August 19
So sorry for the delay in writing. I have been in New York helping care for my mom who was in the intensive care unit. She is doing better but is still in the hospital.
I have a PET/CT scan today which will help clarify some spots on the CT scan that looked like recurrences. I will meet with Dr. Berlin next week (the 26th) to discuss the scans. My CA-125 went up again but I don't have the number.
I began writing a blog entry last week before my mom was hospitalized. Here is what I started writing. I will try to be more regular with these entries as time, life, and the Lord permits.
August 12
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I apologize for the delay. After the wedding, we went to Atlanta to attend the reception there and also see Anna and Stephen's apartment. I wanted to have a picture in my mind of Anna in her new place. We stayed with a couple that I used to live with in New York back in 1975-77. It was so good to see them - it had been quite a number of years - 8 or 9 - since we'd seen them last - but it was like we had never been apart. That's how it is in the Body of Christ - we are members of one another. I saw the naturopathic doctor and he reported that my July blood tests showed a huge increase in several growth factors in my blood, which would confirm the findings of the CT scan. He changed the protocol with the hope that we can bring down these growth factor levels quickly. I saw the neuro muscular doctor about elbow pain and he said that I needed an MRI to understand what is going on - the elbow looked fine in the x-ray but the MRI is of my neck since bulging disks can cause nerve pain that is similar to what I am experiencing. That was quite the experience - it is so loud! Next Friday the 15th I have another CA-125 blood test and also I meet with a nutritionist. Should be interesting....Please pray that these herbal remedies work to bring down those growth factors in my blood so that the cancer cells will not be able to use them to grow and metastasize.
One morning I began to consider God's thoughts. I remembered the verse in Jeremiah 29:11:
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the thoughts that I think about you, declares Jehovah, thoughts of peace and not for evil, to give you a latter end and a hope.
Jeremiah prophesied that when the seventy years of exile were fulfilled, Jehovah would visit the children of Israel and bring them back to the holy land. His thoughts about them were thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give them a latter end and a hope (vv. 10-14).
There are two verses in Psalm 139 that also speak about God's thoughts:
Psalm 139:17-18:
17 And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.
The psalmist valued God's thoughts - he said they were precious to him.
Isaiah also prophesied concerning the past and the future: Isaiah 43:18-19 says
18 Do not call to mind the former things, Nor consider the things of old.
19 Indeed, I am doing a new thing; It will now spring forth; Do you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
In Philippians 3:13, Paul tells us "Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,
We without God often live in the past - past wrongs, past glories, past knowledge, but we live in the past. We remember things about people that we should forget - we often hold onto offenses and many times we mourn past actions and behaviors. I am so happy that the Lord does not deal with us by shaming us about our past. His thoughts which number more than the sand on the seashore are about a hopeful future. That's why the Apostle Paul had to determine to forget the things which are behind and stretch forward to the things which are before. How much we need to spend our days pursuing Christ - running the race to lay hold of the prize.
Daniel also was one who joined himself to God's thoughts. The issue was Daniel 9. His prayer was God's prayer. We too can join ourselves to God's thoughts - and when that happens we will pray - here's an excerpt of Watchman Nee:
Brothers and sisters, if we come to God and remain calm before Him, giving up our thoughts to enter into His thoughts, we will see the great need for prayer, we will see that God is waiting for us to pray about so many things, and we will see that everything around can become the subject of our prayer. In fact the whole earth can become the subject of our prayer. We should not pray according to our feelings. We must mingle our desires with God's desires and allow God's desires to become our desires, groanings, and yearnings for the universe. God's desires cannot be released without first passing through man, and God's desires, when expressed through man's desires, will be opposed by the power of Satan. In order to fulfill God's desire, we have to pray, and in order to remove Satan's frustration, we have to pray. We have to exercise the authority of prayer and release what should be released and bind what should be bound. We should not pray according to our own desire; we should go to the Lord and pray according to the desire that He has imprinted in us. When God says that something is needed, we should say the same, and when He says that something cannot remain, we should also say the same. We should forget about ourselves and touch God's desire and express His desire through our prayer.
Much love to you all,
Joanne
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