Hi everyone,
Here are the notes we took from Berkowitz's consult after mom's surgery. Right now she is in recovery and we will be able to see her at 3 pm. I will update you on the psychological side of things once we see her. Thank you for your prayer.
The surgery went as well as possible. There were a limited number of tumors to remove – most of the ones removed were the size of a lentil though some were as large as a quarter. The others were the size of grains of sand – too small to be removed. Internally, there was a tremendous improvement from before. They removed the fallopian tubes and the ovaries. They did a resection on a portion of the appendix, abdominal lining, and pelvic lining where there were tumors. There was no bowel resection required. Based on a consult with the oncologist they felt to insert an intraperitoneal (IP) catheter, which is a recent technology developed at Johns Hopkins that administers chemotherapy directly to the diseased area of the body.
Stephen Juraschek
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Secret
In my quest to overcome the fear that sneaks up on me and chokes me, I found that reasoning around the fear does not help. I have to engage my spirit - so I've been praying about the surgery etc. and the sneak fear attacks have become less. The prayer produces faith and then the issue of this faith is the secret weapon - praising the Lord for who He is in the midst of the suffering situation. But not just empty praising. Psalm 106:12 says Then they believed His words; They sang His praise. When we pray and touch the Lord, we are infused with Him which produces faith, which then issues in praise. God's hands are good - there are so many attributes of God that do not change - even though I am in the midst of a struggle, He is still good. His mercy endures forever. I read in a booklet this morning entitled Praising by Watchman Nee about a battle of Jehosaphat's. He was a king of Judah going to battle and he put singers at the front of the troops saying Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever. He fought the battle through praise.
Sometimes the real struggle lies within me - not only the outward situation but my response to it. Here is an excerpt from the booklet I mentioned (which I highly recommend):
"Please remember that when you suffer great personal hardship and severe injustice, it is not the time for you to pray, but the time for you to praise. You should bow your head and say to the Lord, “I thank You. You are never wrong in what You do. I accept all these things from Your hands. I thank You. I praise You.” If you do this, all your problems will go away. Victory has nothing to do with struggling with the flesh. It has nothing to do with trying to forgive others or striving to pardon others with one’s own strength. Victory comes when one bows his head and praises the Lord: “I praise You for Your way. Your arrangement is always good. Whatever You do is right.” "
Today I have a pre-op visit, blood work etc. at BWH. Wednesday is the intenstinal cleanout and then Thursday is the surgery at 7:30 am. I arrive at the hospital at 6:00 am!
I appreciate your support through your prayers, calls, email, and comments on the blog - I am supplied by all of you. Two items to pray about: that the surgical wound will heal without infection and that the surgeon will be able to remove all gross cancer.
It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto Thy name, O Most High. Psalm 92:1.
Here's a great hymn to praise the Lord with:
I've found the One of peerless worth,
My heart doth sing for joy;
And sing I must for Christ I have;
Oh, what a Christ have I.
The hymn has 15 verses which are so rich - to see and hear it, go to
http://www.hymnal.net/cgi-bin/hymns/index?t=h&n=510
Praise Him! His mercy endures forever! I think my son Stephen will pick up the blog while I am recovering from surgery. He is home this summer until mid-August.
Much love,
Joanne
Sometimes the real struggle lies within me - not only the outward situation but my response to it. Here is an excerpt from the booklet I mentioned (which I highly recommend):
"Please remember that when you suffer great personal hardship and severe injustice, it is not the time for you to pray, but the time for you to praise. You should bow your head and say to the Lord, “I thank You. You are never wrong in what You do. I accept all these things from Your hands. I thank You. I praise You.” If you do this, all your problems will go away. Victory has nothing to do with struggling with the flesh. It has nothing to do with trying to forgive others or striving to pardon others with one’s own strength. Victory comes when one bows his head and praises the Lord: “I praise You for Your way. Your arrangement is always good. Whatever You do is right.” "
Today I have a pre-op visit, blood work etc. at BWH. Wednesday is the intenstinal cleanout and then Thursday is the surgery at 7:30 am. I arrive at the hospital at 6:00 am!
I appreciate your support through your prayers, calls, email, and comments on the blog - I am supplied by all of you. Two items to pray about: that the surgical wound will heal without infection and that the surgeon will be able to remove all gross cancer.
It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto Thy name, O Most High. Psalm 92:1.
Here's a great hymn to praise the Lord with:
I've found the One of peerless worth,
My heart doth sing for joy;
And sing I must for Christ I have;
Oh, what a Christ have I.
The hymn has 15 verses which are so rich - to see and hear it, go to
http://www.hymnal.net/cgi-bin/hymns/index?t=h&n=510
Praise Him! His mercy endures forever! I think my son Stephen will pick up the blog while I am recovering from surgery. He is home this summer until mid-August.
Much love,
Joanne
Monday, July 16, 2007
Peace and Rest
In reading the Healing from surgery book, I have to come up with a restful, relaxing place where I can imagine myself resting. I've been having the hardest time to come up with a picture of a relaxing place - it seems that everywhere I think is somewhat stressful.
I thought of a nice warm bed with a comforter and the fresh smell of sheets as you snuggle down under the covers. That might be a good one.
As I searched the New Testament for verses, I realized that the coming of the Lord Jesus to the earth announced peace among men. He is our peace (Ephesians 2:14-15). His coming announced peace! I am also reminded of the verses in Luke 8 where Jesus told his disciples that they would go over to the other side of the sea. A strong wind and storm arose but Jesus was asleep in the boat. It is amazing to me that in the midst of the storm with the wind, the rain and the raging sea, Jesus was asleep in the bottom of the boat, resting. I read the following and it is really true:
"We need to believe in the Lord and not look at our environment or circumstances. Instead of looking at the storm, let us look at the resting Lord. Which will you follow—the storm or the resting Lord? We may even want to say to the Lord, “Lord, since You are resting, I shall rest with You. Let the wind blow. Because You are resting, I can rest with You.” However, it is easy to say this, but it is difficult to practice it."
So how do I practice resting? Partly by saying no to worry - I have been trying this each day - when the worries come up and attack - I speak to them - No, you are a lie. I will not allow my mind to be invaded by you. The surgery coming up is good, necessary and right. But I have worried a lot over the years as all who know me can testify, so this is an exercise of the Spirit with my spirit - to change the way I think. This must be the renewing of the mind! Even though I can't remember things and seem to have a shortened attention span, my mind is still being renewed!
I also realize that some of the worries need to be borne in prayer by others. I think of Moses who had his arms held up in prayer by Aaron and Hur in order to defeat the Amalekites. We need to pray for each other and hold each other up in order to defeat the enemy. So I appreciate all the prayer which strengthens me to rest with the resting Lord Jesus. Things to continue to pray for: the surgery on July 26 - that all the cancer can be removed, no complications, no infections; the surgery preparation - that it will be effective; also I struggle with fear which sometimes overtakes me - I know that perfect love casts out fear and I stand on that fact, but sometimes the fear just grips me when I don't expect it. Please pray that the promises that the Lord has given in His word would be my reality. Pray also that I can focus on the Word - sometimes it's difficult to focus.
Well, I'd better go - much love to all of you.
Joanne
I thought of a nice warm bed with a comforter and the fresh smell of sheets as you snuggle down under the covers. That might be a good one.
As I searched the New Testament for verses, I realized that the coming of the Lord Jesus to the earth announced peace among men. He is our peace (Ephesians 2:14-15). His coming announced peace! I am also reminded of the verses in Luke 8 where Jesus told his disciples that they would go over to the other side of the sea. A strong wind and storm arose but Jesus was asleep in the boat. It is amazing to me that in the midst of the storm with the wind, the rain and the raging sea, Jesus was asleep in the bottom of the boat, resting. I read the following and it is really true:
"We need to believe in the Lord and not look at our environment or circumstances. Instead of looking at the storm, let us look at the resting Lord. Which will you follow—the storm or the resting Lord? We may even want to say to the Lord, “Lord, since You are resting, I shall rest with You. Let the wind blow. Because You are resting, I can rest with You.” However, it is easy to say this, but it is difficult to practice it."
So how do I practice resting? Partly by saying no to worry - I have been trying this each day - when the worries come up and attack - I speak to them - No, you are a lie. I will not allow my mind to be invaded by you. The surgery coming up is good, necessary and right. But I have worried a lot over the years as all who know me can testify, so this is an exercise of the Spirit with my spirit - to change the way I think. This must be the renewing of the mind! Even though I can't remember things and seem to have a shortened attention span, my mind is still being renewed!
I also realize that some of the worries need to be borne in prayer by others. I think of Moses who had his arms held up in prayer by Aaron and Hur in order to defeat the Amalekites. We need to pray for each other and hold each other up in order to defeat the enemy. So I appreciate all the prayer which strengthens me to rest with the resting Lord Jesus. Things to continue to pray for: the surgery on July 26 - that all the cancer can be removed, no complications, no infections; the surgery preparation - that it will be effective; also I struggle with fear which sometimes overtakes me - I know that perfect love casts out fear and I stand on that fact, but sometimes the fear just grips me when I don't expect it. Please pray that the promises that the Lord has given in His word would be my reality. Pray also that I can focus on the Word - sometimes it's difficult to focus.
Well, I'd better go - much love to all of you.
Joanne
Friday, July 13, 2007
getting in shape for surgery
Hi Everyone,
It has been a week since chemo and while I am feeling fatigued, I am definitely better than I was. I even threw in some laundry - and then had to rest for 10 minutes - laundry can do that, especially at my house! I have so much enjoyed the comments from you as well as cards, visits, meals and calls. Sometimes when I am resting I don't pick up the phone, but just seeing that you called is so encouraging. My mission these next two weeks is to get ready for surgery - apparently an attitude of dread and fear is counter-healing and can actually prolong recovery. My oncologist recommended a book by Peggy Huddleston about preparing for and healing from surgery. It is an interesting approach. The author was a Harvard Divinity School grad who has done a lot of work in the Boston area with cancer/surgery patients. The approach is not something I had thought about but one thing she said is that while there are many, many things out of my control, the one thing I can control is my mind. Just like in Romans 8:6 - for the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace. I can set my mind on something other than my anxiety - which is a REAL exercise of the spirit for me. But since I have two weeks to practice this, I am going to find a few verses that will serve like the stones David selected from the stream and placed in his shepherd's bag to fight Goliath. Somewhere I once heard that these stones represent the Word which we select to fight the accuser. I'm going to find some verses on rest and peace that I can use to silence the anxious thoughts in my mind. If you have any suggestions, please send them along.
As soon as I am stronger, I am going to try walking around the block - I am wary of a very mean large dog across the street from me but that shouldn't keep me inside. I want to be as strong as possible physically for this surgery too.
The real prayer requests are for the upcoming surgery - that all the visible cancer can be removed (that didn't happen last time). Also, I am praying that the chemo will seek and destroy all the cancer cells in the abdominal area. Pray for the healing of the wound - the last wound still has not completely healed - pray for no infection and for peace for me and the family. Another prayer request involves the pre-op prep which is like preparing for a colonoscopy - drink yuky stuff etc. Please pray that I don't get too weak and collapse like I did earlier this week. That is something that is a recurring worry.
Thank you all again for your support - I wouldn't be here today without the Lord's gracious supply ministered to me through you all.
Love,
Joanne
It has been a week since chemo and while I am feeling fatigued, I am definitely better than I was. I even threw in some laundry - and then had to rest for 10 minutes - laundry can do that, especially at my house! I have so much enjoyed the comments from you as well as cards, visits, meals and calls. Sometimes when I am resting I don't pick up the phone, but just seeing that you called is so encouraging. My mission these next two weeks is to get ready for surgery - apparently an attitude of dread and fear is counter-healing and can actually prolong recovery. My oncologist recommended a book by Peggy Huddleston about preparing for and healing from surgery. It is an interesting approach. The author was a Harvard Divinity School grad who has done a lot of work in the Boston area with cancer/surgery patients. The approach is not something I had thought about but one thing she said is that while there are many, many things out of my control, the one thing I can control is my mind. Just like in Romans 8:6 - for the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace. I can set my mind on something other than my anxiety - which is a REAL exercise of the spirit for me. But since I have two weeks to practice this, I am going to find a few verses that will serve like the stones David selected from the stream and placed in his shepherd's bag to fight Goliath. Somewhere I once heard that these stones represent the Word which we select to fight the accuser. I'm going to find some verses on rest and peace that I can use to silence the anxious thoughts in my mind. If you have any suggestions, please send them along.
As soon as I am stronger, I am going to try walking around the block - I am wary of a very mean large dog across the street from me but that shouldn't keep me inside. I want to be as strong as possible physically for this surgery too.
The real prayer requests are for the upcoming surgery - that all the visible cancer can be removed (that didn't happen last time). Also, I am praying that the chemo will seek and destroy all the cancer cells in the abdominal area. Pray for the healing of the wound - the last wound still has not completely healed - pray for no infection and for peace for me and the family. Another prayer request involves the pre-op prep which is like preparing for a colonoscopy - drink yuky stuff etc. Please pray that I don't get too weak and collapse like I did earlier this week. That is something that is a recurring worry.
Thank you all again for your support - I wouldn't be here today without the Lord's gracious supply ministered to me through you all.
Love,
Joanne
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Emergency Room
Last night, Anna and my Uncle Vincent took my mother to the emergency room. At about 4 pm, she passed out and hit her head on the bathroom floor. She was met by Dad at the emergency room and after waiting several hours, underwent numerous tests including a cat scan, an EKG, blood tests, and urine analysis. The whole ordeal took 5 hours. Mom and Dad arrived home at 12:00 am. The doctors ordered so many tests because they were concerned about internal bleeding (a contusion) due to the blood thinner she is taking. Their conclusion was that she was dehydrated and encouraged her to drink more fluids during the day.
Please continue to pray for her. This event although seemingly benign was somewhat discouraging and jarring to all of us. Also, please continue to pray for her upcoming surgery scheduled for July 26th.
Aside from the mishap, she is doing ok. She has some nausea and diaherrea due to the chemo, but otherwise has been looking much healthier than a month ago.
Stephen Juraschek
Last night, Anna and my Uncle Vincent took my mother to the emergency room. At about 4 pm, she passed out and hit her head on the bathroom floor. She was met by Dad at the emergency room and after waiting several hours, underwent numerous tests including a cat scan, an EKG, blood tests, and urine analysis. The whole ordeal took 5 hours. Mom and Dad arrived home at 12:00 am. The doctors ordered so many tests because they were concerned about internal bleeding (a contusion) due to the blood thinner she is taking. Their conclusion was that she was dehydrated and encouraged her to drink more fluids during the day.
Please continue to pray for her. This event although seemingly benign was somewhat discouraging and jarring to all of us. Also, please continue to pray for her upcoming surgery scheduled for July 26th.
Aside from the mishap, she is doing ok. She has some nausea and diaherrea due to the chemo, but otherwise has been looking much healthier than a month ago.
Stephen Juraschek
Friday, July 6, 2007
Fourth Round of Chemo
Today Mom had her fourth round of chemotherapy. She needed to wait a significant amount of time before starting and since it was late on Friday when the chemo did begin they had to administer it at a faster rate so Mom wouldn't interfere with the nurses' weekend plans. Later, Mom spoke with Dr. Berlin who said she was very encouraged by Mom's progress, Mom is responding well to the chemo, and Dr. Berlin discussed their hope to reduce the cancer nodules as much as possible prior to surgery on July 26th. She said that if Dr. Berkowitz is able to remove most of the tumor during the surgery, called debulking, Mom will be a candidate for an IP catheter, which applies the chemotherapy directly to the diseased region of her body. She also said that this surgery should go much better because Mom is much better physical condition than several months ago. Mom has a resilient body! Dr. Berlin answered most of Mom's questions about flushes, vomiting, and leg pain and reminded her of some critical handouts on chemo treatment that she had misplaced. Mom left in high spirits.
The days immediately following chemo are always difficult so please continue to pray for Mom.
Stephen Juraschek
The days immediately following chemo are always difficult so please continue to pray for Mom.
Stephen Juraschek
Friday, June 29, 2007
upcoming "events"
Hi Everyone,
My visit with Dr. Berkowitz was enlightening, encouraging and downright scary too! He was exceedingly encouraged about the CA125 marker level of 9; and said that the cancer in the abdomen had decreased significantly. There is still a tumor on the bowel and nodules in the upper abdomen. He decided that I should have the next round of chemo, scheduled for July 6th. He also scheduled surgery for July 26, which will remove all gross tumor, possibly involve a hysterectomy and also may involve bowel surgery which could (very slight chance) result in a colostomy. I will need to drink that awful stuff to empty my bowel the night before - with all your prayer I will keep it down and it will work.
Please pray for this next round of chemo that it significantly shrinks that tumor on the bowel and all cancerous cells. Also pray as the Lord leads you, regarding the side effects of the chemo - the nausea and the horrible leg pain that kept me awake for nights and days. Also pray for my physical strength and for all the details surrounding the surgery.
God is faithful. He is the Great Shepherd of the sheep, and He is my shepherd, who is with me through the valley of the shadow of death. I read the following explanation recently: "This means that we experience His presence. For Him to be with us is for us to enjoy His presence. His presence is a comfort, a rescue, and a sustaining power to us when we are walking in the valley of the shadow of death."
Thank you Lord for Your sweet presence and moment by moment supply. Thank you dear friends for your support, your prayers and your love.
Joanne
My visit with Dr. Berkowitz was enlightening, encouraging and downright scary too! He was exceedingly encouraged about the CA125 marker level of 9; and said that the cancer in the abdomen had decreased significantly. There is still a tumor on the bowel and nodules in the upper abdomen. He decided that I should have the next round of chemo, scheduled for July 6th. He also scheduled surgery for July 26, which will remove all gross tumor, possibly involve a hysterectomy and also may involve bowel surgery which could (very slight chance) result in a colostomy. I will need to drink that awful stuff to empty my bowel the night before - with all your prayer I will keep it down and it will work.
Please pray for this next round of chemo that it significantly shrinks that tumor on the bowel and all cancerous cells. Also pray as the Lord leads you, regarding the side effects of the chemo - the nausea and the horrible leg pain that kept me awake for nights and days. Also pray for my physical strength and for all the details surrounding the surgery.
God is faithful. He is the Great Shepherd of the sheep, and He is my shepherd, who is with me through the valley of the shadow of death. I read the following explanation recently: "This means that we experience His presence. For Him to be with us is for us to enjoy His presence. His presence is a comfort, a rescue, and a sustaining power to us when we are walking in the valley of the shadow of death."
Thank you Lord for Your sweet presence and moment by moment supply. Thank you dear friends for your support, your prayers and your love.
Joanne
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
A hymn with deeper meaning
I had my CT scan yesterday - I find out the results on Friday and also I will find out whether I have surgery before the next round of chemo or after. The next round of chemo is scheduled for July 6th. Anna went with me to Dana Farber - it was great to spend the afternoon with her.
The leg pain has subsided - hallelujah! I am still somewhat fatigued each day but try to walk around the block - although I won't be trying it in 90+ degree weather. I'll wait until it's a bit cooler.
Today I thought about a hymn I had sung years ago when I was much younger - while it was meaningful then, today it has much more depth of meaning. Here are the words:
I take Thy promise, Lord, in all its length,
And breadth and fullness as my daily strength.
Into life's future fearless I may gaze
For Savior, Thou art with me all the days.
Days may be coming fraught with loss and change,
New scenes surround my life and fancies strange;
I thank Thee that no day can ever break,
Savior, when Thou wilt leave me or forsake.
There may be days of darkness and distress,
When sin has power to tempt, and care to press,
Yet in the darkest day I will not fear,
For 'mid the shadows, Thou wilt will be near.
Days there may be of joy and deep delight,
When earth seems fairest, and her skies most bright,
Then draw me closer to Thee, lest I rest
Elsewhere, my Savior, than upon Thy breast.
And all the other days that make my life,
Marked by no special joy or grief or strife,
Days filled with quiet duties, trivial care,
Burdens too small for other hearts to share;
Spend Thou these days with me, all shall be Thine,
So shall the darkest hour with glory shine.
Then when these earthly years have passed away,
Let me be with Thee in the perfect day.
For me, today the taking of the promise is the exercise of faith. It is the stretching forward toward the goal that Paul talked about in Philippians. Oh, Lord, strengthen me to take Your promises day by day and not to believe the strangeness of my life as it appears now. YOu are the same, You do not change. Praise You, Lord!
As the Lord leads, please pray for wisdom for Dr. Berkowitz as he decides about the surgery and for me that the bountiful supply of the Spirit will carry me through the days ahead - I am not able but He is able.
Much love,
Joanne
The leg pain has subsided - hallelujah! I am still somewhat fatigued each day but try to walk around the block - although I won't be trying it in 90+ degree weather. I'll wait until it's a bit cooler.
Today I thought about a hymn I had sung years ago when I was much younger - while it was meaningful then, today it has much more depth of meaning. Here are the words:
I take Thy promise, Lord, in all its length,
And breadth and fullness as my daily strength.
Into life's future fearless I may gaze
For Savior, Thou art with me all the days.
Days may be coming fraught with loss and change,
New scenes surround my life and fancies strange;
I thank Thee that no day can ever break,
Savior, when Thou wilt leave me or forsake.
There may be days of darkness and distress,
When sin has power to tempt, and care to press,
Yet in the darkest day I will not fear,
For 'mid the shadows, Thou wilt will be near.
Days there may be of joy and deep delight,
When earth seems fairest, and her skies most bright,
Then draw me closer to Thee, lest I rest
Elsewhere, my Savior, than upon Thy breast.
And all the other days that make my life,
Marked by no special joy or grief or strife,
Days filled with quiet duties, trivial care,
Burdens too small for other hearts to share;
Spend Thou these days with me, all shall be Thine,
So shall the darkest hour with glory shine.
Then when these earthly years have passed away,
Let me be with Thee in the perfect day.
For me, today the taking of the promise is the exercise of faith. It is the stretching forward toward the goal that Paul talked about in Philippians. Oh, Lord, strengthen me to take Your promises day by day and not to believe the strangeness of my life as it appears now. YOu are the same, You do not change. Praise You, Lord!
As the Lord leads, please pray for wisdom for Dr. Berkowitz as he decides about the surgery and for me that the bountiful supply of the Spirit will carry me through the days ahead - I am not able but He is able.
Much love,
Joanne
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
chemo and beyond
Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the delay in updating the blog - I haven't been feeling up to writing at the computer. But today I have more energy so I thought I'd give you all an update. The chemo went well - no allergic reactions; only restless leg reaction to 50 mg of benadryl - which isn't too bad - I just had to walk around a bit to alleviate the feeling. I went in at 9:00 am and left at 6:30. A long day - but it was okay. I had meetings with the social worker and the nutritionist which helped pass the time. I was also able to sleep for a couple of hours, which is also great. THank you Lord for all the prayers and for the supply that day.
I was able to eat a bit more - I found that saltines work great to keep something in my stomach without overwhelming it - so I lived on that and soup. The worst part is that I get overwhelmed emotionally and cry a lot and also I had a lot of very painful neuropathy in my legs. It has subsided somewhat today and I am thankful for that.
Things to pray about: I have a CT scan on Monday to determine what is going on with the tumors and to see whether I will have surgery before or after the 4th round of chemo. The wound from the first surgery is not quite healed but is doing well - so it is a bit hard to think about another surgery - but the Lord has carried me thus far and will continue I am sure. Please pray for wisdom for Dr. Berkowitz and his team. Also please pray that I will remain healthy - since my white blood cell count is lower and I am at risk for infections.
I appreciated those to responded to my questions about suffering and gaining the Lord. I am so encouraged to keep looking at away to Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith. When we behold Him, we are transformed into the same image! That is quite remarkable and encouraging.
Please pray for my family these days. It is hard to have a mom who is not able to do what I used to do - hard on Paul and on the kids. Please pray that they can access the all-sufficient grace day by day to keep them encouraged and full of peace.
One more prayer request - I am supposed to give myself a shot twice daily - it is a small needle and it goes into fat pockets in my belly (which are plentiful) but I have quite the mental block about this and am struggling to overcome my mind which will not allow me to perform this task. So, your prayers would be appreciated!
My CA125 marker was down to 9 - but the doctor says that's not all they look at.
I am getting a bit tired now - so I will sign off. Praise the Lord for all your encouraging words, for your prayers and thoughtful words and deeds. I am sustained by them moment by moment.
Joanne
Sorry for the delay in updating the blog - I haven't been feeling up to writing at the computer. But today I have more energy so I thought I'd give you all an update. The chemo went well - no allergic reactions; only restless leg reaction to 50 mg of benadryl - which isn't too bad - I just had to walk around a bit to alleviate the feeling. I went in at 9:00 am and left at 6:30. A long day - but it was okay. I had meetings with the social worker and the nutritionist which helped pass the time. I was also able to sleep for a couple of hours, which is also great. THank you Lord for all the prayers and for the supply that day.
I was able to eat a bit more - I found that saltines work great to keep something in my stomach without overwhelming it - so I lived on that and soup. The worst part is that I get overwhelmed emotionally and cry a lot and also I had a lot of very painful neuropathy in my legs. It has subsided somewhat today and I am thankful for that.
Things to pray about: I have a CT scan on Monday to determine what is going on with the tumors and to see whether I will have surgery before or after the 4th round of chemo. The wound from the first surgery is not quite healed but is doing well - so it is a bit hard to think about another surgery - but the Lord has carried me thus far and will continue I am sure. Please pray for wisdom for Dr. Berkowitz and his team. Also please pray that I will remain healthy - since my white blood cell count is lower and I am at risk for infections.
I appreciated those to responded to my questions about suffering and gaining the Lord. I am so encouraged to keep looking at away to Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith. When we behold Him, we are transformed into the same image! That is quite remarkable and encouraging.
Please pray for my family these days. It is hard to have a mom who is not able to do what I used to do - hard on Paul and on the kids. Please pray that they can access the all-sufficient grace day by day to keep them encouraged and full of peace.
One more prayer request - I am supposed to give myself a shot twice daily - it is a small needle and it goes into fat pockets in my belly (which are plentiful) but I have quite the mental block about this and am struggling to overcome my mind which will not allow me to perform this task. So, your prayers would be appreciated!
My CA125 marker was down to 9 - but the doctor says that's not all they look at.
I am getting a bit tired now - so I will sign off. Praise the Lord for all your encouraging words, for your prayers and thoughtful words and deeds. I am sustained by them moment by moment.
Joanne
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
the process in trials
Philippians 3 : 8
8 But moreover I also count all things to be loss on account of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, on account of whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as refuse that I may gain Christ. This phrase "that I may gain Christ" has always been a longing within me for much of my Christian life. I'm sure we all often wonder whether there has been much gaining of Christ in us. We seem the same - the earthen vessel seems still very earthen with fears, doubts etc. So I'd love your spiritual insight into this process of gaining Christ - perhaps we aren't supposed to look into ourselves to see how much we have gained - perhaps that is the Lord's job - He is the righteous judge who weighs the spirits - and our function is to just keep pursuing Him day by day. But as I go through trials - and we all do - I don't want to waste the opportunity the Lord has graciously brought into my path.
This morning I read a verse in Hebrews that talks about the discipline of the Lord:
Hebrews 12 : 11
11 Now no discipline at the present time seems to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised by it.
Are all trials the discipline of the Lord? What is the process of being exercised by it?
I do thank you all for your support - as I woke up today there was the grace ministered to me through the Word, through your prayer and through the power that operates in me!
As I get the chemo - this is what I pray and think about: Today God's zoe life is going to swallow up all the death in my body and "zoeify" it. The zoe life of God is the champion, who will withstand and destroy the usurping cancer cells. Praise the Lord for His unconquerable, indestructible life in us!
I know this entry seems a bit disjointed - I have to take a steroid before chemo which makes me a bit hyper. But I do ask for your insight about the questions I asked about gaining Christ, being exercised by the discipline of the Lord etc. Thank you for your continued prayer and petition.
May we all keep looking away to Jesus today! Joanne
8 But moreover I also count all things to be loss on account of the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, on account of whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as refuse that I may gain Christ. This phrase "that I may gain Christ" has always been a longing within me for much of my Christian life. I'm sure we all often wonder whether there has been much gaining of Christ in us. We seem the same - the earthen vessel seems still very earthen with fears, doubts etc. So I'd love your spiritual insight into this process of gaining Christ - perhaps we aren't supposed to look into ourselves to see how much we have gained - perhaps that is the Lord's job - He is the righteous judge who weighs the spirits - and our function is to just keep pursuing Him day by day. But as I go through trials - and we all do - I don't want to waste the opportunity the Lord has graciously brought into my path.
This morning I read a verse in Hebrews that talks about the discipline of the Lord:
Hebrews 12 : 11
11 Now no discipline at the present time seems to be a matter of joy, but of grief; but afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised by it.
Are all trials the discipline of the Lord? What is the process of being exercised by it?
I do thank you all for your support - as I woke up today there was the grace ministered to me through the Word, through your prayer and through the power that operates in me!
As I get the chemo - this is what I pray and think about: Today God's zoe life is going to swallow up all the death in my body and "zoeify" it. The zoe life of God is the champion, who will withstand and destroy the usurping cancer cells. Praise the Lord for His unconquerable, indestructible life in us!
I know this entry seems a bit disjointed - I have to take a steroid before chemo which makes me a bit hyper. But I do ask for your insight about the questions I asked about gaining Christ, being exercised by the discipline of the Lord etc. Thank you for your continued prayer and petition.
May we all keep looking away to Jesus today! Joanne
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