Another surgeon and the Captain

Hi everyone,
I went to see another surgeon today - at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He was recommended by the office of Sara Russell - she was the surgeon who did the small intestine bypass surgery last April. Dr. Brooks is the director of minimally invasive surgery at BWH. He confirmed that this is a hernia, but said that he does not do surgeries on patients who take lovenox injections. So, I would have to get off that drug at least temporarily, which I would love to do! He said he will talk to Dr. Berkowitz about the status of my treatment and talk with the medical oncologist Dr. Berlin as well and then get back to me. It was a very short visit - maybe 5-8 minutes at the most. He does know what he's doing and he can access all the records from Dana Farber and BWH. I have another CT scan on Friday. By the way, the bleeding started up again last Wednesday, so I made an appointment to see Dr. Berkowitz last Friday. He was able to biopsy the tissue in a number of places and also used silver nitrate to cauterize the area where the bleeding seems to be coming from. I should have the biopsy results tomorrow or Thursday and I will post them as soon as I hear. The silver nitrate seems to be working, as the bleeding is much less today. It is crunch time for me in my 3 classes - I have many projects due over the next two weeks. School is really interesting and fun - I enjoy the distraction!

This week I enjoyed reading a portion from the word concerning whether God is for us or for our adversaries. It is Joshua 5:13-15:
13 Now once, when Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked; and behold, there was a man standing opposite him, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, Are You for us or for our adversaries?

14 And He said, Neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. Then Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. And he said to Him, What does my Lord speak to His servant?

15 And the Captain of Jehovah's army said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so.

Often when we pray for something and the Lord answers our pray the way we hoped, we rejoice and are convinced that prayer works. But when the Lord answers in another way, perhaps even the opposite of what we prayed, we can be like Joshua - asking the Lord are You for us or for our adversaries? I really enjoy the Lord's answer - He says neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. We always try to get the Lord on our side but we are wrong to do this. He is the captain and it is Him that we need to follow.

There is a portion in the booklet "Worshipping the Ways of God" by Watchman Nee that is really wonderful:

"Worshipping God as the Captain of Jehovah's Army

In the book of Joshua, God commissioned Joshua to lead the Israelites into the land of Canaan. What a weighty responsibility! Moses had become old and died; Aaron had died as well. The only person left was the young man Joshua. Those who had the ability to bear this burden had already gone, leaving a young man alone. What could he do? What must he have felt? The mature, experienced Moses could not do it; how can a young man like himself do it? How could he cope with the seven formidable tribes inhabiting the land of Canaan? And how could he lead a people like the children of Israel with their fear of death and their constant complaints? Joshua was faced with this challenge. Can we blame him for feeling overwhelmed? No, we cannot. If we were in the same circumstances, we would feel overwhelmed too.

At this point, however, Joshua saw a vision of a great Man with a drawn sword. Joshua did not recognize the Man and asked, "Are You for us or for our adversaries?" (5:13). We must pay close attention to this question. How did the Man answer him? Many people erroneously believe that the Man said He had come to help Joshua, but the Man did not answer in this way. In His answer He first said, "Neither," that is, I am not here to help you, nor to help your adversaries. I am here for only one thing; "as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come" (v. 14). Thank God for doing this. Thank God that this is what the Lord Jesus does! He does not help us, neither does He help our adversaries, but He comes as the Captain of the Lord's army. If we are God's army, then He comes to be our Captain. This is not a question of receiving help, but of accepting leadership. He has not come to offer assistance but to demand subjection. He does not come to help but to lead. He says, "As the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come." How did Joshua react when he heard these words? "Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped."

Brothers and sisters, we must learn the ways of God, and this is another of His ways. God does nothing to assist us or to assist our enemies. God does not stand in the midst of the conflict giving a little help here or there. God wants to be the Captain, and He demands our submission. In the face of so many foes, the need would not be answered if God merely helped us. Submitting to Him will solve the whole problem.

The issue is not whether or not God is helping us, but whether we are submitting to His leadership. When He is in command, all is well. A great trouble today among God's children is that we want everything to revolve around us and everything to serve our interests. But God will not allow this. He wants to bring us to the point of simply submitting to Him. When this matter is settled, all other problems vanish.

Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. If we know God's ways by knowing Him as our Captain, God will handle everything, and we will worship Him. God does not come to assist us in battle; He comes to lead the troops. If we hope He will help us in the fight, we have misunderstood God. God comes to lead the troops. We must submit before Him. When we learn the true meaning of worship, we will also know that there is now a sword drawn on our behalf."

Submitting to the Lord's leadership is crucial - allowing Him to lead and fill all in all. This reminds me of the hymn Not I, But Christ.

Not I, But Christ

Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen, be known, be heard;
Not I, but Christ, in every look and action;
Not I, but Christ, in every thought and word.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee,
Oh, that it may be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.

Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.

Not I, but Christ, no idle word e'er falling;
Not I, but Christ, no needless bustling sound;
Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing;
Christ, none but Christ, no trace of I be found.

Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,
Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.

Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision;
Glory excelling, soon, full soon, I'll see --
Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling --
Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.

How glorious that this Captain is also the Captain of our Salvation - in Hebrews 2:10, it says:
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and through whom are all things, in leading many sons into glory, to make the Author of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

The translation for the word Author can also be Captain, Originator, Inaugurator, Leader, Pioneer.

What a wonderful Christ we have! Lord, may You have the preeminence in all that we do and may we all join ourselves to You and to Your purpose.

Thank you for continuing to stand with me in prayer for all these matters. How blessed I am to be in the Body of Christ.

Much love,
Joanne