I had my first dose of chemo - which takes only 15 minutes to infuse - but almost 4 hours to wait! I saw the research team and I signed up for another trial which just requires blood and urine samples - they are looking for any other markers in women with ovarian cancer - I am happy to participate in this kind of study. This morning I'm feeling kind of yucky but nothing like after the platinum chemos, carboplatin and cisplatin. I'm having usual side effects but hopefully these will quiet down. I was sustained by all the prayers yesterday and will continue to be sustained by the bountiful supply of the Spirit. God is so faithful. I am praying that this drug is able to keep the cancer from increasing. My CA-125 went up to 119 and the CT scan from last week showed mild progression of the disease. Overall, the spots they were keeping track of have grown (the implant on the paracolic gutter, several spots on the transverse colon, and also the vaginal cuff all have grown and are indicative of mild recurrence. The growth has been slight - a few millimeters. But anything over 1 centimeter is measured and tracked. The goal with this trial is to maintain that baseline and not have more than 20% growth overall. Through all of this I am learning to live in the unseen realm where CA-125s and CT scan results are not reality. The Lord Jesus crucified on the cross sin, death, the world, Satan, and sickness. He is Lord and I am praying that His plan, His perfect will would be carried out. I am so encouraged when I set my mind on these things. It is hard when the mind likes to drift off to the land of "what ifs", anxieties and fear. Praise the Lord that perfect love casts out all fear. There are 2 verses in 1 John that speak about perfect love.
The first verse is in 1 John 4:12:
12 No one has beheld God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.
The footnote for perfected is:
12-4 The Greek word means to complete, to accomplish, to finish. In God Himself the love of God itself is perfect and complete. However, in us it needs to be perfected and completed in its manifestation. It was manifested to us in God's sending of His Son to be both a propitiatory sacrifice and life to us (vv. 9-10). Yet if we do not love one another with this love as it was manifested to us, that is, if we do not express it by loving one another with the love with which God loved us, it is not manifested perfectly and completely. This love is perfected and completed in its manifestation when we express it in our living by habitually loving one another with it. Our living in which we love one another in the love of God is the perfection and completion of this love in its manifestation in us. Thus, in our living in God's love, others can behold God manifested in His essence, which is love.
The other verse was 1 John 4:18:
18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has punishment, and he who fears has not been perfected in love.
The key is to allow God's love to be perfected in us - this casts out fear.
So I will just keep praying Jude 1:21 - Lord, Keep me in the Love of God.
Jude 1:21
21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, awaiting the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
The love of God is a great place to be..
Here is one of my favorite hymns on this wonderful topic:
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.
Refrain
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.
When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
May God's love be your dwelling place today!
Joanne
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