CA 125 down a bit

Hi Everyone,
I just got home from Dana-Farber - it was a long day - I left the house around 6:30 am and now it is 7:45 pm! I got the CA-125 level - it was 53 -down 5 from last time. Still moving in the right direction but not so dramatic as in the beginning. Oh Lord - keep us looking away to You.

Feeling very sleepy because of all the antihistamines I had to take today during the desensitization. So I must go to bed.

Keep abiding,
Joanne

Chemo tomorrow

Hi Everyone,
Tomorrow I have to go to Dana-Farber at 7:00 AM to have chemo - first 3 hours for the taxol and then 6 hours for the carboplatin. HOpefully they will start on time - but one never knows. Please pray for the desensitization process - that all goes well and I'm able to get the chemo - also please pray about the side effects - they were rough last time around. I had my blood test yesterday but don't have the results of the CA-125 - when I get it tomorrow I'll post it then.

I was able to go to the school library today to catalog some books and straighten things up a bit - I do love going there - It gets depressing sometimes because I am so limited. Someone sent me this excerpt from the Life Study of Genesis, message 93. It is so encouraging, I thought I'd share it:

Now we must consider how Jacob, a transformed person, could be filled with life. Human beings are vessels. However, unlike jars and bottles, we are not vessels without feeling, sense, or will. If you want to fill a bottle with a certain liquid, the bottle has no opinion or feeling about it. There is no need to have the consent of the bottle before we fill it. But it is difficult to put something in us living vessels because we are filled with opinions, desires, and intentions. Parents know how difficult it is to put medicine into their children. Likewise, it is not an easy matter for God to put His life into us.

Now I want to point out a hidden matter in this book. Jacob's first dealing in the last stage was the loss of Joseph. Joseph was seventeen years old when he was sold (37:2), and he was thirty years old when he stood before Pharaoh (41:46). Following this, there were the seven plenteous years. It was probably one or two years later that Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to buy grain. Therefore, from the selling of Joseph to the sending of Jacob's sons to Egypt was a period of at least twenty years. The Bible does not afford us any record of what Jacob did during these years. It only gives us an account of what Joseph experienced. As far as the record of Jacob is concerned, this period of twenty years was a time of silence.

What do you think Jacob was doing during this time? If you had been Jacob, what would you have done? I have considered this matter very much, and I think I have discovered something. During these years Jacob had nothing to do. He had no lack and he had no ambition. Jacob had cared only for Rachel, not for Leah and the two maids. After Rachel died, Jacob's heart was set on Joseph, who was taken away from him about a year later. After Joseph was taken away, Jacob had virtually nothing left. Therefore, during these silent years he was a person without any ambitions, interests, or things to do. This must have been the time God imparted Himself into Jacob more and more. How different were these twenty years from the twenty years with Laban! During the twenty years with Laban (31:41), Jacob had struggled against Laban and had been concerned about dealing with Rachel, Leah, the maids, and all his children. But in these twenty years at Hebron Jacob was released from any bondage or occupation. He was not only retired—he was free.

The only thing that could not be taken away from Jacob was God's presence. At Hebron Jacob constantly lived in fellowship with God. Through the loss of Joseph, Jacob became a jar that was absolutely open to God. Joseph's presence might have been a hindrance to Jacob's openness to God. But now, after the loss of Joseph, Jacob was free from every frustration and was completely open to the Lord. Undoubtedly, Jacob thought about Joseph day after day. He had concluded that Joseph had been devoured by an evil beast, but this had not been confirmed. Hence, Jacob might have thought that perhaps he would see Joseph again. This pressed Jacob to God and opened him up to God. The more he thought about Joseph, the more open he was. During all these years, Jacob was a jar open to the heavens, and the heavenly rain was continuously falling into him. In this period of time Jacob was daily in the presence of God, being filled with the divine life.

I only hope I could have the same testimony as Jacob - to be a jar open to the heavens, continually in the presence of God.

There is a hymn about being an earthen vessel:

1 Earthen vessel I was made,
Christ in me the treasure laid;
His container I must be,
As the content He in me.

2 In His image I was made,
Fit that Christ should all pervade;
Thus the vessel God did form
With the content uniform.

3 In my spirit He remains,
With His power He sustains;
As the Spirit one with me,
He is my reality.

4 Moving in me day by day,
Mingling with me all the way,
All my steps He regulates,
Every part He saturates.

5 Him expressing from within,
Making Him to others seen,
I transparent have to be
That He may be shown thru me.

6 Transformation is my need,
To be broken more indeed,
That the clay may change in form,
To the treasure to conform.

Like Jacob my need is transformation - Oh Lord may this clay change in form and conform more and more to You, the treasure!

Love,
Joanne

Back from the hospital

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in updating you all, but I ended up going to the emergency room at Brigham and Women's on Tuesday (along with MANY other people) because the vomiting had not subsided and Dr. Berlin thought there might be a partial obstruction. I didn't have to wait too long to get into a bed but had to spend the night in the emergency room because the hospital had nothing available until the next day. I had a CT scan which showed that all the tumors and suspicious lymph nodes had gotten smaller (Hallelujah!). So at first the doctors thought that the cancer was caused my GI system to malfunction. I didn't feel that this was the only problem, but just prayed that the Lord would uncover and resolve whatever needed to be resolved. I was in the hospital until Friday when I was hurriedly discharged so that I could keep an out-patient appointment with a Gastro-neurologist Dr. Stoffel, which had been made one month ago. When I left, I was still in pain and didn't feel any better then when I was first admitted. But God was at work behind the scenes. Seeing this doctor was vital - she looked at the CT scan and she felt that I needed a further barium study to look at the stent area because she felt that that area looked clogged or compressed. While I was still in the exam room, she checked and found that they x-ray people could do the test right away, so we walked over to that area and I had the test immediately. They read the xray which confirmed the doctor's diagnosis (there was only 1 mm of fluid going through the stent area) and contacted the doctor and then I went back to her office and she said that I should be readmitted to the hospital and that the doctor that placed the stent back in November (Dr. Carlock) would be able to do the endoscopic procedure to look at, clean out and perhaps place a new stent if necessary. [Sorry for the long run on sentences.] The procedure was done on Friday night and what was supposed to be 30 minutes turned out to be 90 minutes. The stent area was clogged - I suppose I should clarify - I thought the stent was like a ring of a looseleaf binder - but it is long and follows the duodenum in length - so there were 2 of them placed and the front one had become loose and was free floating. Food (mostly vegetables) had gotten stuck in that area so that nothing much could pass through. The doctor was able to remove that stent, clean out the area and place a new stent that was longer and fit into the second one which was doing fine. I have to be very strict about eating since these stents tend to clog easily. This procedure was not too painful but very uncomfortable - my throat and stomach hurt a lot today. Since I was able to eat solid food, I was released from the hospital and returned home in time for dinner. I was able to eat some pureed soup tonight and some gelato - which helped the back of my throat. It is good to be home and I am just in awe of how the Lord took care of so many details - even before we asked He had answered having everything in place.

Isaiah 65:24 says: And it will be that before they call, I will answer; Even while they are speaking, I will hear.

Psalms 66:19-20 says: 19 But indeed God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer. 20 Blessed be God, Who has not turned my prayer away Nor His lovingkindness from me.

Here is a wonderful hymn about prayer - I do appreciate all the prayer - I know that the resolution of this latest problem is due to that prayer and God's faithfulness.

Here is a link to the melody if you want to sing along. http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=771&f=mid

1 The veil is rent and opened is
A new and living way;
With boldness thru the precious blood,
We come to Thee to pray.

2 By Thy redemption we may come
Into the holiest place;
Thy Spirit now anointing us,
We touch the throne of grace.

3 In spirit only we would pray,
Ourselves by Thee possessed,
That from our spirit Christ the Lord
As incense be expressed.

4 Thy grace and mercy as a stream
From out the throne does flow,
Refreshing in the hour of need-
How rich, how sweet to know!

5 Though for our needs we do not ask
But by Thy Spirit pray,
Our every need is known to Thee,
We’re in Thy care alway.

6 Though griefs and trials on us press,
We will not anxious be,
But all our care upon Thee cast
And set our spirit free.

7 O may I concentrated be
In fellowship with Thee,
My prayer and incense offering,
Thy Spirit leading me.

It is such a comfort to know that our every need is know by Him and that we are always in His care. Hallelujah! Well, I should rest.

Much love,
Joanne

Prayer request

Hi Everyone,
On Saturday it seems the food just couldn't pass through from my stomach to the small intestine and caused vomiting. I'm not sure why - although I did eat a tangerine on Friday which could have caused some issues. But today I am still having problems - my stomach is uncomfortable and things don't seem to be moving through very easily - and I was very strict today with what I ate. So I will call Dr. Berlin tomorrow - maybe a CT scan is the next step - Please pray that the food moves through and that the problem is properly diagnosed.

Today I was reminded of the first verse of a hymn by Fanny Crosby -

All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well,
For I know, whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

Amen! Thank you for praying.

Love,
Joanne

update and encouragement

Hi Everyone,
I am checking in - I've really been feeling crummy this week but things are looking up - as each day I feel a bit better. Aside from not really being able to rest because of side effects, I am encouraged that none of the nasty side effects lasts forever. My next chemo round will be at Dana-Farber on February 19. I'm not sure how many rounds I have left - I will check with Dr. Berlin when I see her next.


My experience has been similar to David's in Psalm 30:

1 I extol You, O Jehovah, for You have drawn me up And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

2 O Jehovah my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me.

3 O Jehovah, You have brought up my soul from Sheol; You have preserved me alive that I would not go down into the pit.

4 Sing psalms to Jehovah, you who are His faithful ones; And praise His holy memorial.

5 For His anger lasts but a moment, His favor, a lifetime; Weeping may linger in the evening, But a ringing shout goes up in the morning.

6 As for me, I said in my prosperity, I will never be shaken.

7 O Jehovah, by Your favor You had made my mountain stand strong. You hid Your face; I was troubled.

8 To You, O Jehovah, I called out; And to Jehovah I made my supplication.

9 What profit is there in my blood if I go down into the pit? Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness?

10 Hear, O Jehovah, and be gracious to me. O Jehovah, be my help.

11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosened my sackcloth And girded me with rejoicing,

12 That my glory might sing psalms to You and not be silent. O Jehovah my God, I will praise You forever.

Thank you all for praying, calling out and making supplication - because of this I am so encouraged even when things don't look all that encouraging. God is faithful!

In my hymnal, there is a section called Comfort in Trials. Here is a hymn from that section by John Newton. It is a strengthening,anxiety-quieting, girding up hymn-and reminds me that though the road is "rough and thorny" it leads us on to God!

1 Be still, my heart! these anxious cares
To thee are burdens, thorns and snares;
They cast dishonor on the Lord,
And contradict His gracious word.

2 Brought safely by His hand thus far,
Why wilt thou now give place to fear?
How canst thou want if He provide,
Or lose thy way with such a Guide?

3 When first before His mercy-seat
Thou didst to Him thine all commit;
He gave thee warrant from that hour
To trust His wisdom, love, and power.

4 Did ever trouble yet befall,
And He refuse to hear thy call?
And has He not His promise passed,
That thou shalt overcome at last?

5 He who has helped me hitherto
Will help me all my journey through,
And give me daily cause to raise
New Ebenezers to His praise.

6 Though rough and thorny be the road,
It leads thee on, apace, to God;
Then count thy present trials small,
For God will make amends for all.


Much love,
Joanne