chemo complete

Hi Everyone,
Sorry I haven't written much - this has been a scary week - I had trouble stabilizing those electrolytes and kept feeling faint - I am still a bit wobbly. The chemo was okay - just oh so bloating. What a treat to find out that teachers at Boston Trinity have offered to bring meals for my family for the next week! Bringing meals is such a supply to my family - especially since my husband doesn't really cook and hasn't acquired the skill of menu planning among his million other skills. I can see how he can relax at least about the meals, which is so wonderful.

The chemo needle was hard to insert this time which was painful but endurable. Thank You Lord for Your grace - Here is a testimony Watchman Nee wrote about healing:

"Some illnesses are healed immediately; others are not. Once when sick, I asked the Lord to heal me. The Lord said, “The healing will not take place quickly, but My grace is sufficient for you.” Then the Lord showed me something. A boat sailing in the middle of a stream was facing a big rock and could not get through. The Lord asked me, “Shall I remove the rock so you can get through, or shall I raise the water level so that you can go over it?” At that moment I was clear concerning the Lord’s will, and I said, “Lord, I do not ask to have the problem removed; I ask for an increase of Your grace.”"

This testimony has always touched me - I want the boulder removed and sometimes it is. But when it is not, I need to be reminded that the Lord wants to increase grace to me. What a wonderful gift - this increased grace.

So, the next step is to see the surgeon about having the IP port removed, have a CT scan to see how effective the chemo has been - this will all be done after THanksgiving. Please pray that I am not to saddled by side effects and that I am not dehydrated from the intestinal difficulties.

Another 2 verses that really supplied me this week are 1 Peter 1:7-8:
1 Peter 1 : 7 ---- 1 Peter 1 : 8

7 So that the proving of your faith, much more precious than of gold which perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

8 Whom having not seen, you love; into whom though not seeing Him at present, yet believing, you exult with joy that is unspeakable and full of glory,

Sometimes in the fire-y trial it is hard to see the Lord - but I do love this One whom I have not seen - and I know whom I have believed. He is able. Praise Him!

Love you all,
Joanne

rough going again

Well, after the Red Sox won the World Series, I took a dive in the bathroom again - landed on the floor - I fainted - I am dehydrated from the chemo - please pray about these side effects - they are difficult to endure. I bruised by ribs a bit when I fell, but thankfully that was all. Just one more half round to go. Please also pray about my anxiety level - it seems to be creeping up. Oh Lord, how I need You!

Much love,
Joanne

home from chemo

The first half of the last chemo round is completed. It is my last round - and I am being stretched even more regarding faith and leaving everything in the Lord's hands - whose hands are able - more able than anyone's - but when faced with this, I realize how much I put into other hands - whether the "hands" of the circumstances, the environments, the doctors - and I trust in those rather than in the Lord who does all things well. We surely are a work in progress...but the encouraging thing is that phrase "in progress". With the Lord's life in us, there is transformation going on and we are not the same - we behold Him and we are changed into His image from glory to glory.
I am starting to feel the side effects of the chemo - please pray that I am able to eat and keep the hydration up - it is difficult when everything tastes bad and I feel like my throat is clogged.
I've got to get my shots now. Much love to you all. THanks for all the prayer, love and care.
Joanne

a hymn for those facing chemo

My husband reminded me of this hymn which is wonderful and a real supply to anyone facing something that they'd rather not face or somewhere that they did not choose to venture:
Here's a link to the music: My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

1 My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus Christ, my righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

2 When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

3 His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

4 When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
In Him, my righteousness, alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

This hymn says it all - His name is a sure resting place, His grace is unchanging, His promises uphold me in the flood and when everything else I ever hoped in fails, He fails not - He is all my hope and stay. Even when I stand before Him, in Him as my righteousness, He will eternally be my resting place, my hope and my refuge!

Praise Him!
Joanne

P.S. Today is chemo day - please continue to pray for the effectiveness of this chemo, not too many side effects, and that the Lord would cover my body from damage from the chemo and the nurses would get that needle in the first try! Oh Lord!

next round of chemo Tuesday

Hi everyone,
I have been feeling kind of tired but at least a bit better - still have that awful taste in my mouth but overall I have been doing better. I am scheduled to have the next and perhaps last round of chemo this week - Tuesday through Thursday at the hospital and then next Thursday (Nov 1) for the final IP treatment. I don't have the definite word yet from Dr. Berlin that this will be the last but that is what I was told at the beginning of treatment. I will check with her on Tuesday. Please pray for this chemo round - that it will target all the cancer cells and that my body will be able to endure this treatment without severe side effects. It is hard to go through when I'm not feeling that good.

I saw Dr. Berkowitz Friday and he took a look at the source of the bleeding and said that he could see no visible cancer there but that it was a crevice about the size of a pea - he used silver nitrate sticks to cauterize it - but he told me there was no reason to worry - I am thankful for that.

I saw something today about eating without any real taste for food - it is difficult but because I have the habit I just do it. It is not very enjoyable and I don't eat as much as I would if it tasted good but I still do it. I realized that this is like spiritual nutrition too. Jesus said He who eats me shall live because of Me. There is a verse in Jeremiah 15:16:
Your words were found and I ate them, And Your word became to me The gladness and joy of my heart, For I am called by Your name, O Jehovah, God of hosts.

How much I need to keep eating the Word, breathing in the Lord day by day whether I have the taste or not - so my heart will be filled with the gladness and joy that comes from enjoying the Word of God. Please pray for this too - I don't want to miss the Lord these days.

Thank you all for your continued sustaining prayer - what a supply it brings!
Much love,
Joanne

inching my way towards feeling better

It has been a slow process this time but day by day I feel a little bit better - although I am not really full of energy. I get fatigued easily - just doing a little task in the kitchen wipes me out. Hopefully this will change and I will return to being able to do more.

I am still having pain from the trapped gas I guess and headaches. Hopefully these will subside before next week when I have to go through everything again.
Oh Lord, how much I need You!

Friday I see Dr. Berkowitz about the bleeding which has just about completely subsided.

Earlier this week I read this verse which is a wonderful promise to all of you who have blessed me with your prayers, and your care:

Proverbs 11:25 The blessing soul will prosper, And he who waters will also be watered himself.

Thank you for blessing me with so much love, practical care and persevering prayer. I would not be able to pass through this without you.

Joanne

some uncomfortable side effects

I had forgotten that I was still "pumped up" with the steroid that I am given when I have the chemo - I thought I was going to escape any side effects this time but then the steroid left and I started to feel pretty bad. The IP chemo creates a lot of trapped gas in the abdominal cavity which then creates a lot of pain - the gas has nowhere to go until the fluid is absorbed - so I have been having a lot of pain in my back, sides, etc. It's been hard to sleep with the pain. I also have been having nosebleeds and dry mouth since the chemo dries out the mucous membranes. It is definitely not pleasant - also my taste has been affected - it's been hard to really enjoy food since I can't taste much of it. I hope this all will subside before the next round of chemo which is scheduled for Oct. 23-25. It is hard to think about.

Please pray that I could get some rest and that the pain would subside.

How much I need to look away unto Jesus on days like this - He is the author, the source, of faith - when I look at my situation, it seems like my faith disappears, but when I look away to Him, I am infused with faith and am encouraged to go on.

Hebrews 12:2

2 Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.

Footnote:
22 The wonderful Jesus, who is enthroned in heaven and crowned with glory and honor (2:9), is the greatest attraction in the universe. He is like an immense magnet, drawing all His seekers to Him. It is by being attracted by His charming beauty that we look away from all things other than Him. Without such a charming object, how could we look away from so many distracting things on this earth?

Draw us all today Lord to behold You.

Much love,
Joanne

2nd part of chemo done

Well, everything went very well - although it is a VERY uncomfortable experience getting pumped full of liters of fluid. I can't tell you how I feel but I'm sure you can imagine feeling something like a giant water balloon and then having to roll on one side, then the other, then head up feet down and then the reverse - to make sure the chemo gets all the nooks and crannies of my abdominal cavity - for two hours. The nurse got the needle in the port first try - thank you Lord! I was quite dehydrated from the nausea, vomiting and then diarrhea so I had to have extra IV fluid - and still have to stay on top of that hydration since my electrolytes were low.

Yesterday when I was waiting at Dana Farber (I do a lot of waiting there) and I observed a couple of patients and realized how completely blessed I am to have Hope dwelling in me. There was a woman who was waiting to have blood drawn and she was met by a social worker who wanted to see how she was doing - she replied that she wasn't doing well, everything was really awful...as it always is. Another woman in another waiting area spoke with me about the complete injustice of entire situation: her primary care doctor ignored her symptoms for 7 years until she had a 32 lb. tumor growing inside her. She was so incensed at the doctor, at her life, at everything. I was a completely captive audience until I was called to see Dr. Berlin.

I thought about these two women and their commentary about the situations they have found themselves in: one sinking in despair and the other angry at everything. I also thought about me and how I have teetered at the brink of both places but somehow have not completely plunged into either place - yet I am no different than these two women - I am made of the same humanity and I share the same human suffering with them. So what makes the difference? Is it dispositional - perhaps in part - although as my husband has told me I am more of a realist than the world is ready for...I guess the difference lies deeper. I thought of my options as a patient with cancer - to live here for the Lord, consecrating my life to His purpose and glorious expression for whatever time I have - and then to be with Him for eternity whenever He calls me to Himself. What a hope - what joy - what complete rest from anxiety and what unspeakable peace. The real difference is hope. Not in a problem-free future - not even in extended days on the earth (although I am ready to receive all the extensions the Lord is giving!) but hope which is the indwelling Christ -
As I was reading verses about hope this morning I was very touched by these from 1 Peter 1:3

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has regenerated us unto a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Please take the time to read this footnote from the Recovery Version NT - it is too full of riches:

36 A hope for the future in our sojourning today — not a hope of objective things but a hope of life, even eternal life, with all the endless divine blessings. Such a hope should cause us to set our hope perfectly on the coming grace (v. 13).

The living hope, the hope of life, brought to the regenerated believers through regeneration, can be likened to the various expectations for the future brought to parents through the birth of a newborn babe; all such expectations hinge on the life of the newborn child. Likewise, the life that we, the believers, have received through regeneration enables us to have a hope, with numerous aspects, for this age, for the coming age, and for eternity. In this age we have the hope of growing in life, of maturing, of manifesting our gifts, of exercising our functions, of being transformed, of overcoming, of being redeemed in our body, and of entering into glory. In the coming age we have the hope of entering into the kingdom, of reigning with the Lord, and of enjoying the blessings of the eternal life in the manifestation of the kingdom of the heavens. In eternity we have the hope of being in the New Jerusalem, where we will participate fully in the consummated blessings of the eternal life in its ultimate manifestation in eternity. This living hope, the hope of life, hinges on the eternal life, which we received through regeneration. Only the divine life can enable us to grow in the divine life until we grow into the reality of the hope that is brought to us by that life. Thus we will obtain the various blessings mentioned above as our inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and unfading and is kept for eternity (vv. 3-4).


I pray for those two women that they may find hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord, fill them with Yourself.


Romans 15:13

13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I hope you don't mind the length here - the words just poured out - much love to all of you and sincere thanks for all the help, support, meals, prayer and other ways you have found to show God's unfailing love.
Joanne

IP chemo tomorrow

Hello everyone,
The nausea has somewhat subsided and I will be having the 2nd half of the chemo tomorrow - hard to imagine when I still feel kind of awful but at least the vomiting has stopped. My bones ache from the neupogen but that is a good sign that white blood cells are being produced. Please pray for tomorrow's IP chemo - last time the nurse had a hard time getting the needle into the port and wasn't sure it was in right - how much I need the Lord's guiding hand to be upon all the work that those nurses do.
I still have some bleeding even though the doctors did a procedure last week in the hospital - I have to see Dr. Berkowitz on Oct 19 to find out why the bleeding is still occurring.

Oh Lord, strengthen me to walk by faith and not by sight. Thank you all for praying - I am continually sustained by the Lord through your prayer and care.

Psalm 71:1-3, 5
1 In You, O Jehovah, do I take refuge; Never let me be put to shame.
2 In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; Incline Your ear to me and save me.
3 Be to me a rock of habitation for me to come to continually. You have given command to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress.
5 For You are my hope, O Lord Jehovah, My trust from my youth.

I used to sing this psalm when I was a young Christian - it is still my testimony and my prayer.

rough going this round

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in writing on the blog - I have been really feeling sick this round - lots of nausea and vomiting - sorry for the details. Hopefully I will start feeling better tomorrow - I don't have much energy and can't seem to rest even though I am lying in bed....so ironic - to be in a position of rest but not to be able to rest. I have been calling on the Lord to help usher me out of this miserable feeling and into Himself. I also was reminded of a hymn chorus:

Jesus I am resting, resting in the joy of all Thou art. I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart.

Thank You Lord, that we can explore the greatness of Your loving heart!

Please pray for the nausea to subside, for me to stay hydrated and for the next half of the chemo which is supposed to be on Thursday - thank you all for your love and support.
Joanne