although I am not really full of energy. I get fatigued easily - just doing a little task in the kitchen wipes me out. Hopefully this will change and I will return to being able to do more.

I am still having pain from the trapped gas I guess and headaches. Hopefully these will subside before next week when I have to go through everything again.
Oh Lord, how much I need You!

Friday I see Dr. Berkowitz about the bleeding which has just about completely subsided.

Earlier this week I read this verse which is a wonderful promise to all of you who have blessed me with your prayers, and your care:

Proverbs 11:25 The blessing soul will prosper, And he who waters will also be watered himself.

Thank you for blessing me with so much love, practical care and persevering prayer. I would not be able to pass through this without you.

Joanne

some uncomfortable side effects

I had forgotten that I was still "pumped up" with the steroid that I am given when I have the chemo - I thought I was going to escape any side effects this time but then the steroid left and I started to feel pretty bad. The IP chemo creates a lot of trapped gas in the abdominal cavity which then creates a lot of pain - the gas has nowhere to go until the fluid is absorbed - so I have been having a lot of pain in my back, sides, etc. It's been hard to sleep with the pain. I also have been having nosebleeds and dry mouth since the chemo dries out the mucous membranes. It is definitely not pleasant - also my taste has been affected - it's been hard to really enjoy food since I can't taste much of it. I hope this all will subside before the next round of chemo which is scheduled for Oct. 23-25. It is hard to think about.

Please pray that I could get some rest and that the pain would subside.

How much I need to look away unto Jesus on days like this - He is the author, the source, of faith - when I look at my situation, it seems like my faith disappears, but when I look away to Him, I am infused with faith and am encouraged to go on.

Hebrews 12:2

2 Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.

Footnote:
22 The wonderful Jesus, who is enthroned in heaven and crowned with glory and honor (2:9), is the greatest attraction in the universe. He is like an immense magnet, drawing all His seekers to Him. It is by being attracted by His charming beauty that we look away from all things other than Him. Without such a charming object, how could we look away from so many distracting things on this earth?

Draw us all today Lord to behold You.

Much love,
Joanne

2nd part of chemo done

Well, everything went very well - although it is a VERY uncomfortable experience getting pumped full of liters of fluid. I can't tell you how I feel but I'm sure you can imagine feeling something like a giant water balloon and then having to roll on one side, then the other, then head up feet down and then the reverse - to make sure the chemo gets all the nooks and crannies of my abdominal cavity - for two hours. The nurse got the needle in the port first try - thank you Lord! I was quite dehydrated from the nausea, vomiting and then diarrhea so I had to have extra IV fluid - and still have to stay on top of that hydration since my electrolytes were low.

Yesterday when I was waiting at Dana Farber (I do a lot of waiting there) and I observed a couple of patients and realized how completely blessed I am to have Hope dwelling in me. There was a woman who was waiting to have blood drawn and she was met by a social worker who wanted to see how she was doing - she replied that she wasn't doing well, everything was really awful...as it always is. Another woman in another waiting area spoke with me about the complete injustice of entire situation: her primary care doctor ignored her symptoms for 7 years until she had a 32 lb. tumor growing inside her. She was so incensed at the doctor, at her life, at everything. I was a completely captive audience until I was called to see Dr. Berlin.

I thought about these two women and their commentary about the situations they have found themselves in: one sinking in despair and the other angry at everything. I also thought about me and how I have teetered at the brink of both places but somehow have not completely plunged into either place - yet I am no different than these two women - I am made of the same humanity and I share the same human suffering with them. So what makes the difference? Is it dispositional - perhaps in part - although as my husband has told me I am more of a realist than the world is ready for...I guess the difference lies deeper. I thought of my options as a patient with cancer - to live here for the Lord, consecrating my life to His purpose and glorious expression for whatever time I have - and then to be with Him for eternity whenever He calls me to Himself. What a hope - what joy - what complete rest from anxiety and what unspeakable peace. The real difference is hope. Not in a problem-free future - not even in extended days on the earth (although I am ready to receive all the extensions the Lord is giving!) but hope which is the indwelling Christ -
As I was reading verses about hope this morning I was very touched by these from 1 Peter 1:3

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has regenerated us unto a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Please take the time to read this footnote from the Recovery Version NT - it is too full of riches:

36 A hope for the future in our sojourning today — not a hope of objective things but a hope of life, even eternal life, with all the endless divine blessings. Such a hope should cause us to set our hope perfectly on the coming grace (v. 13).

The living hope, the hope of life, brought to the regenerated believers through regeneration, can be likened to the various expectations for the future brought to parents through the birth of a newborn babe; all such expectations hinge on the life of the newborn child. Likewise, the life that we, the believers, have received through regeneration enables us to have a hope, with numerous aspects, for this age, for the coming age, and for eternity. In this age we have the hope of growing in life, of maturing, of manifesting our gifts, of exercising our functions, of being transformed, of overcoming, of being redeemed in our body, and of entering into glory. In the coming age we have the hope of entering into the kingdom, of reigning with the Lord, and of enjoying the blessings of the eternal life in the manifestation of the kingdom of the heavens. In eternity we have the hope of being in the New Jerusalem, where we will participate fully in the consummated blessings of the eternal life in its ultimate manifestation in eternity. This living hope, the hope of life, hinges on the eternal life, which we received through regeneration. Only the divine life can enable us to grow in the divine life until we grow into the reality of the hope that is brought to us by that life. Thus we will obtain the various blessings mentioned above as our inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and unfading and is kept for eternity (vv. 3-4).


I pray for those two women that they may find hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord, fill them with Yourself.


Romans 15:13

13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I hope you don't mind the length here - the words just poured out - much love to all of you and sincere thanks for all the help, support, meals, prayer and other ways you have found to show God's unfailing love.
Joanne

IP chemo tomorrow

Hello everyone,
The nausea has somewhat subsided and I will be having the 2nd half of the chemo tomorrow - hard to imagine when I still feel kind of awful but at least the vomiting has stopped. My bones ache from the neupogen but that is a good sign that white blood cells are being produced. Please pray for tomorrow's IP chemo - last time the nurse had a hard time getting the needle into the port and wasn't sure it was in right - how much I need the Lord's guiding hand to be upon all the work that those nurses do.
I still have some bleeding even though the doctors did a procedure last week in the hospital - I have to see Dr. Berkowitz on Oct 19 to find out why the bleeding is still occurring.

Oh Lord, strengthen me to walk by faith and not by sight. Thank you all for praying - I am continually sustained by the Lord through your prayer and care.

Psalm 71:1-3, 5
1 In You, O Jehovah, do I take refuge; Never let me be put to shame.
2 In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; Incline Your ear to me and save me.
3 Be to me a rock of habitation for me to come to continually. You have given command to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress.
5 For You are my hope, O Lord Jehovah, My trust from my youth.

I used to sing this psalm when I was a young Christian - it is still my testimony and my prayer.

rough going this round

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in writing on the blog - I have been really feeling sick this round - lots of nausea and vomiting - sorry for the details. Hopefully I will start feeling better tomorrow - I don't have much energy and can't seem to rest even though I am lying in bed....so ironic - to be in a position of rest but not to be able to rest. I have been calling on the Lord to help usher me out of this miserable feeling and into Himself. I also was reminded of a hymn chorus:

Jesus I am resting, resting in the joy of all Thou art. I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.

Thank You Lord, that we can explore the greatness of Your loving heart!

Please pray for the nausea to subside, for me to stay hydrated and for the next half of the chemo which is supposed to be on Thursday - thank you all for your love and support.
Joanne

feeling better

It was great to be able to bake a Polish Apple Cake today - I just love the smell of the cinnamon and apples. I walked outside in the sunshine yesterday and I was pretty exhausted today. But it was worth it! I still have the bleeding problem and will need to see the surgeon next week to make sure everything is okay. I will have my next round of chemo Tuesday Oct 2-4. Paul will be going out of town from Oct 4-7 for a conference - I hope he will be much refreshed and renewed. Please pray for this next round of chemo: no kidney damage, raised white blood cell count, that it would effectively destroy all the cancer cells and also pray about the side effects - it seems that the IP chemo (the chemo that goes into the abdominal cavity) causes the bleeding to increase - and it does cause a great bit of discomfort. The cis-platin is also a very strong chemo drug which causes all the side effects.

I am thankful that I felt better today and will have a few days of feeling good before being hit again. We had a visit from Paul's roommate Vernon Lin from BU days. He was also Stephen's boss when he was working at the VA on the west coast, as well as a dear brother in the Lord. As I related to him all that had transpired over the past 5 months I realized that I am doing so well today because of all the prayer - so much happened because every detail of my medical condition and care is covered in prayer - I am so thankful and in awe of this. I also appreciate all the practical care - from meals to emails to comments on the blog to visits to cards - the support is so touching.

Today I enjoyed this hymn:

Out of my bondage, sorrow, and night,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of my sickness into Thy health,
Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
Out of my sin and into Thyself,
Jesus, I come to Thee!

Out of my shameful failure and loss,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of earth's sorrows into Thy balm,
Out of life's storm and into Thy calm,
Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
Jesus, I come to Thee!

Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into Thy blessed will to abide,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
Out of despair into raptures above,
Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
Jesus, I come to Thee!

Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
Jesus, I come! Jesus, I come!
Into the joy and pleasure, Thine own,
Jesus, I come to Thee!
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
Into the flock Thy love doth enfold,
Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee!

I enjoyed that with Christ we have an alternative - He is the door, the way out of so much sadness and pain and also the door, the way into riches untold. This hymn provides such an accurate picture of our life and also of His life. Jesus said in John 10 : 9

9 I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved and shall go in and go out and shall find pasture.

How wonderful He is! What riches He is to us moment by moment.
May you be blessed by His presence and strengthened by touching Him today.
Thank you all for praying!
Joanne

outside today

Today my headache subsided some and I was able to walk around the block outside. It was exhausting and I can't say that it was totally pleasant but it was good to be out and to feel the sun and the breeze - it was hard to believe it is fall since it felt a bit like July out there. Some of the side effects are subsiding but the bleeding continues - please pray that there are no complications with that and also that the bloating in the abdominal cavity goes down - it is uncomfortable. I believe the next round of chemo is next week - I hope to have a few days of feeling better before the next round starts - today I did feel a bit better and I am so thankful for that!

I've been losing what little hair I have but there are a few longer strands that just hang on - it's funny how the hair falls out - I lost my eyelashes last week and lots of hair on my head but I still have a little peach fuzz on top - my daughter Elizabeth sees lots of gray hairs and says shes sorry about that -but hair is only significant to me these days in that it is numbered! Matthew 10:30-30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Luke 12:7 But even the hairs of your head have all been numbered. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.
So my hair falling out reminds me not to be afraid and that I am of more value to the Lord than many sparrows.

The refrain to an old hymn comes to mind:
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Even more than just watching - He is daily supplying Himself as life to meet all our needs. Praise Him!

Much love, Joanne

Getting through

This weekend has been a bit rough - the side effects of the chemo are different from the last round - headache, dry mouth, nose bleeds and some bleeding from the hysterectomy - I am told that a little bleeding is okay - it is not much but a bit worrisome. I am also having some abdominal pain which I didn't have prior to this last chemo round. Please pray that I might be able to rest, since I haven't been able to do that much. Hopefully the side effects will lessen this week since I have my next round of chemo starting next week sometime - I don't have the schedule yet. It really helps to have a space of feeling good between rounds.

Yesterday I was able to play the piano and sing a few hymns which is always refreshing and good for every part of my being - http://www.hymnal.net/Hymns/NewTunes/midi/e0600_new.mid

This is a link to a new tune for the following hymn:

My God, My Portion, and my Love,
My everlasting All,
I've none but Thee in heav'n above,
Or on this earthly ball.
What empty things are all the skies,
And this inferior clod!
There's nothing here deserves my joys,
There’s nothing like my God.

To Thee I owe my wealth, and friends,
And health, and safe abode;
Thanks to Thy name for meaner things,
But they are not my God.
How vain a toy is glittering wealth,
If once compared to Thee!
Or what's my safety, or my health,
Or all my friends to me.

Were I possessor of the earth,
And called the stars my own,
Without Thy graces and Thyself,
I were a wretch undone.
Let others stretch their arms like seas,
And grasp in all the shore;
Grant me the visits of Thy grace,
And I desire no more.

Oh Lord, grant me to abide in Your all-sufficient grace today.

I'm going to try to rest a bit - perhaps the headache will subside.
Thank you all for your prayer and support.
Much love,
Joanne

Some progress

Well, the bloat in my abdomen is going down some so it is a bit less uncomfortable - it is a very weird feeling - there are also some of the side effects - intestinal distress from the taxil and my mouth tastes and feels unusual. I tried washing the slipcovers on the couch yesterday - just taking the covers off and bringing them downstairs to the washing machine and then switching them to the dryer and then bringing them up and putting them back on the couch - (all this over a 3 hours period) really did me in. I was so exhausted, which was surprising as that was something I used to do on my way to doing something else! Apparently the dogs have decided that the couch is the best place to lounge when nobody is looking and the light covers were becoming darker and darker....
I wanted to mention that there is an ovarian cancer walk in Boston on October 7 to raise money for research and also raise Ovarian Cancer awareness. I don't think I will be able to participate because it will be right after a chemo round but here's the link if anyone wants to walk the 3 miles for a good cause - you can learn about the warning signs and make others aware too. It is a very hidden disease that is often detected in late stages. Here's the link to the website about the walk:

http://mawalkforthewhisper.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=236027

This morning I read through a number of hymns in a section of my hymnbook called Longings. It was so refreshing to realize that while I worry about my spiritual condition through this ordeal, I can just pour out my longing to the Lord regarding all my inadequacies and He, the faithful One Who calls us, will take care of those inadequacies and accomplish what He desires. He operates the willing and the working of His good pleasure. He is able, as the children's song goes, to carry us through.
Jude 1:24 - But to Him who is able to guard you from stumbling and to set you before His glory without blemish in exultation,
To Him be the glory!
Much love,
Joanne

Please pray for restored energy, staying hydrated and getting some sleep - I haven't been sleeping too well these days.

Today's chemo

Well, today's chemo at Dana Farber went as expected - the nurse got the needle in on the first try without much pain! - I'm finding that pain is bearable when you don't fight it - a difficult lesson to learn. The protocol is to fill the abdominal cavity with 2 liters (that's right - a large soda bottle) full of saline and add the taxil and then I have to swish it around for 2 hours by what they call "rocking and rolling" every fifteen minutes. I told Missy who sat with me for the event, that I felt like a manatee - so big and bulky - without the benefit of being buoyed up by water. It is uncomfortable at best but doing the job of killing cancer cells is important and necessary work.

Then Dr. Berlin came by and she said that I have had remarkable progress with the chemo and should be very encouraged about how I am doing. She says she remembers when she first met me and can't believe the incredible progress. It was really something - she just launched into this encouraging little talk - which I had whispered to the Lord about yesterday when I was feeling very worn out by all the side effects - I just mentioned to Him that it would be nice to hear if this was all worth it, but I didn't know if I could bring it up because I was feeling so awful. Isaiah 65:24 says: "And it will be that before they call, I will answer; Even while they are speaking, I will hear." This week the teachers at the school where I volunteer as a librarian have brought meals every day - it is perfect timing because I really didn't want to eat this week because of the metal taste, etc. but I just couldn't wait to see what was coming to the door! The Lord is too sweet. The comments and email and prayers and calls have sustained me through today. So I just have a few days of taxil side effects to deal with once the steroid wears off - but Dr. Berlin says that the side effects should be less because the dose is less. We'll see.

The students in a classroom at Holy Name School in West Roxbury have been praying for me - their teacher, a close friend. It is so sweet to know that these little ones are using this rather unpleasant situation to find out that God is approachable and near to us, accessible and dear and One who hears our cries. May their coming to the Lord in prayer be a reality that is woven into the daily fabric of their lives now and always.

I am so blessed to be cared for by all of you. It is most overwhelming.
Much love,
Joanne

side effects

I have been having the unpleasantries of metal mouth, intestinal difficulties, stomach pain, peeling skin inside my mouth and general yuckiness - all of which means that the chemo is doing its job and cancer cells are being destroyed. It is hard sometimes to keep going - last night I just was overwhelmed with the worry about tomorrow's chemo and its effect on my body when I feel like this. Please pray about the needle insertion - needles are not my favorite....and also pray for my white blood cell count - hopefully it will be at a level where the next part of the chemo can be administered.

I realize that I am a bundle of contradictory feelings - I know I need the second half of the chemo and yet I am worried about the treatment and its side effects. There is a verse in Hebrews 6:18b-19a: "...we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us,
19 Which we have as an anchor of the soul,..."

The footnote for anchor says that Anchor signifies that we are on a stormy sea and that without the anchor of hope we may shipwreck.

So while on the stormy sea, I do have an anchor - which is the hope set before us. Lord, strengthen us all today to lay hold of that hope. --A favorite verse of mine about hope is 1 Peter 1:3.

Better go lie down a bit,
much love,
Joanne

a few comforting things

Yesterday morning, I played the piano for a while - something I haven't done in weeks and I tried singing - however my voice is a cross between Minnie Mouse and Snow White (in the old Disney movie) - kind of squeaky - I guess the chemo affects the vocal chord tissue a bit. I was thankful that I was able to do that much!

I am worried about Thursday's needle puncture - the 2nd IP chemo dose is administered at Dana Farber and they only use a numbing spray on the area - and then have to insert a 1.25" needle into the port which is above my rib. I am nervous about the pain - as I have said - I am not the best candidate for pain and suffering..but I know One who is acquainted with sorrows and grief. Please pray that I can lay hold of Him during the process and that the nurses can get the needle in without difficulty. Please continue to pray for no secondary infections or complications from the chemo and also that I might sleep some.

Someone brought by some apple crisp - and while I can't really taste it, the smell of the apples and cinnamon and nutmeg and brown sugar brought back such rich memories of the fall - for many years my sister and family has journeyed up to New England to have an apple picking adventure - ending the day with dinner at Chili's (not really a New England restaurant but a definite favorite in Dedham!) It has been such a great tradition and one that I looked forward to every year - we pick the apples (to make Polish Apple Cake and apple crisp and apple pies) and a pumpkin for making the fresh pumpkin pies at Thanksgiving. Then we would visit a cornfield maze which was more fun for the younger folks than for us, but we could walk and talk which is something we don't get to do much, living in different states and living such busy lives. The tradition might change a bit this year but I think we'll still get the apples and the great visit. imagine that one whiff of apple crisp brought that rush of pleasant and comforting memories.

There is a hymn a read yesterday when I was at the piano and I'd like to share it with you - I have read it many times in my life at different stages and strength for the day yesterday came with a whiff of apple crisp and hymn singing at the piano.

God has not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through.
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way.
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

God math not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy, travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river, turbid and deep.

Hallelujah for what God has promised. Sometimes I get confused about what is promised to us as believers and then get disappointed when I don't get it - but God has promised strength for the day!Ephesians 6:10 says Finally, be empowered in the Lord and in the might of His strength.

May the Lord grant each of you today's supply of grace which will become your strength for this day. Thank you for standing with me in this struggle - your support also provides the support for each day.

Much love,
Joanne

Rest

Rest, that much needed and often elusive entity that is so important is something I have been pondering as I lie on my bed trying to do just that - rest. There are the distractions to rest like nausea and aches and thinking about needles.....all of which are rather jarring. I looked up rest in the New Testament and these verses were more specifically about rest - and the source of rest:

Matthew 11:28

28 Come to Me all who toil and are burdened, and I will give you rest.

Hebrews 4:10-11 (actually many of the preceding verses talk about rest)
10 For he who has entered into His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His own.
11 Let us therefore be diligent to enter into that rest lest anyone fall after the same example of disobedience.

While I realize that the rest here is really about ceasing to do things for God according to the law - I think there is some small application to my situation - that of trying to rest, trying to stop my mind from running through all the lists of anxious thoughts. Since I have time to think and consider and analyze, I often find my mind doing just that. I realized that when I do this - I am taking on the responsibility of fulfilling the law - which of course causes the rest to disappear -
so when the thoughts come about whether I am gaining the Lord enough or loving Him enough or seeking Him enough through all this, instead of getting geared up to try to be more, I realized that I need to turn to Him to enter into all that He has done and will do and has ordained from the foundation of the world and pray that all that He desires would be accomplished in me by His life in me. It is then that I enter into His rest. Turning to Him last night was just a whisper of O Lord Jesus I need You. It continues to be this today. So easy and simple and enterable.

Side effects are mounting but I am going to be a bit more diligent about taking meds to help with those. I am trying to drink. Please pray that I stay hydrated - it is tough when everything tastes like metal. Please pray that the chemo destroys the cancer and doesn't harm the kidneys and other cells.

Thank you all so much for your comments, your care, your prayers and love. They sustain me day by day and are such an encouragement. It is overwhelming.

Much love,
Joanne

First half of this round complete

Hi Everyone
I came home yesterday afternoon and have to go back today to Dana Farber to get hydrated since the cisplatin can damage kidneys. I'm supposed to stay hydrated - drink 2-3 liters of water a day which is a challenge due to the metallic taste in my mouth. I am also feeling bloated from the liquid in my abdominal cavity. Next Thursday, the 20th I am scheduled to have the second half of the chemo taxol in the abdominal cavity as well - as I haven't had this before and I've had some nasty side effects fromtaxol and also the needle insertion in my upper rib area is kind of stressful. I am so thankful to be at Dana Farber/BWH - the nurses are really kind, and caring - they tell me how great I look - which is always a surprise since I am continuing to lose what little hair I have and feel so crummy - yet they remember me back in April and are so excited about how well I am doing - which is a wonderful encouragement - and also reminds me that we often are not the best ones to assess our own progress - spiritual or otherwise - I am so often analyzing myself and this can be a drain in so many ways.

I need to follow my chemo protocol in the spiritual realm too - stay hydrated drinking the living water - John 4:14: "But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall by no means thirst forever; but the water that I will give him will become in him a fountain of water gushing up into eternal life."

May the Lord bless you all with living water today!
Much love,
Joanne

rescued from anxiety

I know it's late (2:30 am) - when I take steroids before chemo, they can keep me up. I had 2 visits today: one to coordinate for the children's service, which helped me see beyond the next rounds of chemo to a time when I can serve again! And the other visit from two sisters in the Lord - - they came to visit and we prayed, and sang hymns together - it was a real treat for me - one of them played the piano so I could just sing. I haven't done this for a while. These visits provided me with a way of escape from the anxiety about the upcoming chemo and gave me some insight into the following verse 1 Corinthians 10:13:
13 No temptation has taken you except that which is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow that you be tempted beyond what you are able, but will, with the temptation, also make the way out, that you may be able to endure it.

Today I understood that the "way out" which the Lord provided was through the visit of those sisters. I was not able to fight off the temptation to worry so the Lord brought them to visit and they provided a way out of the worry and also brought me into an enjoyment of the Lord so that I could endure the chemo.

Often I look for grander kinds of "ways out" - that would empower me to overcome the trial alone - like a kind of superhero Christian (which is kind of laughable but unfortunately true). However, like Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians, His strength is manifested in our weakness and really I am just a weak and fragile vessel. How much we need one another! By myself I am just not able to face much, but through the prayers, visits, calls, emails, cards, we are able!

Today I have to go to the hospital for the next round of chemo - 24 hours of taxol IV and then 2 hours of cisplatin IP (intraperitoneal). Then next week I am supposed to have the taxol IP on the 20th. Please pray for the effectiveness of this chemo treatment, and for my endurance of the side effects and for the Lord to regulate my intestines - they are really having a hard time with all the different meds and their side effects - Please pray that I am able to drink - and that I do not get dehydrated.

I should try to rest - thank you all for your faithfulness in prayer and for all the encouragement I receive through your care, which manifests God's love for me over and over.

Much love,
Joanne

next chemo date

I found out that my next chemo date is Tuesday, September 11 - it was moved up because of a scheduling issue - the second half of the chemo will still be on September 20 - that date is moved back since my white blood cell count was too low last time. The date is a surprise - I thought it would be later but instead it is earlier. Oh Lord! I am so grateful for these past two days - I feel much better and even tried a new recipe last night - I haven't really cooked in months so it was great to try - although I was really tired after the meal was finished. I am a bit anxious about the chemo - since I really felt awful last time. Psalm 25:1-2 Unto You, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in You. Do not let me be ashamed. Do not let my enemies (cancer cells) exult over me.

This psalm is so genuine, so honest - David just pours out his distress to God. So I am following his pattern. Please pray for the next round - that the side effects would not be so overwhelming or damaging to my health and that the chemo would be effective. Thank you all so much for all the prayer, the care and concern - it is so encouraging to me.

Much love,
Joanne

Feeling better

I feel a bit better - seems like I've turned the corner and have a bit more energy and appetite. I took a walk today - it was a really glorious day - breezy and sunny and not humid. Despite a recurring headache, I was able to walk around the block! Sometimes I feel isolated in my room, so being outside was a real treat. I was really exhausted when I was done. I appreciate everyone's prayer for so many items over the past weeks. Thank you all for praying. Please continue to pray that I won't be afraid of the next round of chemo - and that the symptoms would lessen or at least be bearable and that the chemo would do its work of destroying all the cancer cells.
I was enjoying this verse today: 2 Timothy 1:12b: for I know whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to guard my deposit unto that day. - I especially enjoyed the first part "for I know Whom I have believed". Sometimes I am bewildered by the life I now live - so different from before - so limited, and rather plain and I wonder why this is necessary. While I don't always have an answer, I know Whom I have believed. I know Him - and that makes the difference in wrestling with unanswerable questions.
Much love,
Joanne

rough going

In addition to getting over the side effects from the last round of chemo, I've been battling side effects from an antibiotic that I need to take since my white blood cells counts were so low - the medicine is really rough on the stomach and intestines. I called the doctor and got permission to not take the last two doses. My mouth still has the horrendous metal taste which makes it hard to take in anything - yikes - so these days are a real test - I guess one verse that I am clinging to is the verse from Psalm 30:5 - Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Nothing that happens is out of control or without measure - which is a comfort. Please pray that I stay hydrated, and can get some rest - and that I'm able to enter into the rest which is found in Christ -
Time for my shots - I'm so thankful for Paul who has to administer 3 shots a day - please pray for him these days.
Much love,
Joanne

Prayer Request

Hi everyone,
The neupogen medication that boosts my white blood cells is also making my bones ache really terribly. Please pray that I am able to get some relief from this pain - I didn't sleep more than a few minutes every hour last night. This is very difficult. Also please pray for my body's reaction to the new chemo - it seems very extreme and I hope I will be able to tolerate it. The Lord knows. I am still dealing with the side effects of the chemo and it is exhausting. I do find refuge in calling on the Lord and am so encouraged by your notes and prayers.
Much love,
Joanne

no IP chemo today

When I went to Dana Farber today and they did the blood work, my white blood cell count was too low to do anymore chemo and I was dehydrated and low on magnesium so I just had to be hydrated for a couple of hours. I have to take an antibiotic too to make sure that I don't get any infections. My appetite is returning somewhat although everything tastes like metal! I enjoy watching cooking shows since I can cook and eat vicariously! The next round of chemo is scheduled for september 13 but that may change to a couple of days later - since they decided not to do the second part of the taxol today. Hopefully I will be able to rest - I have been getting hit with hot flashes and soaking wet sweats at night which is always a reason to wake up. Yesterday I was so uncomfortable that all I could do was call on the Lord and I found some comfort and rest.

I'm going to try to rest now. God is faithful!
Much love to all,
Joanne

hard to sleep

I have been having a hard time sleeping - it seems that I am having night sweats, hot flashes, and all the intestinal troubles that come with chemo all at the same time. So I haven't really been able to sleep well or much at all. Please pray for this and tomorrow's round of taxol - I can't imagine feeling worse that I feel right now - so Lord, strengthen me to take today's portion of grace.

I don't have much energy to write too much but know that I am sustained by the prayers of everyone. I will write more later if I am able.

Joanne

Update

I am feeling kind of awful due to the first part of the chemo round - I have the second part on Thursday - 2 hours of IP Taxol (they fill my abdominal cavity with the chemo. I had IP cisplatin last Saturday - it is uncomfortable - makes me feel very full and also the nurses had a hard time getting the needle into the port. Paul has a cold which is very dangerous for me and isolating for him -so please pray that I won't be getting any infections and that he will heal quickly. This chemo protocol really surpresses the white blood cell count so I have to have 11 injections of neupegen during the 21 days - Paul is the needle giver - hence the concern about the infection potential. I will be having 4 rounds of this new chemo which will bring me into the beginning of November - a bit longer than I had thought. So perhaps no apple picking this year - I should still be able to make a pumpkin pie I hope! Please pray for all the side effects etc. of all the drugs and that this chemo will make contact with and destroy all the cancer cells that still exist. Lamentations 3:22-23: 22 It is Jehovah's lovingkindness that we are not consumed, For His compassions do not fail; 23 They are new every morning;

THank you Lord for your new compassions and mercy today.

Gotta go - much love,
Joanne

Thanks for all the encouragement

I am still in the midst of this round of chemo-I go back to Dana Farber today for hydration and then back again on Thursday for IP administered (into the abdomen)Taxol. I have to battle the side effects like before and will have probably one good week in the 3 week round. Then it starts over again in September on the 13. The doctors say that I will have 4 rounds of this IP chemo. I am feeling the yuckiness of post chemo nausea - so I'm trying to down saltines and drink sips of water.

Because of my religious upbringing, I had formed a thought about God in my head that He was not a sympathetic God but one who was always measuring us - to see how we did and then meet out the appropriate reward or punishment - all the time watching and measuring. I never knew or realized that He is also one who is ministering all that we need to fulfill whatever the situation before us requires. I spent a good deal of my Christian life trying to do what God wanted but always feeling that I had fallen short. Now comes this cancer. I do not have any idea of what to do on many levels and I am fully aware of my lack of faith, my fear, my anxieties etc. - all of which are not a very good testimony of my faith in Christ which is also real. So this past week prior to the chemo, people came over to visit with me - some I see regularly, and others who I hadn't seen for a long time. They came and helped me turn my focus from my worries to take note of all that the Lord had done. Even yesterday an old, close friend was driving by and she had the strong sense to come and see me. It was such a treat to my soul to see her. Her visit and the visits and care from others have made Hebrews 4:15-16 so real to me: For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all respects like us, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help.
The grace and mercy for timely help came in the voices, notes, and visits of so many dear ones. And the Lord did not blame me for my weakness, He carried me through it.

I heard this Psalm yesterday when I was coming home from the hospital. David wrote it when he was in a cave - probably hiding from Saul - at least he was not in a very pleasant situation - yet out of his spirit poured forth this praising psalm. I hope you enjoy it.

Psalms
CHAPTER 103

1 Bless Jehovah, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless Jehovah, O my soul; And do not forget all His benefits:
3 He pardons all your iniquities; He heals all your diseases;
4 He redeems your life from the pit; He crowns you with lovingkindness and compassions;
5 He satisfies the prime of your life with good, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
6 Jehovah executes righteous acts, And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7 He made His ways known to Moses; His acts, to the children of Israel.
8 Jehovah is compassionate and gracious, Long-suffering and abundant in lovingkindness.
9 He will not always contend with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor has He recompensed us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness upon those who fear Him.
12 As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 As compassionate as a father is toward his children, So compassionate is Jehovah toward those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.
15 Man - his days are like grass; He flourishes like a field flower:
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is no more; And its own place knows of it no longer.
17 But Jehovah's lovingkindness is from eternity Unto eternity upon those who fear Him, And His righteousness is to the children's children;
18 To those who keep His covenant And remember His precepts so as to do them.
19 Jehovah has established His throne in the heavens, And His kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless Jehovah, you His angels, Who are mighty in strength to perform His word, By obeying the voice of His word.
21 Bless Jehovah, all you His hosts, You His ministers who execute His will.
22 Bless Jehovah, all you His works, In all places of His dominion. Bless Jehovah, O my soul.

While I have a bit of strength left, I thought I would share these verses of enjoyment with you - I hope it doesn't sound too "preachy", please accept it as an offering of a tasty morsel of nourishing food that is supplying me through a rather difficult time.

Love you all,
Joanne

Prayer Requests for this week

Hi Everyone,
This week my two sons Stephen and Andrew left for school - I will miss them terribly. They have been so dear and such a big help this summer.

I started having bleeding yesterday which may have been because of trying to help Andrew pack (which required a lot of bending at the waist). I am trying to lay low and take it easy.

Please pray about the new chemo round this week. The new drug for the Interperitoneal chemo has a lot of very serious side effects - like kidney failure, deafness, nausea, vomiting, etc. In order to avoid the kidney problems, I have to drink 2-3 liters of water each day during and after the treatment. I also have to get another injection of neupegen (sp!) which stimulates the bone marrow to produce more blood cells - and this shot causes pain in the bones. It also can cause an allergic reaction so please pray that everything goes as it should and that I am not too overcome by pain and nausea and that I would not have any kind of secondary infection. Also, that I would not become dehydrated due to nausea.

I am worried as I face this round of chemo but I am so thankful that this protocol is available to me.

I have been sustained by all your prayers - they bring the supply to face each day. I'm going to rest now. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Joanne

Chemo next week and Jehovah-Shalom

I spoke with an oncology nurse about the interperitoneal chemo treatments which begin next week. These rounds are different from the IV chemo I have been receiving. They start in the hospital and involve getting the IV chemo over a 24 hour period and then the chemo in the abdominal cavity and then getting hydrated - followed by another round of the abdominal chemo 5 days later. I also will need to have 11 shots during the round to stimulate the bone marrow to produce white blood cells. I will be dangerously low and susceptible to infection 10-14 days following the chemo. I am praying about resting in the Lord but the anxiety keeps creeping in.
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am able to get this chemo - it is very effective in battling the cancer but I am worried about the unknown side effects - although God who inhabits eternity is there already! Another item for prayer is that everyone in the house is sick with a cold or virus - please pray that I am able to stay infection free so that I can continue with the chemo schedule.

So, this is the next step of the journey - thank you all for continuing to pray that the chemo will get all the microscopic cancer cells and that there will not be any secondary infection.

One of the names of God in the Bible is Jehovah Shalom or the Lord my peace. I am praying that I can enter into the reality of this name of God and be filled with peace. This name of God was revealed to Gideon. He was called by God to do battle against the Midianites, who were an oppressive and powerful people. Here are the verses (Judges 6:23-24a) which describe the Lord's appearing to him:
23 And Jehovah said to him, Peace be with you. Do not be afraid; you shall not die.
24 Then Gideon built an altar there to Jehovah, and he called it Jehovah-shalom.

My worries, like the Midianites, can only be defeated by Jehovah-Shalom. Oh Lord, help us all to enter into the reality of this name.

Much love,
Joanne

Post Operative Visit with a few edits

Hi Everyone,
I just want to correct a couple of items Stephen put into the blog yesterday - there was an opening in the incision but it was not infected. The opening was very small - about the size of a pea - so it will close and is closing up - there was no redness around the opening - so I am certain there was not infection. I cleaned it out once and then there was a scab over it so I am not sure how to proceed. I will ask the nurse on Tuesday.

I will be having chemotherapy on August 23-25 - as an in-patient at Brigham and Women's. They will be doing both types of chemo at that time - the interperitoneal - which goes into the abdominal cavity directly and also the IV - which I have been having. The IP chemo requires that I be in the hospital for its administration. Please pray for this chemo treatment that it will reach all the tiny tumors (1-2mm) that the doctors were unable to remove surgically - and for me that I am not overcome with anxiety about it.

I praise the Lord for so much answered prayer - thank you all for your faithful and diligent prayer for all the details of the surgery - the Lord surely did answer and so we believe that this is His will. I pray that through all this I gain Him more and more each day. Sometimes I worry that I am not gaining the Lord because I get so focused on my physical status.

Yesterday I was reminded of this verse from Psalms 34. 8 Taste and see that Jehovah is good; Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

It is interesting that the tasting of Jehovah is coupled with taking refuge in Him. These days I have taken refuge in Him - I cannot find refuge elsewhere. I was encouraged to see that this is also a tasting of the Lord - so I can testify that He is good!

Much love to all of you -
Joanne

Post-Operative Visit

On Friday Mom visited Dr. Berkowitz at Dana Farber as a post-operative follow up. He was over two hours late so it was a challenging wait. He looked at Mom's wound and noted that a small area was open. He cleaned it out and commented that so much of the wound had closed so there was no way to pack it with either gauze or sponges. The woumd could be treated with a cue tip which Mom was to use 3-4 times a day on her own. Mom was terrified of this idea, but Dr. Berkowitz insisted that she could do it and even had her do it right in the exam room. She only stuck the cue tip in a short distance, however, so Dr. Berkowitz encouraged her to go deeper. Mom reluctantly complied, but successfully completed the process.

Back home Mom is still having trouble with her digestive tract. Dr. Berkowitz said her bowels look fine, but the analgesics she is taking tend to slow her bowels down making elimination difficult.

The next major step in treatment will be chemotherapy on the 23rd. This will be more extensive as she now will be getting an additional dose through the IP catheter into her abdomen.

Stephen Juraschek

Monday Update

This past week Mom has been home, moving around the house, recuperating from surgery. On Friday she had her staples out. There was a little concern that this was premature, but there is no infection and taking the staples out should help prevent this. On Monday Mom visited a palliative care clinic at Dana Farber. She was referred there by Dr. Berkowitz. They gave Mom a better pain regimen and pointed out that her perscription of Motrin for pain was a mistake - she was on enough blood thinner with the Lovenox and did not need more. Otherwise Mom is ok. Pain in her lower back, air in her abdomen, pain from the incision, and hot flashes from the hysterectomy are fatiguing and rob her of sleep. This Friday she will be seeing Dr. Berkowitz and will attempt to ask if she can be switched from Lovenox to Coumadin, an alternative, oral blood thinner.

Stephen

Back at Home

At about 4 this afternoon, Mom returned home. She just finished eating some leftovers from meals friends had brought to our house over the past week and really enjoyed them. Mom is grateful for all your prayers, meals, and support. She still is in some pain from the incision and had some low blood pressure this morning. She is scheduled to have her staples removed on Friday. On August 10th she will have her post-operative visit. In terms of her mobility, she is able to get up out of bed and go to the restroom on her own. Stairs are challenging, but doable "one step at a time." Her next round of chemo will take place in coming weeks. With the IP catheter chemo treatments can have more complications so each treatment involves a three day stay at the hospital.

Please pray that there would be no wound infection, the next round of chemo would go smoothly, and that she would have a swift recovery.

Stephen Juraschek

Sunday Morning Doctor's Visit

Three doctors visited Mom this morning around 8:40. They asked her about her pain. They said she may use Tylenol or Motrin to help. They mentioned that Lovenox will be lifelong. They also fielded a number of her questions. She won’t need a bandage at home as long as the would stays together. She may put a pad over the wound to make sure the staples don’t catch on clothing. She needs to keep moving around to prevent blood clots. She should be out of bed as much as possible even just sitting up (lying down you waste away a little). She can go up and down stairs, but should wait 6-8 weeks before heavy exercise. She needs to build up stamina and going outside is a good wait to accomplish this. Mom had a good meal this morning - sausage with a egg & cheese bagel sandwich and a fruit cup. She is currently enjoying some honeybush tea from Trade Joe's that dad brought her.

Stephen

Saturday early evening, July 28th

A lot had transpired by the time I returned to the hospital at 5:30. Mom no longer had any tubes in her. They took her off the PCA and are now giving her oxycontin and oxycodone and ativan for pain. This has made Mom’s pain a little less bearable, but it is encouraging seeing her walk around with nothing but her walker – it makes a Sunday return home seem like more of a reality. She also started eating solid foods for dinner. Visitors have been consistent, which has been encouraging.

Stephen

Saturday Morning Doctors Visit

Mom was visited by a teamd of 3 doctors this morning, including Dr. Fleming from several months ago. They looked at Mom's wound, which still looks ok, but they are watching it closely to make sure it keeps draining out. They also gave Mom some tips for identifying an infection when she goes home. The doctor encouraged her to keep walking.

She is still in a considerable amount of pain and the nurse last night was a little demanding, but overall she is doing quite well. Everyone that remembers her from the last time, agree that she looks much better.

Stephen Juraschek

Friday Morning - Berkowitz Post-Surgery Visit

Dr. Berkowitz visited Mom at 6:50 am. He said that everything went very well. The cancer responded dramatically to the chemo. He removed everything bigger than a tenth of an inch, and there really wasn’t that much to remove. During surgery Dr. Berkowitz discussed with Dr. Berlin (Mom's oncologist) about putting in an abdominal catheter and they decided to put it in. Now chemo will be administered intravenously and through the IP catheter. They did take the appendix out, that was the only bowel work. The goals for today are getting out of bed with the help of the nurses and deep breathing. He said Mom has every reason to be encouraged by her current condition. The incision looked good – the dressing is nice and dry. They excised the old wound, so new tissue is being used to heal the incision. He emphasized that it is dramatic what the chemotherapy did. We have every reason to be hopeful that the chemotherapy will resolve the rest. The average is to be in the hospital 3 days. Hopefully she will be ready to go home Sunday or Monday. She can do the stairs in our house. The only restriction is from the perspective of her comfort. She shouldn't do stairs on her own, but she can do them.

In terms of her morale, Mom is quite peaceful. She is very lucid, much better than the last time. She was quite encouraged by the news from Dr. Berkowitz and is currently resting.

Stephen Juraschek

In the recovery room

We visited Mom at 3 and then again at 5. Currently she is still in the recovery room. We will remain here until she moves to the Connor's Center. When we saw her she seemed at peace though understandably in much pain--though she commented that she felt a lot less pain than last time. She has a lot fewer apparatuses attached to her, which increases her comfort level. She was happy to know that the colon remained intact, that they did the hysterectomy, and that she qualified for the intraperitoneal. Hopefully she will be moved out of the ICU soon. Andrew is doing well too, he was able to handle mom's condition much better than after her last surgery . Dad is also at peace.

Stephen Juraschek