earthen vessel

Well, I cried in the shower - mostly because it felt like the right thing to do, given my unreasonably heightened anxiety and the rather disbelieving looks on the faces of the home health aide and nurse. The nurse did encourage me to cry to my heart's content - that the shower was the right place for crying and singing. The bandage did not loosen as I expected and was quite painful being taken off. The next shower will be Tuesday and the nurse will not be there - just me and the aide (who is about 24 and doesn't really want to go into nursing as a career). I suppose the shower was refreshing but I was really amazed how somehow I was able to get into that shower - even with all my fear - it showed me again how I am just an earthen vessel - weak, fearful at times and not too brave, but I am indwelt with a treasure - the indwelling Christ who carried me and held me in that situation. Thank you all for praying. So, I am encouraged as I think about the next shower or even upcoming chemo and surgery and more chemo (which together can be crushing to even consider for a moment) that I have One who does sustain, supply and bear all things. I am reminded of something I read in a booklet entitled The Treasure in Earthen Vessels by Watchman Nee. I re-read the following portion of it this morning. It was so encouraging:

"God wants us to arrive at the point where we see that everything human is just an earthen vessel to contain God's treasure...As we journey along this way, we will discover the immensity of the spiritual contradiction that exists within us. As time goes on, we find this cleavage, this dividing gulf, is ever widening; the contradiction within us is ever accentuated. At the same time, the treasure is expressed ever clearer. The earthen vessel remains an earthen vessel. How wonderful this picture is! We find a man whose original traits remain intact, yet God gives him a patience far more excellent than his natural resilience. It is better to see a man in whom God has placed humility than to see a naturally reticent person. It is better to see a man in whom God has placed meekness than to see a person who is weak and impotent by nature. It is better to see a person in whom God's power resides than to see a naturally strong man. The inward difference is enormous. It matters little what kind of earthen vessel we have; the treasure can always go inside. The earthen vessel remains an earthen vessel, but it is now a filled vessel. All weak people think that they are too earthen; their vessels are too full of clay and they are without any hope. Please remember that we have no reason to be disappointed or troubled. Whatever is spiritual, strong, powerful, and comes from the Lord can be manifested in us and will shine brighter and be magnified through the earthen vessel."

I have to get my daily shot (I get two in the belly a day) - Paul is the giver of the shot and has to endure my grimaces, waving hands and shouts of pain - so please continue to pray for him. My mom, sister and nephew arrive today. My mom is staying the week for Andrew's graduation. So please continue to pray for us this week. Thank you all for all your encouraging comments. They convey to me God's love and care so sweetly and tenderly. Much love to you all - Joanne