Testimony of Salvation

Here is a copy of Mom's personal testimony of salvation:

Friend. Companion. Pal. Chum. Crony. Buddy. Soul mate. The fact that the English language has many words for this kind of human relationship seems to indicate that friendship is a prize worth winning and that one’s success is linked to the abundance of friends. As a child, I began a quest for a best friend, someone who would care about me and whom I would care for, who would be honest with me, who would journey with me through life’s adventures and, most important, would accept me for who I was. I was looking for someone who would love me just as I was. This was no small quest and I wasn’t sure I would be successful. But I knew I didn’t want to go through life alone and I figured, if the longing for a friend was there, then the person was worth searching for.

My mother said I was a friendly person. “People will like you,” she said, “because you have a nice smile and you are genuine.” At first I was optimistic, thinking that perhaps my mom was right. When I found someone who seemed interested in friendship, I gave my time, money, listening ear, and emotional support eagerly and whole-heartedly, expecting the same in return. Sadly, this was not often my experience. In fact, demands were often made of me before I would be considered a friend. Once, in order to be invited to a friend’s birthday party, I was asked to complete the birthday girl’s geography homework while the party was going on. I did it because I hoped that she would see what a good friend I could be and would be willing to become my friend. That didn’t happen, though. In fact, she didn’t even say thank you. My longing for a relationship with someone deepened as did my sadness that perhaps no one could love me in this way.

As I went through middle school, the desire for a genuine friend grew. Many so-called friends from elementary school ended our friendships because they were embarrassed to be seen with me, or because I lived in a small house with a large family or because I had curly hair. Their shallowness was heartbreaking. I couldn’t seem to find anyone who shared the same desire as I did for a genuine friend. Popularity was defined by values that held little or no importance to me. Were there others like me who had the same longing, who saw through the superficiality?

To fill up the longing in my heart, I gave myself to music. Singing was my passion and I became quite a prominent performer in high school. I could escape from the harsh emptiness of my life into the characters I played in operas, musicals and plays. I sang at Carnegie Hall, sang leading roles in many operas and won many music awards and recognition. To my surprise, as my reputation grew, so did my group of friends. People wanted to be around someone who had the leading role in an opera. Yet, the friendships didn’t last. When the performance was over, the friendships often ended. One girl I considered a close friend, said “Why should I talk to you now? We have nothing in common anymore. The play is over and so is our relationship.” Again and again, I felt depleted, emptied of everything I had poured into people who just walked away.

Through all this searching, not once had I considered God as a friend. I was raised in a Catholic family. My parents feared God and attended church regularly. I strongly believed that God existed, but did not have a personal relationship with Him and never thought of Him as a potential friend. God? He was too far away, too busy, too obscure to be a friend. I wondered if He could understand my struggle, if He could even remotely know about the longing that was in my heart. I never considered that the answer might be found in the One I was wondering about. The only glimpse that God was even aware of my condition came in the summer before my senior year. A girl in my neighborhood went to visit her sister and came back a changed person. She did not have the emptiness in her that I had. She seemed to be resting in the knowledge that she was loved. This really intrigued me. Could she know the answer to my searching? She and her mother invited me to their home for a Bible study. We read verses about God and my curiosity about God was stirred. While He still appeared too intangible to be realized as a friend, every time I read the Bible, I felt comforted. He definitely deserved further seeking out.

I was accepted to Eastman School of Music, majoring in Voice performance and piano. My voice teacher was the head of the voice department. My goal was to sing with the Metropolitan Opera Company. While I pursued this goal with my whole being, I still could not escape the longing for someone to share my life with. I thought that perhaps at Eastman I would find a friend to share the same interests, aspirations and desires. However, I was not prepared for the competitive, self-centered, egotistical students I found there. After the first few weeks of shallow, useless and heartbreaking attempts at establishing friendships, I heard about a group of Christians who were meeting in my dorm. I remembered how comforted I felt when I read the Bible a few summers ago. The people seemed friendly, in the true sense of the word, which was a huge contrast to the rest of the students at this competitive music school. I attended their meeting and listened to each one of them talk to God as a friend, as One who knew them, as One who loved them. It seemed that He, if He was real, could possibly be that friend I had been searching for all my life. Maybe somehow, someday, I thought, I could talk to God like these people did. He was not remote. He was a real, present person.

Weeks passed, and friends from home did not call and were not very good at writing letters. I felt abandoned and discarded. I just wanted a lasting relationship with someone who would return the love I offered. I called someone I cared about deeply and realized that my love was not returned. I didn’t really matter to anyone. I was insignificant. I went to the cafeteria in tears and was invited to sit down at the table with two students I recognized from the Christian group. I was lonely, upset and desperate. They told me that the Lord Jesus loved me, that I mattered very much to Him and that He was the friend I was seeking. At first, I rejected this. I had been to church, I said all the prayers and this never resulted in any kind of relationship. God was too far away, too distant. Just like all the others in my life. Why should He care about me? He was God. He was busy taking care of the universe. They persisted and said that I only knew something about God, that I didn’t really know Him. They told me that if I opened up my heart to Jesus and invited Him into my life, I would enter into an eternal relationship with Him. He offered the love that was unconditional. Even before I could do anything right or wrong, He loved me. He laid down His life for me. I was looking for a friend, and all the while He was waiting for me. I considered my options. My life had been spent in the empty pursuit of a friend that I had not been able to find. I was tired of being disappointed. These people presented to me the person I had been seeking all along. I prayed with them, asking Jesus to forgive my sins and come into my heart and be my life, my companion and my friend. At that moment, I walked out of a lonely, rejection-filled life and found the One who is the friend of sinners. I was filled with joy for the first time in my life. The emptiness in the core of my being was gone! I experienced being loved unconditionally by the One who loved me and gave His life for me. Song of Solomon 5:16 says, His mouth is sweetness itself, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Perhaps the words of the following hymn can help you to understand the experience that was mine and can be yours:

I sighed for rest and happiness,
I yearned for them, not Thee;
But, while I passed my Savior by,
His love laid hold on me.
Now none but Christ can satisfy,
None other name for me;
There’s love and life and lasting joy,
Lord Jesus, found in Thee.