Need for Prayer

The results of the CT scan didn't show new cancer growth as a cause for the severe abdominal pain I'm experiencing. Dr. Berlin and the GI doctor felt I should be in the hospital to find out what is wrong. Please pray that they conduct the right tests and interpret them correctly. I'm in Brigham's and Women's hospital, Connors Center, rm. 776. Call Missy for an update.

I appreciate all your prayers and support. Looking away unto Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. Jesus is Lord!

Joanne

Update and Spring

Turns out Wednesday's upper GI series or fluoroscopy showed a narrowing of the stent but not an obstruction. I still have pain and discomfort but food is traveling through. I was able to have the chemo Thursday, and there were no complications. They really knocked me out and I slept almost the entire time. I will be getting the gemzar on a different schedule than the taxol - it is still on a 3 week rotation but I have day 1 - Carboplatin and Gemzar, day 8 gemzar (except for this week which will be on day 7) - and then on day 15 a blood test, then back to day 1 for the next round. Please pray for the effectiveness of this drug to kill the cancer cells, and eliminate the tumors.

The other day out by my driveway I saw these bumps in the garden. At first I thought skunks were at work digging up the bulbs - but when I investigated I saw the tiny, green tips of spring bulbs pushing up through the cold earth toward the sun. The bumps were the earth on top of those little tips being pushed out of the way! All through this past winter it has seemed almost hopeless that the bulbs would come again - they were buried beneath several feet of snow, frozen and subjected to harsh extremes in temperature. We all wondered if they would ever come back this year. Even the side of the house where they are planted doesn't get a good deal of sun so they weren't really warming up very much. But still, in spite of all these obstacles, the life in those bulbs is pushing forth - pushing up through the earth to the sun. It is so encouraging. I thought we are like those bulbs. We go through cold, dark seasons with harsh weather, and are buried by our circumstances. But we have a life gene in us! This life is an overcoming life! We don't depend upon how well we can survive the elements, but rather we depend upon the functioning of that overcoming life to triumph, burst forth, and live! So rather than focus on the dark environment or harsh weather, may we enjoy the functioning of that victorious life within!

Here is a wonderful hymn about the victorious life of Christ which is operating in us! Hallelujah! Here is a link to the hymn's tune:
http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=1174&f=mp3

1 What a victory! What a triumph!
God Himself became a man,
Clothed Himself in human nature
To fulfill His mighty plan.
He through death destroyed the devil;
Risen now, the Son of Man!

2 Jesus by His human virtues
Did the subtle one arrest;
He as man withstood the tempter,
Fully passed through every test.
Now in spirit I can take Him,
All His virtues to possess.

3 In the Spirit of this Jesus
Is His human life so fine.
Human virtues have been added
To the Spirit all divine.
What abundance in this Spirit,
Rich supply for all mankind!

4 How mysterious! Yet how real!
Such a man now lives in me.
Into all my heart He's spreading—
He, my human life, to be.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I will praise unceasingly.

5 Oh, what wonder! Oh, how glorious!
God in flesh is manifest.
We the members of His Body
His humanity express.
For the building of God's dwelling
We His human life possess.


Thank you all for your consistent prayer and stedfast love - what a blessing to be in the body of Christ in reality.

Much love,
Joanne

Change in plans and prayer request

Hi Everyone,
On Sunday afternoon, I started having severe abdominal pain, diarrhea and general discomfort - I thought it might be a stomach flu and waited to call the doctor. When things didn't really change on Monday, I called and they decided to evaluate me on Tuesday when I arrived for chemo - they decided not to do the chemo but to run some tests (upper GI series) on Wednesday to see what is causing the pain - they think it is some kind of issue with the stents. I will have the test 8:30 am on Wed and then I will meet with Dr. Berlin at 1:00. She has decided to discontinue the Taxol chemo drug since my CA-125 is dropping at a very sluggish rate. She is starting me on carboplatin and gemcitabine (gemzar) on Thursday if the GI test doesn't indicate some kind of procedure necessary. Please pray about this test, about the accurate diagnosing of the problem and also about the new chemo drug. It has some nasty side effects but nothing too different from the taxol I had been taking.

Tonight, because it was so clear, we were able to go outside and watch the Discovery space shuttle (docked with the International Space Station) zoom through the night sky. We looked at the stars, planets and then saw this bright speck of light sail through. It was quite a wonderful experience. I considered Psalm 8:

Psalm 8

1 O Jehovah our Lord, How excellent is Your name In all the earth, You who have set Your glory over the heavens!

2 Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings You have established strength Because of Your adversaries, To stop the enemy and the avenger.

3 When I see Your heavens, the works of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,

4 What is mortal man, that You remember him, And the son of man, that You visit him?

5 You have made him a little lower than angels And have crowned him with glory and honor.

6 For You have caused him to rule over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet:

7 All sheep and oxen, As well as the beasts of the field,

8 The birds of heaven and the fish of the sea, Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.

9 O Jehovah our Lord, How excellent is Your name In all the earth!



It is incredible that the One who has set His glory above the heavens considers mortal man - inclines His ear to our pray, became a man Himself to die for us so that we might have access to eternal life. How marvelous - How excellent.

Here's a wonderfully uplifting hymn that is full of riches:

1 O how glorious! O how holy!
God is the eternal life!
Full, unlimited, and pow’rful,
Pure, and merciful, and bright!
In this life are all His riches,
All His nature, love and light.

2 O how loving! O how gracious!
God Himself is life to man!
He in man hath made a spirit
That He might fulfill His plan.
’Tis His heart’s delight and longing
E’er to be received by man.

3 O what love and grace unbounded!
God as life to man doth flow!
He no more is hid in secret
But Himself to man doth show,
First in flesh and then as Spirit
That His life all men may know.

4 How approachable! How near us!
God in Christ our life to be!
Christ is God in flesh incarnate,
Manifest for man to see.
Died and risen, now He enters
Into man, his life to be.

5 O what wonder! As the Spirit
God as life to man is shown!
’Tis His other transformation,
He as Spirit thus is known;
Men convicting and inspiring,
He within them makes His home.

6 O how glorious! O how precious!
Thus the triune God to know!
First the Father in the Son came,
Now the Son as Spirit flows.
When in man the Spirit enters
God as life He doth bestow.

7 How mysterious, yet how real!
God Himself now flows in me!
In my heart, with me in oneness,
He has come my life to be.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I will praise unceasingly!



Thank you dear ones for your prayers and support. Let us spend our days praising Him unceasingly!

Love,
Joanne

Quick update

Hi Everyone,
My chemo has been moved to Tuesday March 17th. I haven't been in touch with Dr. Berlin about how many more rounds I will have - but I should see her on Tuesday and will ask then. My daughter Anna came for a visit this past week - and my son Stephen arrived last night and will be here for a week. I am so thankful for their visits. This has been a rough week for me as a close friend and former co-worker and co-patient at Dana-Farber (with the same type of cancer), Betty Vifquain, passed away. She was a real encouragement to me when I was first diagnosed and we continued to encourage one another through the treatments, the anxieties and fears. She really loved the Lord and continually testified to everyone of her faith and love for the Lord. What struck me about Betty was that she spent her days sowing seeds of the kingdom into everyone who knew her. What a testimony - and what a legacy. I am sure she is now enjoying unobscured, face to face fellowship with the Lord and with other lovers of Jesus.

Her passing away hit me kind of hard because it seemed so sudden (she was only in hospice for 10 days) and a heaviness came over me that was hard to shake.
Having my daughter come for a visit and also going to school to work with the students helped me get through. Young people are so alive - they love life and live in the "now" - watching them this week and talking with them helped me stop living in the what ifs of the future and enjoy what the Lord has given me – which is this moment.

I am reminded of the verses in Philippians 1:21-23: 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 But if I am to live in the flesh, if this to me is fruit for my work, then I do not know what I will choose. 23 But I am constrained between the two, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for this is far better.

There is a footnote for verse 23 – with Christ:
To be with Christ is a matter of degree, not place. Paul desired to be with Christ in a higher degree, although he was already with Him constantly. Through his physical death he would be with Christ to a fuller extent than he enjoyed in this earthly life.

To be with Christ is a matter of degree, not place. I pray that day by day there would be an increase in the degree to which we are with Christ.
Here is a very uplifting, strengthening hymn – I hope you enjoy it as much as I have!
Here is a link to the tune: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=540&f=mp3

1 What release the Savior gave me!
Christ indeed has set me free!
All the pow’r of sin is broken,
All death’s sting is passed from me!

Chorus
Christ has made me more than conqu’ror,
By His mighty victory,
Now His resurrection power
From my spirit strengthens me!

2 From the law Christ has delivered,
To its claims I’m ever dead;
Nevermore the law shall bind me,
But by grace I’ll live instead.

3 Christ has sin condemned at Calv’ry
And its power done away;
Now it has no ground within me,
I am freed from all its sway.

4 Death by Him has been abolished,
Incorrupted life is shown;
Death’s enthralling bonds are broken,
Resurrection life is known.

5 Christ through death has crushed the devil,
World and demons by His might,
From the pow’r of darkness brought me
To the realm of life and light.

6 All-sufficient grace He giveth,
With His pow’r He covers me,
Makes me glory in my weakness
And in weakness strengthens me.

Please continue to pray as the Lord leads for the effective working of the chemo - and for God's will to be done. I do pray that we all will be filled with peace - not anxiety and be strengthened by the Lord's resurrection power, and enter into that release that can only be known by those who know Christ.

Love,
Joanne

Next round of chemo

Hi Everyone,
I didn't hear back from Dr. Berlin, but the administrative assistant called with the next chemo appointment - it will be on Monday, March 16th at 7:00 am at Dana-Farber. They only have 3 beds in the desensitization unit so scheduling is challenging. But this gives me another weekend without feeling awful - and I am very grateful for that. I need to see Dr. Berlin to ask her how many more rounds of chemo I have - I think because the last CT scan still showed tumors (although smaller), they will opt for continuing the treatment. I have been pretty strict with eating (no raw veggies) but feel that my diet is not very healthy. Please pray that I will find a way to eat that will strengthen my immune system and also be nourishing. I have been looking into lots of different types of nutritional cancer treatments - some seem impossible to follow, and others seem to be not enough. I am going to see the naturopathic doctor again - I will schedule an appointment next week. I'd like to get his input on what to do as well and then I will pray to see how the Lord leads.

I know I've written about anxiety before - and I have struggled with it over the past years quite a bit - even before the cancer diagnosis. Worry is exhausting. It robs us of our joy and rest and really is the calling card of the enemy. It causes us to get our eyes off the Lord, off of the promises in His word, and to look at what we see - and think that we can go something to affect change in that realm. Really, the worrisome thoughts just try to drag us away from the Lord and resting in Him to try to "handle the situation," which, in turn, causes anxiety, since we really aren't that effective in handling anything. In Philippians, there are verses about anxiety:

Philippians 4: 4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

5 Let your forbearance be known to all men. The Lord is near.

6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

7 And the peace of God, which surpasses every man's understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

I looked up the reference to forbearance. The footnote says:
52 I.e., reasonableness, considerateness, and consideration in dealing with others, not being strict in claiming one's legal rights. It is in contrast to selfish ambition and vainglory (2:3) and to murmurings and reasonings (2:14). It is Christ Himself as an excellent virtue lived out of the believers.

The footnote for anxiety is as follows:
I.e., worry. Anxiety, coming from Satan, is the sum total of human life and disturbs the believers' life of living Christ; forbearance, coming from God, is the sum total of a life that lives Christ. The two are opposites.

The following is from the Life Study of Philippians, message 61.

Anxiety is the totality of the natural human life. Day by day and even hour by hour, the common human life is filled with anxiety. Every normal human being is anxious. The more sober you are in mind, the more anxious you will be. If you are a person who is thoughtful and careful, you will have a great deal of anxiety. Sensitive people are especially bothered by anxiety. Those who are unusually dull or insensitive may not have much anxiety, but those who are sensitive usually have many anxieties.
Just as anxiety is the totality of common human life, so forbearance is the totality of the proper Christian life. Hence, the words anxiety and forbearance represent two kinds of lives. Among human beings there are only two kinds of lives: the human life and the Christian life. Human life is a life of anxiety, whereas the Christian life is a life of forbearance. If we see this contrast, we shall realize that it is a matter of great importance for Paul to emphasize forbearance and anxiety in chapter four of Philippians. He emphasizes forbearance and anxiety because they represent two different kinds of lives. Every human being is subject to anxiety. But if we are a Christian according to the divine standard, we shall have a life full of forbearance and without anxiety. The first point I would emphasize in this message is that forbearance and anxiety represent two kinds of lives.

Here is a really helpful excerpt from Message 62:

Experiencing His Sufficient Grace

We have seen that to overcome anxiety we need to pray and have fellowship with the Lord and worship Him. Then with thanksgiving we need to make our petitions known. When we do this, we may think that the Lord will always answer us and give us what we ask. However, sometimes the Lord will say no. Consider Paul’s experience of the thorn in the flesh. In 2 Corinthians 12:8 he says, “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.” However, the Lord denied Paul’s request, and said to him, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (v. 9). Therefore, Paul could declare, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” The crucial point here is that Paul accepted the will of God. He realized that God’s will was to leave the thorn with him so that he could experience His sufficient grace. Because Paul accepted the Lord’s will, he did not have any anxiety.

Yes, we need to pray and petition the Lord with thanksgiving. But when the Lord does not grant our petition, our anxiety may increase instead of decrease. At such a time, we realize that the Lord will not change our situation. Instead, He allows the “thorn” to remain. He knows that we need the thorn. He also needs it that He may reveal His sufficient grace and in addition train us to trust in Him. If we do not accept the Lord’s will but insist on making petitions according to our own will, we shall not be able to escape anxiety.

Suppose you pray to the Lord when you are suffering from a certain illness. The Lord may answer your prayer and heal you. He does this especially on behalf of those who are rather young in their experience of Him. At a later time, however, you may again become sick and ask the Lord to heal you. Instead of healing you suddenly, He may heal you gradually, or He may not heal you at all. Eventually, it may become clear to you that the Lord intends for the illness to remain. If you accept His will in the matter, you will be at peace. You will not have any anxiety.

When Brother Nee was a young man, he suffered from heart disease. Often when he ministered the Word he was in such pain that he had to lean on a stand for support. Although he contracted this disease before he was thirty years of age, he lived with that illness for nearly forty years. Although he knew that he could die from that disease at any time, he accepted the Lord’s will and was not anxious. He realized that his illness was a thorn given him for the fulfillment of God’s purpose.

Trusting the Lord

Accepting the Lord’s will in particular matters not only enables us to experience His sufficient grace; it also teaches us to have a life of trusting the Lord. If the thorn had been taken away from Paul, Paul probably would not have trusted in the Lord as much as he did with the thorn. Simply because the thorn was allowed to remain, day by day Paul had to live a life of trusting in the Lord.

We all prefer that hardships and sufferings be taken away from us. But sometimes the Lord will say, “No, I cannot answer your request. It is better for this thing to remain so that you may learn to trust Me and not be anxious.” If we accept the Lord’s will and trust Him, we shall not be anxious. However, if we do not accept His will or if we do not live by trusting in Him, we shall be anxious.

According to my natural life, I am the kind of person who likes everything to be perfect. If I become ill in some way, my desire is to be healed thoroughly. Even if there is something wrong with an article of clothing, I want it fixed and made perfect. I want everything under my management to be right in every way. But I cannot control whether or not sickness comes to me. The Lord may assign illness to me, realizing that I need it so that I may learn to trust Him and not worry. For this I need to say, “Lord, I thank You that this sickness is a help to me. I also thank You, Lord, that even this fulfills Your purpose.” The more we thank the Lord in this way, the more we shall have forbearance in place of anxiety.

I can truly testify that having this illness has taught me to trust in the Lord more than ever before. I realize now that I cannot orchestrate anything according to what I want or think I need but rather must let the Lord be the Lord and rest in His arrangement.

Here is a wonderful hymn that has comforted me many times throughout my life. I’m sure I’ve posted it more than once on this blog. So please forgive me – but some hymns are worth enjoying over and over:

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.


Oh Lord, may we all enter into the reality of enjoying You as our life of forbearance without anxiety. Bring us into Your rest day by day.

Love to all,
Joanne

Following the Lamb

Hi Everyone,
This has been a bit of a rough week with chemo side effects but I've been able to eat food without much discomfort or pain. I'm being careful about what I eat, but it seems that my healthy choices are somewhat limited and I end up feeling like I'm not doing much to nourish my body. I am making smoothies with protein-rich greek yogurt, frozen peaches and mangos and apple cider - these taste really good. I was able to go to school last Thursday and teach a class - which is so wonderful. The students are so encouraging - they are so happy and tell me they are praying for me. It is really very touching. I am not sure how many more rounds of chemo I am going to have - I have completed 5. So either I have one more or 3 more. I will need to check with Dr. Berlin about this. I don't know when the next chemo treatment is - but it should be around March 13. Since there are only 3 beds in the desensitization unit, sometimes they are booked and the 3 week schedule has to be adjusted.

Yesterday we had some dear friends over for dinner and we were fellowshipping about the verse Revelation 14:4b: These are they who follow the Lamb wherever He may go. These were purchased from among men as firstfruits to God and to the Lamb. Someone said that when we follow the Lord, our following is not behind Him but face to face. As we gaze into His eyes, He is able to strengthen us to continue to follow Him. It is the shining of His face that enables us to go on. This reminds me of the verse in Hebrews about running the race, looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2). There is another verse which develops this further. 2 Corinthians 2:10:
But whom you forgive anything, I also forgive; for also what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, it is for your sake in the person of Christ; . There is a great footnote about person of Christ. Here is an excerpt from that note:

Note 10-3: Lit., face; as in 4:6. The part around the eyes; the look as the index of the inward thoughts and feelings, which shows forth and manifests the whole person. This indicates that the apostle was one who lived and acted in the presence of Christ, according to the index of His whole person, expressed in His eyes... In [this epistle - 2 Corinthians] we see a person who lived Christ according to what he wrote concerning Him in his first Epistle, in the closest and most intimate contact with Him, acting according to the index of His eyes; a person who was one with Christ, full of Christ, and saturated with Christ; a person who was broken and even terminated in his natural life, softened and flexible in his will, affectionate yet restricted in his emotion, considerate and sober in his mind, and pure and genuine in his spirit toward the believers for their benefit, that they might experience and enjoy Christ as he did for the fulfillment of God's eternal purpose in the building up of Christ's Body.

I am also reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians 3:18: But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit. This is one of the most amazing verses in the Bible. With our unveiled faces as we behold the Lord - we are being transformed into the same image! So as we following the Lord by gazing into His face, we are being transformed into the image we behold. This is so wonderful! I realize that our following the Lord is not trying to do what we think He wants, or trying to fulfill the commandments or be good, but rather following the Lord requires our faces being unveiled, requires beholding Him day by day, moment by moment. As we behold Him, He reveals His will and He also supplies us with the ability to follow Him.

This reminds me of the sweet hymn about taking time to behold Him. Here is a link to a new tune for this hymn which is quite lovely.


1 Take time to behold Him,
Speak oft with Thy Lord,
Abide in Him always,
And feed on His Word.
Wait thou in His presence,
Submissive and meek,
Forgetting in nothing
His blessing to seek.

2 Take time to behold Him,
The world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret
With Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus
Like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends, in thy conduct,
His likeness shall see.

3 Take time to behold Him,
Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

4 Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.


Be encouraged dear ones to follow the Lamb by beholding Him.

Much love,
Joanne