I am home from the MICU at Brigham and Women's Hospital. I went in on Wednesday and spent the night (to reserve the bed) and started treatment on Thursday at around 12:30 so I was there at the hospital until around 11:00 pm. The desensitization went very well - I only had one reaction to the drug which they treated with benedryl. It was very peaceful. A sister came to visit in the afternoon which helped pass the time and Paul came in the evening. I was pretty sleepy from the drugs so I slept a lot as well. The nurse I had was amazing. At one point she and the allergy fellow came in and we were talking about weddings - they are both engaged and I have had a lot of experience recently researching wedding venues, caterers etc. so I mentioned a few things and the allergy fellow started taking notes! That's a first! It was fun to be on the "expert" side of things for a change.....anyway my CA 125 went down a bit from 62 to 58 - which is a small amount but still moving in the right direction. I am feeling somewhat nauseous right now but trying to rest. I just wanted to give you all an update. Please pray that I am able to keep hydrated and also that the side effects from the chemo (especially neuropathy in my hands and feet) do not increase as this may mean that I cannot continue the drugs. The Lord knows.
When I was in the ICU it was hard to sleep. I woke up around 4:30 and enjoyed spending time in prayer with the Lord and also enjoyed reading through the first 8 chapters of Matthew. It was so very refreshing. In these chapters were the verses that are traditionally called the Lord's Prayer. Really the Lord is setting down some principles of prayer. I read something from the second chapter of the book The Prayer Ministry of the Church by Watchmen Nee that comments on this matter. I hope you get as much help from it as I did. You can read the entire chapter at http://www.ministrybooks.org/books.cfm?id=%23.%3EOL%0A - and click on chapter 2.
The prayer here is “Your will be done, as in heaven, so also on earth.” This shows that God’s will is done in heaven, but that it is not fully done on earth. God is God; who can stop His will from being done? Can man stop God? Can the devil stop God? No one can stop God. Why then do we have to pray? To answer this question, we have to mention something about the principle of prayer.
In the whole Bible, there are a few basic principles concerning the truth. The principle of prayer is one of these principles. Brothers and sisters, we have to realize that it is wonderful that such a thing as prayer can exist in the Bible. God truly knows our need already. Why then do we need to pray? In man’s view, since God is omniscient, there is no need for man to pray. Yet according to the Bible, God needs man’s prayer. Prayer means that God wants to do something, yet He will not do it Himself; He will wait for man on earth to pray about it before He does it. God has His will and thoughts. Yet He is waiting for man to pray. God knows our needs, yet He has to wait for man to pray before He will do anything. He will not move by Himself; He will move only after man has prayed. The reason that we need to pray is because God will not do anything by Himself; He has to wait for man to pray before He works. The Lord Jesus was to be born. But there needed to be a Simeon and an Anna to pray for this (Luke 2:25, 36-38). The Holy Spirit was to descend, but it could not descend until the hundred and twenty people prayed for ten days (Acts 1:15; 2:1-2). This is the principle of prayer. Can we through prayer ask God not to do what He wants? No, we cannot. Yet God has to wait for us to pray before He can do what He wants to do. At the time of Ahab, the word of Jehovah came to Elijah clearly, “I will send rain upon the earth.” But Elijah had to pray before God would send the rain (1 Kings 18:1, 41-45). God will not carry out His will alone. He has to wait for us to pray before He will carry out His will. What is prayer? It is first for God to have a will, second for us to touch this will and pray for it, and third for God to answer our prayer when we pray.
Many people have the wrong concept that the reason man prays to God is to initiate something and ask God to do something. But the Bible shows us that God first has a will and wants to do something, next He shows us His will, and then we speak out with our mouth the will that we have come to understand. This is prayer. The Lord taught us to pray. God Himself wants His name to be sanctified. God Himself wants His kingdom to come, and God Himself wants His will to be done on earth. Yet God will not do these things alone. He is waiting for the church to pray. If you pray, I pray, and all of God’s children pray and if the prayers are numerous enough, His name will be sanctified, His kingdom will come, and His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven. God’s children must learn to pray this kind of prayer. We have to always remember what God desires and what He wants to do. Although God has determined to do something, He will not do it; He has to wait for His children to be motivated and willing to express His will through their prayer before He will answer their prayer. Although the ultimate fulfillment of His name being sanctified, His kingdom coming, and His will being done on earth will be in the millennium, the timing of it, whether it will come early or late, depends on the prayer of His children. The basic principle is that God will not do anything according to His purpose alone; He will wait for His children to pray on earth before He does anything.
Some matters can be considered only miscellaneous matters in God’s will. But God has a very great will, and the miscellaneous matters of His will are included in this great will. When we pay attention to God’s great will, all the miscellaneous matters will be accomplished. God has His will in heaven, and His Spirit conveys this will to us. Therefore, we can echo with the cry, “God, we ask that You accomplish this.” When this happens, God accomplishes His will. This is the principle of prayer as revealed in the Bible. God’s move today is affected by our prayer on earth. We have to ask God to open our eyes so that we can see that the move in heaven is affected by our prayer on earth. Our Lord has revealed this mystery to us which was hidden from the ages. Brothers and sisters, if we are willing to make a sacrifice and set aside the time to pray, we will see that this kind of prayer will not only receive God’s answer but will also receive a reward.
God’s will is like a river, and our prayer is like the channel. If our prayer is big, the accomplishment of our prayer will also be big. If our prayer is limited, the accomplishment of our prayer will also be limited. The revival in Wales during 1903-1904 was the greatest revival in the history of the church. God brought in a great revival through a coal miner, Evan Roberts. He did not have much education. But his prayers were profound. Later he did not engage in any public work for seven or eight years. When a brother met him, the brother asked, “What have you been doing all these years?” He answered with one short sentence, “I have been praying the prayer of the kingdom.” Brothers and sisters, if there is no prayer, the kingdom will not come. If the channels are blocked, the water cannot flow through. In teaching us to pray, the Lord revealed God’s mind and God’s demand on us. Whenever God’s children place their will in harmony with God’s will, God’s name will be sanctified, His kingdom will surely come, and His will will indeed be done on earth as in heaven.
Lord, harmonize our will with Yours.
Much love dear ones,
Joanne
