Following the Lamb

Hi Everyone,
This has been a bit of a rough week with chemo side effects but I've been able to eat food without much discomfort or pain. I'm being careful about what I eat, but it seems that my healthy choices are somewhat limited and I end up feeling like I'm not doing much to nourish my body. I am making smoothies with protein-rich greek yogurt, frozen peaches and mangos and apple cider - these taste really good. I was able to go to school last Thursday and teach a class - which is so wonderful. The students are so encouraging - they are so happy and tell me they are praying for me. It is really very touching. I am not sure how many more rounds of chemo I am going to have - I have completed 5. So either I have one more or 3 more. I will need to check with Dr. Berlin about this. I don't know when the next chemo treatment is - but it should be around March 13. Since there are only 3 beds in the desensitization unit, sometimes they are booked and the 3 week schedule has to be adjusted.

Yesterday we had some dear friends over for dinner and we were fellowshipping about the verse Revelation 14:4b: These are they who follow the Lamb wherever He may go. These were purchased from among men as firstfruits to God and to the Lamb. Someone said that when we follow the Lord, our following is not behind Him but face to face. As we gaze into His eyes, He is able to strengthen us to continue to follow Him. It is the shining of His face that enables us to go on. This reminds me of the verse in Hebrews about running the race, looking away unto Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:1-2). There is another verse which develops this further. 2 Corinthians 2:10:
But whom you forgive anything, I also forgive; for also what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, it is for your sake in the person of Christ; . There is a great footnote about person of Christ. Here is an excerpt from that note:

Note 10-3: Lit., face; as in 4:6. The part around the eyes; the look as the index of the inward thoughts and feelings, which shows forth and manifests the whole person. This indicates that the apostle was one who lived and acted in the presence of Christ, according to the index of His whole person, expressed in His eyes... In [this epistle - 2 Corinthians] we see a person who lived Christ according to what he wrote concerning Him in his first Epistle, in the closest and most intimate contact with Him, acting according to the index of His eyes; a person who was one with Christ, full of Christ, and saturated with Christ; a person who was broken and even terminated in his natural life, softened and flexible in his will, affectionate yet restricted in his emotion, considerate and sober in his mind, and pure and genuine in his spirit toward the believers for their benefit, that they might experience and enjoy Christ as he did for the fulfillment of God's eternal purpose in the building up of Christ's Body.

I am also reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians 3:18: But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit. This is one of the most amazing verses in the Bible. With our unveiled faces as we behold the Lord - we are being transformed into the same image! So as we following the Lord by gazing into His face, we are being transformed into the image we behold. This is so wonderful! I realize that our following the Lord is not trying to do what we think He wants, or trying to fulfill the commandments or be good, but rather following the Lord requires our faces being unveiled, requires beholding Him day by day, moment by moment. As we behold Him, He reveals His will and He also supplies us with the ability to follow Him.

This reminds me of the sweet hymn about taking time to behold Him. Here is a link to a new tune for this hymn which is quite lovely.


1 Take time to behold Him,
Speak oft with Thy Lord,
Abide in Him always,
And feed on His Word.
Wait thou in His presence,
Submissive and meek,
Forgetting in nothing
His blessing to seek.

2 Take time to behold Him,
The world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret
With Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus
Like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends, in thy conduct,
His likeness shall see.

3 Take time to behold Him,
Let Him be thy guide;
And run not before Him
Whatever betide;
In joy or in sorrow
Still follow thy Lord,
And, looking to Jesus,
Still trust in His Word.

4 Take time to behold Him,
Be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each temper
Beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit
To fountains of love,
Thou then shalt be fitted
His mercy to prove.


Be encouraged dear ones to follow the Lamb by beholding Him.

Much love,
Joanne

CA 125 down a bit

Hi Everyone,
I just got home from Dana-Farber - it was a long day - I left the house around 6:30 am and now it is 7:45 pm! I got the CA-125 level - it was 53 -down 5 from last time. Still moving in the right direction but not so dramatic as in the beginning. Oh Lord - keep us looking away to You.

Feeling very sleepy because of all the antihistamines I had to take today during the desensitization. So I must go to bed.

Keep abiding,
Joanne

Chemo tomorrow

Hi Everyone,
Tomorrow I have to go to Dana-Farber at 7:00 AM to have chemo - first 3 hours for the taxol and then 6 hours for the carboplatin. HOpefully they will start on time - but one never knows. Please pray for the desensitization process - that all goes well and I'm able to get the chemo - also please pray about the side effects - they were rough last time around. I had my blood test yesterday but don't have the results of the CA-125 - when I get it tomorrow I'll post it then.

I was able to go to the school library today to catalog some books and straighten things up a bit - I do love going there - It gets depressing sometimes because I am so limited. Someone sent me this excerpt from the Life Study of Genesis, message 93. It is so encouraging, I thought I'd share it:

Now we must consider how Jacob, a transformed person, could be filled with life. Human beings are vessels. However, unlike jars and bottles, we are not vessels without feeling, sense, or will. If you want to fill a bottle with a certain liquid, the bottle has no opinion or feeling about it. There is no need to have the consent of the bottle before we fill it. But it is difficult to put something in us living vessels because we are filled with opinions, desires, and intentions. Parents know how difficult it is to put medicine into their children. Likewise, it is not an easy matter for God to put His life into us.

Now I want to point out a hidden matter in this book. Jacob's first dealing in the last stage was the loss of Joseph. Joseph was seventeen years old when he was sold (37:2), and he was thirty years old when he stood before Pharaoh (41:46). Following this, there were the seven plenteous years. It was probably one or two years later that Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to buy grain. Therefore, from the selling of Joseph to the sending of Jacob's sons to Egypt was a period of at least twenty years. The Bible does not afford us any record of what Jacob did during these years. It only gives us an account of what Joseph experienced. As far as the record of Jacob is concerned, this period of twenty years was a time of silence.

What do you think Jacob was doing during this time? If you had been Jacob, what would you have done? I have considered this matter very much, and I think I have discovered something. During these years Jacob had nothing to do. He had no lack and he had no ambition. Jacob had cared only for Rachel, not for Leah and the two maids. After Rachel died, Jacob's heart was set on Joseph, who was taken away from him about a year later. After Joseph was taken away, Jacob had virtually nothing left. Therefore, during these silent years he was a person without any ambitions, interests, or things to do. This must have been the time God imparted Himself into Jacob more and more. How different were these twenty years from the twenty years with Laban! During the twenty years with Laban (31:41), Jacob had struggled against Laban and had been concerned about dealing with Rachel, Leah, the maids, and all his children. But in these twenty years at Hebron Jacob was released from any bondage or occupation. He was not only retired—he was free.

The only thing that could not be taken away from Jacob was God's presence. At Hebron Jacob constantly lived in fellowship with God. Through the loss of Joseph, Jacob became a jar that was absolutely open to God. Joseph's presence might have been a hindrance to Jacob's openness to God. But now, after the loss of Joseph, Jacob was free from every frustration and was completely open to the Lord. Undoubtedly, Jacob thought about Joseph day after day. He had concluded that Joseph had been devoured by an evil beast, but this had not been confirmed. Hence, Jacob might have thought that perhaps he would see Joseph again. This pressed Jacob to God and opened him up to God. The more he thought about Joseph, the more open he was. During all these years, Jacob was a jar open to the heavens, and the heavenly rain was continuously falling into him. In this period of time Jacob was daily in the presence of God, being filled with the divine life.

I only hope I could have the same testimony as Jacob - to be a jar open to the heavens, continually in the presence of God.

There is a hymn about being an earthen vessel:

1 Earthen vessel I was made,
Christ in me the treasure laid;
His container I must be,
As the content He in me.

2 In His image I was made,
Fit that Christ should all pervade;
Thus the vessel God did form
With the content uniform.

3 In my spirit He remains,
With His power He sustains;
As the Spirit one with me,
He is my reality.

4 Moving in me day by day,
Mingling with me all the way,
All my steps He regulates,
Every part He saturates.

5 Him expressing from within,
Making Him to others seen,
I transparent have to be
That He may be shown thru me.

6 Transformation is my need,
To be broken more indeed,
That the clay may change in form,
To the treasure to conform.

Like Jacob my need is transformation - Oh Lord may this clay change in form and conform more and more to You, the treasure!

Love,
Joanne

Back from the hospital

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in updating you all, but I ended up going to the emergency room at Brigham and Women's on Tuesday (along with MANY other people) because the vomiting had not subsided and Dr. Berlin thought there might be a partial obstruction. I didn't have to wait too long to get into a bed but had to spend the night in the emergency room because the hospital had nothing available until the next day. I had a CT scan which showed that all the tumors and suspicious lymph nodes had gotten smaller (Hallelujah!). So at first the doctors thought that the cancer was caused my GI system to malfunction. I didn't feel that this was the only problem, but just prayed that the Lord would uncover and resolve whatever needed to be resolved. I was in the hospital until Friday when I was hurriedly discharged so that I could keep an out-patient appointment with a Gastro-neurologist Dr. Stoffel, which had been made one month ago. When I left, I was still in pain and didn't feel any better then when I was first admitted. But God was at work behind the scenes. Seeing this doctor was vital - she looked at the CT scan and she felt that I needed a further barium study to look at the stent area because she felt that that area looked clogged or compressed. While I was still in the exam room, she checked and found that they x-ray people could do the test right away, so we walked over to that area and I had the test immediately. They read the xray which confirmed the doctor's diagnosis (there was only 1 mm of fluid going through the stent area) and contacted the doctor and then I went back to her office and she said that I should be readmitted to the hospital and that the doctor that placed the stent back in November (Dr. Carlock) would be able to do the endoscopic procedure to look at, clean out and perhaps place a new stent if necessary. [Sorry for the long run on sentences.] The procedure was done on Friday night and what was supposed to be 30 minutes turned out to be 90 minutes. The stent area was clogged - I suppose I should clarify - I thought the stent was like a ring of a looseleaf binder - but it is long and follows the duodenum in length - so there were 2 of them placed and the front one had become loose and was free floating. Food (mostly vegetables) had gotten stuck in that area so that nothing much could pass through. The doctor was able to remove that stent, clean out the area and place a new stent that was longer and fit into the second one which was doing fine. I have to be very strict about eating since these stents tend to clog easily. This procedure was not too painful but very uncomfortable - my throat and stomach hurt a lot today. Since I was able to eat solid food, I was released from the hospital and returned home in time for dinner. I was able to eat some pureed soup tonight and some gelato - which helped the back of my throat. It is good to be home and I am just in awe of how the Lord took care of so many details - even before we asked He had answered having everything in place.

Isaiah 65:24 says: And it will be that before they call, I will answer; Even while they are speaking, I will hear.

Psalms 66:19-20 says: 19 But indeed God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer. 20 Blessed be God, Who has not turned my prayer away Nor His lovingkindness from me.

Here is a wonderful hymn about prayer - I do appreciate all the prayer - I know that the resolution of this latest problem is due to that prayer and God's faithfulness.

Here is a link to the melody if you want to sing along. http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=771&f=mid

1 The veil is rent and opened is
A new and living way;
With boldness thru the precious blood,
We come to Thee to pray.

2 By Thy redemption we may come
Into the holiest place;
Thy Spirit now anointing us,
We touch the throne of grace.

3 In spirit only we would pray,
Ourselves by Thee possessed,
That from our spirit Christ the Lord
As incense be expressed.

4 Thy grace and mercy as a stream
From out the throne does flow,
Refreshing in the hour of need-
How rich, how sweet to know!

5 Though for our needs we do not ask
But by Thy Spirit pray,
Our every need is known to Thee,
We’re in Thy care alway.

6 Though griefs and trials on us press,
We will not anxious be,
But all our care upon Thee cast
And set our spirit free.

7 O may I concentrated be
In fellowship with Thee,
My prayer and incense offering,
Thy Spirit leading me.

It is such a comfort to know that our every need is know by Him and that we are always in His care. Hallelujah! Well, I should rest.

Much love,
Joanne

Prayer request

Hi Everyone,
On Saturday it seems the food just couldn't pass through from my stomach to the small intestine and caused vomiting. I'm not sure why - although I did eat a tangerine on Friday which could have caused some issues. But today I am still having problems - my stomach is uncomfortable and things don't seem to be moving through very easily - and I was very strict today with what I ate. So I will call Dr. Berlin tomorrow - maybe a CT scan is the next step - Please pray that the food moves through and that the problem is properly diagnosed.

Today I was reminded of the first verse of a hymn by Fanny Crosby -

All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well,
For I know, whate'er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

Amen! Thank you for praying.

Love,
Joanne

update and encouragement

Hi Everyone,
I am checking in - I've really been feeling crummy this week but things are looking up - as each day I feel a bit better. Aside from not really being able to rest because of side effects, I am encouraged that none of the nasty side effects lasts forever. My next chemo round will be at Dana-Farber on February 19. I'm not sure how many rounds I have left - I will check with Dr. Berlin when I see her next.


My experience has been similar to David's in Psalm 30:

1 I extol You, O Jehovah, for You have drawn me up And have not let my enemies rejoice over me.

2 O Jehovah my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me.

3 O Jehovah, You have brought up my soul from Sheol; You have preserved me alive that I would not go down into the pit.

4 Sing psalms to Jehovah, you who are His faithful ones; And praise His holy memorial.

5 For His anger lasts but a moment, His favor, a lifetime; Weeping may linger in the evening, But a ringing shout goes up in the morning.

6 As for me, I said in my prosperity, I will never be shaken.

7 O Jehovah, by Your favor You had made my mountain stand strong. You hid Your face; I was troubled.

8 To You, O Jehovah, I called out; And to Jehovah I made my supplication.

9 What profit is there in my blood if I go down into the pit? Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness?

10 Hear, O Jehovah, and be gracious to me. O Jehovah, be my help.

11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosened my sackcloth And girded me with rejoicing,

12 That my glory might sing psalms to You and not be silent. O Jehovah my God, I will praise You forever.

Thank you all for praying, calling out and making supplication - because of this I am so encouraged even when things don't look all that encouraging. God is faithful!

In my hymnal, there is a section called Comfort in Trials. Here is a hymn from that section by John Newton. It is a strengthening,anxiety-quieting, girding up hymn-and reminds me that though the road is "rough and thorny" it leads us on to God!

1 Be still, my heart! these anxious cares
To thee are burdens, thorns and snares;
They cast dishonor on the Lord,
And contradict His gracious word.

2 Brought safely by His hand thus far,
Why wilt thou now give place to fear?
How canst thou want if He provide,
Or lose thy way with such a Guide?

3 When first before His mercy-seat
Thou didst to Him thine all commit;
He gave thee warrant from that hour
To trust His wisdom, love, and power.

4 Did ever trouble yet befall,
And He refuse to hear thy call?
And has He not His promise passed,
That thou shalt overcome at last?

5 He who has helped me hitherto
Will help me all my journey through,
And give me daily cause to raise
New Ebenezers to His praise.

6 Though rough and thorny be the road,
It leads thee on, apace, to God;
Then count thy present trials small,
For God will make amends for all.


Much love,
Joanne

Update and a tidbit on prayer

Hi Everyone,
I am home from the MICU at Brigham and Women's Hospital. I went in on Wednesday and spent the night (to reserve the bed) and started treatment on Thursday at around 12:30 so I was there at the hospital until around 11:00 pm. The desensitization went very well - I only had one reaction to the drug which they treated with benedryl. It was very peaceful. A sister came to visit in the afternoon which helped pass the time and Paul came in the evening. I was pretty sleepy from the drugs so I slept a lot as well. The nurse I had was amazing. At one point she and the allergy fellow came in and we were talking about weddings - they are both engaged and I have had a lot of experience recently researching wedding venues, caterers etc. so I mentioned a few things and the allergy fellow started taking notes! That's a first! It was fun to be on the "expert" side of things for a change.....anyway my CA 125 went down a bit from 62 to 58 - which is a small amount but still moving in the right direction. I am feeling somewhat nauseous right now but trying to rest. I just wanted to give you all an update. Please pray that I am able to keep hydrated and also that the side effects from the chemo (especially neuropathy in my hands and feet) do not increase as this may mean that I cannot continue the drugs. The Lord knows.

When I was in the ICU it was hard to sleep. I woke up around 4:30 and enjoyed spending time in prayer with the Lord and also enjoyed reading through the first 8 chapters of Matthew. It was so very refreshing. In these chapters were the verses that are traditionally called the Lord's Prayer. Really the Lord is setting down some principles of prayer. I read something from the second chapter of the book The Prayer Ministry of the Church by Watchmen Nee that comments on this matter. I hope you get as much help from it as I did. You can read the entire chapter at http://www.ministrybooks.org/books.cfm?id=%23.%3EOL%0A - and click on chapter 2.

The prayer here is “Your will be done, as in heaven, so also on earth.” This shows that God’s will is done in heaven, but that it is not fully done on earth. God is God; who can stop His will from being done? Can man stop God? Can the devil stop God? No one can stop God. Why then do we have to pray? To answer this question, we have to mention something about the principle of prayer.

In the whole Bible, there are a few basic principles concerning the truth. The principle of prayer is one of these principles. Brothers and sisters, we have to realize that it is wonderful that such a thing as prayer can exist in the Bible. God truly knows our need already. Why then do we need to pray? In man’s view, since God is omniscient, there is no need for man to pray. Yet according to the Bible, God needs man’s prayer. Prayer means that God wants to do something, yet He will not do it Himself; He will wait for man on earth to pray about it before He does it. God has His will and thoughts. Yet He is waiting for man to pray. God knows our needs, yet He has to wait for man to pray before He will do anything. He will not move by Himself; He will move only after man has prayed. The reason that we need to pray is because God will not do anything by Himself; He has to wait for man to pray before He works. The Lord Jesus was to be born. But there needed to be a Simeon and an Anna to pray for this (Luke 2:25, 36-38). The Holy Spirit was to descend, but it could not descend until the hundred and twenty people prayed for ten days (Acts 1:15; 2:1-2). This is the principle of prayer. Can we through prayer ask God not to do what He wants? No, we cannot. Yet God has to wait for us to pray before He can do what He wants to do. At the time of Ahab, the word of Jehovah came to Elijah clearly, “I will send rain upon the earth.” But Elijah had to pray before God would send the rain (1 Kings 18:1, 41-45). God will not carry out His will alone. He has to wait for us to pray before He will carry out His will. What is prayer? It is first for God to have a will, second for us to touch this will and pray for it, and third for God to answer our prayer when we pray.

Many people have the wrong concept that the reason man prays to God is to initiate something and ask God to do something. But the Bible shows us that God first has a will and wants to do something, next He shows us His will, and then we speak out with our mouth the will that we have come to understand. This is prayer. The Lord taught us to pray. God Himself wants His name to be sanctified. God Himself wants His kingdom to come, and God Himself wants His will to be done on earth. Yet God will not do these things alone. He is waiting for the church to pray. If you pray, I pray, and all of God’s children pray and if the prayers are numerous enough, His name will be sanctified, His kingdom will come, and His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven. God’s children must learn to pray this kind of prayer. We have to always remember what God desires and what He wants to do. Although God has determined to do something, He will not do it; He has to wait for His children to be motivated and willing to express His will through their prayer before He will answer their prayer. Although the ultimate fulfillment of His name being sanctified, His kingdom coming, and His will being done on earth will be in the millennium, the timing of it, whether it will come early or late, depends on the prayer of His children. The basic principle is that God will not do anything according to His purpose alone; He will wait for His children to pray on earth before He does anything.

Some matters can be considered only miscellaneous matters in God’s will. But God has a very great will, and the miscellaneous matters of His will are included in this great will. When we pay attention to God’s great will, all the miscellaneous matters will be accomplished. God has His will in heaven, and His Spirit conveys this will to us. Therefore, we can echo with the cry, “God, we ask that You accomplish this.” When this happens, God accomplishes His will. This is the principle of prayer as revealed in the Bible. God’s move today is affected by our prayer on earth. We have to ask God to open our eyes so that we can see that the move in heaven is affected by our prayer on earth. Our Lord has revealed this mystery to us which was hidden from the ages. Brothers and sisters, if we are willing to make a sacrifice and set aside the time to pray, we will see that this kind of prayer will not only receive God’s answer but will also receive a reward.

God’s will is like a river, and our prayer is like the channel. If our prayer is big, the accomplishment of our prayer will also be big. If our prayer is limited, the accomplishment of our prayer will also be limited. The revival in Wales during 1903-1904 was the greatest revival in the history of the church. God brought in a great revival through a coal miner, Evan Roberts. He did not have much education. But his prayers were profound. Later he did not engage in any public work for seven or eight years. When a brother met him, the brother asked, “What have you been doing all these years?” He answered with one short sentence, “I have been praying the prayer of the kingdom.” Brothers and sisters, if there is no prayer, the kingdom will not come. If the channels are blocked, the water cannot flow through. In teaching us to pray, the Lord revealed God’s mind and God’s demand on us. Whenever God’s children place their will in harmony with God’s will, God’s name will be sanctified, His kingdom will surely come, and His will will indeed be done on earth as in heaven.

Lord, harmonize our will with Yours.

Much love dear ones,
Joanne

Follow-up on allergic reaction

Hi Everyone,
Yesterday I met with Dr. Mariana Castels who is an allergy/immunology specialist at BWH. She has developed a desensitization protocol for cancer patients who develop an allergic reaction to the chemo drug (usually after 6-8 rounds). I was tested yesterday and I am indeed allergic to carboplatin. So next week, when I have the next round of chemo I will go into Brigham and Women's Intensive Care Unit and have the drug administered over 6 hours. Apparently Dr. Castels has developed this protocol - and 3 years ago it was not possible to continue treatment if an allergy developed. I am so thankful that I will be able to finish the chemo since it is working.

These past few weeks have been difficult - I have felt really isolated and lonely - and sort of useless. But when I cry out to the Lord, He faithfully supplies according to His riches in glory - sometimes with a hymn or verses or with refreshing visits from dear ones. Today I enjoyed a refreshing visit and this wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson:

1 I'll sing of the wonderful promise
That Jesus has given to me;
"My strength is made perfect in weakness,
My grace is sufficient for thee."
And lest my poor heart should forget it,
Or ever forgetful should be,
He still keeps repeating the promise,
My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, over and over and over,
My Savior keeps saying to me;
My strength is made perfect in weakness,
My grace is sufficient for thee.

2 His grace is sufficient to save me,
And cleanse me from guilt and from sin;
Sufficient to sanctify wholly,
And give me His Spirit within.
His grace is sufficient for trials,
No matter how hard they may be,
This promise stands over against them,
My grace is sufficient for thee.

3 His grace is sufficient for sickness,
Sustaining and making me whole;
His grace is sufficient when sorrows
Like billows roll over the soul.
His grace is sufficient for service,
It sets us from selfishness free,
And sends us to tell to the tried ones,
His grace is sufficient for thee.

4 His grace is sufficient to live by,
And should we be summoned to die
'Twill light up the valley of shadows,
And bear us away to Him nigh.
Or when we shall stand in His vict'ry,
And Christ in His glory shall see,
We'll fall at His footstool confessing,
Thy grace was sufficient for me.

5 It is not our grace that's sufficient,
But His grace, it ever must be:
Our graces are transient and changing;
His grace is unfailing as He.
And so I am ever repeating
His wonderful promise to me,
My strength is made perfect in weakness,
My grace is sufficient for thee.


It is wonderful that His grace is unfailing - as He is....

Much love,
Joanne

Today's exciting adventure

Hi Everyone,
I got to Dana-Farber today in spite of snow, ice and freezing rain - thanks to my youngest son Andrew who provided moral support for me and drove with me into Boston. First of all, the CA 125 is down to 62 from 162 last time! This chemo is working and I am so thankful for all the prayer and for God's operating.

The wait for Dr. Berlin was about 10 minutes in the waiting room and then about 20 minutes in the exam room. This is very unusual. Then the wait upstairs for chemo was only about 15 minutes. I have waited for at least 1 hour each time I came. When I got in for the chemo, the people next to me whom I didn't meet were reading the Bible together. It was so wonderful to listen to them - they were reading the gospel of Matthew and it sounded like they were reading some passages for the first time. They marveled at Jesus' words and acts. I had brought things to do, but I just listened to their reading. It was so sweet to hear people appreciate the precious words of the Lord Jesus. It watered my spirit immensely. I wasn't sure if I should interrupt them since they were have some personal time together so I just prayed for them and drank in the sweet aroma of Christ which they filled the place with.

I had a long visit with the social worker Irene - she is very sweet and I enjoy speaking with her. Paul came and brought me a triple berry smoothie which was really tasty. When the taxol was complete, I started the carboplatin. I had a slight allergic reaction last time so they were concerned a bit but thought it should be fine. Paul went out and got me some lo mein noodles and chicken. After eating some of the meal, I suddenly got very sick- like I was going to throw up. I went to the bathroom but this didn't help and I started having trouble breathing. Turns out this was major allergic reaction to the carboplatin. Those nurses at D-F were amazing. Within seconds they had the meds, oxygen, a EKG, vitals and Dr. Berlin - and brought down the reaction. Hallelujah! Also, it turns out I had most of the carboplatin - so I don't have to miss the dose this week. In the future they have a desensitizing program where I get the carboplatin over 8-10 hours.

When I was listening to the couple today, I thought of that wonderful hymn by John Newton. I know I've posted it before, but it really was my experience today. Here's a link to the tune: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php?t=h&n=66&f=mid

1 How sweet the Name of Jesus sounds
In a believer's ear!
It soothes his sorrow, heals his wounds,
And drives away his fear.

2 It makes the wounded spirit whole,
And calms the troubled breast;
'Tis manna to the hungry soul,
And to the weary rest.

3 Dear Name! the Rock on which we build;
Our shield and hiding-place;
Our never-failing treasury, filled
With boundless stores of grace.

4 Jesus, our Savior, Shepherd, Friend,
Our Prophet, Priest, and King;
Our Lord, our Life, our Way, our End,
Accept the praise we bring.

5 Weak is the effort of our heart,
And cold our warmest thought;
But when we see Thee as Thou art,
We'll praise Thee as we ought.

6 Till then we would Thy love proclaim
With every fleeting breath;
And triumph in that blessed Name
Which quells the pow'r of death.

(Repeat the last two lines of each stanza)

We triumph in that blessed Name, which quells the power of death! Hallelujah!

Please pray for the next few days and for the chemo side effects - that I will be able to manage the nausea and not get too depleted. Thank you all for your faithful prayers - the stomach pain subsided a couple of days ago and yesterday I was able to go into school and work in the library - it was great! I had no pain. Thank you Lord!

Love you all -
Joanne

Update...finally

Sorry for the delay again in updating the blog - I had a rough week having eaten some fruit and vegetables (cooked) which seemed to get "stuck" (or so it felt) somewhere between my stomach and small intestine - where the stent is - I was very, very uncomfortable and could only deal with the pain by lying down and trying to sleep through it. I am going to see if I can contact the GI doctor and speak with her about some strategies for eating. The only food that seems to go down without any problem is ice cream - something I shouldn't be eating. Stephen (my son) bought me a smoothie recipe book which I am going to try - perhaps smoothies will go down like ice cream. It is somewhat discouraging to have such discomfort almost every time I eat anything. But overall I am stronger and feel better - which usually happens the last few days before the next round of chemo (which is on Wednesday). I will have another CA 125 blood test on Wednesday and will post that when I get a chance. Please pray for the effective work of the chemo, for some relief from the digestive discomfort and for unveiled fellowship with the Lord. My real need is to behold Him so I can be infused by Him - 2 Cor. 3:18 says: But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.

The footnote for "being transformed" says: When we with unveiled face are beholding and reflecting the glory of the Lord, He infuses us with the elements of what He is and what He has done. Thus we are being transformed metabolically to have His life shape by His life power with His life essence; that is, we are being transfigured, mainly by the renewing of our mind (Rom. 12:2), into His image. Being transformed indicates that we are in the process of transformation.

Romans 12:2 says
And do not be fashioned according to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and well pleasing and perfect.


The footnotes for be transformed says:

Transformation is the inward, metabolic process in which God works to spread His divine life and nature throughout every part of our being, particularly our soul, bringing Christ and His riches into our being as our new element and causing our old, natural element to be gradually discharged. As a result, we will be transformed into His image (2 Cor. 3:18), that is, conformed to the image of the firstborn Son of God as His many brothers (8:29). Thus we will be suitable for the building up of His Body.

So, through all our trials, our real need is to behold Him that we would be transformed into the same image - but this is not the end - the purpose of this transformation is to make us suitable for the building up of His body. It doesn't end with my transformation but with His building. Years ago a dear brother wrote this hymn which was his prayer for transformation. The tune is "More", which was a popular song in the mid-1960's.

1. More of our heart, dear Lord, we'd give You now;
   Even more ground to You, Lord, we'd allow.
   All that distracts us we'd despise,
   All that draws away our eyes—
   Lord, do fill our vision
   'Til the morning star has risen!
   We would count all things loss, but Jesus gain;
   Our inward parts cry out for You to reign.
   Worthy You are our heart to claim—
   Come, engrave on us Your name,
   We would love You, Jesus, more.
   
   
2. Less we would argue, Lord, and go our way;
   More we would say "Amen" to what You say.
   Grant us a walk to You conformed,
   'Til our living is transformed.
   We adore You, Jesus—
   May a pure love for You seize us.
   Any unwillingness, Lord, quickly slay;
   Even by faith we open all the way—
   Rising to heights of love unknown,
   Christ our destiny alone,
   We would love You, Jesus, more!

Oh, Lord, may a pure love for You seize us!

Thank you all for standing with me these days. I apologize for not being so available for phone calls- when I am resting, I try to not answer the phone. But don't give up and please know that I am upheld by your care and prayers.

Love,
Joanne