2nd part of chemo done

Well, everything went very well - although it is a VERY uncomfortable experience getting pumped full of liters of fluid. I can't tell you how I feel but I'm sure you can imagine feeling something like a giant water balloon and then having to roll on one side, then the other, then head up feet down and then the reverse - to make sure the chemo gets all the nooks and crannies of my abdominal cavity - for two hours. The nurse got the needle in the port first try - thank you Lord! I was quite dehydrated from the nausea, vomiting and then diarrhea so I had to have extra IV fluid - and still have to stay on top of that hydration since my electrolytes were low.

Yesterday when I was waiting at Dana Farber (I do a lot of waiting there) and I observed a couple of patients and realized how completely blessed I am to have Hope dwelling in me. There was a woman who was waiting to have blood drawn and she was met by a social worker who wanted to see how she was doing - she replied that she wasn't doing well, everything was really awful...as it always is. Another woman in another waiting area spoke with me about the complete injustice of entire situation: her primary care doctor ignored her symptoms for 7 years until she had a 32 lb. tumor growing inside her. She was so incensed at the doctor, at her life, at everything. I was a completely captive audience until I was called to see Dr. Berlin.

I thought about these two women and their commentary about the situations they have found themselves in: one sinking in despair and the other angry at everything. I also thought about me and how I have teetered at the brink of both places but somehow have not completely plunged into either place - yet I am no different than these two women - I am made of the same humanity and I share the same human suffering with them. So what makes the difference? Is it dispositional - perhaps in part - although as my husband has told me I am more of a realist than the world is ready for...I guess the difference lies deeper. I thought of my options as a patient with cancer - to live here for the Lord, consecrating my life to His purpose and glorious expression for whatever time I have - and then to be with Him for eternity whenever He calls me to Himself. What a hope - what joy - what complete rest from anxiety and what unspeakable peace. The real difference is hope. Not in a problem-free future - not even in extended days on the earth (although I am ready to receive all the extensions the Lord is giving!) but hope which is the indwelling Christ -
As I was reading verses about hope this morning I was very touched by these from 1 Peter 1:3

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has regenerated us unto a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

Please take the time to read this footnote from the Recovery Version NT - it is too full of riches:

36 A hope for the future in our sojourning today — not a hope of objective things but a hope of life, even eternal life, with all the endless divine blessings. Such a hope should cause us to set our hope perfectly on the coming grace (v. 13).

The living hope, the hope of life, brought to the regenerated believers through regeneration, can be likened to the various expectations for the future brought to parents through the birth of a newborn babe; all such expectations hinge on the life of the newborn child. Likewise, the life that we, the believers, have received through regeneration enables us to have a hope, with numerous aspects, for this age, for the coming age, and for eternity. In this age we have the hope of growing in life, of maturing, of manifesting our gifts, of exercising our functions, of being transformed, of overcoming, of being redeemed in our body, and of entering into glory. In the coming age we have the hope of entering into the kingdom, of reigning with the Lord, and of enjoying the blessings of the eternal life in the manifestation of the kingdom of the heavens. In eternity we have the hope of being in the New Jerusalem, where we will participate fully in the consummated blessings of the eternal life in its ultimate manifestation in eternity. This living hope, the hope of life, hinges on the eternal life, which we received through regeneration. Only the divine life can enable us to grow in the divine life until we grow into the reality of the hope that is brought to us by that life. Thus we will obtain the various blessings mentioned above as our inheritance, which is incorruptible, undefiled, and unfading and is kept for eternity (vv. 3-4).


I pray for those two women that they may find hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord, fill them with Yourself.


Romans 15:13

13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I hope you don't mind the length here - the words just poured out - much love to all of you and sincere thanks for all the help, support, meals, prayer and other ways you have found to show God's unfailing love.
Joanne