Surgery, fiery furnaces and God

I heard back from the surgeon's office and I will be having surgery on the hernia May 8, 2008. This was the earliest opening he had! I am glad that this will be taken care of since it seems to be getting larger and I have pain sometimes. I see Dr. Berlin on April 9th, when I will have a CA125 blood test.

I finished my 3 courses last week. They were very interesting and useful. The next quarter begins on Monday, March 31. I will be taking my last 3 courses! I hope all will go well. My daughter Elizabeth reminded me that next weekend will be 1 year since I was diagnosed. So much has happened in this year. I've been through regions of life I had hoped to avoid! But here I am on the other side of this year, alive! How wonderful! Through this experience I am reminded of Daniel's 3 companions and the fiery furnace:

Daniel 3:16-27
16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, there is no need for us to give you an answer in this matter.

17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the blazing furnace of fire, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.

18 But if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods nor worship the golden image that you have set up.

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury and the countenance of his face was changed toward Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He responded and commanded that the furnace be made seven times hotter than it was usually heated.

20 And he commanded certain mighty men who were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, and throw them into the blazing furnace of fire.

21 Then these men were bound in their shirts, tunics, and mantles, and other clothing, and thrown into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire.

22 For this reason, because the king's word was so harsh and the furnace had been heated to an extreme, the flame of the fire slew those men who carried up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.

23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, fell into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire bound up.

24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished and stood up in haste; he responded and said to his counselors, Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up? They answered and said to the king, Certainly, O king.

25 He answered and said, Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.

26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the blazing furnace of fire. He responded and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, servants of God the Most High, come out and come here. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.

27 And the satraps, prefects, and governors, and the king's counselors, being gathered together, saw concerning these men that the fire had no effect on their bodies and that the hair of their heads was not singed, nor had their clothes been affected, nor had the smell of fire come upon them.

What really touched me about this passage is that while God was able to deliver them out of the fiery furnace - He did not. Rather He joined them in it and they were not harmed. Even the hairs of their head were not singed and they didn't smell of fire or smoke! This is how completely the Lord takes care of us. I think last year I had hoped that the Lord would deliver me out of the cancer furnace - He did not. Instead, He joined me in it. Through His sweet presence moment by moment and the care and prayers of all of you, I am here unharmed. Even there isn't a trace of the smell of the fire on my clothes. How wonderful! Surely this is not because of me but because of God's keeping power.

This is from the Life Study of Daniel, message 5,

Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and said to his counselors, "Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up?...Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods" (vv. 24-25). This fourth one was Christ. Christ had come to be with His three suffering, persecuted overcomers and to make the fire a pleasant place in which to walk about.

Our natural thought is that we need to leave the fire of our circumstances. We may think that if we have a troublesome husband or a bothersome wife, we should pray and ask God to deliver us out of such a situation. But the Lord would say, "I do not like to deliver you from this situation in your married life. Instead, I will keep you there, and I will come and make your environment a pleasant place."

When the enemy throws us into the furnace, we should realize that we do not need to ask the Lord to deliver us. He will come to be with us and take care of us in our suffering, making our place of suffering a pleasant situation. I can testify of this from my experience of imprisonment under the Japanese invading army in China. During that time of suffering, the Lord was with me. One day, as I was talking to the Lord, I had the deep sense that He was there in prison with me. I wept before Him, saying, "Lord, You know why I am here." Instead of delivering me from prison immediately, the Lord, by His presence, made that prison a pleasant place. As the Lord was with those suffering overcomers in Babylon, so He will be with us in our suffering today.

How wonderful - He joins us in our suffering and make the prison a pleasant place!

This reminds me of the following hymn -

Since Christ my soul from sin set free,
This life has been a joy to me;
And 'mid earth's sorrows and its woe,
'Tis joy my Jesus here to know.

O hallelujah, yes, 'tis joy!
For it is Christ that I enjoy!
On land or sea, what matters where?
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.

The earth was once a bitter place
Till Jesus showed His smiling face;
Now joy's begun within my soul,
'Twill last while endless ages roll.

What matters where on earth we dwell?
On mountain top, or in the dell,
In cottage, or a mansion fair,
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.


How encouraging this experience has been! I hope you all are encouraged too to realize that through the suffering situations, we have One who isn't watching from the heavens to see how we will do, but rather we have One who joins us in the suffering, supplying, sustaining and encouraging us moment by moment! Praise Him!

Much love to you all,
Joanne

CT Scan results, hernia repair and prayer

Hi Everyone,
I called today about the CT scan and the nurse told me that it was mostly unremarkable with the exception of the hernia which is involving more of the colon. She told me I need to follow up with the surgeon to get this hernia repaired. I will do this today. The CT scan shows no growth in the nodules and showed some nodules in the chest area which they think are benign. They didn't do a CA-125 blood test and all the other blood work was okay. I haven't heard from the surgeon who is doing the hernia repair, but the nurse said that should be a priority, so I will call him tomorrow. We've had a disaster of sorts in our house - a flooded heating system that burst out of a radiator on the top floor of the house and flooded down through all the floors into the basement! You just can't imagine the amount of water. Apparently we have lots of water in the ceilings, so they will have to be replaced - so please pray about the working out of all the details - and the stress level in the house and all the burden on Paul. Lately I have been kind of tired when I come home from the library, so I've been sleeping through dinner! Not so good for the family. I am still trying to eat cruciferous vegetables but sometimes I don't have the energy to cook. It's like the children of Israel in the good land - the manna stopped and they had to labor for their food. I do believe that there is the grace from the Lord to continue to eat this way but sometimes I don't have the energy to do all that chopping. Although today I made a healthier version of a Polish stuffed cabbage recipe - using ground turkey and brown rice. It wasn't the same but it wasn't too bad - and I could eat it, which is a treat.

I realized this past week that my being up out of bed is because of the prayers - it reminded me of Dorcas in Acts - I'm sure you know the account, but in case you don't:

Acts 9:36-42
36 Now in Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas); this woman was full of good works and alms which she did.

37 And in those days she became ill and died; and they bathed her body and laid it in an upper room.

38 Now because Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples heard that Peter was there, and they sent two men to him, entreating him, Do not delay to come through to us.

39 And Peter rose up and went with them. When he arrived, they led him up into the upper room. And all the widows stood by him, weeping and showing him tunics and garments, all of which Dorcas had made while she was with them.

40 And Peter put them all outside; and kneeling down, he prayed; and he turned to the body and said, Tabitha, rise up. And she opened her eyes; and when she saw Peter, she sat up.

41 And giving her his hand, he raised her up. And when he had called the saints and the widows, he presented her alive.

42 And it became known throughout all of Joppa and many believed on the Lord.

Not that I am a Dorcas - or that I died or anything - but those whom Dorcas served would not let her die - but sent to Peter to come to pray for her. Dorcas' service was necessary and so the Lord gave her back to the brothers and sisters. I don't know how necessary my service is, but I do know that all the prayers have caused the Lord to give me more time, to give me back to serve Him and the members of His body. I am in awe of this and each day continue to pray that I will fulfill the Lord's purpose for me to have this extended time.

Please continue to pray about this hernia and the next surgery - and for the working out of all the details. I have so much confidence in all the faithful prayers. I am reminded of James 5:16b-18: "...The petition of a righteous man avails much in its working. Elijah was a man of like feeling with us, and he earnestly prayed that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth sprouted forth with its fruit.

The Life Study of James, Message 9 says this about these verses:

"...indicate that a prayer from the Lord was given to Elijah, in which he prayed. He did not pray in his feeling, thought, intention, mood, or in any kind of motivation from circumstances or situations for the fulfilling of his own purpose. He prayed in the prayer given him by the Lord for the accomplishing of His will.

In verse 16 James speaks of the operating petition of a righteous man. This indicates that in praying for the sick, we need to pray in the way of an operating petition. This means that we should not pray without a burden. Rather, we need to pray as Elijah prayed.

In verse 17 James says that in prayer Elijah prayed that it should not rain. In other words, Elijah prayed in a prayer. The King James Version says that Elijah prayed earnestly. However, to pray in a prayer actually does not mean to pray earnestly. James does not tell us that Elijah prayed in earnestness; he says that Elijah prayed in a prayer.

What is the meaning of this expression, to pray in a prayer? The prayer that Elijah prayed was great, for he prayed that it would not rain on earth for three years and six months. This is much greater than praying for the healing of a sick person. After three and a half years, Elijah prayed again, this time praying that heaven would give rain. Elijah could pray in this way because God gave him a prayer, because God burdened him with a prayer. In other words, Elijah had the burden to pray in a particular way, and that burden was a prayer given to him by God.

We should not pray according to our memory, observation, or our own burden. On the contrary, we must have a burden from God to pray for a certain thing, just as Elijah was burdened with the prayer given to him by God. God gave Elijah a prayer, and in that prayer Elijah prayed. This is not a matter of praying in earnest. It is a matter that God, in His move and according to His plan, gave Elijah a prayer, and Elijah was burdened to pray the prayer that God gave him. Therefore, Elijah prayed in a prayer.

May the Lord continue to strengthen us into our inner man and may we pray His prayers moment by moment as our breathing.

Here is a hymn for your enjoyment about breathing:

1 O Lord, breathe Thy Spirit on me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in;
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.

I am breathing out my sorrow,
Breathing out my sin;
I am breathing, breathing, breathing,
All Thy fulness in.

2 I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.

3 Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fulness,
Finding all my life in Thee.

4 I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.

5 I am breathing out my sickness,
Thou hast borne its burden too;
I am breathing in Thy healing,
Ever promised, ever new.

6 I am breathing out my longings
In Thy listening, loving ear;
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.

7 I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Lord, Thy Spirit breathe in me.

Breath by breath, we live upon Him! Keep breathing!
Much love to you all,
Joanne

Choosing the better part

Hi Everyone,
Sorry it has been a while since I've posted. I was waiting for results from tests and have been swamped with schoolwork. The great news is that all the biopsies came back negative for malignancy. Hallelujah! Drs. Berkowitz and Berlin also decided to discontinue the lovenox shots! So, now the surgeon can proceed with the hernia surgery. His office still has not contacted me so I will probably contact them tomorrow. I don't have results back from the CT scan or the latest blood work but when I get that I will post here. I do have a lot of energy for most of the day, which is also such a blessing. I also got some blood tests done to see how effective the supplements have been to reduce the growth factors in my blood. Apparently, one GF has gone way down, but others have stayed the same. Please pray for wisdom for this doctor and for us about how to proceed with this.

One morning when I was spending some time with the Lord, I found it hard to keep my mind from racing to all the things that I needed to take care of. My mind was like Martha in Luke - busily doing so much but not taking the time to sit at Jesus' feet, like Mary, her sister, did. Here are the verses from Luke 10:38-42

38 Now as they went, He entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received Him into her home.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet and was listening to His word.

40 But Martha was being drawn about with much serving, and she came up to Him and said, Lord, does it not matter to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to do her part with me.

41 But the Lord answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;

42 But there is need of one thing, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

The foot note for good in verse 42 says:
"The Lord prefers that His saved ones who love Him listen to Him (v. 39) that they may know His desire, rather than do things for Him without knowing His will (cf. 1 Sam. 15:22; Eccl. 5:1).

It is quite significant that this story of Martha and Mary immediately follows the parable of the good Samaritan. The parable shows the compassion and love of the Savior, who is a man and becomes the sinners' neighbor; the story of Martha and Mary unveils the desire and preference of the Lord, who is God and becomes the believers' Master. The Savior gives us His compassion and love so that we can be saved by Him; the Lord expresses His desire and preference so that we can serve Him. After receiving salvation from the Savior, we should render service to the Lord. For our salvation we need to realize the Savior's compassion and love; for our service we need to know the Lord's desire and preference."

So each morning I thank the Lord for another day! I think I used to take the days for granted or even moan when a new day began because I had so much to do. Now I am so thankful for each day - and I pray "Lord have the first place. May You accomplish in this day through me what You desire and what You have purposed." Like the footnote says, the Lord has a desire and preference - and I realize so do we. Each day, we desire to get stuff done. We have our preference. We run around like Martha. But the Lord said clearly - that Mary had chosen the good part. Sitting at Jesus' feet, spending time with Him to enter into what HE is doing each day is what He desires. I also feel like we might have the desire to wait in the Lord in our spirit, but our mind is racing sometimes to all the anxieties of the day. How good that we can set our mind on the things above, we can set our mind on our spirit.

Here are two verses about setting our mind:

Romans 8:6
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.


Colossians 3:2
2 Set your mind on the things which are above, not on the things which are on the earth.


It is so wonderful that we can set our mind on the things above! How wonderful that we can spend our busy days with our spirit at Jesus' feet!

I may have posted this hymn before but in the first verse it talks about joyfully choosing the better part - like Mary.

1 Hast thou heard Him, seen Him, known Him?
Is not thine a captured heart?
Chief among ten thousand own Him;
Joyful choose the better part.

Captivated by His beauty,
Worthy tribute haste to bring;
Let His peerless worth constrain thee,
Crown Him now unrivaled King.

2 Idols once they won thee, charmed thee,
Lovely things of time and sense;
Gilded thus does sin disarm thee,
Honeyed lest thou turn thee thence.

3 What has stripped the seeming beauty
From the idols of the earth?
Not a sense of right or duty,
But the sight of peerless worth.

4 Not the crushing of those idols,
With its bitter void and smart;
But the beaming of His beauty,
The unveiling of His heart.

5 Who extinguishes their taper
Till they hail the rising sun?
Who discards the garb of winter
Till the summer has begun?

6 'Tis that look that melted Peter,
'Tis that face that Stephen saw,
'Tis that heart that wept with Mary,
Can alone from idols draw:

7 Draw and win and fill completely,
Till the cup o'erflow the brim;
What have we to do with idols
Who have companied with Him?


Lord, keep us companying with You moment by moment that we may be filled with You so we can minister You to others. Strengthen us into our inner man that we would we choose the better part day by day.

Much love dear ones,
Joanne

Another surgeon and the Captain

Hi everyone,
I went to see another surgeon today - at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He was recommended by the office of Sara Russell - she was the surgeon who did the small intestine bypass surgery last April. Dr. Brooks is the director of minimally invasive surgery at BWH. He confirmed that this is a hernia, but said that he does not do surgeries on patients who take lovenox injections. So, I would have to get off that drug at least temporarily, which I would love to do! He said he will talk to Dr. Berkowitz about the status of my treatment and talk with the medical oncologist Dr. Berlin as well and then get back to me. It was a very short visit - maybe 5-8 minutes at the most. He does know what he's doing and he can access all the records from Dana Farber and BWH. I have another CT scan on Friday. By the way, the bleeding started up again last Wednesday, so I made an appointment to see Dr. Berkowitz last Friday. He was able to biopsy the tissue in a number of places and also used silver nitrate to cauterize the area where the bleeding seems to be coming from. I should have the biopsy results tomorrow or Thursday and I will post them as soon as I hear. The silver nitrate seems to be working, as the bleeding is much less today. It is crunch time for me in my 3 classes - I have many projects due over the next two weeks. School is really interesting and fun - I enjoy the distraction!

This week I enjoyed reading a portion from the word concerning whether God is for us or for our adversaries. It is Joshua 5:13-15:
13 Now once, when Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked; and behold, there was a man standing opposite him, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, Are You for us or for our adversaries?

14 And He said, Neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. Then Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. And he said to Him, What does my Lord speak to His servant?

15 And the Captain of Jehovah's army said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so.

Often when we pray for something and the Lord answers our pray the way we hoped, we rejoice and are convinced that prayer works. But when the Lord answers in another way, perhaps even the opposite of what we prayed, we can be like Joshua - asking the Lord are You for us or for our adversaries? I really enjoy the Lord's answer - He says neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. We always try to get the Lord on our side but we are wrong to do this. He is the captain and it is Him that we need to follow.

There is a portion in the booklet "Worshipping the Ways of God" by Watchman Nee that is really wonderful:

"Worshipping God as the Captain of Jehovah's Army

In the book of Joshua, God commissioned Joshua to lead the Israelites into the land of Canaan. What a weighty responsibility! Moses had become old and died; Aaron had died as well. The only person left was the young man Joshua. Those who had the ability to bear this burden had already gone, leaving a young man alone. What could he do? What must he have felt? The mature, experienced Moses could not do it; how can a young man like himself do it? How could he cope with the seven formidable tribes inhabiting the land of Canaan? And how could he lead a people like the children of Israel with their fear of death and their constant complaints? Joshua was faced with this challenge. Can we blame him for feeling overwhelmed? No, we cannot. If we were in the same circumstances, we would feel overwhelmed too.

At this point, however, Joshua saw a vision of a great Man with a drawn sword. Joshua did not recognize the Man and asked, "Are You for us or for our adversaries?" (5:13). We must pay close attention to this question. How did the Man answer him? Many people erroneously believe that the Man said He had come to help Joshua, but the Man did not answer in this way. In His answer He first said, "Neither," that is, I am not here to help you, nor to help your adversaries. I am here for only one thing; "as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come" (v. 14). Thank God for doing this. Thank God that this is what the Lord Jesus does! He does not help us, neither does He help our adversaries, but He comes as the Captain of the Lord's army. If we are God's army, then He comes to be our Captain. This is not a question of receiving help, but of accepting leadership. He has not come to offer assistance but to demand subjection. He does not come to help but to lead. He says, "As the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come." How did Joshua react when he heard these words? "Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped."

Brothers and sisters, we must learn the ways of God, and this is another of His ways. God does nothing to assist us or to assist our enemies. God does not stand in the midst of the conflict giving a little help here or there. God wants to be the Captain, and He demands our submission. In the face of so many foes, the need would not be answered if God merely helped us. Submitting to Him will solve the whole problem.

The issue is not whether or not God is helping us, but whether we are submitting to His leadership. When He is in command, all is well. A great trouble today among God's children is that we want everything to revolve around us and everything to serve our interests. But God will not allow this. He wants to bring us to the point of simply submitting to Him. When this matter is settled, all other problems vanish.

Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. If we know God's ways by knowing Him as our Captain, God will handle everything, and we will worship Him. God does not come to assist us in battle; He comes to lead the troops. If we hope He will help us in the fight, we have misunderstood God. God comes to lead the troops. We must submit before Him. When we learn the true meaning of worship, we will also know that there is now a sword drawn on our behalf."

Submitting to the Lord's leadership is crucial - allowing Him to lead and fill all in all. This reminds me of the hymn Not I, But Christ.

Not I, But Christ

Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen, be known, be heard;
Not I, but Christ, in every look and action;
Not I, but Christ, in every thought and word.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee,
Oh, that it may be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.

Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.

Not I, but Christ, no idle word e'er falling;
Not I, but Christ, no needless bustling sound;
Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing;
Christ, none but Christ, no trace of I be found.

Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,
Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.

Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision;
Glory excelling, soon, full soon, I'll see --
Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling --
Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.

How glorious that this Captain is also the Captain of our Salvation - in Hebrews 2:10, it says:
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and through whom are all things, in leading many sons into glory, to make the Author of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

The translation for the word Author can also be Captain, Originator, Inaugurator, Leader, Pioneer.

What a wonderful Christ we have! Lord, may You have the preeminence in all that we do and may we all join ourselves to You and to Your purpose.

Thank you for continuing to stand with me in prayer for all these matters. How blessed I am to be in the Body of Christ.

Much love,
Joanne