Hi Everyone,
Just a quick update - I saw Dr. Berlin today - after waiting 2.5 hours to see her! They say she spends a lot of time with her patients and that is why she is always late. I guess that's a good reason. I was able to do some reading while I waited and waited. I was in a great room on the corner of the building on the 9th floor that has two windows on the corner and around the office on two sides giving a great view of the whole Boston Medical area. Dr. Berlin told me that the chest CT scan showed nodularity that they couldn't distinguish - she says it means that one area of gray was not as smooth as other areas of gray and so she says that the only way they can tell if it is some new growth is to rescan - which they are going to do in July! My CA125 was 5, like it was in January. Anything below 35 is considered "normal." The hernia is something that needs to be taken care of because of how much of the colon is involved. I asked her about any complications with having the surgery - she felt that is was a quality of life decision since I can't continue to go around with that huge bulge. She said we have to take the high road in this field and we have to live like we are going to live! Amen to that! I am so thankful to the Lord for all that He has provided through this and other doctors at Dana Farber. That place is really something special – even the parking people are kind!
Dr. Berlin did want me to see a Dr. Rosenthal at the Zakim Center at Dana Farber – he is a “complementary” care doctor who could review the supplements I am taking through the naturopathic doctor. I didn’t have a chance to see him today but I will call him soon.
Well, I must get back to my reading.
Much love,
Joanne
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Hello everyone,
We are still ceilingless in 3 rooms and are awaiting to see what the insurance company will do about funding the repairs. I have been thanking the Lord for those 16 years I lived in a very small house, because now we are crammed into the dining room and our bedroom with Paul's files, the computer, desks etc! While this isn't a great suffering, it has the potential to drive me crazy - so thanking the Lord has been a great way to subdue that urge to complain. I see Dr. Berlin on Wednesday but I won't know anything about the blood tests for a couple of days. Last week I was having abdominal pain but it has subsided - I think I was doing too much with the flooded house.
I don't know if you do this, but usually when a date comes that has significance historically in my life, I pause to consider what have I gained or have I changed much - this self-evaluation is usually not the best endeavor because I often doubt that there has been much change and also wonder if I have gained much of the Lord. Of course, this past Saturday was one of those days as it marked one year since I received the diagnosis and had that moment of having my life flashing before me. At that time, when the doctor told me I had tumors that were most likely cancer, tearfully doing a quick assessment of my life, I said to Paul (my husband), "I have no regrets. I have not spent my life in a vain way pursuing what I thought I would pursue before I met the Lord. He has mercifully rescued me from a life of vanity, pursing the wind, to one of reality, pursuing Him." There was great relief at that moment, that if I had to see the Lord face to face soon, at least I would not be ashamed about how I had spent the days He had given me. What a mercy that was to me.
But then over the next months, I began to seek the Lord about why this was necessary? What was God's point that He was trying to make? I worried that if I didn't learn the lesson, then perhaps I would have to repeat the "class". I think I got the answer. The sufferings, allowed by a faithful God, will be used by Him to bring each of us into more of the reality of Who He is, and will help us explore the depths of supply found in His Word. But suffering cannot be examined separately from God's economy - which is God dispensing Himself into us as our life and life supply. The suffering is not to make us model Christians who bear everything well, but rather to constitute us with God, with the Divine life, and make us utterly dependent on Him. How sad to go through suffering and come out more fortified in natural strength. That is how the world views adversity - that if you endure it, you will come out stronger. But the Lord's view is quite different. His goal is that we would decrease and He would increase; that He would do, as Charles Wesley wrote in the hymn Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Adam's image now erase, stamp Thine image in its place!
Regarding the matter of self-examination or introspection, here is something from the Collected Works of Watchman Nee, vol. 38 that addresses this issue and is really helpful:
So rather than looking within, we need to look away! (Hebrews 12:2)
Some verses I have been enjoying about this matter of suffering:
Hebrews 12:11
11 Now no discipline at the present time seems to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterward it yields the 1apeaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised by it.
1 Peter 1:6-7;
6 In which time you exult, though for a little while at present, if it must be, you have been made sorrowful by various trials,
7 So that the proving of your faith, much more precious than of gold which perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;
1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Beloved, do not think that the fiery ordeal among you, coming to you for a trial, is strange, as if it were a strange thing happening to you;
13 But inasmuch as you share in the sufferings of Christ, rejoice, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice exultingly.
Psalm 66:10
10 For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.
I offer this hymn that is a great way to pray concerning this matter. The hymn was written by Brother Watchman Nee.
1 Olives that have known no pressure
No oil can bestow;
If the grapes escape the winepress,
Cheering wine can never flow;
Spikenard only through the crushing,
Fragrance can diffuse.
Shall I then, Lord, shrink from suff’ring
Which Thy love for me would choose?
2 Do my heart-strings need Thy stretching,
Songs divine to prove?
Do I need for sweetest music
Cruel treatment of Thy love?
Lord, I fear no deprivation
If it draws to Thee;
I would yield in full surrender
All Thy heart of love to see.
3 I’m ashamed, my Lord, for seeking
Self to guard alway;
Though Thy love has done its stripping,
Yet I’ve been compelled this way.
Lord, according to Thy pleasure
Fully work on me;
Heeding not my human feelings,
Only do what pleases Thee.
4 If Thy mind and mine should differ,
Still pursue Thy way;
If Thy pleasure means my sorrow,
Still my heart shall answer, “Yea!”
’Tis my deep desire to please Thee,
Though I suffer loss;
E’en though Thy delight and glory
Mean that I endure the cross.
5 Oh, I’ll praise Thee, e’en if weeping
Mingle with my song.
Thine increasing sweetness calls forth
Grateful praises all day long.
Thou hast made Thyself more precious
Than all else to me:
Thou increase and I decrease, Lord-
This is now my only plea.
In the place of what Thou takest, Thou dost give Thyself to me! Praise the Lord!
What a great exchange! This is a promise we can believe - that the Lord causes all things to work together for good. What is good? That we would be conformed to His image - that self would decrease and He would increase.
I hope this blog has been useful over the past year - it has been a means for the Lord to flow out to reach you all when I have not been physically able. Your encouraging comments have sustained me and have exhibited God's loving care to me.
Much love,
Joanne
We are still ceilingless in 3 rooms and are awaiting to see what the insurance company will do about funding the repairs. I have been thanking the Lord for those 16 years I lived in a very small house, because now we are crammed into the dining room and our bedroom with Paul's files, the computer, desks etc! While this isn't a great suffering, it has the potential to drive me crazy - so thanking the Lord has been a great way to subdue that urge to complain. I see Dr. Berlin on Wednesday but I won't know anything about the blood tests for a couple of days. Last week I was having abdominal pain but it has subsided - I think I was doing too much with the flooded house.
I don't know if you do this, but usually when a date comes that has significance historically in my life, I pause to consider what have I gained or have I changed much - this self-evaluation is usually not the best endeavor because I often doubt that there has been much change and also wonder if I have gained much of the Lord. Of course, this past Saturday was one of those days as it marked one year since I received the diagnosis and had that moment of having my life flashing before me. At that time, when the doctor told me I had tumors that were most likely cancer, tearfully doing a quick assessment of my life, I said to Paul (my husband), "I have no regrets. I have not spent my life in a vain way pursuing what I thought I would pursue before I met the Lord. He has mercifully rescued me from a life of vanity, pursing the wind, to one of reality, pursuing Him." There was great relief at that moment, that if I had to see the Lord face to face soon, at least I would not be ashamed about how I had spent the days He had given me. What a mercy that was to me.
But then over the next months, I began to seek the Lord about why this was necessary? What was God's point that He was trying to make? I worried that if I didn't learn the lesson, then perhaps I would have to repeat the "class". I think I got the answer. The sufferings, allowed by a faithful God, will be used by Him to bring each of us into more of the reality of Who He is, and will help us explore the depths of supply found in His Word. But suffering cannot be examined separately from God's economy - which is God dispensing Himself into us as our life and life supply. The suffering is not to make us model Christians who bear everything well, but rather to constitute us with God, with the Divine life, and make us utterly dependent on Him. How sad to go through suffering and come out more fortified in natural strength. That is how the world views adversity - that if you endure it, you will come out stronger. But the Lord's view is quite different. His goal is that we would decrease and He would increase; that He would do, as Charles Wesley wrote in the hymn Hark the Herald Angels Sing, Adam's image now erase, stamp Thine image in its place!
Regarding the matter of self-examination or introspection, here is something from the Collected Works of Watchman Nee, vol. 38 that addresses this issue and is really helpful:
Among God's children, there is nothing more damaging than introspection. Let us bear this in mind—the most damaging thing is to turn our gaze inward. This may be even more serious than sin. Sin is readily recognized as such, but introspection is not detected so easily. An unsuspected disease is always more serious and damaging than an apparent one. If you were asked whether it is wrong to be proud, you would immediately answer that it is obviously wrong. If you were asked whether it is wrong to be envious, you would know quite well that it is wrong. These flaws are obvious. But you can become introspective twenty times in a single day without any sense of wrongdoing. If you quarrel, you soon become aware that you have done something wrong; you quickly identify your sickness. But you can be introspective and be totally unaware of its evil. Looking within is the most hurtful thing in the Christian life. Many Christians are given to introspection, and they are living a life of false spirituality. There is no profit in introspection. The greatest damage a Christian can suffer comes from introspection; it will cheat you.
So rather than looking within, we need to look away! (Hebrews 12:2)
Some verses I have been enjoying about this matter of suffering:
Hebrews 12:11
11 Now no discipline at the present time seems to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterward it yields the 1apeaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised by it.
1 Peter 1:6-7;
6 In which time you exult, though for a little while at present, if it must be, you have been made sorrowful by various trials,
7 So that the proving of your faith, much more precious than of gold which perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;
1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Beloved, do not think that the fiery ordeal among you, coming to you for a trial, is strange, as if it were a strange thing happening to you;
13 But inasmuch as you share in the sufferings of Christ, rejoice, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice exultingly.
Psalm 66:10
10 For You have tried us, O God; You have refined us as silver is refined.
I offer this hymn that is a great way to pray concerning this matter. The hymn was written by Brother Watchman Nee.
1 Olives that have known no pressure
No oil can bestow;
If the grapes escape the winepress,
Cheering wine can never flow;
Spikenard only through the crushing,
Fragrance can diffuse.
Shall I then, Lord, shrink from suff’ring
Which Thy love for me would choose?
Chorus
Each blow I suffer
Is true gain to me.
In the place of what Thou takest
Thou dost give Thyself to me.
2 Do my heart-strings need Thy stretching,
Songs divine to prove?
Do I need for sweetest music
Cruel treatment of Thy love?
Lord, I fear no deprivation
If it draws to Thee;
I would yield in full surrender
All Thy heart of love to see.
3 I’m ashamed, my Lord, for seeking
Self to guard alway;
Though Thy love has done its stripping,
Yet I’ve been compelled this way.
Lord, according to Thy pleasure
Fully work on me;
Heeding not my human feelings,
Only do what pleases Thee.
4 If Thy mind and mine should differ,
Still pursue Thy way;
If Thy pleasure means my sorrow,
Still my heart shall answer, “Yea!”
’Tis my deep desire to please Thee,
Though I suffer loss;
E’en though Thy delight and glory
Mean that I endure the cross.
5 Oh, I’ll praise Thee, e’en if weeping
Mingle with my song.
Thine increasing sweetness calls forth
Grateful praises all day long.
Thou hast made Thyself more precious
Than all else to me:
Thou increase and I decrease, Lord-
This is now my only plea.
In the place of what Thou takest, Thou dost give Thyself to me! Praise the Lord!
What a great exchange! This is a promise we can believe - that the Lord causes all things to work together for good. What is good? That we would be conformed to His image - that self would decrease and He would increase.
I hope this blog has been useful over the past year - it has been a means for the Lord to flow out to reach you all when I have not been physically able. Your encouraging comments have sustained me and have exhibited God's loving care to me.
Much love,
Joanne
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Surgery, fiery furnaces and God
I heard back from the surgeon's office and I will be having surgery on the hernia May 8, 2008. This was the earliest opening he had! I am glad that this will be taken care of since it seems to be getting larger and I have pain sometimes. I see Dr. Berlin on April 9th, when I will have a CA125 blood test.
I finished my 3 courses last week. They were very interesting and useful. The next quarter begins on Monday, March 31. I will be taking my last 3 courses! I hope all will go well. My daughter Elizabeth reminded me that next weekend will be 1 year since I was diagnosed. So much has happened in this year. I've been through regions of life I had hoped to avoid! But here I am on the other side of this year, alive! How wonderful! Through this experience I am reminded of Daniel's 3 companions and the fiery furnace:
Daniel 3:16-27
16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, there is no need for us to give you an answer in this matter.
17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the blazing furnace of fire, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
18 But if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods nor worship the golden image that you have set up.
19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury and the countenance of his face was changed toward Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He responded and commanded that the furnace be made seven times hotter than it was usually heated.
20 And he commanded certain mighty men who were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, and throw them into the blazing furnace of fire.
21 Then these men were bound in their shirts, tunics, and mantles, and other clothing, and thrown into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire.
22 For this reason, because the king's word was so harsh and the furnace had been heated to an extreme, the flame of the fire slew those men who carried up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.
23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, fell into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire bound up.
24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished and stood up in haste; he responded and said to his counselors, Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up? They answered and said to the king, Certainly, O king.
25 He answered and said, Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.
26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the blazing furnace of fire. He responded and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, servants of God the Most High, come out and come here. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.
27 And the satraps, prefects, and governors, and the king's counselors, being gathered together, saw concerning these men that the fire had no effect on their bodies and that the hair of their heads was not singed, nor had their clothes been affected, nor had the smell of fire come upon them.
What really touched me about this passage is that while God was able to deliver them out of the fiery furnace - He did not. Rather He joined them in it and they were not harmed. Even the hairs of their head were not singed and they didn't smell of fire or smoke! This is how completely the Lord takes care of us. I think last year I had hoped that the Lord would deliver me out of the cancer furnace - He did not. Instead, He joined me in it. Through His sweet presence moment by moment and the care and prayers of all of you, I am here unharmed. Even there isn't a trace of the smell of the fire on my clothes. How wonderful! Surely this is not because of me but because of God's keeping power.
This is from the Life Study of Daniel, message 5,
How wonderful - He joins us in our suffering and make the prison a pleasant place!
This reminds me of the following hymn -
Since Christ my soul from sin set free,
This life has been a joy to me;
And 'mid earth's sorrows and its woe,
'Tis joy my Jesus here to know.
The earth was once a bitter place
Till Jesus showed His smiling face;
Now joy's begun within my soul,
'Twill last while endless ages roll.
What matters where on earth we dwell?
On mountain top, or in the dell,
In cottage, or a mansion fair,
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.
How encouraging this experience has been! I hope you all are encouraged too to realize that through the suffering situations, we have One who isn't watching from the heavens to see how we will do, but rather we have One who joins us in the suffering, supplying, sustaining and encouraging us moment by moment! Praise Him!
Much love to you all,
Joanne
I finished my 3 courses last week. They were very interesting and useful. The next quarter begins on Monday, March 31. I will be taking my last 3 courses! I hope all will go well. My daughter Elizabeth reminded me that next weekend will be 1 year since I was diagnosed. So much has happened in this year. I've been through regions of life I had hoped to avoid! But here I am on the other side of this year, alive! How wonderful! Through this experience I am reminded of Daniel's 3 companions and the fiery furnace:
Daniel 3:16-27
16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, there is no need for us to give you an answer in this matter.
17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the blazing furnace of fire, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.
18 But if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods nor worship the golden image that you have set up.
19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury and the countenance of his face was changed toward Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He responded and commanded that the furnace be made seven times hotter than it was usually heated.
20 And he commanded certain mighty men who were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, and throw them into the blazing furnace of fire.
21 Then these men were bound in their shirts, tunics, and mantles, and other clothing, and thrown into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire.
22 For this reason, because the king's word was so harsh and the furnace had been heated to an extreme, the flame of the fire slew those men who carried up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.
23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, fell into the midst of the blazing furnace of fire bound up.
24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished and stood up in haste; he responded and said to his counselors, Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up? They answered and said to the king, Certainly, O king.
25 He answered and said, Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.
26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the blazing furnace of fire. He responded and said, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, servants of God the Most High, come out and come here. Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.
27 And the satraps, prefects, and governors, and the king's counselors, being gathered together, saw concerning these men that the fire had no effect on their bodies and that the hair of their heads was not singed, nor had their clothes been affected, nor had the smell of fire come upon them.
What really touched me about this passage is that while God was able to deliver them out of the fiery furnace - He did not. Rather He joined them in it and they were not harmed. Even the hairs of their head were not singed and they didn't smell of fire or smoke! This is how completely the Lord takes care of us. I think last year I had hoped that the Lord would deliver me out of the cancer furnace - He did not. Instead, He joined me in it. Through His sweet presence moment by moment and the care and prayers of all of you, I am here unharmed. Even there isn't a trace of the smell of the fire on my clothes. How wonderful! Surely this is not because of me but because of God's keeping power.
This is from the Life Study of Daniel, message 5,
Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and said to his counselors, "Did we not throw three men into the midst of the fire bound up?...Look, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not harmed. And the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods" (vv. 24-25). This fourth one was Christ. Christ had come to be with His three suffering, persecuted overcomers and to make the fire a pleasant place in which to walk about.
Our natural thought is that we need to leave the fire of our circumstances. We may think that if we have a troublesome husband or a bothersome wife, we should pray and ask God to deliver us out of such a situation. But the Lord would say, "I do not like to deliver you from this situation in your married life. Instead, I will keep you there, and I will come and make your environment a pleasant place."
When the enemy throws us into the furnace, we should realize that we do not need to ask the Lord to deliver us. He will come to be with us and take care of us in our suffering, making our place of suffering a pleasant situation. I can testify of this from my experience of imprisonment under the Japanese invading army in China. During that time of suffering, the Lord was with me. One day, as I was talking to the Lord, I had the deep sense that He was there in prison with me. I wept before Him, saying, "Lord, You know why I am here." Instead of delivering me from prison immediately, the Lord, by His presence, made that prison a pleasant place. As the Lord was with those suffering overcomers in Babylon, so He will be with us in our suffering today.
How wonderful - He joins us in our suffering and make the prison a pleasant place!
This reminds me of the following hymn -
Since Christ my soul from sin set free,
This life has been a joy to me;
And 'mid earth's sorrows and its woe,
'Tis joy my Jesus here to know.
O hallelujah, yes, 'tis joy!
For it is Christ that I enjoy!
On land or sea, what matters where?
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.
The earth was once a bitter place
Till Jesus showed His smiling face;
Now joy's begun within my soul,
'Twill last while endless ages roll.
What matters where on earth we dwell?
On mountain top, or in the dell,
In cottage, or a mansion fair,
Where Jesus is, my joy is there.
How encouraging this experience has been! I hope you all are encouraged too to realize that through the suffering situations, we have One who isn't watching from the heavens to see how we will do, but rather we have One who joins us in the suffering, supplying, sustaining and encouraging us moment by moment! Praise Him!
Much love to you all,
Joanne
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
CT Scan results, hernia repair and prayer
Hi Everyone,
I called today about the CT scan and the nurse told me that it was mostly unremarkable with the exception of the hernia which is involving more of the colon. She told me I need to follow up with the surgeon to get this hernia repaired. I will do this today. The CT scan shows no growth in the nodules and showed some nodules in the chest area which they think are benign. They didn't do a CA-125 blood test and all the other blood work was okay. I haven't heard from the surgeon who is doing the hernia repair, but the nurse said that should be a priority, so I will call him tomorrow. We've had a disaster of sorts in our house - a flooded heating system that burst out of a radiator on the top floor of the house and flooded down through all the floors into the basement! You just can't imagine the amount of water. Apparently we have lots of water in the ceilings, so they will have to be replaced - so please pray about the working out of all the details - and the stress level in the house and all the burden on Paul. Lately I have been kind of tired when I come home from the library, so I've been sleeping through dinner! Not so good for the family. I am still trying to eat cruciferous vegetables but sometimes I don't have the energy to cook. It's like the children of Israel in the good land - the manna stopped and they had to labor for their food. I do believe that there is the grace from the Lord to continue to eat this way but sometimes I don't have the energy to do all that chopping. Although today I made a healthier version of a Polish stuffed cabbage recipe - using ground turkey and brown rice. It wasn't the same but it wasn't too bad - and I could eat it, which is a treat.
I realized this past week that my being up out of bed is because of the prayers - it reminded me of Dorcas in Acts - I'm sure you know the account, but in case you don't:
Acts 9:36-42
36 Now in Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas); this woman was full of good works and alms which she did.
37 And in those days she became ill and died; and they bathed her body and laid it in an upper room.
38 Now because Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples heard that Peter was there, and they sent two men to him, entreating him, Do not delay to come through to us.
39 And Peter rose up and went with them. When he arrived, they led him up into the upper room. And all the widows stood by him, weeping and showing him tunics and garments, all of which Dorcas had made while she was with them.
40 And Peter put them all outside; and kneeling down, he prayed; and he turned to the body and said, Tabitha, rise up. And she opened her eyes; and when she saw Peter, she sat up.
41 And giving her his hand, he raised her up. And when he had called the saints and the widows, he presented her alive.
42 And it became known throughout all of Joppa and many believed on the Lord.
Not that I am a Dorcas - or that I died or anything - but those whom Dorcas served would not let her die - but sent to Peter to come to pray for her. Dorcas' service was necessary and so the Lord gave her back to the brothers and sisters. I don't know how necessary my service is, but I do know that all the prayers have caused the Lord to give me more time, to give me back to serve Him and the members of His body. I am in awe of this and each day continue to pray that I will fulfill the Lord's purpose for me to have this extended time.
Please continue to pray about this hernia and the next surgery - and for the working out of all the details. I have so much confidence in all the faithful prayers. I am reminded of James 5:16b-18: "...The petition of a righteous man avails much in its working. Elijah was a man of like feeling with us, and he earnestly prayed that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth sprouted forth with its fruit.
The Life Study of James, Message 9 says this about these verses:
"...indicate that a prayer from the Lord was given to Elijah, in which he prayed. He did not pray in his feeling, thought, intention, mood, or in any kind of motivation from circumstances or situations for the fulfilling of his own purpose. He prayed in the prayer given him by the Lord for the accomplishing of His will.
In verse 16 James speaks of the operating petition of a righteous man. This indicates that in praying for the sick, we need to pray in the way of an operating petition. This means that we should not pray without a burden. Rather, we need to pray as Elijah prayed.
In verse 17 James says that in prayer Elijah prayed that it should not rain. In other words, Elijah prayed in a prayer. The King James Version says that Elijah prayed earnestly. However, to pray in a prayer actually does not mean to pray earnestly. James does not tell us that Elijah prayed in earnestness; he says that Elijah prayed in a prayer.
What is the meaning of this expression, to pray in a prayer? The prayer that Elijah prayed was great, for he prayed that it would not rain on earth for three years and six months. This is much greater than praying for the healing of a sick person. After three and a half years, Elijah prayed again, this time praying that heaven would give rain. Elijah could pray in this way because God gave him a prayer, because God burdened him with a prayer. In other words, Elijah had the burden to pray in a particular way, and that burden was a prayer given to him by God.
We should not pray according to our memory, observation, or our own burden. On the contrary, we must have a burden from God to pray for a certain thing, just as Elijah was burdened with the prayer given to him by God. God gave Elijah a prayer, and in that prayer Elijah prayed. This is not a matter of praying in earnest. It is a matter that God, in His move and according to His plan, gave Elijah a prayer, and Elijah was burdened to pray the prayer that God gave him. Therefore, Elijah prayed in a prayer.
May the Lord continue to strengthen us into our inner man and may we pray His prayers moment by moment as our breathing.
Here is a hymn for your enjoyment about breathing:
1 O Lord, breathe Thy Spirit on me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in;
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.
2 I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.
3 Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fulness,
Finding all my life in Thee.
4 I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.
5 I am breathing out my sickness,
Thou hast borne its burden too;
I am breathing in Thy healing,
Ever promised, ever new.
6 I am breathing out my longings
In Thy listening, loving ear;
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.
7 I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Lord, Thy Spirit breathe in me.
Breath by breath, we live upon Him! Keep breathing!
Much love to you all,
Joanne
I called today about the CT scan and the nurse told me that it was mostly unremarkable with the exception of the hernia which is involving more of the colon. She told me I need to follow up with the surgeon to get this hernia repaired. I will do this today. The CT scan shows no growth in the nodules and showed some nodules in the chest area which they think are benign. They didn't do a CA-125 blood test and all the other blood work was okay. I haven't heard from the surgeon who is doing the hernia repair, but the nurse said that should be a priority, so I will call him tomorrow. We've had a disaster of sorts in our house - a flooded heating system that burst out of a radiator on the top floor of the house and flooded down through all the floors into the basement! You just can't imagine the amount of water. Apparently we have lots of water in the ceilings, so they will have to be replaced - so please pray about the working out of all the details - and the stress level in the house and all the burden on Paul. Lately I have been kind of tired when I come home from the library, so I've been sleeping through dinner! Not so good for the family. I am still trying to eat cruciferous vegetables but sometimes I don't have the energy to cook. It's like the children of Israel in the good land - the manna stopped and they had to labor for their food. I do believe that there is the grace from the Lord to continue to eat this way but sometimes I don't have the energy to do all that chopping. Although today I made a healthier version of a Polish stuffed cabbage recipe - using ground turkey and brown rice. It wasn't the same but it wasn't too bad - and I could eat it, which is a treat.
I realized this past week that my being up out of bed is because of the prayers - it reminded me of Dorcas in Acts - I'm sure you know the account, but in case you don't:
Acts 9:36-42
36 Now in Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas); this woman was full of good works and alms which she did.
37 And in those days she became ill and died; and they bathed her body and laid it in an upper room.
38 Now because Lydda was near Joppa, the disciples heard that Peter was there, and they sent two men to him, entreating him, Do not delay to come through to us.
39 And Peter rose up and went with them. When he arrived, they led him up into the upper room. And all the widows stood by him, weeping and showing him tunics and garments, all of which Dorcas had made while she was with them.
40 And Peter put them all outside; and kneeling down, he prayed; and he turned to the body and said, Tabitha, rise up. And she opened her eyes; and when she saw Peter, she sat up.
41 And giving her his hand, he raised her up. And when he had called the saints and the widows, he presented her alive.
42 And it became known throughout all of Joppa and many believed on the Lord.
Not that I am a Dorcas - or that I died or anything - but those whom Dorcas served would not let her die - but sent to Peter to come to pray for her. Dorcas' service was necessary and so the Lord gave her back to the brothers and sisters. I don't know how necessary my service is, but I do know that all the prayers have caused the Lord to give me more time, to give me back to serve Him and the members of His body. I am in awe of this and each day continue to pray that I will fulfill the Lord's purpose for me to have this extended time.
Please continue to pray about this hernia and the next surgery - and for the working out of all the details. I have so much confidence in all the faithful prayers. I am reminded of James 5:16b-18: "...The petition of a righteous man avails much in its working. Elijah was a man of like feeling with us, and he earnestly prayed that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth sprouted forth with its fruit.
The Life Study of James, Message 9 says this about these verses:
"...indicate that a prayer from the Lord was given to Elijah, in which he prayed. He did not pray in his feeling, thought, intention, mood, or in any kind of motivation from circumstances or situations for the fulfilling of his own purpose. He prayed in the prayer given him by the Lord for the accomplishing of His will.
In verse 16 James speaks of the operating petition of a righteous man. This indicates that in praying for the sick, we need to pray in the way of an operating petition. This means that we should not pray without a burden. Rather, we need to pray as Elijah prayed.
In verse 17 James says that in prayer Elijah prayed that it should not rain. In other words, Elijah prayed in a prayer. The King James Version says that Elijah prayed earnestly. However, to pray in a prayer actually does not mean to pray earnestly. James does not tell us that Elijah prayed in earnestness; he says that Elijah prayed in a prayer.
What is the meaning of this expression, to pray in a prayer? The prayer that Elijah prayed was great, for he prayed that it would not rain on earth for three years and six months. This is much greater than praying for the healing of a sick person. After three and a half years, Elijah prayed again, this time praying that heaven would give rain. Elijah could pray in this way because God gave him a prayer, because God burdened him with a prayer. In other words, Elijah had the burden to pray in a particular way, and that burden was a prayer given to him by God.
We should not pray according to our memory, observation, or our own burden. On the contrary, we must have a burden from God to pray for a certain thing, just as Elijah was burdened with the prayer given to him by God. God gave Elijah a prayer, and in that prayer Elijah prayed. This is not a matter of praying in earnest. It is a matter that God, in His move and according to His plan, gave Elijah a prayer, and Elijah was burdened to pray the prayer that God gave him. Therefore, Elijah prayed in a prayer.
May the Lord continue to strengthen us into our inner man and may we pray His prayers moment by moment as our breathing.
Here is a hymn for your enjoyment about breathing:
1 O Lord, breathe Thy Spirit on me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in;
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.
I am breathing out my sorrow,
Breathing out my sin;
I am breathing, breathing, breathing,
All Thy fulness in.
2 I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.
3 Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou hast borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fulness,
Finding all my life in Thee.
4 I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.
5 I am breathing out my sickness,
Thou hast borne its burden too;
I am breathing in Thy healing,
Ever promised, ever new.
6 I am breathing out my longings
In Thy listening, loving ear;
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.
7 I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Lord, Thy Spirit breathe in me.
Breath by breath, we live upon Him! Keep breathing!
Much love to you all,
Joanne
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Choosing the better part
Hi Everyone,
Sorry it has been a while since I've posted. I was waiting for results from tests and have been swamped with schoolwork. The great news is that all the biopsies came back negative for malignancy. Hallelujah! Drs. Berkowitz and Berlin also decided to discontinue the lovenox shots! So, now the surgeon can proceed with the hernia surgery. His office still has not contacted me so I will probably contact them tomorrow. I don't have results back from the CT scan or the latest blood work but when I get that I will post here. I do have a lot of energy for most of the day, which is also such a blessing. I also got some blood tests done to see how effective the supplements have been to reduce the growth factors in my blood. Apparently, one GF has gone way down, but others have stayed the same. Please pray for wisdom for this doctor and for us about how to proceed with this.
One morning when I was spending some time with the Lord, I found it hard to keep my mind from racing to all the things that I needed to take care of. My mind was like Martha in Luke - busily doing so much but not taking the time to sit at Jesus' feet, like Mary, her sister, did. Here are the verses from Luke 10:38-42
38 Now as they went, He entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received Him into her home.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet and was listening to His word.
40 But Martha was being drawn about with much serving, and she came up to Him and said, Lord, does it not matter to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to do her part with me.
41 But the Lord answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;
42 But there is need of one thing, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
The foot note for good in verse 42 says:
"The Lord prefers that His saved ones who love Him listen to Him (v. 39) that they may know His desire, rather than do things for Him without knowing His will (cf. 1 Sam. 15:22; Eccl. 5:1).
It is quite significant that this story of Martha and Mary immediately follows the parable of the good Samaritan. The parable shows the compassion and love of the Savior, who is a man and becomes the sinners' neighbor; the story of Martha and Mary unveils the desire and preference of the Lord, who is God and becomes the believers' Master. The Savior gives us His compassion and love so that we can be saved by Him; the Lord expresses His desire and preference so that we can serve Him. After receiving salvation from the Savior, we should render service to the Lord. For our salvation we need to realize the Savior's compassion and love; for our service we need to know the Lord's desire and preference."
So each morning I thank the Lord for another day! I think I used to take the days for granted or even moan when a new day began because I had so much to do. Now I am so thankful for each day - and I pray "Lord have the first place. May You accomplish in this day through me what You desire and what You have purposed." Like the footnote says, the Lord has a desire and preference - and I realize so do we. Each day, we desire to get stuff done. We have our preference. We run around like Martha. But the Lord said clearly - that Mary had chosen the good part. Sitting at Jesus' feet, spending time with Him to enter into what HE is doing each day is what He desires. I also feel like we might have the desire to wait in the Lord in our spirit, but our mind is racing sometimes to all the anxieties of the day. How good that we can set our mind on the things above, we can set our mind on our spirit.
Here are two verses about setting our mind:
Romans 8:6
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.
Colossians 3:2
2 Set your mind on the things which are above, not on the things which are on the earth.
It is so wonderful that we can set our mind on the things above! How wonderful that we can spend our busy days with our spirit at Jesus' feet!
I may have posted this hymn before but in the first verse it talks about joyfully choosing the better part - like Mary.
1 Hast thou heard Him, seen Him, known Him?
Is not thine a captured heart?
Chief among ten thousand own Him;
Joyful choose the better part.
Captivated by His beauty,
Worthy tribute haste to bring;
Let His peerless worth constrain thee,
Crown Him now unrivaled King.
2 Idols once they won thee, charmed thee,
Lovely things of time and sense;
Gilded thus does sin disarm thee,
Honeyed lest thou turn thee thence.
3 What has stripped the seeming beauty
From the idols of the earth?
Not a sense of right or duty,
But the sight of peerless worth.
4 Not the crushing of those idols,
With its bitter void and smart;
But the beaming of His beauty,
The unveiling of His heart.
5 Who extinguishes their taper
Till they hail the rising sun?
Who discards the garb of winter
Till the summer has begun?
6 'Tis that look that melted Peter,
'Tis that face that Stephen saw,
'Tis that heart that wept with Mary,
Can alone from idols draw:
7 Draw and win and fill completely,
Till the cup o'erflow the brim;
What have we to do with idols
Who have companied with Him?
Lord, keep us companying with You moment by moment that we may be filled with You so we can minister You to others. Strengthen us into our inner man that we would we choose the better part day by day.
Much love dear ones,
Joanne
Sorry it has been a while since I've posted. I was waiting for results from tests and have been swamped with schoolwork. The great news is that all the biopsies came back negative for malignancy. Hallelujah! Drs. Berkowitz and Berlin also decided to discontinue the lovenox shots! So, now the surgeon can proceed with the hernia surgery. His office still has not contacted me so I will probably contact them tomorrow. I don't have results back from the CT scan or the latest blood work but when I get that I will post here. I do have a lot of energy for most of the day, which is also such a blessing. I also got some blood tests done to see how effective the supplements have been to reduce the growth factors in my blood. Apparently, one GF has gone way down, but others have stayed the same. Please pray for wisdom for this doctor and for us about how to proceed with this.
One morning when I was spending some time with the Lord, I found it hard to keep my mind from racing to all the things that I needed to take care of. My mind was like Martha in Luke - busily doing so much but not taking the time to sit at Jesus' feet, like Mary, her sister, did. Here are the verses from Luke 10:38-42
38 Now as they went, He entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received Him into her home.
39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at the Lord's feet and was listening to His word.
40 But Martha was being drawn about with much serving, and she came up to Him and said, Lord, does it not matter to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to do her part with me.
41 But the Lord answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things;
42 But there is need of one thing, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
The foot note for good in verse 42 says:
"The Lord prefers that His saved ones who love Him listen to Him (v. 39) that they may know His desire, rather than do things for Him without knowing His will (cf. 1 Sam. 15:22; Eccl. 5:1).
It is quite significant that this story of Martha and Mary immediately follows the parable of the good Samaritan. The parable shows the compassion and love of the Savior, who is a man and becomes the sinners' neighbor; the story of Martha and Mary unveils the desire and preference of the Lord, who is God and becomes the believers' Master. The Savior gives us His compassion and love so that we can be saved by Him; the Lord expresses His desire and preference so that we can serve Him. After receiving salvation from the Savior, we should render service to the Lord. For our salvation we need to realize the Savior's compassion and love; for our service we need to know the Lord's desire and preference."
So each morning I thank the Lord for another day! I think I used to take the days for granted or even moan when a new day began because I had so much to do. Now I am so thankful for each day - and I pray "Lord have the first place. May You accomplish in this day through me what You desire and what You have purposed." Like the footnote says, the Lord has a desire and preference - and I realize so do we. Each day, we desire to get stuff done. We have our preference. We run around like Martha. But the Lord said clearly - that Mary had chosen the good part. Sitting at Jesus' feet, spending time with Him to enter into what HE is doing each day is what He desires. I also feel like we might have the desire to wait in the Lord in our spirit, but our mind is racing sometimes to all the anxieties of the day. How good that we can set our mind on the things above, we can set our mind on our spirit.
Here are two verses about setting our mind:
Romans 8:6
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.
Colossians 3:2
2 Set your mind on the things which are above, not on the things which are on the earth.
It is so wonderful that we can set our mind on the things above! How wonderful that we can spend our busy days with our spirit at Jesus' feet!
I may have posted this hymn before but in the first verse it talks about joyfully choosing the better part - like Mary.
1 Hast thou heard Him, seen Him, known Him?
Is not thine a captured heart?
Chief among ten thousand own Him;
Joyful choose the better part.
Captivated by His beauty,
Worthy tribute haste to bring;
Let His peerless worth constrain thee,
Crown Him now unrivaled King.
2 Idols once they won thee, charmed thee,
Lovely things of time and sense;
Gilded thus does sin disarm thee,
Honeyed lest thou turn thee thence.
3 What has stripped the seeming beauty
From the idols of the earth?
Not a sense of right or duty,
But the sight of peerless worth.
4 Not the crushing of those idols,
With its bitter void and smart;
But the beaming of His beauty,
The unveiling of His heart.
5 Who extinguishes their taper
Till they hail the rising sun?
Who discards the garb of winter
Till the summer has begun?
6 'Tis that look that melted Peter,
'Tis that face that Stephen saw,
'Tis that heart that wept with Mary,
Can alone from idols draw:
7 Draw and win and fill completely,
Till the cup o'erflow the brim;
What have we to do with idols
Who have companied with Him?
Lord, keep us companying with You moment by moment that we may be filled with You so we can minister You to others. Strengthen us into our inner man that we would we choose the better part day by day.
Much love dear ones,
Joanne
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Another surgeon and the Captain
Hi everyone,
I went to see another surgeon today - at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He was recommended by the office of Sara Russell - she was the surgeon who did the small intestine bypass surgery last April. Dr. Brooks is the director of minimally invasive surgery at BWH. He confirmed that this is a hernia, but said that he does not do surgeries on patients who take lovenox injections. So, I would have to get off that drug at least temporarily, which I would love to do! He said he will talk to Dr. Berkowitz about the status of my treatment and talk with the medical oncologist Dr. Berlin as well and then get back to me. It was a very short visit - maybe 5-8 minutes at the most. He does know what he's doing and he can access all the records from Dana Farber and BWH. I have another CT scan on Friday. By the way, the bleeding started up again last Wednesday, so I made an appointment to see Dr. Berkowitz last Friday. He was able to biopsy the tissue in a number of places and also used silver nitrate to cauterize the area where the bleeding seems to be coming from. I should have the biopsy results tomorrow or Thursday and I will post them as soon as I hear. The silver nitrate seems to be working, as the bleeding is much less today. It is crunch time for me in my 3 classes - I have many projects due over the next two weeks. School is really interesting and fun - I enjoy the distraction!
This week I enjoyed reading a portion from the word concerning whether God is for us or for our adversaries. It is Joshua 5:13-15:
13 Now once, when Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked; and behold, there was a man standing opposite him, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, Are You for us or for our adversaries?
14 And He said, Neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. Then Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. And he said to Him, What does my Lord speak to His servant?
15 And the Captain of Jehovah's army said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so.
Often when we pray for something and the Lord answers our pray the way we hoped, we rejoice and are convinced that prayer works. But when the Lord answers in another way, perhaps even the opposite of what we prayed, we can be like Joshua - asking the Lord are You for us or for our adversaries? I really enjoy the Lord's answer - He says neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. We always try to get the Lord on our side but we are wrong to do this. He is the captain and it is Him that we need to follow.
There is a portion in the booklet "Worshipping the Ways of God" by Watchman Nee that is really wonderful:
"Worshipping God as the Captain of Jehovah's Army
In the book of Joshua, God commissioned Joshua to lead the Israelites into the land of Canaan. What a weighty responsibility! Moses had become old and died; Aaron had died as well. The only person left was the young man Joshua. Those who had the ability to bear this burden had already gone, leaving a young man alone. What could he do? What must he have felt? The mature, experienced Moses could not do it; how can a young man like himself do it? How could he cope with the seven formidable tribes inhabiting the land of Canaan? And how could he lead a people like the children of Israel with their fear of death and their constant complaints? Joshua was faced with this challenge. Can we blame him for feeling overwhelmed? No, we cannot. If we were in the same circumstances, we would feel overwhelmed too.
At this point, however, Joshua saw a vision of a great Man with a drawn sword. Joshua did not recognize the Man and asked, "Are You for us or for our adversaries?" (5:13). We must pay close attention to this question. How did the Man answer him? Many people erroneously believe that the Man said He had come to help Joshua, but the Man did not answer in this way. In His answer He first said, "Neither," that is, I am not here to help you, nor to help your adversaries. I am here for only one thing; "as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come" (v. 14). Thank God for doing this. Thank God that this is what the Lord Jesus does! He does not help us, neither does He help our adversaries, but He comes as the Captain of the Lord's army. If we are God's army, then He comes to be our Captain. This is not a question of receiving help, but of accepting leadership. He has not come to offer assistance but to demand subjection. He does not come to help but to lead. He says, "As the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come." How did Joshua react when he heard these words? "Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped."
Brothers and sisters, we must learn the ways of God, and this is another of His ways. God does nothing to assist us or to assist our enemies. God does not stand in the midst of the conflict giving a little help here or there. God wants to be the Captain, and He demands our submission. In the face of so many foes, the need would not be answered if God merely helped us. Submitting to Him will solve the whole problem.
The issue is not whether or not God is helping us, but whether we are submitting to His leadership. When He is in command, all is well. A great trouble today among God's children is that we want everything to revolve around us and everything to serve our interests. But God will not allow this. He wants to bring us to the point of simply submitting to Him. When this matter is settled, all other problems vanish.
Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. If we know God's ways by knowing Him as our Captain, God will handle everything, and we will worship Him. God does not come to assist us in battle; He comes to lead the troops. If we hope He will help us in the fight, we have misunderstood God. God comes to lead the troops. We must submit before Him. When we learn the true meaning of worship, we will also know that there is now a sword drawn on our behalf."
Submitting to the Lord's leadership is crucial - allowing Him to lead and fill all in all. This reminds me of the hymn Not I, But Christ.
Not I, But Christ
Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen, be known, be heard;
Not I, but Christ, in every look and action;
Not I, but Christ, in every thought and word.
Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee,
Oh, that it may be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.
Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.
Not I, but Christ, no idle word e'er falling;
Not I, but Christ, no needless bustling sound;
Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing;
Christ, none but Christ, no trace of I be found.
Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,
Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.
Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision;
Glory excelling, soon, full soon, I'll see --
Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling --
Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.
How glorious that this Captain is also the Captain of our Salvation - in Hebrews 2:10, it says:
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and through whom are all things, in leading many sons into glory, to make the Author of their salvation perfect through sufferings.
The translation for the word Author can also be Captain, Originator, Inaugurator, Leader, Pioneer.
What a wonderful Christ we have! Lord, may You have the preeminence in all that we do and may we all join ourselves to You and to Your purpose.
Thank you for continuing to stand with me in prayer for all these matters. How blessed I am to be in the Body of Christ.
Much love,
Joanne
I went to see another surgeon today - at Brigham and Women's Hospital. He was recommended by the office of Sara Russell - she was the surgeon who did the small intestine bypass surgery last April. Dr. Brooks is the director of minimally invasive surgery at BWH. He confirmed that this is a hernia, but said that he does not do surgeries on patients who take lovenox injections. So, I would have to get off that drug at least temporarily, which I would love to do! He said he will talk to Dr. Berkowitz about the status of my treatment and talk with the medical oncologist Dr. Berlin as well and then get back to me. It was a very short visit - maybe 5-8 minutes at the most. He does know what he's doing and he can access all the records from Dana Farber and BWH. I have another CT scan on Friday. By the way, the bleeding started up again last Wednesday, so I made an appointment to see Dr. Berkowitz last Friday. He was able to biopsy the tissue in a number of places and also used silver nitrate to cauterize the area where the bleeding seems to be coming from. I should have the biopsy results tomorrow or Thursday and I will post them as soon as I hear. The silver nitrate seems to be working, as the bleeding is much less today. It is crunch time for me in my 3 classes - I have many projects due over the next two weeks. School is really interesting and fun - I enjoy the distraction!
This week I enjoyed reading a portion from the word concerning whether God is for us or for our adversaries. It is Joshua 5:13-15:
13 Now once, when Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked; and behold, there was a man standing opposite him, and His sword was drawn in His hand. And Joshua went to Him and said to Him, Are You for us or for our adversaries?
14 And He said, Neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. Then Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. And he said to Him, What does my Lord speak to His servant?
15 And the Captain of Jehovah's army said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so.
Often when we pray for something and the Lord answers our pray the way we hoped, we rejoice and are convinced that prayer works. But when the Lord answers in another way, perhaps even the opposite of what we prayed, we can be like Joshua - asking the Lord are You for us or for our adversaries? I really enjoy the Lord's answer - He says neither, but as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come. We always try to get the Lord on our side but we are wrong to do this. He is the captain and it is Him that we need to follow.
There is a portion in the booklet "Worshipping the Ways of God" by Watchman Nee that is really wonderful:
"Worshipping God as the Captain of Jehovah's Army
In the book of Joshua, God commissioned Joshua to lead the Israelites into the land of Canaan. What a weighty responsibility! Moses had become old and died; Aaron had died as well. The only person left was the young man Joshua. Those who had the ability to bear this burden had already gone, leaving a young man alone. What could he do? What must he have felt? The mature, experienced Moses could not do it; how can a young man like himself do it? How could he cope with the seven formidable tribes inhabiting the land of Canaan? And how could he lead a people like the children of Israel with their fear of death and their constant complaints? Joshua was faced with this challenge. Can we blame him for feeling overwhelmed? No, we cannot. If we were in the same circumstances, we would feel overwhelmed too.
At this point, however, Joshua saw a vision of a great Man with a drawn sword. Joshua did not recognize the Man and asked, "Are You for us or for our adversaries?" (5:13). We must pay close attention to this question. How did the Man answer him? Many people erroneously believe that the Man said He had come to help Joshua, but the Man did not answer in this way. In His answer He first said, "Neither," that is, I am not here to help you, nor to help your adversaries. I am here for only one thing; "as the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come" (v. 14). Thank God for doing this. Thank God that this is what the Lord Jesus does! He does not help us, neither does He help our adversaries, but He comes as the Captain of the Lord's army. If we are God's army, then He comes to be our Captain. This is not a question of receiving help, but of accepting leadership. He has not come to offer assistance but to demand subjection. He does not come to help but to lead. He says, "As the Captain of Jehovah's army have I now come." How did Joshua react when he heard these words? "Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped."
Brothers and sisters, we must learn the ways of God, and this is another of His ways. God does nothing to assist us or to assist our enemies. God does not stand in the midst of the conflict giving a little help here or there. God wants to be the Captain, and He demands our submission. In the face of so many foes, the need would not be answered if God merely helped us. Submitting to Him will solve the whole problem.
The issue is not whether or not God is helping us, but whether we are submitting to His leadership. When He is in command, all is well. A great trouble today among God's children is that we want everything to revolve around us and everything to serve our interests. But God will not allow this. He wants to bring us to the point of simply submitting to Him. When this matter is settled, all other problems vanish.
Joshua fell to the ground upon his face and worshipped. If we know God's ways by knowing Him as our Captain, God will handle everything, and we will worship Him. God does not come to assist us in battle; He comes to lead the troops. If we hope He will help us in the fight, we have misunderstood God. God comes to lead the troops. We must submit before Him. When we learn the true meaning of worship, we will also know that there is now a sword drawn on our behalf."
Submitting to the Lord's leadership is crucial - allowing Him to lead and fill all in all. This reminds me of the hymn Not I, But Christ.
Not I, But Christ
Not I, but Christ, be honored, loved exalted;
Not I, but Christ, be seen, be known, be heard;
Not I, but Christ, in every look and action;
Not I, but Christ, in every thought and word.
Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee,
Oh, that it may be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me.
Not I, but Christ to gently soothe in sorrow,
Not I, but Christ to wipe the falling tear;
Not I, but Christ to lift the weary burden,
Not I, but Christ to hush away all fear.
Not I, but Christ, no idle word e'er falling;
Not I, but Christ, no needless bustling sound;
Christ, only Christ, no self-important bearing;
Christ, none but Christ, no trace of I be found.
Not I, but Christ my every need supplying,
Not I, but Christ my strength and health to be;
Christ, only Christ, for spirit, soul, and body,
Christ, only Christ, live then Thy life in me.
Christ, only Christ, ere long will fill my vision;
Glory excelling, soon, full soon, I'll see --
Christ, only Christ, my every wish fulfilling --
Christ, only Christ, my all in all to be.
How glorious that this Captain is also the Captain of our Salvation - in Hebrews 2:10, it says:
10 For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things and through whom are all things, in leading many sons into glory, to make the Author of their salvation perfect through sufferings.
The translation for the word Author can also be Captain, Originator, Inaugurator, Leader, Pioneer.
What a wonderful Christ we have! Lord, may You have the preeminence in all that we do and may we all join ourselves to You and to Your purpose.
Thank you for continuing to stand with me in prayer for all these matters. How blessed I am to be in the Body of Christ.
Much love,
Joanne
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Hernia update and the empowering Christ
Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the rather sporadic postings to the blog-I just get to tired in the evening and in the morning (when I am most energized and inspired) I often have too much to do - it is a great problem. Just think a few months ago I felt like I was languishing in my bed with absolutely nothing that I could except pray. I see now what a gift that time was. To be relieved of all other duties so that I could spend time with the Lord moment by moment. I will try to post at least one a week. I also pray so that what I post is from the Lord - I can't just be ministering Joanne - that would never give life!
An update about the surgeon's visit. It was frustrating because the surgeon is in a different health care system from the oncologists. So, she didn't have access to any of my records and my primary care didn't send over what she had. Basically, she confirmed that it was indeed a hernia and the bulge is most likely my small intestine. She said that larger hernias are less dangerous than small ones and are less likely to get pinched. However, it is still a concern to have the small bowel moving in and out of that space in the muscle. She is concerned about how to repair the hernia because of the nodules on the peritineum and needs to speak with Drs. Berlin and Berkowitz and also get the actual ct films from Dana Farber, which is like Fort Knox when it comes to getting any records even sent to my primary care physician. So, please pray about which surgeon to use. I thought of contacting the surgeon who did the first bowel surgery I had in April. She works at BWH and would be able to access records and she also knows Drs. B and B. By the way, the bleeding stopped. My primary care doctor has not been able to get me an appointment with a gyn doctor yet! It has been 2 weeks. Hopefully it was just because I lifted some boxes of books. I think I will let Dr. Berkowitz' nurse know, just to hear what they think. I never talk directly to him - but to his nurse practitioner Joan. So, I really hear what SHE thinks. The balance problem still persists - I need to see an ENT doctor about that. Lots to do. Which brings me to what I was considering this morning....
The verse in Philippians 4:13 says I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.
The footnote for in Him says that:
Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."
The footnote for empowers says the following: The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.
I also considered the verses mentioned above in John 15:4-5 Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
5 I am the vine; you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing.
I never put these two verses together before. But by considering them both, I realized that my interpretation of Philippians 4:13 was somewhat off - I thought I can do everything in Christ, and He is my power, my strength. One day when I was trying to give myself an injection, I kept saying this verse over and over "I can so all things in Christ who empowers me..." However, I was not able to give myself that shot. Was Christ not effectively empowering me to do that thing? I realize now that it's not that we can do whatever we are doing and not grow weary because we have Christ empowering us. It is that everything we do is in the realms and sphere of Christ - like the branches and the vine. The branches cannot do anything apart from the vine. They are borne by the vine and they have the life of the vine flowing throw them. So the branches carry out and do whatever the vine is doing. They don't try to do something and then say I can do this because I am in the vine. I hope you can see what I see here. It is really wonderful to put these two verses together. Some days are filled with lots of doing - even I can think that I had all this energy to do it because Christ empowered me....but actually I could be empowered by my own self and really be doing a lot of nothing in God's eyes. Only what He authors, what He initiates He empowers us to do! Praise Him! So when I feel that I can't get up in the morning to spend time with the Lord, when I ask Him to empower me, He does. When I don't think I have the energy to write this blog, He does. He is the empowering One within me. Praise Him!
As a result of this revelation, I also enjoyed a hymn about being one with the Lord.
1 One with Thee, Thou Son eternal,
Joined by faith in spirit one,
Share we in Thy death inclusive
And Thy life, O God the Son.
One with Thee, Thou Son beloved,
Part of Thee become thru grace,
Heirs with Thee of our one Father,
We’re Thy Spirit’s dwelling place.
2 One with Thee, Thou Son incarnate,
Born with Thee, the Man of worth,
We, the members of Thy body,
Sojourn with Thee here on earth.
One with Thee, Thou Son anointed,
Sharing too the Spirit’s power,
We in full cooperation
Labor with Thee hour by hour.
3 One with Thee, Thou Son forsaken,
Judgment and the curse we’ve passed;
We to sin are dead forever,
Hell beneath our feet is cast.
One with Thee in resurrection,
Death can never us oppress;
Live we in Thy new creation,
Bearing fruits of righteousness.
4 One with Thee, Thou Son ascended,
Seated with Thee on the throne,
Thine authority we share and
Rule with Thee, Thy rank our own.
One with Thee, Thou Son returning,
Glorified with Thee we’ll be,
E’er to manifest Thy beauty,
One with Thee eternally.
Just enjoy these glorious facts! We are one with the Lord. How marvelous!
Joanne
Sorry for the rather sporadic postings to the blog-I just get to tired in the evening and in the morning (when I am most energized and inspired) I often have too much to do - it is a great problem. Just think a few months ago I felt like I was languishing in my bed with absolutely nothing that I could except pray. I see now what a gift that time was. To be relieved of all other duties so that I could spend time with the Lord moment by moment. I will try to post at least one a week. I also pray so that what I post is from the Lord - I can't just be ministering Joanne - that would never give life!
An update about the surgeon's visit. It was frustrating because the surgeon is in a different health care system from the oncologists. So, she didn't have access to any of my records and my primary care didn't send over what she had. Basically, she confirmed that it was indeed a hernia and the bulge is most likely my small intestine. She said that larger hernias are less dangerous than small ones and are less likely to get pinched. However, it is still a concern to have the small bowel moving in and out of that space in the muscle. She is concerned about how to repair the hernia because of the nodules on the peritineum and needs to speak with Drs. Berlin and Berkowitz and also get the actual ct films from Dana Farber, which is like Fort Knox when it comes to getting any records even sent to my primary care physician. So, please pray about which surgeon to use. I thought of contacting the surgeon who did the first bowel surgery I had in April. She works at BWH and would be able to access records and she also knows Drs. B and B. By the way, the bleeding stopped. My primary care doctor has not been able to get me an appointment with a gyn doctor yet! It has been 2 weeks. Hopefully it was just because I lifted some boxes of books. I think I will let Dr. Berkowitz' nurse know, just to hear what they think. I never talk directly to him - but to his nurse practitioner Joan. So, I really hear what SHE thinks. The balance problem still persists - I need to see an ENT doctor about that. Lots to do. Which brings me to what I was considering this morning....
The verse in Philippians 4:13 says I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.
The footnote for in Him says that:
Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."
The footnote for empowers says the following: The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.
I also considered the verses mentioned above in John 15:4-5 Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
5 I am the vine; you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing.
I never put these two verses together before. But by considering them both, I realized that my interpretation of Philippians 4:13 was somewhat off - I thought I can do everything in Christ, and He is my power, my strength. One day when I was trying to give myself an injection, I kept saying this verse over and over "I can so all things in Christ who empowers me..." However, I was not able to give myself that shot. Was Christ not effectively empowering me to do that thing? I realize now that it's not that we can do whatever we are doing and not grow weary because we have Christ empowering us. It is that everything we do is in the realms and sphere of Christ - like the branches and the vine. The branches cannot do anything apart from the vine. They are borne by the vine and they have the life of the vine flowing throw them. So the branches carry out and do whatever the vine is doing. They don't try to do something and then say I can do this because I am in the vine. I hope you can see what I see here. It is really wonderful to put these two verses together. Some days are filled with lots of doing - even I can think that I had all this energy to do it because Christ empowered me....but actually I could be empowered by my own self and really be doing a lot of nothing in God's eyes. Only what He authors, what He initiates He empowers us to do! Praise Him! So when I feel that I can't get up in the morning to spend time with the Lord, when I ask Him to empower me, He does. When I don't think I have the energy to write this blog, He does. He is the empowering One within me. Praise Him!
As a result of this revelation, I also enjoyed a hymn about being one with the Lord.
1 One with Thee, Thou Son eternal,
Joined by faith in spirit one,
Share we in Thy death inclusive
And Thy life, O God the Son.
One with Thee, Thou Son beloved,
Part of Thee become thru grace,
Heirs with Thee of our one Father,
We’re Thy Spirit’s dwelling place.
2 One with Thee, Thou Son incarnate,
Born with Thee, the Man of worth,
We, the members of Thy body,
Sojourn with Thee here on earth.
One with Thee, Thou Son anointed,
Sharing too the Spirit’s power,
We in full cooperation
Labor with Thee hour by hour.
3 One with Thee, Thou Son forsaken,
Judgment and the curse we’ve passed;
We to sin are dead forever,
Hell beneath our feet is cast.
One with Thee in resurrection,
Death can never us oppress;
Live we in Thy new creation,
Bearing fruits of righteousness.
4 One with Thee, Thou Son ascended,
Seated with Thee on the throne,
Thine authority we share and
Rule with Thee, Thy rank our own.
One with Thee, Thou Son returning,
Glorified with Thee we’ll be,
E’er to manifest Thy beauty,
One with Thee eternally.
Just enjoy these glorious facts! We are one with the Lord. How marvelous!
Joanne
Sunday, February 17, 2008
An Update and a Reflection
I wanted to update everyone on a few things. Apparently following the last surgery, I developed a hernia which is now manifesting itself as a grapefruit sized protrusion. The CT scan showed a hernia that involved a bowel loop - so next week I have to see a surgeon about this. Please pray for wisdom in this decision. Also I developed some bleeding again and will need to see a gynecologist for evaluation. Since these issues don't really involve oncologists, I have to go to new doctors. I also have some hearing loss in my left ear as a result of the chemo - so I really can't hear people to talk to me from other rooms or floors of the house! Otherwise, I have energy each day and really enjoy my work at Boston Trinity. The library is coming along, and it is wonderful for me to have the opportunity to be there.
----
This morning I was considering how in my life I had settled down into a somewhat comfortable spiritual position - to use a popular phrase - I lived much of my life in a spiritual "comfort zone" of sorts. Of course, it hasn't been all comfort outwardly, but I was able to find comfort in my experiences of the Lord's sustaining me and carrying me through. Then last April came and I was told I had cancer. As I've said before, this was not part of my plan, no way was I going to find any comfort in what lay ahead. And this is precisely the place where the Lord had to bring me, so I would lay hold of Him as the Comforter and journey through the situations and circumstances in and with Him. This realization shows how thorough and fine the Lord's dealing with us is - He desires to transform every part of our being until we are the same as He.
This experience reminds me of the experience of the Seeker in Song of Songs 5:2-5:
2 I sleep, but my heart is awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking: Open to me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one; For my head is full of dew, My locks with the drops of night.
3 I have put off my garment; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I dirty them again?
4 My beloved put his hand into the opening of the door, And my inner parts yearned for him.
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; And my hands dripped with myrrh, My fingers with liquid myrrh, Upon the handles of the bolt.
Watchman Nee writes in The Song of Songs: "Song of Songs 5:2 says, "I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night." By this time, her own work and life have ceased. She is like one who is asleep; there is no further activity, work, endeavoring, struggle, effort, or anxiety. She is perfectly at rest...
This is a picture of a person's contentment in his own experience, and a failure to see the importance of experiencing Philippians 3:10 [To know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death,] in a full way. Subconsciously, the self has crept in. The maiden sees only herself. It seems that her past experiences in God's work and glory have occupied a place in her already. Her questions indicate that she does not want to change her present spiritual condition. But the Lord's calling interrupts our present condition. All spiritual progress involves a change of our present order. This is where the price lies. An attachment to spiritual ease is often the reason behind a rejection of higher callings. When we are spiritually at ease and our conscience does not condemn us concerning any error, and when we find ourselves having many spiritual experiences that issue from the Lord's death and resurrection, we are reluctant to pursue after the goal Christ has set for us. We prefer to live in the same way, not spending additional effort to pursue new things and not losing our present peace."
How faithful the Lord is to come to us in our comfort and call us again. He calls us and He reveals Himself to us to remind us of all that He is and has done for us. What a tender, loving Savior!
This interaction with the Lord reminds me of a hymn I have enjoyed over the years:
Come in, O come! the door stands open now;
I knew Thy voice, Lord Jesus, it was Thou;
The sun has set long since, the storms begin;
’Tis time for Thee, my Savior, O come in!
Alas, ill ordered shows the dreary room;
The household stuff lies heaped amidst the gloom,
The table empty stands, the couch undressed;
Ah, what a welcome for th’Eternal Guest!
Yet welcome, and tonight this doleful scene
Is e’en itself my cause to hail Thee in;
This dark confusion e’en at once demands
Thine own bright presence, Lord, and ord’ring hands.
I seek no more to alter things, or mend,
Before the coming of so great a Friend;
All were at best unseemly, and ’twere ill
Beyond all else to keep Thee waiting still.
Come, not to find, but make this troubled heart
A dwelling worthy of Thee as Thou art;
To chase the gloom, the terror, and the sin:
Come, all Thyself, yea come, Lord Jesus, in!
While this hymn could be the cry of an unbeliever who is opening up to the Lord for the first time, I also have experienced that, while the Lord does indwell my heart, I have areas, regions, that I have closed off to Him. This hymn has been my prayer many mornings. "Lord, Come - not to find but to make this troubled heart a worthy dwelling of Thee as Thou art."
So, when the light comes, and we realize that we have been settling down in our comfortable past experiences of Christ, we can open to Him just as we are because He is the unique answer, the only cure for our troubled heart.
May the Lord continue to supply you with all-sufficient grace!
Joanne
----
This morning I was considering how in my life I had settled down into a somewhat comfortable spiritual position - to use a popular phrase - I lived much of my life in a spiritual "comfort zone" of sorts. Of course, it hasn't been all comfort outwardly, but I was able to find comfort in my experiences of the Lord's sustaining me and carrying me through. Then last April came and I was told I had cancer. As I've said before, this was not part of my plan, no way was I going to find any comfort in what lay ahead. And this is precisely the place where the Lord had to bring me, so I would lay hold of Him as the Comforter and journey through the situations and circumstances in and with Him. This realization shows how thorough and fine the Lord's dealing with us is - He desires to transform every part of our being until we are the same as He.
This experience reminds me of the experience of the Seeker in Song of Songs 5:2-5:
2 I sleep, but my heart is awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking: Open to me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one; For my head is full of dew, My locks with the drops of night.
3 I have put off my garment; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I dirty them again?
4 My beloved put his hand into the opening of the door, And my inner parts yearned for him.
5 I rose up to open to my beloved; And my hands dripped with myrrh, My fingers with liquid myrrh, Upon the handles of the bolt.
Watchman Nee writes in The Song of Songs: "Song of Songs 5:2 says, "I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night." By this time, her own work and life have ceased. She is like one who is asleep; there is no further activity, work, endeavoring, struggle, effort, or anxiety. She is perfectly at rest...
This is a picture of a person's contentment in his own experience, and a failure to see the importance of experiencing Philippians 3:10 [To know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death,] in a full way. Subconsciously, the self has crept in. The maiden sees only herself. It seems that her past experiences in God's work and glory have occupied a place in her already. Her questions indicate that she does not want to change her present spiritual condition. But the Lord's calling interrupts our present condition. All spiritual progress involves a change of our present order. This is where the price lies. An attachment to spiritual ease is often the reason behind a rejection of higher callings. When we are spiritually at ease and our conscience does not condemn us concerning any error, and when we find ourselves having many spiritual experiences that issue from the Lord's death and resurrection, we are reluctant to pursue after the goal Christ has set for us. We prefer to live in the same way, not spending additional effort to pursue new things and not losing our present peace."
How faithful the Lord is to come to us in our comfort and call us again. He calls us and He reveals Himself to us to remind us of all that He is and has done for us. What a tender, loving Savior!
This interaction with the Lord reminds me of a hymn I have enjoyed over the years:
Come in, O come! the door stands open now;
I knew Thy voice, Lord Jesus, it was Thou;
The sun has set long since, the storms begin;
’Tis time for Thee, my Savior, O come in!
Alas, ill ordered shows the dreary room;
The household stuff lies heaped amidst the gloom,
The table empty stands, the couch undressed;
Ah, what a welcome for th’Eternal Guest!
Yet welcome, and tonight this doleful scene
Is e’en itself my cause to hail Thee in;
This dark confusion e’en at once demands
Thine own bright presence, Lord, and ord’ring hands.
I seek no more to alter things, or mend,
Before the coming of so great a Friend;
All were at best unseemly, and ’twere ill
Beyond all else to keep Thee waiting still.
Come, not to find, but make this troubled heart
A dwelling worthy of Thee as Thou art;
To chase the gloom, the terror, and the sin:
Come, all Thyself, yea come, Lord Jesus, in!
While this hymn could be the cry of an unbeliever who is opening up to the Lord for the first time, I also have experienced that, while the Lord does indwell my heart, I have areas, regions, that I have closed off to Him. This hymn has been my prayer many mornings. "Lord, Come - not to find but to make this troubled heart a worthy dwelling of Thee as Thou art."
So, when the light comes, and we realize that we have been settling down in our comfortable past experiences of Christ, we can open to Him just as we are because He is the unique answer, the only cure for our troubled heart.
May the Lord continue to supply you with all-sufficient grace!
Joanne
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Considering Goals and Grace
This morning I enjoyed two hymns - one actually led to the other. You may be familiar with them. The first hymn spoke of having God as our unique goal.
1 My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
'Tis His to lead me there—not mine, but His-
At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.
2 So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,
And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard
Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.
3 No matter if the way be sometimes dark,
No matter though the cost be oft-times great,
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark,
The way that leads to Him must needs be strait.
4 One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;
One thing I do, I press towards my Lord;
My God my glory here, from day to day,
And in the glory there my great Reward.
As I considered the goals I hold in my heart, I had to confess to the Lord that He was not my unique goal - I often prayed for peace, for joy, for blessing. Then I realized that only Christ is the source of real joy, lasting peace and all blessing! So He must be my unique goal. I realized that since Christ is the source of these things, daily I need to seek Him, not seek them....which led me to the next hymn, a familiar favorite for many:
1 Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wand'ring from the face of God;
He, to save my soul from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
2 O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace, Lord, like a fetter,
Bind my wand'ring heart to Thee.
Teach me, Lord, some rapturous measure,
Meet for me Thy grace to prove,
While I sing the countless treasure
Of my God's unchanging love.
3 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love:
Take my heart, oh, take and seal it
With Thy Spirit from above.
Rescued thus from sin and danger,
Purchased by the Savior's blood,
May I walk on earth a stranger,
As a son and heir of God.
The Lord Jesus is the Font of every blessing. Oh, Lord, tune our hearts to sing Your praise! Verse 2 of this hymn speaks of being a debtor to grace. The title of this blog is the varied grace of God. Many would say the definition of grace is "God's unmerited favor." While is isn't false, it is short of what that favor is. That favor, that grace is having access to God, enjoying God, partaking of God, and experiencing God. That grace is active! In 1 Corinthians 15:10, Paul said:
10 But by the grace of God I am what I am; and His grace unto me did not turn out to be in vain, but, on the contrary, I labored more abundantly than all of them, yet not I but the grace of God which is with me.
The footnote for Not I but the grace:
10-2 Not I but the grace of God equals no longer I ...but ...Christ in Gal. 2:20. The grace that motivated the apostle and operated in him was not some matter or some thing but a living person, the resurrected Christ, the embodiment of God the Father who became the all-inclusive life-giving Spirit, who dwelt in the apostle as his everything.
Then I read the gospel of John chapter 1 - there were three verses about grace that I enjoyed:
John 1:14, 16, 17
14 And the Word became flesh and tabernacled among us (and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only Begotten from the Father), full of grace and reality.
16 For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.
17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and reality came through Jesus Christ.
Once of the references for grace in these verses is Romans 5:2:
Romans 5:2
2 Through whom also we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and boast because of the hope of the glory of God.
Footnote 2-2: Grace is the Triune God Himself, processed that we may enter into Him and enjoy Him. Grace here, in the deepest sense, is the Triune God as our enjoyment. It is more than unmerited favor and more than mere outward blessing. We are not merely under God's blessing; we are in His grace (see note 2-3).
Footnote 2-3: Faith first gives us access into grace, then, a solid standing in grace.
Dear ones, by faith we have access into this grace and as we continue in the Lord, our standing is in the grace as well. If we see this grace as a Living Person, how marvelous is our standing! How rich is grace! Grace is just our wonderful Lord Jesus, the fount of every blessing, our unique goal.
Much love to all of you. Please pray for more energy each day. Also, that I would know the Lord's restriction for how much to do each day. It is hard - life runs at quite a high speed - you don't realize it until you are out of it for a while and try to get back in. It is quite dizzying! But He is able.
Joanne
1 My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
'Tis His to lead me there—not mine, but His-
At any cost, dear Lord, by any road.
2 So faith bounds forward to its goal in God,
And love can trust her Lord to lead her there;
Upheld by Him, my soul is following hard
Till God hath full fulfilled my deepest prayer.
3 No matter if the way be sometimes dark,
No matter though the cost be oft-times great,
He knoweth how I best shall reach the mark,
The way that leads to Him must needs be strait.
4 One thing I know, I cannot say Him nay;
One thing I do, I press towards my Lord;
My God my glory here, from day to day,
And in the glory there my great Reward.
As I considered the goals I hold in my heart, I had to confess to the Lord that He was not my unique goal - I often prayed for peace, for joy, for blessing. Then I realized that only Christ is the source of real joy, lasting peace and all blessing! So He must be my unique goal. I realized that since Christ is the source of these things, daily I need to seek Him, not seek them....which led me to the next hymn, a familiar favorite for many:
1 Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wand'ring from the face of God;
He, to save my soul from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
2 O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace, Lord, like a fetter,
Bind my wand'ring heart to Thee.
Teach me, Lord, some rapturous measure,
Meet for me Thy grace to prove,
While I sing the countless treasure
Of my God's unchanging love.
3 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it;
Prone to leave the God I love:
Take my heart, oh, take and seal it
With Thy Spirit from above.
Rescued thus from sin and danger,
Purchased by the Savior's blood,
May I walk on earth a stranger,
As a son and heir of God.
The Lord Jesus is the Font of every blessing. Oh, Lord, tune our hearts to sing Your praise! Verse 2 of this hymn speaks of being a debtor to grace. The title of this blog is the varied grace of God. Many would say the definition of grace is "God's unmerited favor." While is isn't false, it is short of what that favor is. That favor, that grace is having access to God, enjoying God, partaking of God, and experiencing God. That grace is active! In 1 Corinthians 15:10, Paul said:
10 But by the grace of God I am what I am; and His grace unto me did not turn out to be in vain, but, on the contrary, I labored more abundantly than all of them, yet not I but the grace of God which is with me.
The footnote for Not I but the grace:
10-2 Not I but the grace of God equals no longer I ...but ...Christ in Gal. 2:20. The grace that motivated the apostle and operated in him was not some matter or some thing but a living person, the resurrected Christ, the embodiment of God the Father who became the all-inclusive life-giving Spirit, who dwelt in the apostle as his everything.
Then I read the gospel of John chapter 1 - there were three verses about grace that I enjoyed:
John 1:14, 16, 17
14 And the Word became flesh and tabernacled among us (and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only Begotten from the Father), full of grace and reality.
16 For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.
17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and reality came through Jesus Christ.
Once of the references for grace in these verses is Romans 5:2:
Romans 5:2
2 Through whom also we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and boast because of the hope of the glory of God.
Footnote 2-2: Grace is the Triune God Himself, processed that we may enter into Him and enjoy Him. Grace here, in the deepest sense, is the Triune God as our enjoyment. It is more than unmerited favor and more than mere outward blessing. We are not merely under God's blessing; we are in His grace (see note 2-3).
Footnote 2-3: Faith first gives us access into grace, then, a solid standing in grace.
Dear ones, by faith we have access into this grace and as we continue in the Lord, our standing is in the grace as well. If we see this grace as a Living Person, how marvelous is our standing! How rich is grace! Grace is just our wonderful Lord Jesus, the fount of every blessing, our unique goal.
Much love to all of you. Please pray for more energy each day. Also, that I would know the Lord's restriction for how much to do each day. It is hard - life runs at quite a high speed - you don't realize it until you are out of it for a while and try to get back in. It is quite dizzying! But He is able.
Joanne
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Test Results and Life Food
Hi Everyone,
I had blood work done on Thursday and got the results yesterday. The liver function test was normal as were all the other tests. The CA 125 was 5 - down a point from October, which is in the normal range (0-35). I am thankful to the Lord for this result. I am still trying to go into the library at Boston Trinity 3 days a week - usually by the 3rd day I am kind of dragging myself in. I love it though - this week I had the opportunity to work with 2 students. It was wonderful!
I don't think I mentioned that I am also taking 3 classes on line to complete my MS in library science. I love the courses but it is hard to keep track of everything that needs to be completed for all the classes. These were classes that I had dropped back in April when I was first diagnosed. I was able to take one in the fall and then 3 now. After this quarter, I will have only 3 left! It is amazing that my mind can function. Another testimony to the restoring work of the Lord.
Cooking healthy is all a challenge because healthy eating is definitely not "fast food." It requires getting fresh cruciferous vegetables and then processing them (chopping, shredding, cutting, cooking) to get them palatable. I also have to search for recipes. I've been making some interesting dishes for the family. It is too hard to cook something for them and something else for me and it is good that we all eat this way. Everyone enjoys the "interesting" concoctions I've come up with - like pumpkin black bean soup or eggplant stew or vegan minestrone with kale and cabbage! I have a slogan I say to myself - "Eat to live, not live to eat." This is a good life principle, I think. So, day by day, as I eat to live physically, I am also taking the time to eat to live spiritually. It is amazing that the Lord Jesus likened Himself to bread, to food.
In John 6:35 and 57 - Jesus says that He is the bread of life and that we should eat Him:
35 Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me shall by no means hunger, and he who believes into Me shall by no means ever thirst.
57 As the living Father has sent Me and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me, he also shall live because of Me.
Isaiah 55:1-2 say:
1 Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters, And you who have no money; Come, buy and eat; Yes, come, buy wine and milk Without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And the result of your labor for what does not satisfy? Hear Me attentively, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in fatness.
Eat what is good! What could be better than the Lord Himself, the living bread! When we eat Him, we live because of Him - He is the ultimate life food! How do we eat Him, you may wonder? By taking in His word, in short little portions by prayer. What better words to pray than the word of God. As we pray the Word, we are assimilating it into our being - and like the Lord Jesus said in John 6, we can expect to live by Him.
This week I really enjoyed this hymn. It is a wonderful one for praising the Lord for all that He is. Here is a link for the tune: http://www.hymnal.net/Hymns/Hymnal/midi/e0169_i.mid
1 Thou, Lord, to God art precious,
His chosen, His delight;
With oil of joy, anointed,
How comely in His sight.
Chorus
We treasure with affection
Thy perfect comeliness,
Thy sweetness and Thy fragrance,
And all Thy loveliness.
2 The altogether lovely,
The fairest of the fair,
Thy mouth with grace o’erfloweth;
Our hearts their love declare.
3 The wise men offered treasures
And honored Thee at birth;
Thou wast by noble buried,
Still lovable in death.
4 Thy head has been anointed,
The lovely One Thou art;
Thy feet anointed also,
Beloved in every part.
5 Thy death as myrrh in sweetness
Man’s spirit comforteth;
Thy resurrection fragrance
God’s longing answereth.
6 As henna flow’rs, Thy beauty
In loveliness complete;
As apple trees that flourish,
Thy fruit abundant, sweet.
7 Sweet wine Thy love surpasseth,
Thy name an ointment is;
We take Thee as our love feast
And taste the sweetest bliss.
8 As on Thyself we ponder
And all Thy beauty trace,
We taste to full Thy sweetness
And rest in Thine embrace.
He is our love feast - when we enjoy the Lord Jesus, we taste the sweetest bliss.
Much love to all of you. Remember, eat to live!
Joanne
I had blood work done on Thursday and got the results yesterday. The liver function test was normal as were all the other tests. The CA 125 was 5 - down a point from October, which is in the normal range (0-35). I am thankful to the Lord for this result. I am still trying to go into the library at Boston Trinity 3 days a week - usually by the 3rd day I am kind of dragging myself in. I love it though - this week I had the opportunity to work with 2 students. It was wonderful!
I don't think I mentioned that I am also taking 3 classes on line to complete my MS in library science. I love the courses but it is hard to keep track of everything that needs to be completed for all the classes. These were classes that I had dropped back in April when I was first diagnosed. I was able to take one in the fall and then 3 now. After this quarter, I will have only 3 left! It is amazing that my mind can function. Another testimony to the restoring work of the Lord.
Cooking healthy is all a challenge because healthy eating is definitely not "fast food." It requires getting fresh cruciferous vegetables and then processing them (chopping, shredding, cutting, cooking) to get them palatable. I also have to search for recipes. I've been making some interesting dishes for the family. It is too hard to cook something for them and something else for me and it is good that we all eat this way. Everyone enjoys the "interesting" concoctions I've come up with - like pumpkin black bean soup or eggplant stew or vegan minestrone with kale and cabbage! I have a slogan I say to myself - "Eat to live, not live to eat." This is a good life principle, I think. So, day by day, as I eat to live physically, I am also taking the time to eat to live spiritually. It is amazing that the Lord Jesus likened Himself to bread, to food.
In John 6:35 and 57 - Jesus says that He is the bread of life and that we should eat Him:
35 Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me shall by no means hunger, and he who believes into Me shall by no means ever thirst.
57 As the living Father has sent Me and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me, he also shall live because of Me.
Isaiah 55:1-2 say:
1 Ho! Everyone who thirsts, come to the waters, And you who have no money; Come, buy and eat; Yes, come, buy wine and milk Without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And the result of your labor for what does not satisfy? Hear Me attentively, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in fatness.
Eat what is good! What could be better than the Lord Himself, the living bread! When we eat Him, we live because of Him - He is the ultimate life food! How do we eat Him, you may wonder? By taking in His word, in short little portions by prayer. What better words to pray than the word of God. As we pray the Word, we are assimilating it into our being - and like the Lord Jesus said in John 6, we can expect to live by Him.
This week I really enjoyed this hymn. It is a wonderful one for praising the Lord for all that He is. Here is a link for the tune: http://www.hymnal.net/Hymns/Hymnal/midi/e0169_i.mid
1 Thou, Lord, to God art precious,
His chosen, His delight;
With oil of joy, anointed,
How comely in His sight.
Chorus
We treasure with affection
Thy perfect comeliness,
Thy sweetness and Thy fragrance,
And all Thy loveliness.
2 The altogether lovely,
The fairest of the fair,
Thy mouth with grace o’erfloweth;
Our hearts their love declare.
3 The wise men offered treasures
And honored Thee at birth;
Thou wast by noble buried,
Still lovable in death.
4 Thy head has been anointed,
The lovely One Thou art;
Thy feet anointed also,
Beloved in every part.
5 Thy death as myrrh in sweetness
Man’s spirit comforteth;
Thy resurrection fragrance
God’s longing answereth.
6 As henna flow’rs, Thy beauty
In loveliness complete;
As apple trees that flourish,
Thy fruit abundant, sweet.
7 Sweet wine Thy love surpasseth,
Thy name an ointment is;
We take Thee as our love feast
And taste the sweetest bliss.
8 As on Thyself we ponder
And all Thy beauty trace,
We taste to full Thy sweetness
And rest in Thine embrace.
He is our love feast - when we enjoy the Lord Jesus, we taste the sweetest bliss.
Much love to all of you. Remember, eat to live!
Joanne
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