Entering into the joy of the Lord

The surgery is one week from Thursday - please pray for the surgeon and for every detail of the surgery - the anesthesia, the procedure and the recovery. Hallelujah we are in the Lord's hands.

This past week I have been considering the matter of suffering and being dealt with in our circumstances. I know that as Christians we are in the process of being transformed and this requires the losing of the soul-life or denying the self. As I considered how I could possibly deny the self, I realized that any attempt in myself to do this kind of denying will cause the self to grow and be fortified. Yet the word is clear: He who loves his soul-life will lose it and he who denies his soul-life will gain it in the coming age.

So, what is the soul, and how do we lose the soul-life and what exactly is the soul our transformation is a freeing process. I used to think it was a hard, rather difficult thing to be transformed - but this week I realized that what is happening is that we are in the process of being freed from the tyranny of the law of sin and of death. The law of sin - causes us to be a slave of sin. The footnote in Romans 8:2 from the Recovery Version of the Bible about the working of this law is very enlightening:

26 The law of sin, the power to commit sin that arises spontaneously in man, causes man to become a slave of sin (John 8:34). Thus, man is helpless, is controlled and manipulated by sin, and does many things against his will. The law of death, the natural power that causes man to become weak, to wither up, and to age and die, dwells in man and causes every part of man to enter into decay and death. On one hand, death disables man; on the other hand, it desensitizes man. It causes man to be disabled when he attempts to do good, and to be insensitive when he commits sins.


So transformation is the process of the life of God freeing us completely from the law of sin and death.

So to deny the self really is not to create a vacuum within us where we stop doing something - but it is rather being drawn by the Lord to enjoy what He enjoys. It is really something to realize that the Lord Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross. (Hebrews 12:2) What was His joy? I did a search on the word joy in the New Testament and a few verses stood out to me:


Matthew 25:23

23 His master said to him, Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful over a few things; I will set you over many things. Enter into the joy of your master.

John 15 : 11

11 These things I have spoken to you that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full.

Romans 14:17

17 For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Hebrews 12 : 2

2 Looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down on the right hand of the throne of God.


In considering these verses, it seems that the Lord's joy had to do with the Father's will - Psalms 40 : 8

8 I delight in doing Your will, O My God; Indeed Your law is within My inward parts.


So the Lord's joy is directly related to doing the Father's will - Denying the self happens spontaneously as we enjoy the Lord and His joy becomes our joy. As we enjoy Him, little by little we are freed from the tyranny of the law of sin and of death and we are more and more living according to the Law of the Spirit of Life!

Gain us more today, Lord!

Here is a wonderful hymn about this process of transformation! It is also a great prayer to pray to the Lord. Here's a link to the tune: Click Here


1 God’s intention is to have us
All conformed to His dear Son;
Thus a work of transformation
By the Spirit must be done.

Chorus
Lord, transform us to Thine image
In emotion, mind, and will;
Saturate us with Thy Spirit,
All our being wholly fill.

2 God hath us regenerated
In our spirit with His life;
But He must transform us further-
In our soul by His own life.

3 Spreading outward from our spirit
Doth the Lord transform our soul,
By the inward parts renewing,
Till within His full control.

4 By the power of His Spirit
In His pattern He transforms;
From His glory to His glory
To His image He conforms.

5 He transforms, all sanctifying,
Till like Him we are matured;
He transforms, our soul possessing,
Till His stature is secured.


Praise Him for His marvelous work!
Much love,
Joanne

Surgery Update

I saw the pre-op nurse practitioner yesterday and got some of the details of the upcoming surgery. They will attempt to do it laparoscopically but if they are not able since it is rather large, they will have to do regular abdominal surgery. But the nurse told me that if anyone can do it, Dr. Brooks can. One of the problems following surgery is that a large amount of CO2 is pumped into the abdominal cavity so that all the organs can be viewed more easily - this causes a great deal of pain following surgery but walking usually helps the body absorb the CO2. Depending on what happens, I will at least spend one night at BWH.

The Victory of Resurrection

Last winter, the ornamental cherry tree in our front yard was severely damaged by a heavy, wet snow storm. I watched in horror as a large limb of the tree broke off. We all thought that it would never recover and really mourned its loss. It is really majestic in the spring when the soft pink flowers blossom - it takes your breath away, really. Well, today, Patriots' Day in Massachusetts, Spring is definitely here and different bushes, trees and bulbs are waking up from the long winter. It is always such a delight to see the different flowers, and to see the buds appear on those seemingly dead tree branches. I walked by the window this morning and looked out at the cherry tree, sadly anticipating the absence of its former beauty. However, this morning there was triumph in that tree, for in spite of its being broken, cherry blossoms were just blooming! I said, even though it is broken, it is still beautiful. Actually it is more beautiful in some ways. That damage, that breaking, did not stop the life within the tree from being expressed! I had to upload a picture for you to see. In the middle of the tree is the jagged stump of the limb that broke off this winter. At its base, you can see the limb that broke off - how huge it was and also you can gauge how much the tree lost. This caused me to think about the Christian life and the following verses in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

16 Therefore we do not lose heart; but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

17 For our momentary lightness of affliction works out for us, more and more surpassingly, an eternal weight of glory,

18 Because we do not regard the things which are seen but the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.


There is footnote in the Recovery Version about being renewed in verse 16 that talks about resurrection life:
16-3 By being nourished with the fresh supply of the resurrection life. As our mortal body, our outer man, is being consumed by the killing work of death, our inner man, that is, our regenerated spirit with the inward parts of our being (Jer. 31:33; Heb. 8:10; Rom. 7:22, 25), is being metabolically renewed day by day with the supply of the resurrection life.


I also thought about Lazarus, who in John 11 had died and whom Jesus brought back from the dead and how both Mary and Martha missed seeing that Jesus was the resurrection and the life. There is a very touching footnote for verse 14 where Jesus says plainly that Lazarus had died:

14-1 In the Lord's salvation He does not merely heal the sick; He also gives life to the dead. Hence, He remained two days until the sick one had died (v. 6). The Lord does not reform or regulate people — He regenerates people and raises them out of death. Hence, the first of the nine cases in chs. 3-11 was a case of regeneration, and the last was a case of resurrection, revealing that all the aspects of Christ as life to us, as unveiled in the other seven cases, are in the principle of regeneration and resurrection. This last case was the actual changing of death into life.

Only the Lord can change death into life - how marvelous! The Lord gives life to the dead! He raised Lazarus. The cherry blossoms on that tree are a reminder to me that life triumphs over death! There is another great verse in 1 Corinthians 15:54:
54 And when this corruptible will put on incorruption and this mortal will put on immortality, then the word which is written will come to pass, "Death has been swallowed up unto victory.

Here's a great footnote about victory:
54-3 This chapter is on resurrection. Christ's resurrection was His victory over Satan, God's enemy, over the world, over sin, and over death. After His triumphal ascension to the height (Eph. 4:8) in His resurrection, God subdued all the enemies for Him (v. 25). Then, as One who is in resurrection, He will come to the earth with the kingdom of God (Dan. 7:13-14) to exercise God's power and subdue everything on earth. This will continue for a thousand years (Rev. 20:4, 6). The last enemy to be abolished is death. The swallowing up of death will result in the ultimate victory of the Lord's resurrection, that is, in the ultimate and complete victory that He has accomplished in resurrection for us who believe in Him and participate in His resurrection. This is the ultimate issue of His resurrection for His and God's eternal kingdom and for the eternal enjoyment of His resurrection life in eternity by those who believe in Him.

I often enjoy this hymn about resurrection life:

1Death cannot hold the resurrection life,
The life of God eternal manifest;
’Tis uncreated, indestructible,
’Tis Christ Himself, unconqu’rable, expressed

2 Death cannot hold the resurrection life,
Though all its force against it may combine;
Death only gives it opportunity
To show the boundless pow’r of life divine.

3 Death cannot hold the resurrection life,
The more interred, the more it multiplies;
All kinds of suff’ring only help it grow
And fruits of life abundant realize.

4 Death cannot hold the resurrection life,
Thru every block and barrier it breaks;
Conqu’ring the pow’r of darkness and of hell,
It swallows death and victory partakes.

5 Death cannot hold the resurrection life,
All of God’s fulness it will manifest;
God’s righteousness and holiness it yields,
His glorious image by it is expressed.

6 Oh, may I know this resurrection life,
In every kind of death its pow’r outpoured,
In my experience ever realize
This life is nought but Christ my living Lord.

So the breaking of that cherry tree was not its end - when we experience the breaking of our outer man, we have hope - blessed hope that our inner man is being renewed! The outward breaking is not the end - it is the means to being renewed.

Oh Lord, may we know this resurrection life and in every kind of death enjoy its power outpoured. May we all enjoy the death swallowing, and victory partaking life that indwells us.

Praise Him!

More about the upcoming surgery tomorrow after I meet with the doctors at BWH. Please pray for a speedy recovery from this cold so it will not interfere with the surgery schedule.

Much love,
Joanne

Grace upon grace

Hello everyone,
I go to Brigham and Women's next Tuesday for the pre-op visit. Hopefully everything will go smoothly - I am getting a cold but hope that all those immune-boosting supplements along with the Zoe life of God will not allow the virus to take hold. Not much activity on the home front - we are still getting estimates from contractors. Today is April 15 - the crunch day for Paul - please continue to pray for him as he finishes up all the taxes in the midst of chaos. Also please pray for wisdom for me about when I should stop taking the supplements before the surgery.

This morning I was considering the title of this website along with the verse from 1 Peter 4:10 and thought about the "traditional" definition of grace which is God's unmerited favor. Now, I am not a Bible scholar nor do I know Greek, but I did some research this morning about this word. First of all, it appears 128times in the New Testament. Here are a few definitions from well-known resources:

Strong’s Dictionary of New Testament words defines the Greek word for ‘grace’ as follows:

“grace” = 5485 charis (khar'-ece); from 5463; graciousness (as gratifying), of manner or act (abstract or concrete; literal, figurative or spiritual; especially the divine influence upon the heart, and its reflection in the life; including gratitude): KJV-- acceptable, benefit, favor, gift, grace (-ious), joy, liberality, pleasure, thank (-s, -worthy).

Strong’s says that charis comes from a root word, “chairo” which is defined as follows:

chairo (khah'-ee-ro); a primary verb; to be "cheerful", i.e. calmly happy or well-off; impersonally, especially as salutation (on meeting or parting), be well: KJV-- farewell, be glad, God speed, greeting, hall, joy (-fully), rejoice.

Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament words says of charis:

GRACE = 1. charis ^5485^ has various uses, (a) objective, that which bestows or occasions pleasure, delight, or causes favorable regard. (From Vine's Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words) (Copyright (C) 1985, Thomas Nelson Publishers)

What really touched me about these definitions were two things: the divine influence upon the heart and all the references to joy, pleasure, delight. So, while grace surely is God's unmerited favor - it is more - it has to do with the divine influence upon the heart which issues in joy. Hence the verse in 1 Peter 4:10 about the varied grace of God. As I considered grace, I realized that we are in the age of grace - the age of the possibility for God to influence our heart to the extent that we enjoy Him! What an age to live in! How much we need to take advantage of this age of grace. Even the throne of God is the throne of grace! Hebrews 4:16 says:
Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help.

When God became incarnate and stepped into humanity, that was an expression of grace. Grace came through Jesus Christ: John 1:17: For the law was given through Moses; grace and reality came through Jesus Christ.

The footnote from the Recovery Version says:
The law makes demands on man according to what God is; grace supplies man with what God is to meet what God demands. The law, at most, was only a testimony of what God is (Exo. 25:21), but reality is the realization of what God is. No man can partake of God through the law, but grace enables man to enjoy God. Reality is God realized by man, and grace is God enjoyed by man.

One of the names of God is "the God of all grace". All grace is significant here in light of the suffering a little while in 1 Peter 5:10:
But the God of all grace, He who has called you into His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself perfect, establish, strengthen, and ground you.

The footnote for all grace is really marvelous:
All grace refers to the riches of the bountiful supply of the divine life in many aspects ministered to us in many steps of the divine operation on and in us in God's economy. The initial step is to call us, and the consummate step is to glorify us, as mentioned here in who has called you into His eternal glory. Between these two steps are God's loving care while He is disciplining us, and His perfecting, establishing, strengthening, and grounding work in us. In all these divine acts, the bountiful supply of the divine life is ministered to us as grace in varied experiences. The God of such grace will perfect, establish, strengthen, and ground the persecuted believers after they have suffered a little while.
Surely the grace we receive outweighs the burden of the suffering so our affliction can be referred to as momentary and light: 2 Corinthians 4:17: For our momentary lightness of affliction works out for us, more and more surpassingly, an eternal weight of glory,

So grace is ministered to us in each of our suffering experiences and is more than sufficient. Corinthians 12:9: And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly therefore I will rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ might tabernacle over me.

Here the footnote speaks of why suffering is required:

For the sufficiency of the Lord's grace to be magnified, our sufferings are required; for the perfectness of the Lord's power to be shown forth, our weakness is needed. Hence, the apostle would most gladly boast in his weaknesses that the power of Christ might tabernacle over him. Grace is the supply, and power is the strength, the ability, of grace. Both are the resurrected Christ, who is now the life-giving Spirit dwelling in us (1 Cor. 15:45; Gal. 2:20) for our enjoyment.

Another wonderful verse about grace is in Ephesians 1:6: To the praise of the glory of His grace, with which He graced us in the Beloved;

God has put is in the position of being the object of His grace and favor, that is, that we may enjoy all that He is to us!

No wonder John Newton wrote that grace is amazing!

Here is a wonderful hymn about grace and a link to the tune - in case you want to sing along:

Link to tune:

1 Grace in its highest definition is
God in the Son to be enjoyed by us;
It is not only something done or giv’n,
But God Himself, our portion glorious.

2 God is incarnate in the flesh that we
Him may receive, experience ourself;
This is the grace which we receive of God,
Which comes thru Christ and which is Christ Himself.

3 Paul the Apostle counted all as dung,
’Twas only God in Christ he counted grace;
’Tis by this grace-the Lord experienced-
That he surpassed the others in the race.

4 It is this grace-Christ as our inward strength-
Which with His all-sufficiency doth fill;
It is this grace which in our spirit is,
There energizing, working out God’s will.

5 This grace, which is the living Christ Himself,
Is what we need and must experience;
Lord, may we know this grace and by it live,
Thyself increasingly as grace to sense.


So dear ones, enjoy the grace that is your portion today!

Much love,
Joanne

Seeing Dr. Berlin

Hi Everyone,
Just a quick update - I saw Dr. Berlin today - after waiting 2.5 hours to see her! They say she spends a lot of time with her patients and that is why she is always late. I guess that's a good reason. I was able to do some reading while I waited and waited. I was in a great room on the corner of the building on the 9th floor that has two windows on the corner and around the office on two sides giving a great view of the whole Boston Medical area. Dr. Berlin told me that the chest CT scan showed nodularity that they couldn't distinguish - she says it means that one area of gray was not as smooth as other areas of gray and so she says that the only way they can tell if it is some new growth is to rescan - which they are going to do in July! My CA125 was 5, like it was in January. Anything below 35 is considered "normal." The hernia is something that needs to be taken care of because of how much of the colon is involved. I asked her about any complications with having the surgery - she felt that is was a quality of life decision since I can't continue to go around with that huge bulge. She said we have to take the high road in this field and we have to live like we are going to live! Amen to that! I am so thankful to the Lord for all that He has provided through this and other doctors at Dana Farber. That place is really something special – even the parking people are kind!

Dr. Berlin did want me to see a Dr. Rosenthal at the Zakim Center at Dana Farber – he is a “complementary” care doctor who could review the supplements I am taking through the naturopathic doctor. I didn’t have a chance to see him today but I will call him soon.

Well, I must get back to my reading.

Much love,
Joanne

Hello everyone,
We are still ceilingless in 3 rooms and are awaiting to see what the insurance company will do about funding the repairs. I have been thanking the Lord for those 16 years I lived in a very small house, because now we are crammed into the dining room and our bedroom with Paul's files, the computer, desks etc! While this isn't a great suffering, it has the potential to drive me crazy - so thanking the Lord has been a great way to subdue that urge to complain. I see Dr. Berlin on Wednesday but I won't know anything about the blood tests for a couple of days. Last week I was having abdominal pain but it has subsided - I think I was doing too much with the flooded house.

I don't know if you do this, but usually when a date comes that has significance historically in my life, I pause to consider what have I gained or have I changed much - this self-evaluation is usually not the best endeavor because I often doubt that there has been much change and also wonder if I have gained much of the Lord. Of course, this past Saturday was one of those days as it marked one year since I received the diagnosis and had that moment of having my life flashing before me. At that time, when the doctor told me I had tumors that were most likely cancer, tearfully doing a quick assessment of my life, I said to Paul (my husband), "I have no regrets. I have not spent my life in a vain way pursuing what I thought I would pursue before I met the Lord. He has mercifully rescued me from a life of vanity, pursing the wind, to one of reality, pursuing Him." There was great relief at that moment, that if I had to see the Lord face to face soon, at least I would not be ashamed about how I had spent the days He had given me. What a mercy that was to me.

But then over the next months, I began to seek the Lord about why this was necessary? What was God's point that He was trying to make? I worried that if I didn't learn the lesson, then perhaps I would have to repeat the "class". I think I got the answer. The sufferings, allowed by a faithful God, will be used by Him to bring each of us into more of the reality of Who He is, and will help us explore the depths of supply found in His Word. But suffering cannot be examined separately from God's economy - which is God dispensing Himself into us as our life and life supply. The suffering is not to make us model Christians who bear everything well, but rather to constitute us with God, with the Divine life, and make us utterly dependent on Him. How sad to go through suffering and come out more fortified in natural strength. That is how the world views adversity - that if you endure it, you will come out stronger. But the Lord's view is quite different. His goal is that we would decrease and He would increase; that He would do, as Charles Wesley wrote in the hymn Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Adam's image now erase, stamp Thine image in its place!

Regarding the matter of self-examination or introspection, here is something from the Collected Works of Watchman Nee, vol. 38 that addresses this issue and is really helpful:

Among God's children, there is nothing more damaging than introspection. Let us bear this in mind—the most damaging thing is to turn our gaze inward. This may be even more serious than sin. Sin is readily recognized as such, but introspection is not detected so easily. An unsuspected disease is always more serious and damaging than an apparent one. If you were asked whether it is wrong to be proud, you would immediately answer that it is obviously wrong. If you were asked whether it is wrong to be envious, you would know quite well that it is wrong. These flaws are obvious. But you can become introspective twenty times in a single day without any sense of wrongdoing. If you quarrel, you soon become aware that you have done something wrong; you quickly identify your sickness. But you can be introspective and be totally unaware of its evil. Looking within is the most hurtful thing in the Christian life. Many Christians are given to introspection, and they are living a life of false spirituality. There is no profit in introspection. The greatest damage a Christian can suffer comes from introspection; it will cheat you.

So rather than looking within, we need to look away! (Hebrews 12:2)

Some verses I have been enjoying about this matter of suffering:

Hebrews 12:11
11 Now no discipline at the present time seems to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterward it yields the 1apeaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised by it.

1 Peter 1:6-7;
6 In which time you exult, though for a little while at present, if it must be, you have been made sorrowful by various trials,

7 So that the proving of your faith, much more precious than of gold which perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Beloved, do not think that the fiery ordeal among you, coming to you for a trial, is strange, as if it were a strange thing happening to you;

13 But inasmuch as you share in the sufferings of Christ, rejoice, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice exultingly.

Psalm 66:10
10 For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.

I offer this hymn that is a great way to pray concerning this matter. The hymn was written by Brother Watchman Nee.

1 Olives that have known no pressure
No oil can bestow;
If the grapes escape the winepress,
Cheering wine can never flow;
Spikenard only through the crushing,
Fragrance can diffuse.
Shall I then, Lord, shrink from suff’ring
Which Thy love for me would choose?

Chorus
Each blow I suffer
Is true gain to me.
In the place of what Thou takest
Thou dost give Thyself to me.

2 Do my heart-strings need Thy stretching,
Songs divine to prove?
Do I need for sweetest music
Cruel treatment of Thy love?
Lord, I fear no deprivation
If it draws to Thee;
I would yield in full surrender
All Thy heart of love to see.

3 I’m ashamed, my Lord, for seeking
Self to guard alway;
Though Thy love has done its stripping,
Yet I’ve been compelled this way.
Lord, according to Thy pleasure
Fully work on me;
Heeding not my human feelings,
Only do what pleases Thee.

4 If Thy mind and mine should differ,
Still pursue Thy way;
If Thy pleasure means my sorrow,
Still my heart shall answer, “Yea!”
’Tis my deep desire to please Thee,
Though I suffer loss;
E’en though Thy delight and glory
Mean that I endure the cross.

5 Oh, I’ll praise Thee, e’en if weeping
Mingle with my song.
Thine increasing sweetness calls forth
Grateful praises all day long.
Thou hast made Thyself more precious
Than all else to me:
Thou increase and I decrease, Lord-
This is now my only plea.

In the place of what Thou takest, Thou dost give Thyself to me! Praise the Lord!
What a great exchange! This is a promise we can believe - that the Lord causes all things to work together for good. What is good? That we would be conformed to His image - that self would decrease and He would increase.

I hope this blog has been useful over the past year - it has been a means for the Lord to flow out to reach you all when I have not been physically able. Your encouraging comments have sustained me and have exhibited God's loving care to me.

Much love,
Joanne

Surgery, fiery furnaces and God

I heard back from the surgeon's office and I will be having surgery on the hernia May 8, 2008. This was the earliest opening he had! I am glad that this will be taken care of since it seems to be getting larger and I have pain sometimes. I see Dr. Berlin on April 9th, when I will have a CA125 blood test.

I finished my 3 courses last week. They were very interesting and useful. The next quarter begins on Monday, March 31. I will be taking my last 3 courses! I hope all will go well. My daughter Elizabeth reminded me that next weekend will be 1 year since I was diagnosed. So much has happened in this year. I've been through regions of life I had hoped to avoid! But here I am on the other side of this year, alive! How wonderful! Through this experience I am reminded of Daniel's 3 companions and the fiery furnace:

Daniel 3:16-27
16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, there is no need for us to give you an answer in this matter.

17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the blazing furnace of fire, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.

18 But if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods nor worship the golden image that you have set up.

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury and the countenance of his face was changed toward Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He responded and commanded that the furnace be made seven times hotter than it was usually heated.

20 And he commanded certain mighty men who were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, and throw them into the blazing furnace of fire.

21 Then these men were bound in their shirts, tunics, and mantles, and other clothing, and thrown into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire.

22 For this reason, because the king's word was so harsh and the furnace had been heated to an extreme, the flame of the fire slew those men who carried up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.

23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, fell into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire bound up.

24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished and stood up in haste; he responded and said to his counselors, Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up? They answered and said to the king, Certainly, O king.

25 He answered and said, Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.

26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the blazing furnace of fire. He responded and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, servants of God the Most High, come out and come here. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.

27 And the satraps, prefects, and governors, and the king's counselors, being gathered together, saw concerning these men that the fire had no effect on their bodies and that the hair of their heads was not singed, nor had their clothes been affected, nor had the smell of fire come upon them.

What really touched me about this passage is that while God was able to deliver them out of the fiery furnace - He did not. Rather He joined them in it and they were not harmed. Even the hairs of their head were not singed and they didn't smell of fire or smoke! This is how completely the Lord takes care of us. I think last year I had hoped that the Lord would deliver me out of the cancer furnace - He did not. Instead, He joined me in it. Through His sweet presence moment by moment and the care and prayers of all of you, I am here unharmed. Even there isn't a trace of the smell of the fire on my clothes. How wonderful! Surely this is not because of me but because of God's keeping power.

This is from the Life Study of Daniel, message 5,

Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and said to his counselors, "Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up?...Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods" (vv. 24-25). This fourth one was Christ. Christ had come to be with His three suffering, persecuted overcomers and to make the fire a pleasant place in which to walk about.

Our natural thought is that we need to leave the fire of our circumstances. We may think that if we have a troublesome husband or a bothersome wife, we should pray and ask God to deliver us out of such a situation. But the Lord would say, "I do not like to deliver you from this situation in your married life. Instead, I will keep you there, and I will come and make your environment a pleasant place."

When the enemy throws us into the furnace, we should realize that we do not need to ask the Lord to deliver us. He will come to be with us and take care of us in our suffering, making our place of suffering a pleasant situation. I can testify of this from my experience of imprisonment under the Japanese invading army in China. During that time of suffering, the Lord was with me. One day, as I was talking to the Lord, I had the deep sense that He was there in prison with me. I wept before Him, saying, "Lord, You know why I am here." Instead of delivering me from prison immediately, the Lord, by His presence, made that prison a pleasant place. As the Lord was with those suffering overcomers in Babylon, so He will be with us in our suffering today.

How wonderful - He joins us in our suffering and make the prison a pleasant place!

This reminds me of the following hymn -

Since Christ my soul from sin set free,
This life has been a joy to me;
And 'mid earth's sorrows and its woe,
'Tis joy my Jesus here to know.

O hallelujah, yes, 'tis joy!
For it is Christ that I enjoy!
On land or sea, what matters where?
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.

The earth was once a bitter place
Till Jesus showed His smiling face;
Now joy's begun within my soul,
'Twill last while endless ages roll.

What matters where on earth we dwell?
On mountain top, or in the dell,
In cottage, or a mansion fair,
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.


How encouraging this experience has been! I hope you all are encouraged too to realize that through the suffering situations, we have One who isn't watching from the heavens to see how we will do, but rather we have One who joins us in the suffering, supplying, sustaining and encouraging us moment by moment! Praise Him!

Much love to you all,
Joanne

CT Scan results, hernia repair and prayer

Hi Everyone,
I called today about the CT scan and the nurse told me that it was mostly unremarkable with the exception of the hernia which is involving more of the colon. She told me I need to follow up with the surgeon to get this hernia repaired. I will do this today. The CT scan shows no growth in the nodules and showed some nodules in the chest area which they think are benign. They didn't do a CA-125 blood test and all the other blood work was okay. I haven't heard from the surgeon who is doing the hernia repair, but the nurse said that should be a priority, so I will call him tomorrow. We've had a disaster of sorts in our house - a flooded heating system that burst out of a radiator on the top floor of the house and flooded down through all the floors into the basement! You just can't imagine the amount of water. Apparently we have lots of water in the ceilings, so they will have to be replaced - so please pray about the working out of all the details - and the stress level in the house and all the burden on Paul. Lately I have been kind of tired when I come home from the library, so I've been sleeping through dinner! Not so good for the family. I am still trying to eat cruciferous vegetables but sometimes I don't have the energy to cook. It's like the children of Israel in the good land - the manna stopped and they had to labor for their food. I do believe that there is the grace from the Lord to continue to eat this way but sometimes I don't have the energy to do all that chopping. Although today I made a healthier version of a Polish stuffed cabbage recipe - using ground turkey and brown rice. It wasn't the same but it wasn't too bad - and I could eat it, which is a treat.

I realized this past week that my being up out of bed is because of the prayers - it reminded me of Dorcas in Acts - I'm sure you know the account, but in case you don't:

Acts 9:36-42
36 Now in Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas); this woman was full of good works and alms which she did.

37 And in those days she became ill and died; and they bathed her body and laid it in an upper room.

38 Now because Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples heard that Peter was there, and they sent two men to him, entreating him, Do not delay to come through to us.

39 And Peter rose up and went with them. When he arrived, they led him up into the upper room. And all the widows stood by him, weeping and showing him tunics and garments, all of which Dorcas had made while she was with them.

40 And Peter put them all outside; and kneeling down, he prayed; and he turned to the body and said, Tabitha, rise up. And she opened her eyes; and when she saw Peter, she sat up.

41 And giving her his hand, he raised her up. And when he had called the saints and the widows, he presented her alive.

42 And it became known throughout all of Joppa and many believed on the Lord.

Not that I am a Dorcas - or that I died or anything - but those whom Dorcas served would not let her die - but sent to Peter to come to pray for her. Dorcas' service was necessary and so the Lord gave her back to the brothers and sisters. I don't know how necessary my service is, but I do know that all the prayers have caused the Lord to give me more time, to give me back to serve Him and the members of His body. I am in awe of this and each day continue to pray that I will fulfill the Lord's purpose for me to have this extended time.

Please continue to pray about this hernia and the next surgery - and for the working out of all the details. I have so much confidence in all the faithful prayers. I am reminded of James 5:16b-18: "...The petition of a righteous man avails much in its working. Elijah was a man of like feeling with us, and he earnestly prayed that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth sprouted forth with its fruit.

The Life Study of James, Message 9 says this about these verses:

"...indicate that a prayer from the Lord was given to Elijah, in which he prayed. He did not pray in his feeling, thought, intention, mood, or in any kind of motivation from circumstances or situations for the fulfilling of his own purpose. He prayed in the prayer given him by the Lord for the accomplishing of His will.

In verse 16 James speaks of the operating petition of a righteous man. This indicates that in praying for the sick, we need to pray in the way of an operating petition. This means that we should not pray without a burden. Rather, we need to pray as Elijah prayed.

In verse 17 James says that in prayer Elijah prayed that it should not rain. In other words, Elijah prayed in a prayer. The King James Version says that Elijah prayed earnestly. However, to pray in a prayer actually does not mean to pray earnestly. James does not tell us that Elijah prayed in earnestness; he says that Elijah prayed in a prayer.

What is the meaning of this expression, to pray in a prayer? The prayer that Elijah prayed was great, for he prayed that it would not rain on earth for three years and six months. This is much greater than praying for the healing of a sick person. After three and a half years, Elijah prayed again, this time praying that heaven would give rain. Elijah could pray in this way because God gave him a prayer, because God burdened him with a prayer. In other words, Elijah had the burden to pray in a particular way, and that burden was a prayer given to him by God.

We should not pray according to our memory, observation, or our own burden. On the contrary, we must have a burden from God to pray for a certain thing, just as Elijah was burdened with the prayer given to him by God. God gave Elijah a prayer, and in that prayer Elijah prayed. This is not a matter of praying in earnest. It is a matter that God, in His move and according to His plan, gave Elijah a prayer, and Elijah was burdened to pray the prayer that God gave him. Therefore, Elijah prayed in a prayer.

May the Lord continue to strengthen us into our inner man and may we pray His prayers moment by moment as our breathing.

Here is a hymn for your enjoyment about breathing:

1 O Lord, breathe Thy Spirit on me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in;
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.

I am breathing out my sorrow,
Breathing out my sin;
I am breathing, breathing, breathing,
All Thy fulness in.

2 I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.

3 Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fulness,
Finding all my life in Thee.

4 I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.

5 I am breathing out my sickness,
Thou hast borne its burden too;
I am breathing in Thy healing,
Ever promised, ever new.

6 I am breathing out my longings
In Thy listening, loving ear;
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.

7 I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Lord, Thy Spirit breathe in me.

Breath by breath, we live upon Him! Keep breathing!
Much love to you all,
Joanne

Choosing the better part

Hi Everyone,
Sorry it has been a while since I've posted. I was waiting for results from tests and have been swamped with schoolwork. The great news is that all the biopsies came back negative for malignancy. Hallelujah! Drs. Berkowitz and Berlin also decided to discontinue the lovenox shots! So, now the surgeon can proceed with the hernia surgery. His office still has not contacted me so I will probably contact them tomorrow. I don't have results back from the CT scan or the latest blood work but when I get that I will post here. I do have a lot of energy for most of the day, which is also such a blessing. I also got some blood tests done to see how effective the supplements have been to reduce the growth factors in my blood. Apparently, one GF has gone way down, but others have stayed the same. Please pray for wisdom for this doctor and for us about how to proceed with this.

One morning when I was spending some time with the Lord, I found it hard to keep my mind from racing to all the things that I needed to take care of. My mind was like Martha in Luke - busily doing so much but not taking the time to sit at Jesus' feet, like Mary, her sister, did. Here are the verses from Luke 10:38-42

38 Now as they went, He entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received Him into her home.

39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet and was listening to His word.

40 But Martha was being drawn about with much serving, and she came up to Him and said, Lord, does it not matter to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to do her part with me.

41 But the Lord answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;

42 But there is need of one thing, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

The foot note for good in verse 42 says:
"The Lord prefers that His saved ones who love Him listen to Him (v. 39) that they may know His desire, rather than do things for Him without knowing His will (cf. 1 Sam. 15:22; Eccl. 5:1).

It is quite significant that this story of Martha and Mary immediately follows the parable of the good Samaritan. The parable shows the compassion and love of the Savior, who is a man and becomes the sinners' neighbor; the story of Martha and Mary unveils the desire and preference of the Lord, who is God and becomes the believers' Master. The Savior gives us His compassion and love so that we can be saved by Him; the Lord expresses His desire and preference so that we can serve Him. After receiving salvation from the Savior, we should render service to the Lord. For our salvation we need to realize the Savior's compassion and love; for our service we need to know the Lord's desire and preference."

So each morning I thank the Lord for another day! I think I used to take the days for granted or even moan when a new day began because I had so much to do. Now I am so thankful for each day - and I pray "Lord have the first place. May You accomplish in this day through me what You desire and what You have purposed." Like the footnote says, the Lord has a desire and preference - and I realize so do we. Each day, we desire to get stuff done. We have our preference. We run around like Martha. But the Lord said clearly - that Mary had chosen the good part. Sitting at Jesus' feet, spending time with Him to enter into what HE is doing each day is what He desires. I also feel like we might have the desire to wait in the Lord in our spirit, but our mind is racing sometimes to all the anxieties of the day. How good that we can set our mind on the things above, we can set our mind on our spirit.

Here are two verses about setting our mind:

Romans 8:6
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.


Colossians 3:2
2 Set your mind on the things which are above, not on the things which are on the earth.


It is so wonderful that we can set our mind on the things above! How wonderful that we can spend our busy days with our spirit at Jesus' feet!

I may have posted this hymn before but in the first verse it talks about joyfully choosing the better part - like Mary.

1 Hast thou heard Him, seen Him, known Him?
Is not thine a captured heart?
Chief among ten thousand own Him;
Joyful choose the better part.

Captivated by His beauty,
Worthy tribute haste to bring;
Let His peerless worth constrain thee,
Crown Him now unrivaled King.

2 Idols once they won thee, charmed thee,
Lovely things of time and sense;
Gilded thus does sin disarm thee,
Honeyed lest thou turn thee thence.

3 What has stripped the seeming beauty
From the idols of the earth?
Not a sense of right or duty,
But the sight of peerless worth.

4 Not the crushing of those idols,
With its bitter void and smart;
But the beaming of His beauty,
The unveiling of His heart.

5 Who extinguishes their taper
Till they hail the rising sun?
Who discards the garb of winter
Till the summer has begun?

6 'Tis that look that melted Peter,
'Tis that face that Stephen saw,
'Tis that heart that wept with Mary,
Can alone from idols draw:

7 Draw and win and fill completely,
Till the cup o'erflow the brim;
What have we to do with idols
Who have companied with Him?


Lord, keep us companying with You moment by moment that we may be filled with You so we can minister You to others. Strengthen us into our inner man that we would we choose the better part day by day.

Much love dear ones,
Joanne

Another surgeon and the Captain

Hi everyone,
I went to see another surgeon today - at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He was recommended by the office of Sara Russell - she was the surgeon who did the small intestine bypass surgery last April. Dr. Brooks is the director of minimally invasive surgery at BWH. He confirmed that this is a hernia, but said that he does not do surgeries on patients who take lovenox injections. So, I would have to get off that drug at least temporarily, which I would love to do! He said he will talk to Dr. Berkowitz about the status of my treatment and talk with the medical oncologist Dr. Berlin as well and then get back to me. It was a very short visit - maybe 5-8 minutes at the most. He does know what he's doing and he can access all the records from Dana Farber and BWH. I have another CT scan on Friday. By the way, the bleeding started up again last Wednesday, so I made an appointment to see Dr. Berkowitz last Friday. He was able to biopsy the tissue in a number of places and also used silver nitrate to cauterize the area where the bleeding seems to be coming from. I should have the biopsy results tomorrow or Thursday and I will post them as soon as I hear. The silver nitrate seems to be working, as the bleeding is much less today. It is crunch time for me in my 3 classes - I have many projects due over the next two weeks. School is really interesting and fun - I enjoy the distraction!

This week I enjoyed reading a portion from the word concerning whether God is for us or for our adversaries. It is Joshua 5:13-15:
13 Now once, when Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked; and behold, there was a man standing opposite him, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, Are You for us or for our adversaries?

14 And He said, Neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. Then Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. And he said to Him, What does my Lord speak to His servant?

15 And the Captain of Jehovah's army said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so.

Often when we pray for something and the Lord answers our pray the way we hoped, we rejoice and are convinced that prayer works. But when the Lord answers in another way, perhaps even the opposite of what we prayed, we can be like Joshua - asking the Lord are You for us or for our adversaries? I really enjoy the Lord's answer - He says neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. We always try to get the Lord on our side but we are wrong to do this. He is the captain and it is Him that we need to follow.

There is a portion in the booklet "Worshipping the Ways of God" by Watchman Nee that is really wonderful:

"Worshipping God as the Captain of Jehovah's Army

In the book of Joshua, God commissioned Joshua to lead the Israelites into the land of Canaan. What a weighty responsibility! Moses had become old and died; Aaron had died as well. The only person left was the young man Joshua. Those who had the ability to bear this burden had already gone, leaving a young man alone. What could he do? What must he have felt? The mature, experienced Moses could not do it; how can a young man like himself do it? How could he cope with the seven formidable tribes inhabiting the land of Canaan? And how could he lead a people like the children of Israel with their fear of death and their constant complaints? Joshua was faced with this challenge. Can we blame him for feeling overwhelmed? No, we cannot. If we were in the same circumstances, we would feel overwhelmed too.

At this point, however, Joshua saw a vision of a great Man with a drawn sword. Joshua did not recognize the Man and asked, "Are You for us or for our adversaries?" (5:13). We must pay close attention to this question. How did the Man answer him? Many people erroneously believe that the Man said He had come to help Joshua, but the Man did not answer in this way. In His answer He first said, "Neither," that is, I am not here to help you, nor to help your adversaries. I am here for only one thing; "as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come" (v. 14). Thank God for doing this. Thank God that this is what the Lord Jesus does! He does not help us, neither does He help our adversaries, but He comes as the Captain of the Lord's army. If we are God's army, then He comes to be our Captain. This is not a question of receiving help, but of accepting leadership. He has not come to offer assistance but to demand subjection. He does not come to help but to lead. He says, "As the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come." How did Joshua react when he heard these words? "Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped."

Brothers and sisters, we must learn the ways of God, and this is another of His ways. God does nothing to assist us or to assist our enemies. God does not stand in the midst of the conflict giving a little help here or there. God wants to be the Captain, and He demands our submission. In the face of so many foes, the need would not be answered if God merely helped us. Submitting to Him will solve the whole problem.

The issue is not whether or not God is helping us, but whether we are submitting to His leadership. When He is in command, all is well. A great trouble today among God's children is that we want everything to revolve around us and everything to serve our interests. But God will not allow this. He wants to bring us to the point of simply submitting to Him. When this matter is settled, all other problems vanish.

Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. If we know God's ways by knowing Him as our Captain, God will handle everything, and we will worship Him. God does not come to assist us in battle; He comes to lead the troops. If we hope He will help us in the fight, we have misunderstood God. God comes to lead the troops. We must submit before Him. When we learn the true meaning of worship, we will also know that there is now a sword drawn on our behalf."

Submitting to the Lord's leadership is crucial - allowing Him to lead and fill all in all. This reminds me of the hymn Not I, But Christ.

Not I, But Christ

Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen, be known, be heard;
Not I, but Christ, in every look and action;
Not I, but Christ, in every thought and word.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee,
Oh, that it may be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.

Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.

Not I, but Christ, no idle word e'er falling;
Not I, but Christ, no needless bustling sound;
Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing;
Christ, none but Christ, no trace of I be found.

Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,
Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.

Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision;
Glory excelling, soon, full soon, I'll see --
Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling --
Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.

How glorious that this Captain is also the Captain of our Salvation - in Hebrews 2:10, it says:
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and through whom are all things, in leading many sons into glory, to make the Author of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

The translation for the word Author can also be Captain, Originator, Inaugurator, Leader, Pioneer.

What a wonderful Christ we have! Lord, may You have the preeminence in all that we do and may we all join ourselves to You and to Your purpose.

Thank you for continuing to stand with me in prayer for all these matters. How blessed I am to be in the Body of Christ.

Much love,
Joanne