CT scan results, a wedding, grace and the weather

Sorry for the big delay in writing - we had a wedding on July 20th - my daughter Anna and Stephen Harris were married! It was a very enjoyable time with friends and family. I absolutely crashed after the wedding and continue to struggle to stay awake during the day.

I promised to give you an update on the CT scan. Here are the impressions from the radiologist:
1. There is a new soft tissue implant consistent with recurrent disease.
2. There is thickening posterior to the rectus muscle along the transverse colon which could be related to recent surgery versus recurrent disease.
3. Prominent right vaginal cuff soft tissue has increased in the interim and is worrisome for deep pelvic local recurrence.

Also the CA-125 test increased to 16 up from 5. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors to know what the next step should be.

I saw both doctors on the 18th - Dr. Berkowitz and Dr. Berlin. Dr. Berkowitz feels that the thickening of the vaginal cuff is due to scar tissue and he is not concerned at this point but said that we need to monitor the CA-125 closely to see if it continues to rise. He was generally positive and very complimentary - he said I look great and asked if this was my natural hair color (which it was NOT!) Then he asked if that question was an appropriate one to ask. I had to laugh. I had to wait about 3 hours to see him which was not easy. Then I saw Dr. Berlin and she spent a long time with us (my daughter Anna came with me because she was worried about the CT scan results) and because she is moving to Atlanta and wanted to spend the time with me. Dr. Berlin showed me the slides from the scan and showed me the places where there was concern. She feels that some of this could be scar tissue and wants to wait a month to take another CA-125 test before beginning treatment. She also feels that I should have a PET scan to see if the implant is indeed cancer. She was very supportive and also kind to Anna, whom she encouraged to forget about these results and just enjoy her wedding day - which Anna did!

The weather on July 20th was not what I had prayed for - I must confess that I do pray about everything now - and just let those requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God). This way the peace of God will guard my heart and my thoughts in Christ Jesus. However, I learned something on Sunday as the thunder rolled, the lightning flashed and the torrential rain came down -- as I was praying about the weather, the Spirit who intercedes in our praying was praying something else....Romans 8:26 Moreover, in like manner the Spirit also joins in to help us in our weakness, for we do not know for what we should pray as is fitting, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 But He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to God.
When I asked the Lord - what's up with the weather - this is not what I prayed for....it seemed that the answer I received was - that the Lord wasn't answering my prayer with perfect weather, but rather with the supply of abundant grace. I am so thankful that when we pray not really knowing how or what to pray for, we have the Spirit Who intercedes for us according to God! Hallelujah! How does the receiving of abundant grace compare to a cloudless sky? One is eternal, and one is fleeting. The eternal One in His divine economy gives us Himself as grace. Isn't this marvelous?

Here is a picture of Anna and Stephen that was taken by my niece Millie. This was taken during the ceremony before the flowers blew over and drenched the bride and groom! Little did I know how much grace I would need to see my first born daughter get married. The Lord's supply was superabundant. It was so wonderful to see all the dear family members together for a happy occasion - we all are rarely able to get together, so this was really a treat. I have lots of wonderful memories that I can think about during the day. I was so thankful to the Lord that I could be there! We sang this hymn at the wedding which was really appropriate and which continues to be:

1 There is always something over,
When we taste our gracious Lord;
Every cup He fills o'erfloweth,
Rich supply He doth afford.
Nothing narrow, nothing stinted,
Ever issued from His store;
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore,
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.

2 There is always something over,
When we, from the Father's hand,
Take our portion with thanksgiving,
Praising for the things He planned.
Satisfaction, full and deepening,
All our need He doth supply,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.

3 There is always something over,
When we share in all His love;
Unplumbed depths still lie beneath us,
Unscaled heights rise far above.
Human lips can never utter
All His wondrous tenderness.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless,
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.

I especially enjoy verse 2 which speaks about taking our portion with thanksgiving from our Father's hand, praising for the things He's planning. He is worthy of our praises. Only He satisfies every longing.

I am going to bed - my eyelids are having trouble staying up.

Love you all,
Joanne

Learning the Secret

Hi All,

It has been challenging to get to a computer but here I am! An update on the 2” lump – Dr. Brooks thinks it is clotted blood that formed on top of the mesh because there is discoloration in the skin (black/blue). I’m supposed to put a heating pad on it (which is not something I feel like doing when it’s 90 degrees) but I try to remember to put it on at night. The heat is supposed to break up the mass of clotted blood. I have a CT scan today and I’m seeing a doctor on Monday about pain in my right arm. Also, I see Dr. Berkowitz next Friday. I’ll post the CT scan results when I get them.

Philippians 4:12-13

12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.
13 I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.

Footnotes for verse 12:
In everything - In everything means in each matter; in all things means in all matters. Together, these two phrases encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ — to experience Him in everything and in every place.

I have learned the secret - Lit., I have been initiated. The metaphor here refers to a person's being initiated into a secret society with instruction in its rudimentary principles. After Paul was converted to Christ, he was initiated into Christ and the Body of Christ. He then learned the secret of how to take Christ as life, how to live Christ, how to magnify Christ, how to gain Christ, and how to have the church life, all of which things are rudimentary principles.

Footnotes for verse 13:
In Him - Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."

Empowers me - The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.

These past days have been trying outwardly. As many of you know, my house is torn apart and some of the workers have been dishonest and have not done the jobs they were paid to do, which has caused us to pay double for some work. We had no electricity in many rooms (including bathrooms) for a few days and also our daughter Elizabeth had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days as well. She is coming home today and is doing better. I could continue to the many other things that have gone “wrong” this week, to the point that one of my children said, “Mom I think we are cursed by God. Nothing goes right for us.” That statement did cause me to pause and consider our situation before the Lord and in light of the Word of God. The Lord brought me to these verses in Philippians to realize that like the Apostle Paul, I need to learn the secret of how to experience Christ in all circumstances, whether they are circumstances of abundance or those of want and lack. The key is to abide in Christ – so I can do all things IN HIM who empowers me. The focus is not that now I can to anything I want because I am in Christ but rather that because I am in Christ, I am empowered to do all things. The focus, the emphasis here is to be IN CHRIST. I know objectively I am in Christ –but many times, subjectively, I am just in myself, trying to handle things in myself and many, many times coming up short. The secret is to abide, to remain, to settle down in Christ – to let Him be the sphere in which I live, move and have my being. Then when the circumstances are rough – I am not governed by them – I am supplied by and empowered by Christ! It is such a wonderful reality. So, really, all these circumstances are not evidence of a curse by God, but really of God’s faithful arrangement of circumstances to usher me into the depths of all that He is and can be in the midst of adversity. I need to realize that I do not draw my empowering from things going well, from prosperity, from a problem-free life, but rather from Christ who empowers me. So whether the circumstances cause me to be in abundance or to be in want, it doesn’t matter – because the source of my strength is Christ. Is this not wonderful? What a revelation! What a wonderful reality! I am so thankful to the Word of God which contains the very breath of God and which is also the means for us to receive revelation concerning our Christian life and concerning the wonderful Christ!

Here is a wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson about the wondrous secret of abiding in the Lord! Enjoy!

1 I have learned the wondrous secret
Of abiding in the Lord;
I have tasted life's pure fountain,
I am drinking of His word;
I have found the strength and sweetness
Of abiding 'neath the blood;
I have lost myself in Jesus,
I am sinking into God.

I'm abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word;
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.
Yes, abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word,
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.

2 I am crucified with Jesus,
And He lives and dwells with me;
I have ceased from all my struggling,
'Tis no longer I, but He.
All my will is yielding to Him,
And His Spirit reigns within;
And His precious blood each moment
Keeps me cleansed and free from sin.

3 All my sicknesses I bring Him,
And He bears them all away;
All my fears and griefs I tell Him,
All my cares from day to day,
All my strength I draw from Jesus,
By His breath I live and move;
E'en His very mind He gives me,
And His faith, and life, and love.

4 For my words I take His wisdom,
For my works His Spirit's power;
For my ways His ceaseless presence
Guards and guides me every hour.
Of my heart, He is the portion,
Of my joy the boundless spring;
Savior, Sanctifier, Healer,
Glorious Lord, and coming King.


So dear ones, whatever today brings, keep sinking into God!

Joanne