CT scan results, a wedding, grace and the weather

Sorry for the big delay in writing - we had a wedding on July 20th - my daughter Anna and Stephen Harris were married! It was a very enjoyable time with friends and family. I absolutely crashed after the wedding and continue to struggle to stay awake during the day.

I promised to give you an update on the CT scan. Here are the impressions from the radiologist:
1. There is a new soft tissue implant consistent with recurrent disease.
2. There is thickening posterior to the rectus muscle along the transverse colon which could be related to recent surgery versus recurrent disease.
3. Prominent right vaginal cuff soft tissue has increased in the interim and is worrisome for deep pelvic local recurrence.

Also the CA-125 test increased to 16 up from 5. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors to know what the next step should be.

I saw both doctors on the 18th - Dr. Berkowitz and Dr. Berlin. Dr. Berkowitz feels that the thickening of the vaginal cuff is due to scar tissue and he is not concerned at this point but said that we need to monitor the CA-125 closely to see if it continues to rise. He was generally positive and very complimentary - he said I look great and asked if this was my natural hair color (which it was NOT!) Then he asked if that question was an appropriate one to ask. I had to laugh. I had to wait about 3 hours to see him which was not easy. Then I saw Dr. Berlin and she spent a long time with us (my daughter Anna came with me because she was worried about the CT scan results) and because she is moving to Atlanta and wanted to spend the time with me. Dr. Berlin showed me the slides from the scan and showed me the places where there was concern. She feels that some of this could be scar tissue and wants to wait a month to take another CA-125 test before beginning treatment. She also feels that I should have a PET scan to see if the implant is indeed cancer. She was very supportive and also kind to Anna, whom she encouraged to forget about these results and just enjoy her wedding day - which Anna did!

The weather on July 20th was not what I had prayed for - I must confess that I do pray about everything now - and just let those requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God). This way the peace of God will guard my heart and my thoughts in Christ Jesus. However, I learned something on Sunday as the thunder rolled, the lightning flashed and the torrential rain came down -- as I was praying about the weather, the Spirit who intercedes in our praying was praying something else....Romans 8:26 Moreover, in like manner the Spirit also joins in to help us in our weakness, for we do not know for what we should pray as is fitting, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 But He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to God.
When I asked the Lord - what's up with the weather - this is not what I prayed for....it seemed that the answer I received was - that the Lord wasn't answering my prayer with perfect weather, but rather with the supply of abundant grace. I am so thankful that when we pray not really knowing how or what to pray for, we have the Spirit Who intercedes for us according to God! Hallelujah! How does the receiving of abundant grace compare to a cloudless sky? One is eternal, and one is fleeting. The eternal One in His divine economy gives us Himself as grace. Isn't this marvelous?

Here is a picture of Anna and Stephen that was taken by my niece Millie. This was taken during the ceremony before the flowers blew over and drenched the bride and groom! Little did I know how much grace I would need to see my first born daughter get married. The Lord's supply was superabundant. It was so wonderful to see all the dear family members together for a happy occasion - we all are rarely able to get together, so this was really a treat. I have lots of wonderful memories that I can think about during the day. I was so thankful to the Lord that I could be there! We sang this hymn at the wedding which was really appropriate and which continues to be:

1 There is always something over,
When we taste our gracious Lord;
Every cup He fills o'erfloweth,
Rich supply He doth afford.
Nothing narrow, nothing stinted,
Ever issued from His store;
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore,
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.

2 There is always something over,
When we, from the Father's hand,
Take our portion with thanksgiving,
Praising for the things He planned.
Satisfaction, full and deepening,
All our need He doth supply,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.

3 There is always something over,
When we share in all His love;
Unplumbed depths still lie beneath us,
Unscaled heights rise far above.
Human lips can never utter
All His wondrous tenderness.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless,
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.

I especially enjoy verse 2 which speaks about taking our portion with thanksgiving from our Father's hand, praising for the things He's planning. He is worthy of our praises. Only He satisfies every longing.

I am going to bed - my eyelids are having trouble staying up.

Love you all,
Joanne

Learning the Secret

Hi All,

It has been challenging to get to a computer but here I am! An update on the 2” lump – Dr. Brooks thinks it is clotted blood that formed on top of the mesh because there is discoloration in the skin (black/blue). I’m supposed to put a heating pad on it (which is not something I feel like doing when it’s 90 degrees) but I try to remember to put it on at night. The heat is supposed to break up the mass of clotted blood. I have a CT scan today and I’m seeing a doctor on Monday about pain in my right arm. Also, I see Dr. Berkowitz next Friday. I’ll post the CT scan results when I get them.

Philippians 4:12-13

12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.
13 I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.

Footnotes for verse 12:
In everything - In everything means in each matter; in all things means in all matters. Together, these two phrases encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ — to experience Him in everything and in every place.

I have learned the secret - Lit., I have been initiated. The metaphor here refers to a person's being initiated into a secret society with instruction in its rudimentary principles. After Paul was converted to Christ, he was initiated into Christ and the Body of Christ. He then learned the secret of how to take Christ as life, how to live Christ, how to magnify Christ, how to gain Christ, and how to have the church life, all of which things are rudimentary principles.

Footnotes for verse 13:
In Him - Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."

Empowers me - The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.

These past days have been trying outwardly. As many of you know, my house is torn apart and some of the workers have been dishonest and have not done the jobs they were paid to do, which has caused us to pay double for some work. We had no electricity in many rooms (including bathrooms) for a few days and also our daughter Elizabeth had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days as well. She is coming home today and is doing better. I could continue to the many other things that have gone “wrong” this week, to the point that one of my children said, “Mom I think we are cursed by God. Nothing goes right for us.” That statement did cause me to pause and consider our situation before the Lord and in light of the Word of God. The Lord brought me to these verses in Philippians to realize that like the Apostle Paul, I need to learn the secret of how to experience Christ in all circumstances, whether they are circumstances of abundance or those of want and lack. The key is to abide in Christ – so I can do all things IN HIM who empowers me. The focus is not that now I can to anything I want because I am in Christ but rather that because I am in Christ, I am empowered to do all things. The focus, the emphasis here is to be IN CHRIST. I know objectively I am in Christ –but many times, subjectively, I am just in myself, trying to handle things in myself and many, many times coming up short. The secret is to abide, to remain, to settle down in Christ – to let Him be the sphere in which I live, move and have my being. Then when the circumstances are rough – I am not governed by them – I am supplied by and empowered by Christ! It is such a wonderful reality. So, really, all these circumstances are not evidence of a curse by God, but really of God’s faithful arrangement of circumstances to usher me into the depths of all that He is and can be in the midst of adversity. I need to realize that I do not draw my empowering from things going well, from prosperity, from a problem-free life, but rather from Christ who empowers me. So whether the circumstances cause me to be in abundance or to be in want, it doesn’t matter – because the source of my strength is Christ. Is this not wonderful? What a revelation! What a wonderful reality! I am so thankful to the Word of God which contains the very breath of God and which is also the means for us to receive revelation concerning our Christian life and concerning the wonderful Christ!

Here is a wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson about the wondrous secret of abiding in the Lord! Enjoy!

1 I have learned the wondrous secret
Of abiding in the Lord;
I have tasted life's pure fountain,
I am drinking of His word;
I have found the strength and sweetness
Of abiding 'neath the blood;
I have lost myself in Jesus,
I am sinking into God.

I'm abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word;
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.
Yes, abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word,
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.

2 I am crucified with Jesus,
And He lives and dwells with me;
I have ceased from all my struggling,
'Tis no longer I, but He.
All my will is yielding to Him,
And His Spirit reigns within;
And His precious blood each moment
Keeps me cleansed and free from sin.

3 All my sicknesses I bring Him,
And He bears them all away;
All my fears and griefs I tell Him,
All my cares from day to day,
All my strength I draw from Jesus,
By His breath I live and move;
E'en His very mind He gives me,
And His faith, and life, and love.

4 For my words I take His wisdom,
For my works His Spirit's power;
For my ways His ceaseless presence
Guards and guides me every hour.
Of my heart, He is the portion,
Of my joy the boundless spring;
Savior, Sanctifier, Healer,
Glorious Lord, and coming King.


So dear ones, whatever today brings, keep sinking into God!

Joanne

Prayer and The Throne of Grace

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things are really crazy here. There hasn't been much progress on the flood damage due to the erratic showing up of some of the workers and the poor jobs they do once they show up. It is just overwhelming. It is hard to imagine but my rather cluttered house has reached new heights of clutter and we are all really at a loss for what to do next. Please pray for this situation - it is hard to continue to live this way - and we've been like this since the end of March.

I see Dr. Brooks again tomorrow - He is concerned that the hernia will recur, so he is having periodic check-ups to make sure everything is still in place. There is a 2" lump in my abdomen that he needs to look at - I am not sure what it is, and my imagination is of course coming up with all kinds of diagnoses of this lump. I have a CT scan on July 11th and I see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18th. I also have to see the naturopathic doctor about how the supplements are working.

This morning when I was praying, I really appreciated that Lord's throne in the heavens is a throne of grace. I can have boldness to come forward to this kind of throne.

The verses in Hebrews talk about this throne and the One who sits upon it:

Hebrews 4:15-16:
15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all respects like us, yet without sin.

16 Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help.

Here are the wonderful footnotes from the Recovery Version Bible for throne of grace and mercy:

16-1 [throne of grace] Undoubtedly, the throne mentioned here is the throne of God, which is in heaven (Rev. 4:2). The throne of God is the throne of authority toward all the universe (Dan. 7:9; Rev. 5:1). But toward us, the believers, it becomes the throne of grace, signified by the propitiation place (the mercy seat) within the Holy of Holies (Exo. 25:17, 21). This throne is the throne of both God and the Lamb (Rev. 22:1). How can we come to the throne of God and the Lamb, Christ, in heaven while we still live on earth? The secret is our spirit, referred to in v. 12. The very Christ who is sitting on the throne in heaven (Rom. 8:34) is also now in us (Rom. 8:10), that is, in our spirit (2 Tim. 4:22), where the habitation of God is (Eph. 2:22). At Bethel, the house of God, the habitation of God, which is the gate of heaven, Christ is the ladder that joins earth to heaven and brings heaven to earth (Gen. 28:12-17; John 1:51). Since today our spirit is the place of God's habitation, it is now the gate of heaven, where Christ is the ladder that joins us, the people on earth, to heaven, and brings heaven to us. Hence, whenever we turn to our spirit, we enter through the gate of heaven and touch the throne of grace in heaven through Christ as the heavenly ladder.

16-2 [mercy] Both God's mercy and God's grace are the expression of His love. When we are in a pitiful condition, first God's mercy reaches us and brings us into a situation in which He is able to favor us with His grace. Luke 15:20-24 tells us that when the father saw the prodigal son returning, he had compassion on him. That was mercy, which expressed the father's love. Then the father clothed him with the best robe and fed him with the fattened calf. That was grace, which again manifested the father's love. God's mercy reaches farther and bridges the gap between us and God's grace.

God's mercy and grace are always available to us. However, we need to receive and find them by exercising our spirit to come to the throne of grace and contact our High Priest, who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. By this word the writer of this book encouraged the wearied Hebrew believers to receive mercy and find grace for timely help, that they might be set upright (12:12).

The revelation I received was two fold - at least - that God's throne to us who believe is a throne of grace and that this throne of grace is accessible through my spirit which is God's habitation in me. Is this not so wonderful? In the midst of all the chaos in our environments, or in our thoughts or our emotions, we can exercise our spirit to come to the throne of grace to enjoy and fellowship with our wonderful High Priest who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. What a mercy! That the Lord Jesus is not sitting on a throne of judgment for us today but a throne of grace and we can come to Him just as we are to get the supply of grace is too wonderful! Human language is just inadequate to express how marvelous this is.

This hymn is about our Wonderful High Priest:

1 Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea;
A great High Priest, whose Name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

2 My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while with God He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

3 When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

4 Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

5 Behold Him there, the risen Lamb!
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace.

6 One with Himself, I cannot die;
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God.

So dear ones, my prayer is that today will be filled with much enjoyment of accessing our Wonderful High Priest Jesus, Whose throne is a throne of grace! Praise Him.

Joanne

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the week off - our family went on a vacation together to Lewes, Delaware where Paul's family has a condominium. It doesn't really have reliable internet access so I wasn't able to post. It was the first time we'd been there in 6 years and probably the last time we will all get to be together due to everyone's schedules and life changes. It is a really nice place and close to the beach. I am so thankful that I was able to be there with my family. We even were able to attend my graduation at Drexel University - I was able to finish the course work in spite of so many obstacles and I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have such a great distraction from all the other "stuff". I am also thankful that He enabled me to use my brain cells, which I thought were really deteriorating. They were able to get a workout and be used!

I have significantly less pain today - only when I get in and out of bed, a car etc. and use those abdominal muscles to I feel any. I have a CT scan and blood work on July 11 and see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18. I am still taking those supplements but they have caused some digestive problems so please pray for the Lord's leading in this area. These supplements are very expensive so I don't know how long I will be able to take them, but they are strengthening my immune system, which is necessary. I am still trying to eat healthily but it is harder in the summer since due to the heat no one wants to eat soup.

The house is still torn apart on all 3 levels - it is quite difficult to move around, find things or relax much in this kind of atmosphere. It is a good thing that we can find refuge in a wonderful person, the Lord Jesus.

Hebrews 6:18-20
18 In order that by two unchangeable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us,

19 Which we have as an anchor of the soul, both secure and firm and which enters within the veil,

20 Where the forerunner, Jesus, has entered for us, having become forever a High Priest according to the border of Melchisedec.

These verses are so wonderful - we have strong encouragement - we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us - and that hope is an anchor to our soul and it is also within the veil where Jesus is! These verses are too marvelous.

Here is an excerpt from the Life Study of Hebrews, Message 30 about the refuge, the anchor and the forerunner:

I. THE REFUGE

Verse 18 speaks of having “fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.” Have you ever heard that the New Testament tells us to flee into a refuge? The Greek word translated “have fled for refuge” means to flee intensively; it refers to an intensified fleeing. The Greek word does not have the meaning of refuge. The simple English equivalent is “fled.” The Greek word is the same word used in Acts 14:6, where we are told that the Apostle Paul fled the persecution in the city... From what are we fleeing? From everything other than Christ and the church life. We must flee from the world...and from ourselves. We must flee the department stores, the course of this age, religion, our old concepts, and every kind of tradition. We must flee anything that keeps us away and holds us back from Christ. I have consulted a number of translations of this verse. Some versions say, “fled the world.” We must flee our old position, ambition, and self-love. We must flee everything. The writer of this book undoubtedly wanted the Hebrew believers to flee Judaism, their old religion. It would have been dangerous for them to remain in it; they had to flee. The Greek word for flee implies fleeing to a safeguard. This is the reason the translators added the words “for refuge.” The writer seemed to be saying, “Hebrew Christians, you are in a very dangerous situation and you need to flee to a safeguard.”

Where is this safeguard, this safety, into which we must flee? It is in the spirit, in the church, and in the heavenlies. What is there in the heavenlies? The Holy of Holies within the veil. The Hebrew Christians were in danger of being held back in the camp. They had to flee into the veil. The writer seemed to be saying, “Flee within the veil, into the Holy of Holies, into your spirit. Don’t stay in your staggering soul. Flee your wandering mind. Flee into your spirit where you can be safe.” Although it is difficult to say definitely what the refuge is, we may say that it is the heavenlies where the Lord Jesus is today.

II. THE ANCHOR

According to the context of 6:9-20, the writer, using the word “anchor,” pictures us all as being on a stormy sea. Since we are in a boat sailing on a stormy sea, we need an anchor. Undoubtedly, the safeguard into which we must flee is our haven. This haven is in our spirit, in the church life, and in the Holy of Holies in the heavenlies where the Lord Jesus is. If we would stay in this haven, we must have an anchor. The anchor is our hope (vv. 18-19) which is constituted with two unchangeable things—God’s promise and God’s oath (vv. 12-18). God’s promise is confirmed by His oath. God’s promise is God’s word, and God’s oath is His final confirmation. By God’s promise and oath, both of which are unchangeable, we have our faith and patience, issuing in our hope which is the anchor of our soul. Our hope, as a secure and firm anchor, has entered into the Holy of Holies within the veil and holds on to it, and we may now enter in spirit (10:19-20). By this anchor of hope we are held to the Holy of Holies. Without it, we may shipwreck (1 Tim. 1:19).

We must flee whatever situation we are in. Every situation is a stormy sea. Are you rich? Your riches are a stormy sea. Are you poor? Your poverty is a stormy sea. To say that every situation is a stormy sea simply means that it can hold you back, keeping you from entering into today’s rest. This is the danger. Consider the type of the children of Israel who came out of Egypt. Although maybe two million came out of Egypt, only two of them entered into the rest. All the others were distracted. Do we not face the same possibility today? There is not one thing which cannot hold us back... We are the fleers. We even must flee our own country and locality. The writer included himself in this matter of fleeing, for he used the word “we” in verse 18. After saying so many good things in the foregoing chapters, he concluded with the word “flee.”

III. THE FORERUNNER

The writer now tells us that Christ is not only the Captain of our salvation, but also our Forerunner. The Lord Jesus as the Forerunner took the lead to pass through the stormy sea and enter the heavenly haven to be the High Priest for us according to the order of Melchisedec. As such a Forerunner, He is the Captain of our salvation (2:10). As the Forerunner, He has cut the way to glory, and as the Captain, He has entered into glory, into the Holy of Holies within the veil. In order to enter into the Holy of Holies within the veil, the Lord Jesus fled everything. He fled His mother. He fled His brothers (Matt. 12:46-50). He fled Judaism and entered within the veil. Here we are not told that Jesus entered into the heavens, but that He entered “into that which is within the veil.” He entered into the presence of God. He fled everything to enter into the presence of God within the veil, where we anchor our hope with full assurance (vv. 19, 11).

How wonderful that we can flee for refuge! How wonderful that we can flee to our spirit where the Lord Jesus is!

Here is a wonderful hymn by Charles Wesley about all that we have in Christ. Here is a link to the tune, which is quite lovely:

1 Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all-sufficient love divine;
My help and refuge from my foes,
Secure I am, if Thou art mine;
From sin and grief, from guilt and shame,
I hide me, Jesus, in Thy name.

2 Jesus, my All in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, mine ease in pain;
The med'cine of my broken heart;
In war, my peace; in loss, my gain;
My smile beneath the tyrant's frown;
In shame, my glory and my crown.

3 In want, my plentiful supply;
In weakness, mine almighty power;
In bonds, my perfect liberty;
My light in Satan's darkest hour;
In grief, my joy unspeakable;
My life in death; my Lord, my all.

So, in the midst of troubles, we can flee for refuge!
Praise Him.

Love you all,
Joanne

The 5 minute Doctor and the Lord

Hi dear ones,
I saw Dr. Brooks yesterday morning. He really is a 5 minute doctor. No session I have ever had with him is more than 5 minutes! He said that the hernia repair was still intact and that everything was perfect at this point. He is concerned about it not holding however, due to the fact that the tissue has been weakened by the chemotherapy. I need to continue to take it easy for another month and see him again July 1. So, as the Lord leads, please pray for the strengthening of that tissue so that the mesh will stay where it should and the hernia will not recur. I have been having a lot of pain this past week - perhaps I did too much (I couldn't resist cleaning the refrigerator on Sunday....really not a good idea). Dr. Brooks said the pain is not surprising because they had to suture across the abdominal wall and it will pull. I am quite tired from dealing with the pain and from all the stuff going on in the house. Please pray that the delays would lessen and the work would be done so that our house can be inhabitable and useful again.

After seeing Dr. Brooks today, for those brief moments, I was reminded that although the Lord upholds all things by the word of His power and is really the center and circumference of the entire universe, He has time for us. He encourages us to linger in His presence.

2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
18 But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.
I am reminded of the Lord when he visited with Abraham in Genesis 18. It is really a marvelous story:
Genesis 18:1-8
1 And Jehovah appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre as he was sitting at the entrance of his tent in the heat of the day.
2 And he lifted up his eyes and looked, and there were three men standing opposite him. And when he saw them, he ran from the entrance of the tent to meet them. And he bowed down to the earth
3 And said, My Lord, if I have found favor in Your sight, please do not pass on from Your servant.
4 Please let a little water be fetched, and do wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree.
5 And let me fetch a morsel of bread that you may sustain yourselves. After that you may pass on, since you have come to your servant. So they said, Do as you have said.
6 And Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah and said, Quickly prepare three measures of fine flour, knead it, and make cakes.
7 And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the servant, and he hurried to prepare it.
8 And he took curds and milk and the calf which he had prepared, and set them before them; and he stood by them under the tree while they ate.
Here is a portion from the Life Study of Genesis, #50.

“God likes to appear to us in this way. He does not come in the form of God but in the form of man, without making any declaration that He is Jehovah God. God talked with Abraham as one man talks with another. Suddenly He asked Abraham, "Where is Sarah thy wife?" This might have shocked Abraham, and he might have thought, "This man knows my wife! How could He know her? Isn't he a stranger?" Then the Lord said, "I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life" (v. 10). Abraham might have said, "Who are you? You must be the very El-Shaddai who gave me the promise of Isaac's birth" (17:19, 21). Probably Abraham was still uncertain about this until God said, "Sarah thy wife shall have a son." Sarah laughed when she heard this. No human being could have known at that time that Sarah was laughing within, but the Lord said, "Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?" (v. 13). At this juncture, the Lord clearly unveiled to Abraham that He was Jehovah God by saying, "Is anything too marvelous for the Lord [Jehovah]?" When Sarah denied laughing He said, "Nay; but thou didst laugh" (v. 15), indicating that He was the omniscient God, the One who knows everything, even what is in man's heart. At this time Abraham was clear that this man was the Almighty Jehovah, the very El-Shaddai. In like manner, the disciples of Jesus gradually came to know that the man Jesus was God.
We all need to experience God in this way. …Many times God comes to us while we are sitting at our tent door. Although we may be unprepared to worship God, we may see someone approaching and ask him to stay with us for a while. Eventually we learn that this One is God. Have you not had this kind of experience? …But God often visits us in a very normal way, in a way which is extraordinary as far as religion is concerned. I like the God who appeared to Abraham in the form of a mortal man at his tent door. Many sisters have the experience that while they are cooking in their kitchens or doing the laundry, the Lord comes to them in a very intimate, human way, and they have a pleasant time of sweet fellowship with the Lord, conversing with Him as with a friend. Many brothers have the same kind of experience. While they are working on their jobs or resting at home, the Lord comes to them as a dear friend, and they have an intimate conversation with the Lord. This is the experience of the Lord coming to visit us on our human level so that we can commune with Him as with an intimate friend.”

It is so marvelous that the Lord took the time to have a meal with Abraham and converse with him about the things that were very much of concern to Abraham. The Lord took the time. I’m so glad He’s not a 5 minute God! He enjoys fellowshipping with us, spending time with us. Praise Him.
I thought of the first verse and chorus of an old favorite: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Spend some time today looking full in His wonderful face - even 5 minutes or more. He’s available to all who call on Him.

Much love,
Joanne

White Coats and Christ our Righteousness

Well, the pain is subsiding a bit - I see the surgeon next Tuesday for a post-op visit. I think sitting at the computer has caused some of the pain in the area where the hernias were, but it is hard not to sit at the computer since this is the last week of classes for school etc. So, I still have pain but it is bearable with Tylenol, so you can see it has decreased a lot. Resting helps too. This is a challenge in my bedroom which has become a repository for items from the other rooms that are being worked on. The house repairs are very slow, due in part to the inconsistent showing up of the workers.

This week I attended the white coat ceremony at my son Stephen's medical school where the 1st year medical students make the transfer from their medical studies in the classroom to clinical on the wards. The ceremony was very inspiring as the professors reminded students that they are treating not a disease but a person. The white coat, they were told, is a responsibility to wear and carries with it the requirements of good character, compassion and care. It was really a wonderful ceremony, and I am thankful that through the faithful prayers of you all I was able to attend. My next goal is to be at his graduation in 3 more years, as well as my youngest son Andrew's graduation from UT!

Here is a picture of the actual cloaking event - it's a bit blurry since we were in the back of the lecture hall, but wonderful nonetheless.

I was reminded of these verses from the Old and New Testaments which I'd like to share with you:

Isaiah 61:10
10 I will rejoice greatly in Jehovah, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with the robe of righteousness; I am like a bridegroom who wears the headdress of the priest, And like a bride who adorns herself with her jewels.

Zechariah 3:4
4 And He answered and spoke to those standing before Him, saying, Remove the filthy garments from him. Then He said to him, See, I hereby make your iniquity pass from you and clothe you with stately robes.

Luke 15:22:
22 But the father said to his slaves, Bring out quickly the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet.

Galatians 3:27:
27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.


These verses all speak about the exchange from the rags of our own attempts of righteousness, our sinful state, to be clothed with a righteousness which is God's alone. What an exchange! Even more, I realized that the righteousness with which we are clothed when we believe into Christ is a person, it is Christ Himself. In the booklet Christ our Righteousness, Watchman Nee writes:

How do we come to God? First Corinthians 1:30 is a great verse in the New Testament. This verse reveals that a Christian does not come to God through his own righteousness. Neither does he come to God with his many sins. Rather, he comes to God through Christ alone. A Christian's access to God is not based on his righteousness or his unrighteousness. This verse shows us clearly that Christ has become the righteousness of the believers. It is not something about Christ that has become our righteousness; rather, Christ Himself in His entirety has become our righteousness. Something of Christ can never be as absolute and perfect as Christ Himself. When Christ Himself becomes our righteousness, God receives us.

The experience of many Christians follows a certain pattern: If they read the Bible in the morning and manage to control their temper during the day, they can pray in a strong way at night. But if they fail during the day, their prayer at night is very weak. Actually, even when we sin, Christ is still our righteousness. The fact has not changed, because we are in Christ. If we behave well today and think that we are more qualified to come to God, we are coming to Him by our own righteousness. This is a wrong concept. God does not receive us based on our righteousness, much less on our unrighteousness. His receiving is based on Christ. A Christian does not become more unrighteous through sinning, nor does he become more righteous through doing good. Sin does not diminish a Christian's righteousness, nor do good works increase his righteousness. Our righteousness before God is not dependent on our conduct, but on Christ Himself. Our righteousness before God never changes. Righteousness is a person; it is not a thing. The righteousness that a Christian has is the living Christ; it is not some dead object. Even if we committed all the sins of the world, our righteousness is still Christ Himself. Sooner or later every Christian must realize who this One is who is his righteousness.

We have not put on a robe of righteousness; we have put on Christ Himself. We have not put on the garment of Christ; we have put on Christ Himself. Galatians 3:27 speaks of the putting on of Christ. The righteousness which we now have far exceeds our own righteousness. It is Christ Himself becoming our righteousness. Hence we are perfect, and God can now accept us....

I come to God through Christ as my righteousness, not through the righteousness of Christ. Before the Lord I have my own righteousnesses as well as my own unrighteousnesses. Of course, my own unrighteousnesses cannot be reckoned as righteous in His eyes, but my righteousness cannot be reckoned as righteous in His eyes either. This has nothing to do with me loving Him but with Him loving me. I do not preserve myself; He preserves me. It is not my hands that are holding Him but His hands that are holding me. It is not a matter of my faithfulness but His faithfulness." I may have sinned more than all of you sitting here, but I can be bold before the Lord because my righteousness is Christ alone.

Isn't this wonderful? Our righteousness is not just a cloak or a robe but a living person Christ Himself. How amazing is this fact!

1 Corinthians 1:30 says But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom to us from God: both righteousness and sanctification and redemption,

The hymn I am reminded of is truly one of my favorites by Count Zinzendorf. Here is a link to the tune:

1 God's Christ, who is my righteousness,
My beauty is, my glorious dress;
Midst flaming worlds, in this arrayed,
With joy shall I lift up my head.

2 Lord, I believe Thy precious blood,
Which, at the mercy seat of God,
Forever doth for sinners plead,
For me, e'en for my soul, was shed.

3 Lord, I believe were sinners more
Than sands upon the ocean shore,
Thou hast for all a ransom paid,
For all a full redemption made.

4 Bold can I stand in every way,
For who aught to my charge shall lay?
Fully, by Thee, absolved I am
From sin and fear, from guilt and shame.

5 This spotless robe the same appears,
When ruined nature sinks in years;
No age can change its glorious hue,
Its glory is forever new.

6 Thou God of power, Thou God of love,
Let all Thy saints Thy mercy prove;
Our beauty this, our glorious dress,
Jesus the Lord, our Righteousness.



What a mercy! We are clothed with Christ. He is our white coat, our garment that is forever new!

Much love to you all,
Joanne

Hungering and Thirsting

Hello everyone,
I have been slowly recovering - I stopped taking the pain meds and have been experiencing pain - sometimes it is really uncomfortable. This forces me to lie down and rest, so it is not a totally negative thing. Please pray for the continued healing of all those incisions and that I will be restricted from lifting or doing anything strenuous - and rest. Also, this past week a lot of work was done on the house (to repair flooding damage) and there is a lot of dust around which causes coughing...which causes pain. We found some air purifiers and have them running so this will help. Also no one has been working for the past few days so the dust has settled, so to speak.

Since the surgery I have been very thirsty, waking up many times during the night with parched lips and dry throat. I'm not sure why - but this morning the spiritual significance of this state of being really struck me. I was reminded of the scene in John 7:37-39:

37 Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.

38 He who believes into Me, as the Scripture said, out of his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.

39 But this He said concerning the Spirit, whom those who believed into Him were about to receive; for the Spirit was not yet, because Jesus had not yet been glorified.

The scene prior to Jesus' speaking these words was that the Feast of Tabernacles was near. This feast, in Exodus 23:16 is the last feast of the year, the feast of ingathering to celebrate the labor of the field. It was the culminating feast of the year. After the full harvest of their crops, the Jewish people observed the Feast of Tabernacles to worship God and enjoy what they had reaped (Deut. 16:13-15). Hence, this feast signifies the completion, achievement, and success in man's career, man's study, and other matters of human life, including religion, with the joy and enjoyment thereof. At the end of such a feast, which had such a background, Christ cried out the promise of the rivers of living water, which will satisfy man's expectation for eternity (vv. 37-39). (from the footnote for 7:2.) The phrase in verse 37, on the last day, has this significance:

Footnote 37-1 The last day here signifies that all the enjoyment of any success in the human life will end. There is a "last day" to every kind of material thing of the physical life.


What really touched me is that Jesus is there at the last day, at the end of all the enjoyment of any success, not condemning us for our enjoyment, but realizing that we will be thirsty and encouraging us to come to Him to drink. He knows our condition. I read the Life STudy of the Gospel of John, message 17 and found that this case in John is the 6th case and is a continuation of the 5th - which is Jesus meeting the needs of the hungry in John 6. Here is a most encouraging excerpt from that message:

The sixth case is a continuation of the fifth case, because the matter of food is related to water. In this connection, there is also another contrast. In the scene of the fifth case, there was the feast of the Passover. In the scene of this case in chapter seven, there is the feast of Tabernacles. The feast of the Passover is the first of the annual Jewish feasts, and the feast of Tabernacles is the last (Lev. 23:5, 34). The feast of the Passover, as the first feast of the year, implies the beginning of man’s life (cf. Exo. 12:2-3, 6), which involves man’s seeking for satisfaction and results in man’s hunger. The feast of Tabernacles, as the last feast of the year, implies the completion and success of man’s life (cf. Exo. 23:16), which will end and result in man’s thirst. In the scene of the feast of the Passover, the Lord presented Himself as the bread of life, which satisfies man’s hunger. In the scene of the feast of Tabernacles, the Lord promised that He would flow forth the living water, which quenches man’s thirst.

The feast of the Passover occurred early in the year, when the people were working and laboring hard. The case of the feeding of the five thousand finds the people working to fill their hunger, but failing to be satisfied. They labored, they worked, they sought something to satisfy, but they failed. The feast of Tabernacles, on the contrary, occurred at a time when the harvest was over. The people had reaped the corn and the wine (Deut. 16:13-14). Everything of the harvest had been reaped, and the people were to come together at the feast of Tabernacles and enjoy everything with their families and even with their servants. We must realize that during the feast of Tabernacles the people do not labor because the work is over, the crop has been reaped, and the corn and wine have been harvested. That was the time to rejoice in their enjoyment—but they were still thirsty! The sixth case reveals that their thirst was not quenched even by their success...
However, the Lord is the food to the people who labor and He will afford living water to those who rest. Actually, humanity exists in only one of two conditions. One is that because they lack something they must seek, work, strive, and labor; the other is that because they have everything they may rejoice and enjoy their riches. In other words, at first you find that you do not have anything; therefore, you must work and labor hard. For example, perhaps you are in the first year of college and you have to labor over your studies. This is like the feast of the Passover. After you have graduated and received your degree and have an excellent occupation, you are rich. This is like the feast of Tabernacles because the work and labor are over. Now you are at rest and are in the position to rejoice and enjoy the benefits of your labor.

Which feast are you attending—the feast of the Passover or the feast of Tabernacles? Regardless of which feast you are attending, you are still hungry or thirsty. Whether you are in a poor or rich condition, whether you are in a state of poverty or plenty, you will realize that you are either hungry or thirsty. Many foreign students come to the rich country of the United States for an education, but in reality, they are simply hungry. After they work hard for several years and finally achieve their Ph.D. degree, some will become very wealthy, but they will still be thirsty...

Praise the Lord that Christ is the bread of life for those who are laboring at the feast of the Passover. A college education can never be the bread of life. Only the Lord Himself can be our satisfaction. Furthermore, only Christ can quench the thirst for those who are resting and rejoicing at the feast of Tabernacles. Even when people have everything, the corn and the wine, they realize that an inner thirst still persists. They may rejoice and enjoy the produce that is in their hands, yet only the Lord has the living water to quench their thirst.

If you see the thought concerning these two feasts, you will see the two phases of man’s condition and the two aspects of Christ as our supply of life. On one hand, He is the bread of life while we are laboring; on the other hand, He supplies us with the living water while we are resting. Once you see this thought, you will understand the whole of John 7. Although it is a long chapter, it is brief in thought. The thought is that when you have succeeded in all of your achievements, when you have enjoyed all of your possessions, when you have rejoiced in all of your best circumstances, you will then realize that your thirst has not been quenched. Nothing is adequate to quench your thirst. Only the Lord can quench your thirst by affording you the living water.

How wonderful the Lord is - whether we are hungering for something or thirsting because we are not satisfied with what we hungered for, He is the unique solution. He is the bread of life and He is the water of life.

Here is a hymn I hope you will enjoy with a link to the tune. The original has 8 verses, I have only included a few:

1 My heart is hungry, my spirit doth thirst;
I come to Thee, Lord, to seek Thy supply;
All that I need is none other but Thee,
Thou canst my hunger and thirst satisfy.
Chorus
Feed me, Lord Jesus, give me to drink,
Fill all my hunger, quench all my thirst;
Flood me with joy, be the strength of my life,
Fill all my hunger, quench all my thirst.

2 Thou art the food and the water of life,
Thou canst revive me, my spirit upbear;
I long to eat and to drink here of Thee,
Thyself enjoy through my reading and prayer.

3 Thou art the Word with God’s fulness in Thee,
Thou too the Spirit that God my life be;
Thee in the Word I enjoy as my food,
Thou as the Spirit art water to me.

4 Thou from the heavens as food camest down,
Thou to be drink hast been smitten for me;
Thou as the food, my exhaustless supply,
Thou as the water, a stream unto me.

5 Thou in the Word art the Spirit and life,
Thus by the Word I may feed upon Thee;
Thou dost as Spirit in my spirit live,
Thus I may drink in the spirit of Thee.

8 Here, O my Lord, may I feast upon Thee;
Flood with Thy Spirit and fill by Thy Word;
May, Lord, Thou be such a feast unto me
As man hath never enjoyed nor e’er heard.

Flood us with joy, today, Lord, be the strength of our life! Fill all our hunger and quench all our thirst.

Much love,
Joanne

Our Hoarded Resources

Hi Everyone,
It's me, Joanne, up at 4:30 due to a number of issues, one being the pressing issues of life that keep me awake, another being the pain at the incision sites which requires that I take medication which makes my mind fuzzy. Oh Lord. So, this morning when I woke up, I was reminded of a line from one of my favorite hymns - "When we reach the end of our hoarded resources, our Father's full giving is only begun."

I also considered the instance of the wedding at Cana where resources ran out and they came to Jesus for the answer. Here is the account of that wedding:

John 2:1-11
1 And the third day a wedding took place in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there.

2 And Jesus also was invited, as well as His disciples, to the wedding.

3 And when the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to Him, They have no wine.

4 And Jesus said to her, Woman, what do I have in this that concerns you? My hour has not yet come.

5 His mother said to the servants, Whatever He says to you, do.

6 Now there were six stone waterpots lying there, according to the Jews' rite of purification, holding two or three measures each.

7 Jesus said to them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

8 And He said to them, Draw some out now and take it to the master of the feast. And they took it to him.

9 And when the master of the feast tasted the water which had become wine and did not know where it came from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew, the master of the feast called the bridegroom

10 And said to him, Every man sets out the good wine first, and when they have drunk freely, then that which is worse; you have kept the good wine until now.

11 This beginning of signs Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee and manifested His glory, and His disciples believed into Him.


Many years ago, as a young Christian, I always pondered this incongruity of being at the end of hoarded resources, yet being indwelt with the limitless, Eternal One! Why was I at the end of my rope? Why was I not able to go on? Wasn't I a Christian? Wasn't this a poor testimony? Well, I found the answer when I read something about this passage. It has continued to supply me all through the years and supplied me again this morning when I was faced with the end of the line of my hoarded resources again.

The footnotes for these verses really explain the situation. The fact that the wine ran out is significant. Footnote 3-1 says: Wine, the life juice of the grape, signifies life. Hence, the wine's running out symbolizes that the human life runs out. Ran out - literally the translation means fell short.

Verse 6 talks about the 6 stone waterpots lying there which signify man, who was created on the 6th day. That they were used for the Jewish rite of purification:Footnote 6-2: The Jews' rite of purification with water signifies religion's attempt to make people clean by certain dead practices. But the Lord changes death into life. The water that the waterpots were filled with signified death - (we are baptized in water into the death of Christ).

So far, the 6 waterpots, signifying man, who was created on the 6th day, are filled with water, i.e. death. The wine, the human life has run out. But hallelujah, Jesus is there! At that juncture, Jesus changes the water into wine. The head waiter appraises the wine as the best. The end is not the end when Jesus is there. That is because the Lord’s changing water into wine establishes the principle of life— changing death into life. The Lord Jesus can change death into life. So when we reach the end of ourselves, and we come to the Lord at the end, He can fill us with Himself and become our life.

I know in principle, we are Christians and the Lord is our life. But we will depend upon and live according to our natural life (the first wine). This life will come to an end, it will run out.

So while I have extenuating circumstances that require much prayer, I also have the confidence that as long as Jesus is a factor, the running out of my human life, the end of my human capacity is the door of opportunity for Him to become my life, and my all.

Here's the hymn that I enjoyed and a new way of singing it
(http://www.hymnal.net/Hymns/NewTunes/midi/e0723_new.mid):

1 He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase,
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men,
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

2 When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half-done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,
Our Father's full giving is only begun.


Isn't it wonderful that His love has no limit? His grace has no measure? He is giving all that He is to us - Praise Him.

Please continue to pray that we can get the house issues taken care of - they are very pressing and it is getting increasingly difficult to find places for all the stuff. Please also pray for Paul - he is in the middle of all this and the burden is crushing as times. Please also pray that the incisions from the surgery would heal and that the Lord would continue to take care of every detail.

He is so wonderful.

Much love to you all,
Joanne

Update on Mom

Yesterday, Mom had a 3 hour hernia repair surgery. The doctors were able to complete the procedure laproscopically, but did so through 14 incisions. They inserted a 27X30 cm mesh to repair what the doctor called a double hernia. Dad and I were able to meet mom in the recovery room. Unfortunately she was in a lot of pain. After a couple of hours in the recovery room, she was moved back to the 7th floor of the Connors building which was a pleasant surprise. Dad and I brought her stuff up to her room and met her there. She was in a lot of pain last night but was able to manage it with dilaudid. She had one of her old nurses, Erin, who remembered her and took good care of her last night. She walked a lot today and is waiting for her bowels to wake up. Even though a hernia repair is a fairly standard procedure, the size of mom's hernia may extend the recovery time. She is moving around but is still on a liquid diet. She may be released on Saturday but it will likely be Sunday. She is just enjoying resting for a few days. She is no longer taking dilaudid and is doing much better. She went into this surgery much healthier than surgeries in the past and it is remarkable how good she looks. Please pray that she would have less pain and be ready to go home soon. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

Songs in the Night

Hi Everyone,
Lately (for the past few months actually) I have been waking up at around 3:30 or 4:00. Sometimes I can get back to sleep but other times sleep just slips away and I am left in my bed with my thoughts. I usually am reminded that this is a good time to pray and spend time with the Lord. Today, I got up and remembered a line from a hymn by Fanny Crosby - the line was "And giveth me songs in the night." Here is the hymn which is an old favorite and really enjoyable to sing:

1 Redeemed—how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed through His infinite mercy,
His child, and forever, I am.

Redeemed, redeemed,
Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;
Redeemed, redeemed,
His child, and forever, I am.

2 Redeemed and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell;
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

3 I think of my blessed Redeemer,
I think of Him all the day long;
I sing, for I cannot be silent;
His love is the theme of my song.

4 I know I shall see in His beauty
The King in whose way I delight;
Who lovingly guardeth my footsteps,
And giveth me songs in the night.

I wondered if this phrase was in the Bible or just a symbolically poetic phrase. Here are a number of verses about songs in the night.

Job 35:10: But no one says, Where is God my Maker, Who gives songs in the night,

Psalms 42:8: By day Jehovah commands His lovingkindness, And by night His song is with me, A prayer to the God of my life.

Psalms 77:6: I remember my song in the night; I muse with my own heart, and my spirit carefully searches.

Psalms 119:62: At midnight I rise up to give thanks to You Because of Your righteous ordinances.

Acts 16:25: And about midnight Paul and Silas, while praying, sang hymns of praise to God; and the prisoners were listening to them.

Many times last year I would awaken in the middle of the night because of a beeping IV pump, or pain, hot flashes, or the nurse checking vital signs or I was just awake. I can't remember ever feeling completely alone and desolate - rather, I was comforted by the Word of God and by songs in the night. Sometimes I would listen to a cd of the Bible or else I would listen to a hymn - but most of the time, the Lord would remind me of a verse or hymn or someone to pray for. Each time I had a strong sensation that the Lord was there with me, giving me songs in the night. Praise Him.

So again, this morning at 4:00, I was awake and praying for a dear sister I know who is fighting a similar cancer battle (only she is at the beginning) and the Lord gave me a song in the night! He is too sweet, too rich, too wonderful! I had to share the song with you all.

Much love,
Joanne