Tomorrow I have to go to Dana-Farber at 7:00 AM to have chemo - first 3 hours for the taxol and then 6 hours for the carboplatin. HOpefully they will start on time - but one never knows. Please pray for the desensitization process - that all goes well and I'm able to get the chemo - also please pray about the side effects - they were rough last time around. I had my blood test yesterday but don't have the results of the CA-125 - when I get it tomorrow I'll post it then.
I was able to go to the school library today to catalog some books and straighten things up a bit - I do love going there - It gets depressing sometimes because I am so limited. Someone sent me this excerpt from the Life Study of Genesis, message 93. It is so encouraging, I thought I'd share it:
Now we must consider how Jacob, a transformed person, could be filled with life. Human beings are vessels. However, unlike jars and bottles, we are not vessels without feeling, sense, or will. If you want to fill a bottle with a certain liquid, the bottle has no opinion or feeling about it. There is no need to have the consent of the bottle before we fill it. But it is difficult to put something in us living vessels because we are filled with opinions, desires, and intentions. Parents know how difficult it is to put medicine into their children. Likewise, it is not an easy matter for God to put His life into us.
Now I want to point out a hidden matter in this book. Jacob's first dealing in the last stage was the loss of Joseph. Joseph was seventeen years old when he was sold (37:2), and he was thirty years old when he stood before Pharaoh (41:46). Following this, there were the seven plenteous years. It was probably one or two years later that Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to buy grain. Therefore, from the selling of Joseph to the sending of Jacob's sons to Egypt was a period of at least twenty years. The Bible does not afford us any record of what Jacob did during these years. It only gives us an account of what Joseph experienced. As far as the record of Jacob is concerned, this period of twenty years was a time of silence.
What do you think Jacob was doing during this time? If you had been Jacob, what would you have done? I have considered this matter very much, and I think I have discovered something. During these years Jacob had nothing to do. He had no lack and he had no ambition. Jacob had cared only for Rachel, not for Leah and the two maids. After Rachel died, Jacob's heart was set on Joseph, who was taken away from him about a year later. After Joseph was taken away, Jacob had virtually nothing left. Therefore, during these silent years he was a person without any ambitions, interests, or things to do. This must have been the time God imparted Himself into Jacob more and more. How different were these twenty years from the twenty years with Laban! During the twenty years with Laban (31:41), Jacob had struggled against Laban and had been concerned about dealing with Rachel, Leah, the maids, and all his children. But in these twenty years at Hebron Jacob was released from any bondage or occupation. He was not only retired—he was free.
The only thing that could not be taken away from Jacob was God's presence. At Hebron Jacob constantly lived in fellowship with God. Through the loss of Joseph, Jacob became a jar that was absolutely open to God. Joseph's presence might have been a hindrance to Jacob's openness to God. But now, after the loss of Joseph, Jacob was free from every frustration and was completely open to the Lord. Undoubtedly, Jacob thought about Joseph day after day. He had concluded that Joseph had been devoured by an evil beast, but this had not been confirmed. Hence, Jacob might have thought that perhaps he would see Joseph again. This pressed Jacob to God and opened him up to God. The more he thought about Joseph, the more open he was. During all these years, Jacob was a jar open to the heavens, and the heavenly rain was continuously falling into him. In this period of time Jacob was daily in the presence of God, being filled with the divine life.
I only hope I could have the same testimony as Jacob - to be a jar open to the heavens, continually in the presence of God.
There is a hymn about being an earthen vessel:
1 Earthen vessel I was made,
Christ in me the treasure laid;
His container I must be,
As the content He in me.
2 In His image I was made,
Fit that Christ should all pervade;
Thus the vessel God did form
With the content uniform.
3 In my spirit He remains,
With His power He sustains;
As the Spirit one with me,
He is my reality.
4 Moving in me day by day,
Mingling with me all the way,
All my steps He regulates,
Every part He saturates.
5 Him expressing from within,
Making Him to others seen,
I transparent have to be
That He may be shown thru me.
6 Transformation is my need,
To be broken more indeed,
That the clay may change in form,
To the treasure to conform.
Like Jacob my need is transformation - Oh Lord may this clay change in form and conform more and more to You, the treasure!
Love,
Joanne
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