Update and more chemo tomorrow

Hi Everyone,
I got the Thyroid biopsy results back - no cancer!! Hallelujah! I have chemo again tomorrow. I haven't felt too bad this week, which is such a blessing. I am so thankful that I have been able to function. I've been able to go to work too, and even forget that I am on chemo. That is really amazing. My hair is still intact just a few strands falling out each day - nothing major- so perhaps after the next dose, it may start to fall out in greater quantity. Every time I lose a stand I think about the verse Luke 12:7 - But even the hairs of your head have all been numbered. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. The Lord's database of hairs of my head will be getting updated a bit more frequently - but how wonderful it is to know that God is aware of every detail of our lives - even down to a falling strand of hair. He is so awesome.

This week I have been reading verses about not loving the world - and also about losing our soul-life in this age. It seems impossible on one hand to not love the world. So much out there is attractive to our soul - it has been designed by the god of this world to lure us and usurp our hearts. So how can we resist its attraction?
The verse that I read had to do with taking up the cross and following the Lord Jesus. The Lord took up the cross and then was crucified. But we, His followers, were crucified with Him first and then we bear the cross today. Why is this significant? I realized that the power to not love the world does not originate with us. It lies in the accomplished work of Christ on the cross. Galatians 6:14 says "But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom the world has been crucified to me and I to the world." So how do I access this power? By touching the Lord each day. Even by praying, "Lord, You know what I love - You know how strong my soul is. I just yield myself to You. May the killing work of the cross operate in me today. Don't let me get away - don't let me stay in my soul - cause me to remain in the accomplished work of Christ today." This is not asceticism or just a denial of the self by the power of the self but rather something dynamic - it is rather to remain under the killing of the cross of Christ.

There are so many wonderful hymns about the cross of Christ. But this morning I enjoyed this hymn especially:

1 Drawn to the Cross which Thou hast blest,
With healing gifts for souls distrest,
To find in Thee my Life, my Rest,
Christ crucified, I come.
Stained with the sins which I have wrought
In word and deed and secret thought;
For pardon which Thy Blood hath bought,
Christ crucified, I come.

2 Weary of selfishness and pride,
False pleasures gone, vain hopes denied,
Deep in Thy wounds my shame to hide,
Christ crucified, I come.
Thou knowest all my griefs and fears,
Thy grace abused, my misspent years;
Yet now to Thee, for cleansing tears,
Christ crucified, I come.

3 I would not, if I could, conceal
The ills which only Thou canst heal;
So to the Cross, where sinners kneel,
Christ crucified, I come.
Wash me, and take away each stain,
Let nothing of my sin remain;
For cleansing, though it be through pain,
Christ crucified, I come.

4 To share with Thee Thy life divine,
Thy very likeness to be mine,
Since Thou hast made my nature Thine,
Christ crucified, I come.
To be what Thou wouldst have me be,
Accepted, sanctified in Thee,
Through what Thy grace shall work in me,
Christ crucified, I come.

How wonderful!
Much love to all of you,
Joanne

First Day of Chemo

Hi Everyone,
I had my first dose of chemo - which takes only 15 minutes to infuse - but almost 4 hours to wait! I saw the research team and I signed up for another trial which just requires blood and urine samples - they are looking for any other markers in women with ovarian cancer - I am happy to participate in this kind of study. This morning I'm feeling kind of yucky but nothing like after the platinum chemos, carboplatin and cisplatin. I'm having usual side effects but hopefully these will quiet down. I was sustained by all the prayers yesterday and will continue to be sustained by the bountiful supply of the Spirit. God is so faithful. I am praying that this drug is able to keep the cancer from increasing. My CA-125 went up to 119 and the CT scan from last week showed mild progression of the disease. Overall, the spots they were keeping track of have grown (the implant on the paracolic gutter, several spots on the transverse colon, and also the vaginal cuff all have grown and are indicative of mild recurrence. The growth has been slight - a few millimeters. But anything over 1 centimeter is measured and tracked. The goal with this trial is to maintain that baseline and not have more than 20% growth overall. Through all of this I am learning to live in the unseen realm where CA-125s and CT scan results are not reality. The Lord Jesus crucified on the cross sin, death, the world, Satan, and sickness. He is Lord and I am praying that His plan, His perfect will would be carried out. I am so encouraged when I set my mind on these things. It is hard when the mind likes to drift off to the land of "what ifs", anxieties and fear. Praise the Lord that perfect love casts out all fear. There are 2 verses in 1 John that speak about perfect love.

The first verse is in 1 John 4:12:

12 No one has beheld God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

The footnote for perfected is:

12-4 The Greek word means to complete, to accomplish, to finish. In God Himself the love of God itself is perfect and complete. However, in us it needs to be perfected and completed in its manifestation. It was manifested to us in God's sending of His Son to be both a propitiatory sacrifice and life to us (vv. 9-10). Yet if we do not love one another with this love as it was manifested to us, that is, if we do not express it by loving one another with the love with which God loved us, it is not manifested perfectly and completely. This love is perfected and completed in its manifestation when we express it in our living by habitually loving one another with it. Our living in which we love one another in the love of God is the perfection and completion of this love in its manifestation in us. Thus, in our living in God's love, others can behold God manifested in His essence, which is love.

The other verse was 1 John 4:18:
18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has punishment, and he who fears has not been perfected in love.

The key is to allow God's love to be perfected in us - this casts out fear.

So I will just keep praying Jude 1:21 - Lord, Keep me in the Love of God.

Jude 1:21

21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, awaiting the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

The love of God is a great place to be..

Here is one of my favorite hymns on this wonderful topic:

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.



May God's love be your dwelling place today!

Joanne

The Details

Hi Everyone,
I guess I need to fill you all in - my mom ended up at the hospital with a severe urinary tract infection and bronchitis, which caused an altered mental status - she was really delusional and was in the hospital for 5 days. She was moved last week to a skilled nursing facility where they were able to monitor her. So I've been visiting her each day - she seems a bit confused and scared to be alone there. The construction on the house is just about complete. It is hard to believe but I can testify that the Lord's grace is more than sufficient - through the flood, the disorganization of everything, the moving of contents of rooms etc. He is the sure supply.

Today I have the fine needle biopsy - it was moved up from last week to today. This shouldn't be painful - but I've had this before many years ago and I remember it wasn't entirely pain free. O Lord. Tomorrow I begin the clinical trial. The infusion of the chemo drug isn't very long - only about 30 minutes. But I have to see Dr. Berlin and have blood tests etc. prior to the infusion - that always takes a long time. My visit with her and the other research nurse Christin was a really good visit. I also saw Irene, the social worker who didn't know about my change in status. The support at Dana-Farber is excellent. But I know I am being sustained and carried by the prayers of all the faithful saints.

I have been enjoying the Gospel of Luke lately and really saw something about the difference between happiness and joy. The verses I was reading were
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:
16 Always rejoice,
17 Unceasingly pray,
18 In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
How can we always rejoice? Only if the source of our rejoicing is something in another realm..if the primary factor in our lives is God Himself, then we can rejoice regardless of the circumstances. Happiness is so conditional - it is based on our circumstances. If anyone or anything other than God Himself becomes the primary factor in our lives, we will become enslaved to that thing and we will lose our joy. How we need to get ourselves into God each morning and pray to stay there - like the verse in Acts 17:28a: In Him we live, move and are..
If God is the primary factor in our lives, then whether we are healthy or not, we can rejoice, whether we have a job or not, we can rejoice! We rejoice because our center and focus is God alone. This is another aspect of the Jubilee - the freedom from slavery to things working out okay. If the Son sets us free, we are REALLY FREE! Hallelujah!

There a little song I love to pray to the Lord. Here is link to the tune: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=ns&n=116&f=mp3

Lord, I give myself to You right now.
I want to be occupied with You.
I leave all else behind
And concentrate my being on You alone.
Lord You are my focus.
You are my goal.
Lord, I give myself to you right now.

Of course, the wonderful hymn I posted a couple of posts ago still applies - Glorious Freedom! Wonderful Freedom! Take a moment to enjoy that great hyman again.

One simple way to enjoy the freedom that is in Christ alone is simply to call on His name - O Lord Jesus - Just breathe His name. Proverbs says that the name of the Lord is enterable - we can flee into it and be safe (Proverbs 18:10).

Enjoy being free today!
Much love,
Joanne

This week

Hello everyone,
This will be a packed week. My mom is still in the rehab facility, Clark House in Westwood MA. They are keeping her there while they watch to see if the UTI is completely gone so they can begin giving her coumadin again. She seems okay at times but rather scared and anxious. I was able to pray for her which I think helped her calm down. Thusday, Oct 2 I have a fine needle biopsy of the nodule on the thyroid. As I HATE needles, I hope this will not be too traumatic. Friday begins the clinical trial drug E7389 (eribulin mesylate). Please pray that all goes well - not much side effects and lots of dead cancer cells! I must go to bed - my eyelids are closing - I will post more tomorrow. Love you all, Joanne

Next round of treatment and the Jubilee

Hi Everyone,
I finally have an idea of what is happening next with the treatment. I have decided to do the clinical trial - even though I have to stop the herbs - I can still take nutritional supplements like vitamins - which I am going to continue to take. I have to go to Dana-Farber on September 26 for a CT scan, EKG and blood work as well as meet with Dr. Berlin and the research nurses about the trial. The first infusion will be on October 3rd. I have two weeks of infusion and one week off. Since this is a clinical trial, the side effects are not well known - but there is a list - the major ones that are the most common are fatigue, low white blood cell count and nausea. Other reported side effects include hair loss--so my "gorgeous" curls might have to go. I am still planning to work at school but may have to wear a mask and also may be kind of tired some days. On October 9, I have the thyroid aspiration scheduled (biopsy of the nodule). Please pray for me - as I have told the Lord, I am not really brave and long needles going into my neck can cause a bit of panic.....
My mom is still suffering from much pain due to the shingles. She is getting worn out and seems to think it is her fault. The construction for her "room" downstairs is not complete yet and she has to climb the stairs which is very, very painful. Her doctor prescribed a stronger pain med which hopefully will help her.
Recently my daughter asked me why the Lord allows so many things to happen to us at once - she wondered why they can't be staggered with a brief respite in between. This is a reasonable question. I have often asked the Lord "What can You gain if you crush me altogether?" Then this week I read something really quite wonderful about the Jubilee. In case you don't know what the Jubilee is, here are some verses from Leviticus 25:8-17 which describe it:
Leviticus 25 : 8 ---- Leviticus 25 : 17

8 And you shall count off seven Sabbaths of years to yourself, seven times seven years, so that you have the time of seven Sabbaths of years, that is, forty-nine years.

9 Then you shall sound aloud the ram's horn in the seventh month on the tenth day of the month; on the Day of Expiation you shall sound the trumpet throughout all your land.

10 And you shall sanctify the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; and each of you shall return to his possession, and each of you shall return to his family.

11 The fiftieth year shall be a jubilee for you; you shall not sow nor reap its aftergrowth nor gather from its unpruned vines.

12 For it is a jubilee; it shall be holy to you. You shall eat its produce out of the field.

13 In this year of jubilee each one of you shall return to his possession.

14 And if you sell anything to your fellow countryman or buy from the hand of your fellow countryman, you shall not wrong one another.

15 According to the number of years after the jubilee you shall buy from your fellow countryman; according to the number of crop years remaining he shall sell to you.

16 According to the extent of the years you shall increase its price, and according to the fewness of the years you shall diminish its price; for it is the number of crop years that he sells to you.

17 And you shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God; for I am Jehovah your God.

Essentially, the jubilee, or the 50th year, was a special year in which all the slaves were to be set free and all of God's people would return to their possession. Then in Isaiah 61:1-2 the acceptable year of the Lord is mentioned. This year is the Jubilee year. Then in Luke 4, the Lord Jesus says "18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to announce the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to send away in release those who are oppressed,
19 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, the year of jubilee.''
20 And when He rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant, He sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him.
21 And He began to say to them, Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.

I realized that the Jubilee was not just for the children of Israel - is not just historical - but as the Lord Jesus said - it has been fulfilled in Him. He is the Jubilee. Only when we receive the Lord jesus as the real jubilee in us can we be delivered from the bondage of sin and Satan to have real freedom and rest. I read something from an outline on the Jubilee published in the Crystallization-Study of the Gospel of Luke (Living Stream Ministry). This was quite encouraging and enlightening to me:

"Jubilee means having no worry or anxiety, no concern or care, no lack or shortage, no sickness or calamity, and no problems whatsoever, but rather having all benefits; hence, all things are pleasant and satisfying to our heart, and we are free from anxiety, at ease, excited, and exultant...If our heart is set on any person, thing, or matter other than the Lord, this is idolatry, and the end is wretchedness. If we allow Christ to live in us and we live by Him, everything is to our satisfaction; otherwise, everything is a problem, and nothing is a jubilee. Everything can be satisfying to us only after we have gained the all-inclusive Christ as our enjoyment; it is not outward persons, matters, or things, but Christ within us who enables us to be calm and free of worries as we face all kinds of situations."

The reality of the Jubilee is the Lord Jesus. If I am found in Him, I am released from prison, set free from whatever enslaves me and also I have my inheritance, my portion. So the Jubilee is not an event but a Person. In order to enter into the reality of the Jubilee we need to spend time with the Lord in the Word. I pray that we all can enter into this reality. If we set our being absolutely upon Him, and not upon anything else, then we will not be disappointed. All those things enslave us. Only the Lord Jesus sets us free.

Here is a wonderful hymn that I enjoy so much:

1. Once I was bound by sin’s galling fetters;
Chained like a slave, I struggled in vain.
But I received a glorious freedom,
When Jesus broke my fetters in twain.

Refrain

Glorious freedom! Wonderful freedom!
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus the glorious Emancipator—
Now and forever He shall be mine.

2. Freedom from all the carnal affections;
Freedom from envy, hatred and strife;
Freedom from vain and worldly ambitions;
Freedom from all that saddened my life!

Refrain

3. Freedom from pride and all sinful follies;
Freedom from love and glitter of gold;
Freedom from evil temper and anger;
Glorious freedom, rapture untold!

Refrain

4. Freedom from fear with all of its torments;
Freedom from care with all of its pain;
Freedom in Christ, my blessèd Redeemer—
He Who has rent my fetters in twain.

Refrain

There is a song by Michael Card Jubilee - which is also quite wonderful

The Lord provided for a time for the slaves to be set free
For the debts to all be cancelled so his chosen ones could see
His deep desire was for forgiveness, he longed to see their liberty
And his yearning was embodied in the year of jubilee

Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee

At the Lord’s appointed time, his deep desire became a man
The heart of all true jubilation and with joy we understand
In his voice we hear a trumpet sound that tells us we are free
He is the incarnation of the year of jubilee

Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee

To be so completely guilty and given over to despair
To look into your Judge’s face and find a Savior there

Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee

So enjoy the glorious freedom we have in the person of Christ today!
Much love,
Joanne

CA-125, thyroid and the choragus

Hi Everyone,
I got the results of the CA-125 blood test - it is up - to 59. Dr. Berlin hasn't called about what to do next, so I am going to call her today. The thyroid ultrasound showed growths that need to be biopsied, which will happen on October 9 at 8:45 am. The radiologist did say that the growths didn't look "nasty", so he thought it would be highly unlikely that they are malignant. He also said that it is unlikely that the ovarian cancer would reappear in the thyroid. So I am not worried. I only have a small part of my thyroid left, since most of it was removed about 13 years ago due to nodules and growths which were not malignant. Also, last Friday, my mom came to live with us - she has a bad case of shingles and is in a lot of pain right now. But overall I am glad she is with us. We are creating a room and bathroom for her downstairs so she won't have to use the stairs.

This summer and now fall have been full of unexpected challenges. I am reminded of the verse in Philippians 1:19:

19 For I know that for me this will turn out to salvation through your petition and the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,

Footnote 19-3: The Greek word refers to the supplying of all the needs of the chorus by the choragus, the leader of the chorus. The bountiful supply of the all-inclusive Spirit enabled Paul to live and magnify Christ in his sufferings for Him.


Here is an excerpt from General Sketch of the New Testament in the Light of Christ and the Church, A - Part 2: Romans through Philemon.

The Bountiful Supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ

Verse 19 of chapter one is another verse which is very precious yet very much neglected by Christians today. This verse speaks of the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Conybeare tells us that the Greek word for supply is a technical word, referring to the choragus, the leader of the chorus on the Greek stage. The choragus was responsible to supply all the needs of the members of the chorus. Their clothing, food, musical instruments, and everything they needed was provided by the choragus. Paul used this same word to describe the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Therefore, this word may be rendered as bountiful supply, a supply that meets all our needs.

The term the Spirit of Jesus Christ is richer than the Spirit of God. The Spirit of God at the beginning of the Old Testament was not as rich as the Spirit of Jesus Christ after Pentecost. In the Old Testament times, within the Spirit of Jehovah there were not the elements of the humanity of the Lord Jesus, His suffering in His human life, the effectiveness of His death, and the power of His resurrection. However, on the day of Pentecost the Spirit was poured out from the ascended Christ, and within this Spirit were all these elements.

A cup of plain water contains only the water, but if we add tea, sugar, and other ingredients, the water becomes richer. This is a picture of the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. To speak only of the Spirit of God is not sufficient; today the Spirit of God is the Spirit of Jesus Christ. In this Spirit there is divinity, the heavenly element, and there is also humanity, the suffering of the Lord Jesus in His human life on earth, His crucifixion, and His resurrection.

The Spirit of Jesus Christ may be compared to an all-inclusive dose of medicine. When we take this dose, one element kills germs, another element supplies nourishment, and other elements supply other needs. The reason that Paul could live Christ and magnify Him, the reason he was able to say, “For to me, to live is Christ,” is that he had the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. As a member of the “chorus,” Paul was bountifully supplied by the Choragus. This is the proper meaning of Philippians 1:19.

We also are members of the “chorus,” and the Holy Spirit is the choragus to satisfy all our needs. We are human beings, and within the Spirit is the human nature. We are suffering on the earth, and within Him there is the element of the suffering of human life. We need the cross as our killing element, and within the Spirit there is this element. We also need His resurrection power, and within the Spirit of Jesus Christ there is this power. Whatever we need today is in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. By the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ we can live Christ to magnify Him, and we can say, “For to me, to live is Christ.”

It is so wonderful that today we have the Spirit as the choragus to meet all our needs with the bountiful supply.

Here's a great hymn about the supply of the Spirit. It has many verses and can be a great way to praise the Lord by praying each of the verses:

1 Gracious Lord, Thy name “I AM” is,
Precious name, how rich and full ‘tis,
All-inclusive, faithful too ‘tis-
All we need, Thou art!

2 Thou the Son, the Father in Thee,
As the Spirit now indwell me,
That the riches of Thyself we
May experience.

3 Thou the Temple for God’s dwelling,
Thou the Father’s life e’er telling;
We in Thee with joy excelling
Face to face see Him.

4 Thou the Lamb and Thou the Bridegroom,
For the bride Thou sufferedst sin’s doom,
Wounded, crucified in our room;
Thus we find our rest.

5 Thou art wisdom and the way, Lord,
Thou our lives dost plan each day, Lord,
Grace to us Thou dost convey, Lord,
In Thy path to walk.

6 Pure and holy, righteous Thou art,
One with God, well-pleasing His heart,
Thou within to us dost impart
Harmony with God.

7 Thou art life and Thou art light, Lord,
Death hast swallowed, banished night, Lord,
Thou hast quickened, given sight, Lord;
We are now set free.

8 Thou art resurrection power,
Thou the conqu’ror in hell’s hour;
Thou dost us with might empower
Over all to reign.

9 Living water, food supply, Lord,
Thou Thyself art, and didst die, Lord,
All our want to satisfy, Lord;
Now we feast on Thee.

10 Thou the Shepherd and Physician,
Thou hast healed our sick condition;
Comfort, guide, protect-Thy mission;
Thou dost care for us.

11 Priest and King Thou art fore’er, Lord;
Into God we’re brought, and there, Lord,
Thine authority we share, Lord;
What an honored place!

12 Thou our Hope and our Redemption,
Thou wilt change our old creation,
Make of Thee a duplication,
Thus Thyself express.

13 Thou our Joy, our Peace, our Glory;
Truth, and Grace, the Rock, the Life-tree,
Building, Mountain, Sun, and Shield-we
Ne’er can tell it all.

14 What Thou art-eternal, boundless,
Full and perfect, rich, exhaustless-
Meets our need to utter fullness
And from us o’erflows.

Lord, You are eternal, boundless, rich and exhaustless - and You meet our need to utter fullness. Praise You!

Keep praying for wisdom concerning the clinical trial and also for strengthening to apprehend all that is being supplied to us.

Much love,
Joanne

PET/CT Scan Update

Hi Everyone,
Paul and I met with Dr. Berlin yesterday and she gave me the report on the PET/CT scan. I had thought that this scan would definitely give me a scoop on the implants etc. However, because I had surgery in May, it complicates things. For those of you
who don't know how a PET scan works - here's my understanding. (For those of you who do, please forgive my rather simplistic understanding....) I had to drink radioactive glucose after fasting for 6 hours. I waited one hour and then I had a CT Scan (real
quick one) and then the PET scan. The PET scan picks up places in my body that have a rapid uptake of glucose. Many parts of the body have this - like the kidneys, ureters, heart. But most other places done. This places with rapid uptake light up on the grayish image as bright spots. They look at these places (other than the ones they know should be bright like the heart, for example) on the CT scan to see if they match anything on the CT scan - if they do, then this could be cancer. Inflammation can light up - and since I am 3 months post surgery, there's a good chance I have inflammation in the abdominal area which then makes it harder to determine what is cancer and what is not. So, here is what they found.

There were 3 spots on the liver but these did not show on the CT scan so they seem to indicate metastatic disease but this can't be confirmed. There was rapid uptake along the transverse colon which could also indicate metastatic disease but could be
inflammation from the surgery or from the injection sites from the lovenox. The implant that showed up in the CT scan in July has grown in size and had rapid uptake so this is recurrent disease. Dr. Berlin feels it was always there, only now it can been seen by the CT scan. There was a large neoplasm (new growth) on the thyroid - I had half of my thyroid removed many years ago because of nodules, and there is a new growth on the remaining portion of the thyroid which needs to be followed up with an ultrasound, which I will be having on September 8. There were other sites which they felt were inflammation from the hernia repair. So over all, there is a small amount of recurrent disease but it is not widespread. My CA-125 is at 39 (out of the normal range), so it has really gone up quite a bit - it doubled in one month. She said that this increase is not related to the amount of the disease that is present, but rather to the increase in cellular activity that produces a protein that this blood test measures. She recommended getting another blood test to see how the CA-125 is doing. If it is up to 75, then we need to proceed with treatment. If it levels out, then we can wait. She gave me information about a clinical trial, which looks manageable but if I go on this, I cannot take any herbs - which is concerning. Please pray about the direction we should take. WHile I was disappointed at the
results, I was also rejoicing at what the Lord has done. He is the great physician. I feel that I need to be more strict with the diet - I have been having more fruit that I should - and, by the Lord's grace, I will try to eliminate more inflamation-producing foods. This is a challenge but His grace is sufficient. Dr. Berlin said that I need to stay busy and realize that our goal is to keep the cancer stable and not increasing. My goal is to live to be 90!

My mom is coming to live with us soon, so that will keep me busy. We are still trying to finish up the house - it has been so challenging. I feel like I live in a rubic's cube - we keep switching the contents of rooms around from one place to another. I now have a ceiling in the living room! We will make some alterations to the living room and the bathroom to accommodate my mom when she comes.

Here are some "breadcrumbs" that I have been enjoying lately:

Recently I heard something about Ephesians 2:10, which really was quite profound. Here's the verse:

Ephesians 2 : 10

10 For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them.

The question was asked, why does it say at the end of the verse - that we should walk in them? Why not, work in them? It is really interesting to realize that we were created in Christ Jesus for good works - but not any good works - not good works that I think God would appreciate, but the good works that He has prepared beforehand...so we can walk in them. It's not our effort, our doing, but just our being one with the Lord to do His will. Isn't that wonderful?

Another wonderful type in the Old Testament is the compound ointment. I was speaking with a friend recently about how we have all that God is in our spirit when we receive the Lord. This is represented by the compound ointment in Exodus 30:23-25:

23 You also take the finest spices: of flowing myrrh five hundred shekels, and of fragrant cinnamon half as much, two hundred fifty shekels, and of fragrant calamus two hundred fifty shekels,

24 And of cassia five hundred shekels, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil.

25 And you shall make it a holy anointing oil, a perfume compounded according to the perfumer's art; it shall be a holy anointing oil.

Here is an excerpt about this wonderful ointment and how it applied to us:

THE COMPOUNDED SPIRIT—THE COMPOUND SPIRIT TYPIFIED BY THE COMPOUND OINTMENT

The compounded Spirit is the compound Spirit typified by the compound ointment (Exo. 30:22-31). An ointment is composed of some elements compounded with oil. In the old edition of the Newberry Bible, there is a note in Exodus 30 that says the anointing oil refers to the Holy Spirit. The Newberry Bible was put out by the open Brethren. The Lord went on to show us that the Spirit, typified by the ointment, is a compound Spirit. The Brethren saw that the anointing ointment in Exodus 30 is the Holy Spirit, but they did not see that this Holy Spirit, as typified in Exodus 30, is a compound Spirit. This Spirit is compounded with a number of elements.
Man and God Compounded Together

The compound ointment is composed first of a hin of olive oil. Then four spices are added to the oil. These spices, or elements, are myrrh, cinnamon, calamus, and cassia. When these four elements are blended with the oil, they become a compound ointment. The one hin of olive oil is compounded with four elements. The number one refers to the unique God, and the number four refers to the creatures. Among the creatures, man takes the lead, so we can say that the number four refers to man. Man is typified by the four spices of the plant life. The compounding of the four spices with the oil signifies that man and God are compounded together.

Flowing Myrrh—the Sweet Death of Christ

Flowing myrrh refers to the sweet death of Christ. His death is a positive death. The only death in the whole universe that is positive is Christ’s death. The death of Christ is sweet.

Sweet Cinnamon—the Sweet Effectiveness of Christ’s Death

Sweet cinnamon typifies the sweet effectiveness of Christ’s death. The positive death of Christ signified by myrrh is very fragrant, full of cinnamon. Cinnamon adds flavor and sweetness to food. If we are not experiencing Christ’s death, our life is not very sweet. When a husband and wife quarrel, that is not sweet. How can they neutralize such a situation? They need to put the death of Christ into their marriage life. Then their marriage life will be sweet. If a person does not have the cross in his daily life, it will be hard to get along with him. The sweet death of Christ needs to be added to our daily life.

Sweet Calamus—the Power of Christ’s Resurrection

The third element added to the oil is sweet calamus, which signifies the power of Christ’s resurrection. Calamus is a reed that grows in a marsh or a muddy place. Even though it grows in a marsh, it is able to shoot up into the air. According to the sequence of the spices, calamus signifies the rising up of the Lord Jesus from the place of death. The Lord was put into a marsh, into a death situation, but in resurrection He rose up and stood up.

Cassia—the Flavor of the Power of Christ’s Resurrection

Cassia signifies the flavor of the power of Christ’s resurrection. In ancient times, cassia was a repellent to insects and snakes. Only the power of the resurrected Christ can repel all the evil “insects” and especially the old serpent, the devil.

The Triune God Typified by the Three Units of Five Hundred Shekels

In the compound ointment, there are five hundred shekels of myrrh, two hundred fifty shekels of cinnamon, two hundred fifty shekels of calamus, and five hundred shekels of cassia. In between the five hundred shekels of myrrh and the five hundred shekels of cassia are two items of two hundred fifty shekels. These two added together form one unit of five hundred shekels. Eventually, we may say that there are three units of five hundred shekels in the compound ointment. The middle unit is split into two parts. This is very meaningful. Among the Three of the Trinity, the Son, typified by the second unit of five hundred shekels, was “split,” crucified, on the cross. The three units of five hundred shekels typify the Triune God, and the Triune God went to the cross in the second person of His Trinity, in the Son.

Here is a hymn I really enjoy about the wonderful Spirit. It is important to realize that today the Lord is the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:17: And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.)


1 O Lord, Thou art in me as life
And everything to me!
Subjective and available,
Thus I experience Thee.
Chorus
O Lord, Thou art the Spirit!
How dear and near to me!
How I admire Thy marvelous
Availability!

2 To all my needs both great and small
Thou art the rich supply;
So ready and sufficient too
For me now to apply.

3 Thy sweet anointing with Thy might
In weakness doth sustain;
By Thy supply of energy
My strength Thou dost maintain.

4 Thy law of life in heart and mind
My conduct regulates;
The wealth of Thy reality
My being saturates.

5 O Thou art ever one with me,
Unrivaled unity!
One spirit with me all the time
For all eternity!

So for all my needs, both great and small He is the rich supply. I am learning to allow the Spirit to take control and to cast all my cares upon the One upon whom I live.

Praise Him!

Much love,
Joanne

update - and God's thoughts

Hello everyone,
August 19
So sorry for the delay in writing. I have been in New York helping care for my mom who was in the intensive care unit. She is doing better but is still in the hospital.

I have a PET/CT scan today which will help clarify some spots on the CT scan that looked like recurrences. I will meet with Dr. Berlin next week (the 26th) to discuss the scans. My CA-125 went up again but I don't have the number.

I began writing a blog entry last week before my mom was hospitalized. Here is what I started writing. I will try to be more regular with these entries as time, life, and the Lord permits.

August 12
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I apologize for the delay. After the wedding, we went to Atlanta to attend the reception there and also see Anna and Stephen's apartment. I wanted to have a picture in my mind of Anna in her new place. We stayed with a couple that I used to live with in New York back in 1975-77. It was so good to see them - it had been quite a number of years - 8 or 9 - since we'd seen them last - but it was like we had never been apart. That's how it is in the Body of Christ - we are members of one another. I saw the naturopathic doctor and he reported that my July blood tests showed a huge increase in several growth factors in my blood, which would confirm the findings of the CT scan. He changed the protocol with the hope that we can bring down these growth factor levels quickly. I saw the neuro muscular doctor about elbow pain and he said that I needed an MRI to understand what is going on - the elbow looked fine in the x-ray but the MRI is of my neck since bulging disks can cause nerve pain that is similar to what I am experiencing. That was quite the experience - it is so loud! Next Friday the 15th I have another CA-125 blood test and also I meet with a nutritionist. Should be interesting....Please pray that these herbal remedies work to bring down those growth factors in my blood so that the cancer cells will not be able to use them to grow and metastasize.

One morning I began to consider God's thoughts. I remembered the verse in Jeremiah 29:11:

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think about you, declares Jehovah, thoughts of peace and not for evil, to give you a latter end and a hope.

Jeremiah prophesied that when the seventy years of exile were fulfilled, Jehovah would visit the children of Israel and bring them back to the holy land. His thoughts about them were thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give them a latter end and a hope (vv. 10-14).

There are two verses in Psalm 139 that also speak about God's thoughts:

Psalm 139:17-18:
17 And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

The psalmist valued God's thoughts - he said they were precious to him.

Isaiah also prophesied concerning the past and the future: Isaiah 43:18-19 says
18 Do not call to mind the former things, Nor consider the things of old.
19 Indeed, I am doing a new thing; It will now spring forth; Do you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.

In Philippians 3:13, Paul tells us "Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,

We without God often live in the past - past wrongs, past glories, past knowledge, but we live in the past. We remember things about people that we should forget - we often hold onto offenses and many times we mourn past actions and behaviors. I am so happy that the Lord does not deal with us by shaming us about our past. His thoughts which number more than the sand on the seashore are about a hopeful future. That's why the Apostle Paul had to determine to forget the things which are behind and stretch forward to the things which are before. How much we need to spend our days pursuing Christ - running the race to lay hold of the prize.

Daniel also was one who joined himself to God's thoughts. The issue was Daniel 9. His prayer was God's prayer. We too can join ourselves to God's thoughts - and when that happens we will pray - here's an excerpt of Watchman Nee:

Brothers and sisters, if we come to God and remain calm before Him, giving up our thoughts to enter into His thoughts, we will see the great need for prayer, we will see that God is waiting for us to pray about so many things, and we will see that everything around can become the subject of our prayer. In fact the whole earth can become the subject of our prayer. We should not pray according to our feelings. We must mingle our desires with God's desires and allow God's desires to become our desires, groanings, and yearnings for the universe. God's desires cannot be released without first passing through man, and God's desires, when expressed through man's desires, will be opposed by the power of Satan. In order to fulfill God's desire, we have to pray, and in order to remove Satan's frustration, we have to pray. We have to exercise the authority of prayer and release what should be released and bind what should be bound. We should not pray according to our own desire; we should go to the Lord and pray according to the desire that He has imprinted in us. When God says that something is needed, we should say the same, and when He says that something cannot remain, we should also say the same. We should forget about ourselves and touch God's desire and express His desire through our prayer.

Much love to you all,
Joanne

CT scan results, a wedding, grace and the weather

Sorry for the big delay in writing - we had a wedding on July 20th - my daughter Anna and Stephen Harris were married! It was a very enjoyable time with friends and family. I absolutely crashed after the wedding and continue to struggle to stay awake during the day.

I promised to give you an update on the CT scan. Here are the impressions from the radiologist:
1. There is a new soft tissue implant consistent with recurrent disease.
2. There is thickening posterior to the rectus muscle along the transverse colon which could be related to recent surgery versus recurrent disease.
3. Prominent right vaginal cuff soft tissue has increased in the interim and is worrisome for deep pelvic local recurrence.

Also the CA-125 test increased to 16 up from 5. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors to know what the next step should be.

I saw both doctors on the 18th - Dr. Berkowitz and Dr. Berlin. Dr. Berkowitz feels that the thickening of the vaginal cuff is due to scar tissue and he is not concerned at this point but said that we need to monitor the CA-125 closely to see if it continues to rise. He was generally positive and very complimentary - he said I look great and asked if this was my natural hair color (which it was NOT!) Then he asked if that question was an appropriate one to ask. I had to laugh. I had to wait about 3 hours to see him which was not easy. Then I saw Dr. Berlin and she spent a long time with us (my daughter Anna came with me because she was worried about the CT scan results) and because she is moving to Atlanta and wanted to spend the time with me. Dr. Berlin showed me the slides from the scan and showed me the places where there was concern. She feels that some of this could be scar tissue and wants to wait a month to take another CA-125 test before beginning treatment. She also feels that I should have a PET scan to see if the implant is indeed cancer. She was very supportive and also kind to Anna, whom she encouraged to forget about these results and just enjoy her wedding day - which Anna did!

The weather on July 20th was not what I had prayed for - I must confess that I do pray about everything now - and just let those requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God). This way the peace of God will guard my heart and my thoughts in Christ Jesus. However, I learned something on Sunday as the thunder rolled, the lightning flashed and the torrential rain came down -- as I was praying about the weather, the Spirit who intercedes in our praying was praying something else....Romans 8:26 Moreover, in like manner the Spirit also joins in to help us in our weakness, for we do not know for what we should pray as is fitting, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 But He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to God.
When I asked the Lord - what's up with the weather - this is not what I prayed for....it seemed that the answer I received was - that the Lord wasn't answering my prayer with perfect weather, but rather with the supply of abundant grace. I am so thankful that when we pray not really knowing how or what to pray for, we have the Spirit Who intercedes for us according to God! Hallelujah! How does the receiving of abundant grace compare to a cloudless sky? One is eternal, and one is fleeting. The eternal One in His divine economy gives us Himself as grace. Isn't this marvelous?

Here is a picture of Anna and Stephen that was taken by my niece Millie. This was taken during the ceremony before the flowers blew over and drenched the bride and groom! Little did I know how much grace I would need to see my first born daughter get married. The Lord's supply was superabundant. It was so wonderful to see all the dear family members together for a happy occasion - we all are rarely able to get together, so this was really a treat. I have lots of wonderful memories that I can think about during the day. I was so thankful to the Lord that I could be there! We sang this hymn at the wedding which was really appropriate and which continues to be:

1 There is always something over,
When we taste our gracious Lord;
Every cup He fills o'erfloweth,
Rich supply He doth afford.
Nothing narrow, nothing stinted,
Ever issued from His store;
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore,
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.

2 There is always something over,
When we, from the Father's hand,
Take our portion with thanksgiving,
Praising for the things He planned.
Satisfaction, full and deepening,
All our need He doth supply,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.

3 There is always something over,
When we share in all His love;
Unplumbed depths still lie beneath us,
Unscaled heights rise far above.
Human lips can never utter
All His wondrous tenderness.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless,
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.

I especially enjoy verse 2 which speaks about taking our portion with thanksgiving from our Father's hand, praising for the things He's planning. He is worthy of our praises. Only He satisfies every longing.

I am going to bed - my eyelids are having trouble staying up.

Love you all,
Joanne

Learning the Secret

Hi All,

It has been challenging to get to a computer but here I am! An update on the 2” lump – Dr. Brooks thinks it is clotted blood that formed on top of the mesh because there is discoloration in the skin (black/blue). I’m supposed to put a heating pad on it (which is not something I feel like doing when it’s 90 degrees) but I try to remember to put it on at night. The heat is supposed to break up the mass of clotted blood. I have a CT scan today and I’m seeing a doctor on Monday about pain in my right arm. Also, I see Dr. Berkowitz next Friday. I’ll post the CT scan results when I get them.

Philippians 4:12-13

12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.
13 I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.

Footnotes for verse 12:
In everything - In everything means in each matter; in all things means in all matters. Together, these two phrases encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ — to experience Him in everything and in every place.

I have learned the secret - Lit., I have been initiated. The metaphor here refers to a person's being initiated into a secret society with instruction in its rudimentary principles. After Paul was converted to Christ, he was initiated into Christ and the Body of Christ. He then learned the secret of how to take Christ as life, how to live Christ, how to magnify Christ, how to gain Christ, and how to have the church life, all of which things are rudimentary principles.

Footnotes for verse 13:
In Him - Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."

Empowers me - The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.

These past days have been trying outwardly. As many of you know, my house is torn apart and some of the workers have been dishonest and have not done the jobs they were paid to do, which has caused us to pay double for some work. We had no electricity in many rooms (including bathrooms) for a few days and also our daughter Elizabeth had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days as well. She is coming home today and is doing better. I could continue to the many other things that have gone “wrong” this week, to the point that one of my children said, “Mom I think we are cursed by God. Nothing goes right for us.” That statement did cause me to pause and consider our situation before the Lord and in light of the Word of God. The Lord brought me to these verses in Philippians to realize that like the Apostle Paul, I need to learn the secret of how to experience Christ in all circumstances, whether they are circumstances of abundance or those of want and lack. The key is to abide in Christ – so I can do all things IN HIM who empowers me. The focus is not that now I can to anything I want because I am in Christ but rather that because I am in Christ, I am empowered to do all things. The focus, the emphasis here is to be IN CHRIST. I know objectively I am in Christ –but many times, subjectively, I am just in myself, trying to handle things in myself and many, many times coming up short. The secret is to abide, to remain, to settle down in Christ – to let Him be the sphere in which I live, move and have my being. Then when the circumstances are rough – I am not governed by them – I am supplied by and empowered by Christ! It is such a wonderful reality. So, really, all these circumstances are not evidence of a curse by God, but really of God’s faithful arrangement of circumstances to usher me into the depths of all that He is and can be in the midst of adversity. I need to realize that I do not draw my empowering from things going well, from prosperity, from a problem-free life, but rather from Christ who empowers me. So whether the circumstances cause me to be in abundance or to be in want, it doesn’t matter – because the source of my strength is Christ. Is this not wonderful? What a revelation! What a wonderful reality! I am so thankful to the Word of God which contains the very breath of God and which is also the means for us to receive revelation concerning our Christian life and concerning the wonderful Christ!

Here is a wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson about the wondrous secret of abiding in the Lord! Enjoy!

1 I have learned the wondrous secret
Of abiding in the Lord;
I have tasted life's pure fountain,
I am drinking of His word;
I have found the strength and sweetness
Of abiding 'neath the blood;
I have lost myself in Jesus,
I am sinking into God.

I'm abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word;
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.
Yes, abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word,
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.

2 I am crucified with Jesus,
And He lives and dwells with me;
I have ceased from all my struggling,
'Tis no longer I, but He.
All my will is yielding to Him,
And His Spirit reigns within;
And His precious blood each moment
Keeps me cleansed and free from sin.

3 All my sicknesses I bring Him,
And He bears them all away;
All my fears and griefs I tell Him,
All my cares from day to day,
All my strength I draw from Jesus,
By His breath I live and move;
E'en His very mind He gives me,
And His faith, and life, and love.

4 For my words I take His wisdom,
For my works His Spirit's power;
For my ways His ceaseless presence
Guards and guides me every hour.
Of my heart, He is the portion,
Of my joy the boundless spring;
Savior, Sanctifier, Healer,
Glorious Lord, and coming King.


So dear ones, whatever today brings, keep sinking into God!

Joanne