Hello everyone,
This will be a packed week. My mom is still in the rehab facility, Clark House in Westwood MA. They are keeping her there while they watch to see if the UTI is completely gone so they can begin giving her coumadin again. She seems okay at times but rather scared and anxious. I was able to pray for her which I think helped her calm down. Thusday, Oct 2 I have a fine needle biopsy of the nodule on the thyroid. As I HATE needles, I hope this will not be too traumatic. Friday begins the clinical trial drug E7389 (eribulin mesylate). Please pray that all goes well - not much side effects and lots of dead cancer cells! I must go to bed - my eyelids are closing - I will post more tomorrow. Love you all, Joanne
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Next round of treatment and the Jubilee
Hi Everyone,
I finally have an idea of what is happening next with the treatment. I have decided to do the clinical trial - even though I have to stop the herbs - I can still take nutritional supplements like vitamins - which I am going to continue to take. I have to go to Dana-Farber on September 26 for a CT scan, EKG and blood work as well as meet with Dr. Berlin and the research nurses about the trial. The first infusion will be on October 3rd. I have two weeks of infusion and one week off. Since this is a clinical trial, the side effects are not well known - but there is a list - the major ones that are the most common are fatigue, low white blood cell count and nausea. Other reported side effects include hair loss--so my "gorgeous" curls might have to go. I am still planning to work at school but may have to wear a mask and also may be kind of tired some days. On October 9, I have the thyroid aspiration scheduled (biopsy of the nodule). Please pray for me - as I have told the Lord, I am not really brave and long needles going into my neck can cause a bit of panic.....
My mom is still suffering from much pain due to the shingles. She is getting worn out and seems to think it is her fault. The construction for her "room" downstairs is not complete yet and she has to climb the stairs which is very, very painful. Her doctor prescribed a stronger pain med which hopefully will help her.
Recently my daughter asked me why the Lord allows so many things to happen to us at once - she wondered why they can't be staggered with a brief respite in between. This is a reasonable question. I have often asked the Lord "What can You gain if you crush me altogether?" Then this week I read something really quite wonderful about the Jubilee. In case you don't know what the Jubilee is, here are some verses from Leviticus 25:8-17 which describe it:
Leviticus 25 : 8 ---- Leviticus 25 : 17
8 And you shall count off seven Sabbaths of years to yourself, seven times seven years, so that you have the time of seven Sabbaths of years, that is, forty-nine years.
9 Then you shall sound aloud the ram's horn in the seventh month on the tenth day of the month; on the Day of Expiation you shall sound the trumpet throughout all your land.
10 And you shall sanctify the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; and each of you shall return to his possession, and each of you shall return to his family.
11 The fiftieth year shall be a jubilee for you; you shall not sow nor reap its aftergrowth nor gather from its unpruned vines.
12 For it is a jubilee; it shall be holy to you. You shall eat its produce out of the field.
13 In this year of jubilee each one of you shall return to his possession.
14 And if you sell anything to your fellow countryman or buy from the hand of your fellow countryman, you shall not wrong one another.
15 According to the number of years after the jubilee you shall buy from your fellow countryman; according to the number of crop years remaining he shall sell to you.
16 According to the extent of the years you shall increase its price, and according to the fewness of the years you shall diminish its price; for it is the number of crop years that he sells to you.
17 And you shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God; for I am Jehovah your God.
Essentially, the jubilee, or the 50th year, was a special year in which all the slaves were to be set free and all of God's people would return to their possession. Then in Isaiah 61:1-2 the acceptable year of the Lord is mentioned. This year is the Jubilee year. Then in Luke 4, the Lord Jesus says "18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to announce the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to send away in release those who are oppressed,
19 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, the year of jubilee.''
20 And when He rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant, He sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him.
21 And He began to say to them, Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.
I realized that the Jubilee was not just for the children of Israel - is not just historical - but as the Lord Jesus said - it has been fulfilled in Him. He is the Jubilee. Only when we receive the Lord jesus as the real jubilee in us can we be delivered from the bondage of sin and Satan to have real freedom and rest. I read something from an outline on the Jubilee published in the Crystallization-Study of the Gospel of Luke (Living Stream Ministry). This was quite encouraging and enlightening to me:
The reality of the Jubilee is the Lord Jesus. If I am found in Him, I am released from prison, set free from whatever enslaves me and also I have my inheritance, my portion. So the Jubilee is not an event but a Person. In order to enter into the reality of the Jubilee we need to spend time with the Lord in the Word. I pray that we all can enter into this reality. If we set our being absolutely upon Him, and not upon anything else, then we will not be disappointed. All those things enslave us. Only the Lord Jesus sets us free.
Here is a wonderful hymn that I enjoy so much:
There is a song by Michael Card Jubilee - which is also quite wonderful
The Lord provided for a time for the slaves to be set free
For the debts to all be cancelled so his chosen ones could see
His deep desire was for forgiveness, he longed to see their liberty
And his yearning was embodied in the year of jubilee
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
At the Lord’s appointed time, his deep desire became a man
The heart of all true jubilation and with joy we understand
In his voice we hear a trumpet sound that tells us we are free
He is the incarnation of the year of jubilee
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
To be so completely guilty and given over to despair
To look into your Judge’s face and find a Savior there
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
So enjoy the glorious freedom we have in the person of Christ today!
Much love,
Joanne
I finally have an idea of what is happening next with the treatment. I have decided to do the clinical trial - even though I have to stop the herbs - I can still take nutritional supplements like vitamins - which I am going to continue to take. I have to go to Dana-Farber on September 26 for a CT scan, EKG and blood work as well as meet with Dr. Berlin and the research nurses about the trial. The first infusion will be on October 3rd. I have two weeks of infusion and one week off. Since this is a clinical trial, the side effects are not well known - but there is a list - the major ones that are the most common are fatigue, low white blood cell count and nausea. Other reported side effects include hair loss--so my "gorgeous" curls might have to go. I am still planning to work at school but may have to wear a mask and also may be kind of tired some days. On October 9, I have the thyroid aspiration scheduled (biopsy of the nodule). Please pray for me - as I have told the Lord, I am not really brave and long needles going into my neck can cause a bit of panic.....
My mom is still suffering from much pain due to the shingles. She is getting worn out and seems to think it is her fault. The construction for her "room" downstairs is not complete yet and she has to climb the stairs which is very, very painful. Her doctor prescribed a stronger pain med which hopefully will help her.
Recently my daughter asked me why the Lord allows so many things to happen to us at once - she wondered why they can't be staggered with a brief respite in between. This is a reasonable question. I have often asked the Lord "What can You gain if you crush me altogether?" Then this week I read something really quite wonderful about the Jubilee. In case you don't know what the Jubilee is, here are some verses from Leviticus 25:8-17 which describe it:
Leviticus 25 : 8 ---- Leviticus 25 : 17
8 And you shall count off seven Sabbaths of years to yourself, seven times seven years, so that you have the time of seven Sabbaths of years, that is, forty-nine years.
9 Then you shall sound aloud the ram's horn in the seventh month on the tenth day of the month; on the Day of Expiation you shall sound the trumpet throughout all your land.
10 And you shall sanctify the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; and each of you shall return to his possession, and each of you shall return to his family.
11 The fiftieth year shall be a jubilee for you; you shall not sow nor reap its aftergrowth nor gather from its unpruned vines.
12 For it is a jubilee; it shall be holy to you. You shall eat its produce out of the field.
13 In this year of jubilee each one of you shall return to his possession.
14 And if you sell anything to your fellow countryman or buy from the hand of your fellow countryman, you shall not wrong one another.
15 According to the number of years after the jubilee you shall buy from your fellow countryman; according to the number of crop years remaining he shall sell to you.
16 According to the extent of the years you shall increase its price, and according to the fewness of the years you shall diminish its price; for it is the number of crop years that he sells to you.
17 And you shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God; for I am Jehovah your God.
Essentially, the jubilee, or the 50th year, was a special year in which all the slaves were to be set free and all of God's people would return to their possession. Then in Isaiah 61:1-2 the acceptable year of the Lord is mentioned. This year is the Jubilee year. Then in Luke 4, the Lord Jesus says "18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to announce the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to send away in release those who are oppressed,
19 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, the year of jubilee.''
20 And when He rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant, He sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on Him.
21 And He began to say to them, Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.
I realized that the Jubilee was not just for the children of Israel - is not just historical - but as the Lord Jesus said - it has been fulfilled in Him. He is the Jubilee. Only when we receive the Lord jesus as the real jubilee in us can we be delivered from the bondage of sin and Satan to have real freedom and rest. I read something from an outline on the Jubilee published in the Crystallization-Study of the Gospel of Luke (Living Stream Ministry). This was quite encouraging and enlightening to me:
"Jubilee means having no worry or anxiety, no concern or care, no lack or shortage, no sickness or calamity, and no problems whatsoever, but rather having all benefits; hence, all things are pleasant and satisfying to our heart, and we are free from anxiety, at ease, excited, and exultant...If our heart is set on any person, thing, or matter other than the Lord, this is idolatry, and the end is wretchedness. If we allow Christ to live in us and we live by Him, everything is to our satisfaction; otherwise, everything is a problem, and nothing is a jubilee. Everything can be satisfying to us only after we have gained the all-inclusive Christ as our enjoyment; it is not outward persons, matters, or things, but Christ within us who enables us to be calm and free of worries as we face all kinds of situations."
The reality of the Jubilee is the Lord Jesus. If I am found in Him, I am released from prison, set free from whatever enslaves me and also I have my inheritance, my portion. So the Jubilee is not an event but a Person. In order to enter into the reality of the Jubilee we need to spend time with the Lord in the Word. I pray that we all can enter into this reality. If we set our being absolutely upon Him, and not upon anything else, then we will not be disappointed. All those things enslave us. Only the Lord Jesus sets us free.
Here is a wonderful hymn that I enjoy so much:
1. Once I was bound by sin’s galling fetters;
Chained like a slave, I struggled in vain.
But I received a glorious freedom,
When Jesus broke my fetters in twain.
Refrain
Glorious freedom! Wonderful freedom!
No more in chains of sin I repine!
Jesus the glorious Emancipator—
Now and forever He shall be mine.
2. Freedom from all the carnal affections;
Freedom from envy, hatred and strife;
Freedom from vain and worldly ambitions;
Freedom from all that saddened my life!
Refrain
3. Freedom from pride and all sinful follies;
Freedom from love and glitter of gold;
Freedom from evil temper and anger;
Glorious freedom, rapture untold!
Refrain
4. Freedom from fear with all of its torments;
Freedom from care with all of its pain;
Freedom in Christ, my blessèd Redeemer—
He Who has rent my fetters in twain.
Refrain
There is a song by Michael Card Jubilee - which is also quite wonderful
The Lord provided for a time for the slaves to be set free
For the debts to all be cancelled so his chosen ones could see
His deep desire was for forgiveness, he longed to see their liberty
And his yearning was embodied in the year of jubilee
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
At the Lord’s appointed time, his deep desire became a man
The heart of all true jubilation and with joy we understand
In his voice we hear a trumpet sound that tells us we are free
He is the incarnation of the year of jubilee
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
To be so completely guilty and given over to despair
To look into your Judge’s face and find a Savior there
Jubilee, Jubilee
Jesus is the Jubilee
Debts forgiven, Slaves set free
Jesus is our Jubilee
So enjoy the glorious freedom we have in the person of Christ today!
Much love,
Joanne
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
CA-125, thyroid and the choragus
Hi Everyone,
I got the results of the CA-125 blood test - it is up - to 59. Dr. Berlin hasn't called about what to do next, so I am going to call her today. The thyroid ultrasound showed growths that need to be biopsied, which will happen on October 9 at 8:45 am. The radiologist did say that the growths didn't look "nasty", so he thought it would be highly unlikely that they are malignant. He also said that it is unlikely that the ovarian cancer would reappear in the thyroid. So I am not worried. I only have a small part of my thyroid left, since most of it was removed about 13 years ago due to nodules and growths which were not malignant. Also, last Friday, my mom came to live with us - she has a bad case of shingles and is in a lot of pain right now. But overall I am glad she is with us. We are creating a room and bathroom for her downstairs so she won't have to use the stairs.
This summer and now fall have been full of unexpected challenges. I am reminded of the verse in Philippians 1:19:
19 For I know that for me this will turn out to salvation through your petition and the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,
Footnote 19-3: The Greek word refers to the supplying of all the needs of the chorus by the choragus, the leader of the chorus. The bountiful supply of the all-inclusive Spirit enabled Paul to live and magnify Christ in his sufferings for Him.
Here is an excerpt from General Sketch of the New Testament in the Light of Christ and the Church, A - Part 2: Romans through Philemon.
It is so wonderful that today we have the Spirit as the choragus to meet all our needs with the bountiful supply.
Here's a great hymn about the supply of the Spirit. It has many verses and can be a great way to praise the Lord by praying each of the verses:
1 Gracious Lord, Thy name “I AM” is,
Precious name, how rich and full ‘tis,
All-inclusive, faithful too ‘tis-
All we need, Thou art!
2 Thou the Son, the Father in Thee,
As the Spirit now indwell me,
That the riches of Thyself we
May experience.
3 Thou the Temple for God’s dwelling,
Thou the Father’s life e’er telling;
We in Thee with joy excelling
Face to face see Him.
4 Thou the Lamb and Thou the Bridegroom,
For the bride Thou sufferedst sin’s doom,
Wounded, crucified in our room;
Thus we find our rest.
5 Thou art wisdom and the way, Lord,
Thou our lives dost plan each day, Lord,
Grace to us Thou dost convey, Lord,
In Thy path to walk.
6 Pure and holy, righteous Thou art,
One with God, well-pleasing His heart,
Thou within to us dost impart
Harmony with God.
7 Thou art life and Thou art light, Lord,
Death hast swallowed, banished night, Lord,
Thou hast quickened, given sight, Lord;
We are now set free.
8 Thou art resurrection power,
Thou the conqu’ror in hell’s hour;
Thou dost us with might empower
Over all to reign.
9 Living water, food supply, Lord,
Thou Thyself art, and didst die, Lord,
All our want to satisfy, Lord;
Now we feast on Thee.
10 Thou the Shepherd and Physician,
Thou hast healed our sick condition;
Comfort, guide, protect-Thy mission;
Thou dost care for us.
11 Priest and King Thou art fore’er, Lord;
Into God we’re brought, and there, Lord,
Thine authority we share, Lord;
What an honored place!
12 Thou our Hope and our Redemption,
Thou wilt change our old creation,
Make of Thee a duplication,
Thus Thyself express.
13 Thou our Joy, our Peace, our Glory;
Truth, and Grace, the Rock, the Life-tree,
Building, Mountain, Sun, and Shield-we
Ne’er can tell it all.
14 What Thou art-eternal, boundless,
Full and perfect, rich, exhaustless-
Meets our need to utter fullness
And from us o’erflows.
Lord, You are eternal, boundless, rich and exhaustless - and You meet our need to utter fullness. Praise You!
Keep praying for wisdom concerning the clinical trial and also for strengthening to apprehend all that is being supplied to us.
Much love,
Joanne
I got the results of the CA-125 blood test - it is up - to 59. Dr. Berlin hasn't called about what to do next, so I am going to call her today. The thyroid ultrasound showed growths that need to be biopsied, which will happen on October 9 at 8:45 am. The radiologist did say that the growths didn't look "nasty", so he thought it would be highly unlikely that they are malignant. He also said that it is unlikely that the ovarian cancer would reappear in the thyroid. So I am not worried. I only have a small part of my thyroid left, since most of it was removed about 13 years ago due to nodules and growths which were not malignant. Also, last Friday, my mom came to live with us - she has a bad case of shingles and is in a lot of pain right now. But overall I am glad she is with us. We are creating a room and bathroom for her downstairs so she won't have to use the stairs.
This summer and now fall have been full of unexpected challenges. I am reminded of the verse in Philippians 1:19:
19 For I know that for me this will turn out to salvation through your petition and the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,
Footnote 19-3: The Greek word refers to the supplying of all the needs of the chorus by the choragus, the leader of the chorus. The bountiful supply of the all-inclusive Spirit enabled Paul to live and magnify Christ in his sufferings for Him.
Here is an excerpt from General Sketch of the New Testament in the Light of Christ and the Church, A - Part 2: Romans through Philemon.
The Bountiful Supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ
Verse 19 of chapter one is another verse which is very precious yet very much neglected by Christians today. This verse speaks of the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Conybeare tells us that the Greek word for supply is a technical word, referring to the choragus, the leader of the chorus on the Greek stage. The choragus was responsible to supply all the needs of the members of the chorus. Their clothing, food, musical instruments, and everything they needed was provided by the choragus. Paul used this same word to describe the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Therefore, this word may be rendered as bountiful supply, a supply that meets all our needs.
The term the Spirit of Jesus Christ is richer than the Spirit of God. The Spirit of God at the beginning of the Old Testament was not as rich as the Spirit of Jesus Christ after Pentecost. In the Old Testament times, within the Spirit of Jehovah there were not the elements of the humanity of the Lord Jesus, His suffering in His human life, the effectiveness of His death, and the power of His resurrection. However, on the day of Pentecost the Spirit was poured out from the ascended Christ, and within this Spirit were all these elements.
A cup of plain water contains only the water, but if we add tea, sugar, and other ingredients, the water becomes richer. This is a picture of the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. To speak only of the Spirit of God is not sufficient; today the Spirit of God is the Spirit of Jesus Christ. In this Spirit there is divinity, the heavenly element, and there is also humanity, the suffering of the Lord Jesus in His human life on earth, His crucifixion, and His resurrection.
The Spirit of Jesus Christ may be compared to an all-inclusive dose of medicine. When we take this dose, one element kills germs, another element supplies nourishment, and other elements supply other needs. The reason that Paul could live Christ and magnify Him, the reason he was able to say, “For to me, to live is Christ,” is that he had the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ. As a member of the “chorus,” Paul was bountifully supplied by the Choragus. This is the proper meaning of Philippians 1:19.
We also are members of the “chorus,” and the Holy Spirit is the choragus to satisfy all our needs. We are human beings, and within the Spirit is the human nature. We are suffering on the earth, and within Him there is the element of the suffering of human life. We need the cross as our killing element, and within the Spirit there is this element. We also need His resurrection power, and within the Spirit of Jesus Christ there is this power. Whatever we need today is in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. By the bountiful supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ we can live Christ to magnify Him, and we can say, “For to me, to live is Christ.”
It is so wonderful that today we have the Spirit as the choragus to meet all our needs with the bountiful supply.
Here's a great hymn about the supply of the Spirit. It has many verses and can be a great way to praise the Lord by praying each of the verses:
1 Gracious Lord, Thy name “I AM” is,
Precious name, how rich and full ‘tis,
All-inclusive, faithful too ‘tis-
All we need, Thou art!
2 Thou the Son, the Father in Thee,
As the Spirit now indwell me,
That the riches of Thyself we
May experience.
3 Thou the Temple for God’s dwelling,
Thou the Father’s life e’er telling;
We in Thee with joy excelling
Face to face see Him.
4 Thou the Lamb and Thou the Bridegroom,
For the bride Thou sufferedst sin’s doom,
Wounded, crucified in our room;
Thus we find our rest.
5 Thou art wisdom and the way, Lord,
Thou our lives dost plan each day, Lord,
Grace to us Thou dost convey, Lord,
In Thy path to walk.
6 Pure and holy, righteous Thou art,
One with God, well-pleasing His heart,
Thou within to us dost impart
Harmony with God.
7 Thou art life and Thou art light, Lord,
Death hast swallowed, banished night, Lord,
Thou hast quickened, given sight, Lord;
We are now set free.
8 Thou art resurrection power,
Thou the conqu’ror in hell’s hour;
Thou dost us with might empower
Over all to reign.
9 Living water, food supply, Lord,
Thou Thyself art, and didst die, Lord,
All our want to satisfy, Lord;
Now we feast on Thee.
10 Thou the Shepherd and Physician,
Thou hast healed our sick condition;
Comfort, guide, protect-Thy mission;
Thou dost care for us.
11 Priest and King Thou art fore’er, Lord;
Into God we’re brought, and there, Lord,
Thine authority we share, Lord;
What an honored place!
12 Thou our Hope and our Redemption,
Thou wilt change our old creation,
Make of Thee a duplication,
Thus Thyself express.
13 Thou our Joy, our Peace, our Glory;
Truth, and Grace, the Rock, the Life-tree,
Building, Mountain, Sun, and Shield-we
Ne’er can tell it all.
14 What Thou art-eternal, boundless,
Full and perfect, rich, exhaustless-
Meets our need to utter fullness
And from us o’erflows.
Lord, You are eternal, boundless, rich and exhaustless - and You meet our need to utter fullness. Praise You!
Keep praying for wisdom concerning the clinical trial and also for strengthening to apprehend all that is being supplied to us.
Much love,
Joanne
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
PET/CT Scan Update
Hi Everyone,
Paul and I met with Dr. Berlin yesterday and she gave me the report on the PET/CT scan. I had thought that this scan would definitely give me a scoop on the implants etc. However, because I had surgery in May, it complicates things. For those of you
who don't know how a PET scan works - here's my understanding. (For those of you who do, please forgive my rather simplistic understanding....) I had to drink radioactive glucose after fasting for 6 hours. I waited one hour and then I had a CT Scan (real
quick one) and then the PET scan. The PET scan picks up places in my body that have a rapid uptake of glucose. Many parts of the body have this - like the kidneys, ureters, heart. But most other places done. This places with rapid uptake light up on the grayish image as bright spots. They look at these places (other than the ones they know should be bright like the heart, for example) on the CT scan to see if they match anything on the CT scan - if they do, then this could be cancer. Inflammation can light up - and since I am 3 months post surgery, there's a good chance I have inflammation in the abdominal area which then makes it harder to determine what is cancer and what is not. So, here is what they found.
There were 3 spots on the liver but these did not show on the CT scan so they seem to indicate metastatic disease but this can't be confirmed. There was rapid uptake along the transverse colon which could also indicate metastatic disease but could be
inflammation from the surgery or from the injection sites from the lovenox. The implant that showed up in the CT scan in July has grown in size and had rapid uptake so this is recurrent disease. Dr. Berlin feels it was always there, only now it can been seen by the CT scan. There was a large neoplasm (new growth) on the thyroid - I had half of my thyroid removed many years ago because of nodules, and there is a new growth on the remaining portion of the thyroid which needs to be followed up with an ultrasound, which I will be having on September 8. There were other sites which they felt were inflammation from the hernia repair. So over all, there is a small amount of recurrent disease but it is not widespread. My CA-125 is at 39 (out of the normal range), so it has really gone up quite a bit - it doubled in one month. She said that this increase is not related to the amount of the disease that is present, but rather to the increase in cellular activity that produces a protein that this blood test measures. She recommended getting another blood test to see how the CA-125 is doing. If it is up to 75, then we need to proceed with treatment. If it levels out, then we can wait. She gave me information about a clinical trial, which looks manageable but if I go on this, I cannot take any herbs - which is concerning. Please pray about the direction we should take. WHile I was disappointed at the
results, I was also rejoicing at what the Lord has done. He is the great physician. I feel that I need to be more strict with the diet - I have been having more fruit that I should - and, by the Lord's grace, I will try to eliminate more inflamation-producing foods. This is a challenge but His grace is sufficient. Dr. Berlin said that I need to stay busy and realize that our goal is to keep the cancer stable and not increasing. My goal is to live to be 90!
My mom is coming to live with us soon, so that will keep me busy. We are still trying to finish up the house - it has been so challenging. I feel like I live in a rubic's cube - we keep switching the contents of rooms around from one place to another. I now have a ceiling in the living room! We will make some alterations to the living room and the bathroom to accommodate my mom when she comes.
Here are some "breadcrumbs" that I have been enjoying lately:
Recently I heard something about Ephesians 2:10, which really was quite profound. Here's the verse:
Ephesians 2 : 10
10 For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them.
The question was asked, why does it say at the end of the verse - that we should walk in them? Why not, work in them? It is really interesting to realize that we were created in Christ Jesus for good works - but not any good works - not good works that I think God would appreciate, but the good works that He has prepared beforehand...so we can walk in them. It's not our effort, our doing, but just our being one with the Lord to do His will. Isn't that wonderful?
Another wonderful type in the Old Testament is the compound ointment. I was speaking with a friend recently about how we have all that God is in our spirit when we receive the Lord. This is represented by the compound ointment in Exodus 30:23-25:
23 You also take the finest spices: of flowing myrrh five hundred shekels, and of fragrant cinnamon half as much, two hundred fifty shekels, and of fragrant calamus two hundred fifty shekels,
24 And of cassia five hundred shekels, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil.
25 And you shall make it a holy anointing oil, a perfume compounded according to the perfumer's art; it shall be a holy anointing oil.
Here is an excerpt about this wonderful ointment and how it applied to us:
Here is a hymn I really enjoy about the wonderful Spirit. It is important to realize that today the Lord is the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:17: And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.)
1 O Lord, Thou art in me as life
And everything to me!
Subjective and available,
Thus I experience Thee.
Chorus
O Lord, Thou art the Spirit!
How dear and near to me!
How I admire Thy marvelous
Availability!
2 To all my needs both great and small
Thou art the rich supply;
So ready and sufficient too
For me now to apply.
3 Thy sweet anointing with Thy might
In weakness doth sustain;
By Thy supply of energy
My strength Thou dost maintain.
4 Thy law of life in heart and mind
My conduct regulates;
The wealth of Thy reality
My being saturates.
5 O Thou art ever one with me,
Unrivaled unity!
One spirit with me all the time
For all eternity!
So for all my needs, both great and small He is the rich supply. I am learning to allow the Spirit to take control and to cast all my cares upon the One upon whom I live.
Praise Him!
Much love,
Joanne
Paul and I met with Dr. Berlin yesterday and she gave me the report on the PET/CT scan. I had thought that this scan would definitely give me a scoop on the implants etc. However, because I had surgery in May, it complicates things. For those of you
who don't know how a PET scan works - here's my understanding. (For those of you who do, please forgive my rather simplistic understanding....) I had to drink radioactive glucose after fasting for 6 hours. I waited one hour and then I had a CT Scan (real
quick one) and then the PET scan. The PET scan picks up places in my body that have a rapid uptake of glucose. Many parts of the body have this - like the kidneys, ureters, heart. But most other places done. This places with rapid uptake light up on the grayish image as bright spots. They look at these places (other than the ones they know should be bright like the heart, for example) on the CT scan to see if they match anything on the CT scan - if they do, then this could be cancer. Inflammation can light up - and since I am 3 months post surgery, there's a good chance I have inflammation in the abdominal area which then makes it harder to determine what is cancer and what is not. So, here is what they found.
There were 3 spots on the liver but these did not show on the CT scan so they seem to indicate metastatic disease but this can't be confirmed. There was rapid uptake along the transverse colon which could also indicate metastatic disease but could be
inflammation from the surgery or from the injection sites from the lovenox. The implant that showed up in the CT scan in July has grown in size and had rapid uptake so this is recurrent disease. Dr. Berlin feels it was always there, only now it can been seen by the CT scan. There was a large neoplasm (new growth) on the thyroid - I had half of my thyroid removed many years ago because of nodules, and there is a new growth on the remaining portion of the thyroid which needs to be followed up with an ultrasound, which I will be having on September 8. There were other sites which they felt were inflammation from the hernia repair. So over all, there is a small amount of recurrent disease but it is not widespread. My CA-125 is at 39 (out of the normal range), so it has really gone up quite a bit - it doubled in one month. She said that this increase is not related to the amount of the disease that is present, but rather to the increase in cellular activity that produces a protein that this blood test measures. She recommended getting another blood test to see how the CA-125 is doing. If it is up to 75, then we need to proceed with treatment. If it levels out, then we can wait. She gave me information about a clinical trial, which looks manageable but if I go on this, I cannot take any herbs - which is concerning. Please pray about the direction we should take. WHile I was disappointed at the
results, I was also rejoicing at what the Lord has done. He is the great physician. I feel that I need to be more strict with the diet - I have been having more fruit that I should - and, by the Lord's grace, I will try to eliminate more inflamation-producing foods. This is a challenge but His grace is sufficient. Dr. Berlin said that I need to stay busy and realize that our goal is to keep the cancer stable and not increasing. My goal is to live to be 90!
My mom is coming to live with us soon, so that will keep me busy. We are still trying to finish up the house - it has been so challenging. I feel like I live in a rubic's cube - we keep switching the contents of rooms around from one place to another. I now have a ceiling in the living room! We will make some alterations to the living room and the bathroom to accommodate my mom when she comes.
Here are some "breadcrumbs" that I have been enjoying lately:
Recently I heard something about Ephesians 2:10, which really was quite profound. Here's the verse:
Ephesians 2 : 10
10 For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand in order that we would walk in them.
The question was asked, why does it say at the end of the verse - that we should walk in them? Why not, work in them? It is really interesting to realize that we were created in Christ Jesus for good works - but not any good works - not good works that I think God would appreciate, but the good works that He has prepared beforehand...so we can walk in them. It's not our effort, our doing, but just our being one with the Lord to do His will. Isn't that wonderful?
Another wonderful type in the Old Testament is the compound ointment. I was speaking with a friend recently about how we have all that God is in our spirit when we receive the Lord. This is represented by the compound ointment in Exodus 30:23-25:
23 You also take the finest spices: of flowing myrrh five hundred shekels, and of fragrant cinnamon half as much, two hundred fifty shekels, and of fragrant calamus two hundred fifty shekels,
24 And of cassia five hundred shekels, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil.
25 And you shall make it a holy anointing oil, a perfume compounded according to the perfumer's art; it shall be a holy anointing oil.
Here is an excerpt about this wonderful ointment and how it applied to us:
THE COMPOUNDED SPIRIT—THE COMPOUND SPIRIT TYPIFIED BY THE COMPOUND OINTMENT
The compounded Spirit is the compound Spirit typified by the compound ointment (Exo. 30:22-31). An ointment is composed of some elements compounded with oil. In the old edition of the Newberry Bible, there is a note in Exodus 30 that says the anointing oil refers to the Holy Spirit. The Newberry Bible was put out by the open Brethren. The Lord went on to show us that the Spirit, typified by the ointment, is a compound Spirit. The Brethren saw that the anointing ointment in Exodus 30 is the Holy Spirit, but they did not see that this Holy Spirit, as typified in Exodus 30, is a compound Spirit. This Spirit is compounded with a number of elements.
Man and God Compounded Together
The compound ointment is composed first of a hin of olive oil. Then four spices are added to the oil. These spices, or elements, are myrrh, cinnamon, calamus, and cassia. When these four elements are blended with the oil, they become a compound ointment. The one hin of olive oil is compounded with four elements. The number one refers to the unique God, and the number four refers to the creatures. Among the creatures, man takes the lead, so we can say that the number four refers to man. Man is typified by the four spices of the plant life. The compounding of the four spices with the oil signifies that man and God are compounded together.
Flowing Myrrh—the Sweet Death of Christ
Flowing myrrh refers to the sweet death of Christ. His death is a positive death. The only death in the whole universe that is positive is Christ’s death. The death of Christ is sweet.
Sweet Cinnamon—the Sweet Effectiveness of Christ’s Death
Sweet cinnamon typifies the sweet effectiveness of Christ’s death. The positive death of Christ signified by myrrh is very fragrant, full of cinnamon. Cinnamon adds flavor and sweetness to food. If we are not experiencing Christ’s death, our life is not very sweet. When a husband and wife quarrel, that is not sweet. How can they neutralize such a situation? They need to put the death of Christ into their marriage life. Then their marriage life will be sweet. If a person does not have the cross in his daily life, it will be hard to get along with him. The sweet death of Christ needs to be added to our daily life.
Sweet Calamus—the Power of Christ’s Resurrection
The third element added to the oil is sweet calamus, which signifies the power of Christ’s resurrection. Calamus is a reed that grows in a marsh or a muddy place. Even though it grows in a marsh, it is able to shoot up into the air. According to the sequence of the spices, calamus signifies the rising up of the Lord Jesus from the place of death. The Lord was put into a marsh, into a death situation, but in resurrection He rose up and stood up.
Cassia—the Flavor of the Power of Christ’s Resurrection
Cassia signifies the flavor of the power of Christ’s resurrection. In ancient times, cassia was a repellent to insects and snakes. Only the power of the resurrected Christ can repel all the evil “insects” and especially the old serpent, the devil.
The Triune God Typified by the Three Units of Five Hundred Shekels
In the compound ointment, there are five hundred shekels of myrrh, two hundred fifty shekels of cinnamon, two hundred fifty shekels of calamus, and five hundred shekels of cassia. In between the five hundred shekels of myrrh and the five hundred shekels of cassia are two items of two hundred fifty shekels. These two added together form one unit of five hundred shekels. Eventually, we may say that there are three units of five hundred shekels in the compound ointment. The middle unit is split into two parts. This is very meaningful. Among the Three of the Trinity, the Son, typified by the second unit of five hundred shekels, was “split,” crucified, on the cross. The three units of five hundred shekels typify the Triune God, and the Triune God went to the cross in the second person of His Trinity, in the Son.
Here is a hymn I really enjoy about the wonderful Spirit. It is important to realize that today the Lord is the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:17: And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.)
1 O Lord, Thou art in me as life
And everything to me!
Subjective and available,
Thus I experience Thee.
Chorus
O Lord, Thou art the Spirit!
How dear and near to me!
How I admire Thy marvelous
Availability!
2 To all my needs both great and small
Thou art the rich supply;
So ready and sufficient too
For me now to apply.
3 Thy sweet anointing with Thy might
In weakness doth sustain;
By Thy supply of energy
My strength Thou dost maintain.
4 Thy law of life in heart and mind
My conduct regulates;
The wealth of Thy reality
My being saturates.
5 O Thou art ever one with me,
Unrivaled unity!
One spirit with me all the time
For all eternity!
So for all my needs, both great and small He is the rich supply. I am learning to allow the Spirit to take control and to cast all my cares upon the One upon whom I live.
Praise Him!
Much love,
Joanne
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
update - and God's thoughts
Hello everyone,
August 19
So sorry for the delay in writing. I have been in New York helping care for my mom who was in the intensive care unit. She is doing better but is still in the hospital.
I have a PET/CT scan today which will help clarify some spots on the CT scan that looked like recurrences. I will meet with Dr. Berlin next week (the 26th) to discuss the scans. My CA-125 went up again but I don't have the number.
I began writing a blog entry last week before my mom was hospitalized. Here is what I started writing. I will try to be more regular with these entries as time, life, and the Lord permits.
August 12
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I apologize for the delay. After the wedding, we went to Atlanta to attend the reception there and also see Anna and Stephen's apartment. I wanted to have a picture in my mind of Anna in her new place. We stayed with a couple that I used to live with in New York back in 1975-77. It was so good to see them - it had been quite a number of years - 8 or 9 - since we'd seen them last - but it was like we had never been apart. That's how it is in the Body of Christ - we are members of one another. I saw the naturopathic doctor and he reported that my July blood tests showed a huge increase in several growth factors in my blood, which would confirm the findings of the CT scan. He changed the protocol with the hope that we can bring down these growth factor levels quickly. I saw the neuro muscular doctor about elbow pain and he said that I needed an MRI to understand what is going on - the elbow looked fine in the x-ray but the MRI is of my neck since bulging disks can cause nerve pain that is similar to what I am experiencing. That was quite the experience - it is so loud! Next Friday the 15th I have another CA-125 blood test and also I meet with a nutritionist. Should be interesting....Please pray that these herbal remedies work to bring down those growth factors in my blood so that the cancer cells will not be able to use them to grow and metastasize.
One morning I began to consider God's thoughts. I remembered the verse in Jeremiah 29:11:
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the thoughts that I think about you, declares Jehovah, thoughts of peace and not for evil, to give you a latter end and a hope.
Jeremiah prophesied that when the seventy years of exile were fulfilled, Jehovah would visit the children of Israel and bring them back to the holy land. His thoughts about them were thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give them a latter end and a hope (vv. 10-14).
There are two verses in Psalm 139 that also speak about God's thoughts:
Psalm 139:17-18:
17 And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.
The psalmist valued God's thoughts - he said they were precious to him.
Isaiah also prophesied concerning the past and the future: Isaiah 43:18-19 says
18 Do not call to mind the former things, Nor consider the things of old.
19 Indeed, I am doing a new thing; It will now spring forth; Do you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
In Philippians 3:13, Paul tells us "Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,
We without God often live in the past - past wrongs, past glories, past knowledge, but we live in the past. We remember things about people that we should forget - we often hold onto offenses and many times we mourn past actions and behaviors. I am so happy that the Lord does not deal with us by shaming us about our past. His thoughts which number more than the sand on the seashore are about a hopeful future. That's why the Apostle Paul had to determine to forget the things which are behind and stretch forward to the things which are before. How much we need to spend our days pursuing Christ - running the race to lay hold of the prize.
Daniel also was one who joined himself to God's thoughts. The issue was Daniel 9. His prayer was God's prayer. We too can join ourselves to God's thoughts - and when that happens we will pray - here's an excerpt of Watchman Nee:
Much love to you all,
Joanne
August 19
So sorry for the delay in writing. I have been in New York helping care for my mom who was in the intensive care unit. She is doing better but is still in the hospital.
I have a PET/CT scan today which will help clarify some spots on the CT scan that looked like recurrences. I will meet with Dr. Berlin next week (the 26th) to discuss the scans. My CA-125 went up again but I don't have the number.
I began writing a blog entry last week before my mom was hospitalized. Here is what I started writing. I will try to be more regular with these entries as time, life, and the Lord permits.
August 12
It's been quite a while since I last posted. I apologize for the delay. After the wedding, we went to Atlanta to attend the reception there and also see Anna and Stephen's apartment. I wanted to have a picture in my mind of Anna in her new place. We stayed with a couple that I used to live with in New York back in 1975-77. It was so good to see them - it had been quite a number of years - 8 or 9 - since we'd seen them last - but it was like we had never been apart. That's how it is in the Body of Christ - we are members of one another. I saw the naturopathic doctor and he reported that my July blood tests showed a huge increase in several growth factors in my blood, which would confirm the findings of the CT scan. He changed the protocol with the hope that we can bring down these growth factor levels quickly. I saw the neuro muscular doctor about elbow pain and he said that I needed an MRI to understand what is going on - the elbow looked fine in the x-ray but the MRI is of my neck since bulging disks can cause nerve pain that is similar to what I am experiencing. That was quite the experience - it is so loud! Next Friday the 15th I have another CA-125 blood test and also I meet with a nutritionist. Should be interesting....Please pray that these herbal remedies work to bring down those growth factors in my blood so that the cancer cells will not be able to use them to grow and metastasize.
One morning I began to consider God's thoughts. I remembered the verse in Jeremiah 29:11:
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the thoughts that I think about you, declares Jehovah, thoughts of peace and not for evil, to give you a latter end and a hope.
Jeremiah prophesied that when the seventy years of exile were fulfilled, Jehovah would visit the children of Israel and bring them back to the holy land. His thoughts about them were thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give them a latter end and a hope (vv. 10-14).
There are two verses in Psalm 139 that also speak about God's thoughts:
Psalm 139:17-18:
17 And how precious are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with You.
The psalmist valued God's thoughts - he said they were precious to him.
Isaiah also prophesied concerning the past and the future: Isaiah 43:18-19 says
18 Do not call to mind the former things, Nor consider the things of old.
19 Indeed, I am doing a new thing; It will now spring forth; Do you not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
In Philippians 3:13, Paul tells us "Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before,
We without God often live in the past - past wrongs, past glories, past knowledge, but we live in the past. We remember things about people that we should forget - we often hold onto offenses and many times we mourn past actions and behaviors. I am so happy that the Lord does not deal with us by shaming us about our past. His thoughts which number more than the sand on the seashore are about a hopeful future. That's why the Apostle Paul had to determine to forget the things which are behind and stretch forward to the things which are before. How much we need to spend our days pursuing Christ - running the race to lay hold of the prize.
Daniel also was one who joined himself to God's thoughts. The issue was Daniel 9. His prayer was God's prayer. We too can join ourselves to God's thoughts - and when that happens we will pray - here's an excerpt of Watchman Nee:
Brothers and sisters, if we come to God and remain calm before Him, giving up our thoughts to enter into His thoughts, we will see the great need for prayer, we will see that God is waiting for us to pray about so many things, and we will see that everything around can become the subject of our prayer. In fact the whole earth can become the subject of our prayer. We should not pray according to our feelings. We must mingle our desires with God's desires and allow God's desires to become our desires, groanings, and yearnings for the universe. God's desires cannot be released without first passing through man, and God's desires, when expressed through man's desires, will be opposed by the power of Satan. In order to fulfill God's desire, we have to pray, and in order to remove Satan's frustration, we have to pray. We have to exercise the authority of prayer and release what should be released and bind what should be bound. We should not pray according to our own desire; we should go to the Lord and pray according to the desire that He has imprinted in us. When God says that something is needed, we should say the same, and when He says that something cannot remain, we should also say the same. We should forget about ourselves and touch God's desire and express His desire through our prayer.
Much love to you all,
Joanne
Friday, July 25, 2008
CT scan results, a wedding, grace and the weather
Sorry for the big delay in writing - we had a wedding on July 20th - my daughter Anna and Stephen Harris were married! It was a very enjoyable time with friends and family. I absolutely crashed after the wedding and continue to struggle to stay awake during the day.
I promised to give you an update on the CT scan. Here are the impressions from the radiologist:
1. There is a new soft tissue implant consistent with recurrent disease.
2. There is thickening posterior to the rectus muscle along the transverse colon which could be related to recent surgery versus recurrent disease.
3. Prominent right vaginal cuff soft tissue has increased in the interim and is worrisome for deep pelvic local recurrence.
Also the CA-125 test increased to 16 up from 5. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors to know what the next step should be.
I saw both doctors on the 18th - Dr. Berkowitz and Dr. Berlin. Dr. Berkowitz feels that the thickening of the vaginal cuff is due to scar tissue and he is not concerned at this point but said that we need to monitor the CA-125 closely to see if it continues to rise. He was generally positive and very complimentary - he said I look great and asked if this was my natural hair color (which it was NOT!) Then he asked if that question was an appropriate one to ask. I had to laugh. I had to wait about 3 hours to see him which was not easy. Then I saw Dr. Berlin and she spent a long time with us (my daughter Anna came with me because she was worried about the CT scan results) and because she is moving to Atlanta and wanted to spend the time with me. Dr. Berlin showed me the slides from the scan and showed me the places where there was concern. She feels that some of this could be scar tissue and wants to wait a month to take another CA-125 test before beginning treatment. She also feels that I should have a PET scan to see if the implant is indeed cancer. She was very supportive and also kind to Anna, whom she encouraged to forget about these results and just enjoy her wedding day - which Anna did!
The weather on July 20th was not what I had prayed for - I must confess that I do pray about everything now - and just let those requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God). This way the peace of God will guard my heart and my thoughts in Christ Jesus. However, I learned something on Sunday as the thunder rolled, the lightning flashed and the torrential rain came down -- as I was praying about the weather, the Spirit who intercedes in our praying was praying something else....Romans 8:26 Moreover, in like manner the Spirit also joins in to help us in our weakness, for we do not know for what we should pray as is fitting, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 But He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to God.
When I asked the Lord - what's up with the weather - this is not what I prayed for....it seemed that the answer I received was - that the Lord wasn't answering my prayer with perfect weather, but rather with the supply of abundant grace. I am so thankful that when we pray not really knowing how or what to pray for, we have the Spirit Who intercedes for us according to God! Hallelujah! How does the receiving of abundant grace compare to a cloudless sky? One is eternal, and one is fleeting. The eternal One in His divine economy gives us Himself as grace. Isn't this marvelous?
Here is a picture of Anna and Stephen that was taken by my niece Millie. This was taken during the ceremony before the flowers blew over and drenched the bride and groom! Little did I know how much grace I would need to see my first born daughter get married. The Lord's supply was superabundant. It was so wonderful to see all the dear family members together for a happy occasion - we all are rarely able to get together, so this was really a treat. I have lots of wonderful memories that I can think about during the day. I was so thankful to the Lord that I could be there! We sang this hymn at the wedding which was really appropriate and which continues to be:
I especially enjoy verse 2 which speaks about taking our portion with thanksgiving from our Father's hand, praising for the things He's planning. He is worthy of our praises. Only He satisfies every longing.
I am going to bed - my eyelids are having trouble staying up.
Love you all,
Joanne
I promised to give you an update on the CT scan. Here are the impressions from the radiologist:
1. There is a new soft tissue implant consistent with recurrent disease.
2. There is thickening posterior to the rectus muscle along the transverse colon which could be related to recent surgery versus recurrent disease.
3. Prominent right vaginal cuff soft tissue has increased in the interim and is worrisome for deep pelvic local recurrence.
Also the CA-125 test increased to 16 up from 5. Please pray for wisdom for the doctors to know what the next step should be.
I saw both doctors on the 18th - Dr. Berkowitz and Dr. Berlin. Dr. Berkowitz feels that the thickening of the vaginal cuff is due to scar tissue and he is not concerned at this point but said that we need to monitor the CA-125 closely to see if it continues to rise. He was generally positive and very complimentary - he said I look great and asked if this was my natural hair color (which it was NOT!) Then he asked if that question was an appropriate one to ask. I had to laugh. I had to wait about 3 hours to see him which was not easy. Then I saw Dr. Berlin and she spent a long time with us (my daughter Anna came with me because she was worried about the CT scan results) and because she is moving to Atlanta and wanted to spend the time with me. Dr. Berlin showed me the slides from the scan and showed me the places where there was concern. She feels that some of this could be scar tissue and wants to wait a month to take another CA-125 test before beginning treatment. She also feels that I should have a PET scan to see if the implant is indeed cancer. She was very supportive and also kind to Anna, whom she encouraged to forget about these results and just enjoy her wedding day - which Anna did!
The weather on July 20th was not what I had prayed for - I must confess that I do pray about everything now - and just let those requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6 In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God). This way the peace of God will guard my heart and my thoughts in Christ Jesus. However, I learned something on Sunday as the thunder rolled, the lightning flashed and the torrential rain came down -- as I was praying about the weather, the Spirit who intercedes in our praying was praying something else....Romans 8:26 Moreover, in like manner the Spirit also joins in to help us in our weakness, for we do not know for what we should pray as is fitting, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 But He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to God.
When I asked the Lord - what's up with the weather - this is not what I prayed for....it seemed that the answer I received was - that the Lord wasn't answering my prayer with perfect weather, but rather with the supply of abundant grace. I am so thankful that when we pray not really knowing how or what to pray for, we have the Spirit Who intercedes for us according to God! Hallelujah! How does the receiving of abundant grace compare to a cloudless sky? One is eternal, and one is fleeting. The eternal One in His divine economy gives us Himself as grace. Isn't this marvelous?
Here is a picture of Anna and Stephen that was taken by my niece Millie. This was taken during the ceremony before the flowers blew over and drenched the bride and groom! Little did I know how much grace I would need to see my first born daughter get married. The Lord's supply was superabundant. It was so wonderful to see all the dear family members together for a happy occasion - we all are rarely able to get together, so this was really a treat. I have lots of wonderful memories that I can think about during the day. I was so thankful to the Lord that I could be there! We sang this hymn at the wedding which was really appropriate and which continues to be:1 There is always something over,
When we taste our gracious Lord;
Every cup He fills o'erfloweth,
Rich supply He doth afford.
Nothing narrow, nothing stinted,
Ever issued from His store;
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore,
To His own He gives full measure,
Running over, evermore.
2 There is always something over,
When we, from the Father's hand,
Take our portion with thanksgiving,
Praising for the things He planned.
Satisfaction, full and deepening,
All our need He doth supply,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy,
When the heart has tasted Jesus
Its desires to satisfy.
3 There is always something over,
When we share in all His love;
Unplumbed depths still lie beneath us,
Unscaled heights rise far above.
Human lips can never utter
All His wondrous tenderness.
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless,
We can only praise and wonder
And His Name forever bless.
I especially enjoy verse 2 which speaks about taking our portion with thanksgiving from our Father's hand, praising for the things He's planning. He is worthy of our praises. Only He satisfies every longing.
I am going to bed - my eyelids are having trouble staying up.
Love you all,
Joanne
Friday, July 11, 2008
Learning the Secret
Hi All,
It has been challenging to get to a computer but here I am! An update on the 2” lump – Dr. Brooks thinks it is clotted blood that formed on top of the mesh because there is discoloration in the skin (black/blue). I’m supposed to put a heating pad on it (which is not something I feel like doing when it’s 90 degrees) but I try to remember to put it on at night. The heat is supposed to break up the mass of clotted blood. I have a CT scan today and I’m seeing a doctor on Monday about pain in my right arm. Also, I see Dr. Berkowitz next Friday. I’ll post the CT scan results when I get them.
Philippians 4:12-13
12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.
13 I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.
Footnotes for verse 12:
In everything - In everything means in each matter; in all things means in all matters. Together, these two phrases encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ — to experience Him in everything and in every place.
I have learned the secret - Lit., I have been initiated. The metaphor here refers to a person's being initiated into a secret society with instruction in its rudimentary principles. After Paul was converted to Christ, he was initiated into Christ and the Body of Christ. He then learned the secret of how to take Christ as life, how to live Christ, how to magnify Christ, how to gain Christ, and how to have the church life, all of which things are rudimentary principles.
Footnotes for verse 13:
In Him - Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."
Empowers me - The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.
These past days have been trying outwardly. As many of you know, my house is torn apart and some of the workers have been dishonest and have not done the jobs they were paid to do, which has caused us to pay double for some work. We had no electricity in many rooms (including bathrooms) for a few days and also our daughter Elizabeth had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days as well. She is coming home today and is doing better. I could continue to the many other things that have gone “wrong” this week, to the point that one of my children said, “Mom I think we are cursed by God. Nothing goes right for us.” That statement did cause me to pause and consider our situation before the Lord and in light of the Word of God. The Lord brought me to these verses in Philippians to realize that like the Apostle Paul, I need to learn the secret of how to experience Christ in all circumstances, whether they are circumstances of abundance or those of want and lack. The key is to abide in Christ – so I can do all things IN HIM who empowers me. The focus is not that now I can to anything I want because I am in Christ but rather that because I am in Christ, I am empowered to do all things. The focus, the emphasis here is to be IN CHRIST. I know objectively I am in Christ –but many times, subjectively, I am just in myself, trying to handle things in myself and many, many times coming up short. The secret is to abide, to remain, to settle down in Christ – to let Him be the sphere in which I live, move and have my being. Then when the circumstances are rough – I am not governed by them – I am supplied by and empowered by Christ! It is such a wonderful reality. So, really, all these circumstances are not evidence of a curse by God, but really of God’s faithful arrangement of circumstances to usher me into the depths of all that He is and can be in the midst of adversity. I need to realize that I do not draw my empowering from things going well, from prosperity, from a problem-free life, but rather from Christ who empowers me. So whether the circumstances cause me to be in abundance or to be in want, it doesn’t matter – because the source of my strength is Christ. Is this not wonderful? What a revelation! What a wonderful reality! I am so thankful to the Word of God which contains the very breath of God and which is also the means for us to receive revelation concerning our Christian life and concerning the wonderful Christ!
Here is a wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson about the wondrous secret of abiding in the Lord! Enjoy!
1 I have learned the wondrous secret
Of abiding in the Lord;
I have tasted life's pure fountain,
I am drinking of His word;
I have found the strength and sweetness
Of abiding 'neath the blood;
I have lost myself in Jesus,
I am sinking into God.
2 I am crucified with Jesus,
And He lives and dwells with me;
I have ceased from all my struggling,
'Tis no longer I, but He.
All my will is yielding to Him,
And His Spirit reigns within;
And His precious blood each moment
Keeps me cleansed and free from sin.
3 All my sicknesses I bring Him,
And He bears them all away;
All my fears and griefs I tell Him,
All my cares from day to day,
All my strength I draw from Jesus,
By His breath I live and move;
E'en His very mind He gives me,
And His faith, and life, and love.
4 For my words I take His wisdom,
For my works His Spirit's power;
For my ways His ceaseless presence
Guards and guides me every hour.
Of my heart, He is the portion,
Of my joy the boundless spring;
Savior, Sanctifier, Healer,
Glorious Lord, and coming King.
So dear ones, whatever today brings, keep sinking into God!
Joanne
It has been challenging to get to a computer but here I am! An update on the 2” lump – Dr. Brooks thinks it is clotted blood that formed on top of the mesh because there is discoloration in the skin (black/blue). I’m supposed to put a heating pad on it (which is not something I feel like doing when it’s 90 degrees) but I try to remember to put it on at night. The heat is supposed to break up the mass of clotted blood. I have a CT scan today and I’m seeing a doctor on Monday about pain in my right arm. Also, I see Dr. Berkowitz next Friday. I’ll post the CT scan results when I get them.
Philippians 4:12-13
12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.
13 I am able to do all things in Him who empowers me.
Footnotes for verse 12:
In everything - In everything means in each matter; in all things means in all matters. Together, these two phrases encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ — to experience Him in everything and in every place.
I have learned the secret - Lit., I have been initiated. The metaphor here refers to a person's being initiated into a secret society with instruction in its rudimentary principles. After Paul was converted to Christ, he was initiated into Christ and the Body of Christ. He then learned the secret of how to take Christ as life, how to live Christ, how to magnify Christ, how to gain Christ, and how to have the church life, all of which things are rudimentary principles.
Footnotes for verse 13:
In Him - Paul was a person in Christ (2 Cor. 12:2), and he desired to be found in Christ by others. Now he declared that he was able to do all things in Him, the very Christ who empowered him. This is an all-inclusive and concluding word on his experience of Christ. It is the converse of the Lord's word in John 15:5 concerning our organic relationship with Him, "Apart from Me you can do nothing."
Empowers me - The Greek word means makes dynamic inwardly. Christ dwells in us (Col. 1:27). He empowers us, makes us dynamic from within, not from without. By such inward empowering Paul was able to do all things in Christ.
These past days have been trying outwardly. As many of you know, my house is torn apart and some of the workers have been dishonest and have not done the jobs they were paid to do, which has caused us to pay double for some work. We had no electricity in many rooms (including bathrooms) for a few days and also our daughter Elizabeth had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days as well. She is coming home today and is doing better. I could continue to the many other things that have gone “wrong” this week, to the point that one of my children said, “Mom I think we are cursed by God. Nothing goes right for us.” That statement did cause me to pause and consider our situation before the Lord and in light of the Word of God. The Lord brought me to these verses in Philippians to realize that like the Apostle Paul, I need to learn the secret of how to experience Christ in all circumstances, whether they are circumstances of abundance or those of want and lack. The key is to abide in Christ – so I can do all things IN HIM who empowers me. The focus is not that now I can to anything I want because I am in Christ but rather that because I am in Christ, I am empowered to do all things. The focus, the emphasis here is to be IN CHRIST. I know objectively I am in Christ –but many times, subjectively, I am just in myself, trying to handle things in myself and many, many times coming up short. The secret is to abide, to remain, to settle down in Christ – to let Him be the sphere in which I live, move and have my being. Then when the circumstances are rough – I am not governed by them – I am supplied by and empowered by Christ! It is such a wonderful reality. So, really, all these circumstances are not evidence of a curse by God, but really of God’s faithful arrangement of circumstances to usher me into the depths of all that He is and can be in the midst of adversity. I need to realize that I do not draw my empowering from things going well, from prosperity, from a problem-free life, but rather from Christ who empowers me. So whether the circumstances cause me to be in abundance or to be in want, it doesn’t matter – because the source of my strength is Christ. Is this not wonderful? What a revelation! What a wonderful reality! I am so thankful to the Word of God which contains the very breath of God and which is also the means for us to receive revelation concerning our Christian life and concerning the wonderful Christ!
Here is a wonderful hymn by A.B. Simpson about the wondrous secret of abiding in the Lord! Enjoy!
1 I have learned the wondrous secret
Of abiding in the Lord;
I have tasted life's pure fountain,
I am drinking of His word;
I have found the strength and sweetness
Of abiding 'neath the blood;
I have lost myself in Jesus,
I am sinking into God.
I'm abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word;
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.
Yes, abiding in the Lord
And confiding in His word,
I am hiding in the bosom of His love.
2 I am crucified with Jesus,
And He lives and dwells with me;
I have ceased from all my struggling,
'Tis no longer I, but He.
All my will is yielding to Him,
And His Spirit reigns within;
And His precious blood each moment
Keeps me cleansed and free from sin.
3 All my sicknesses I bring Him,
And He bears them all away;
All my fears and griefs I tell Him,
All my cares from day to day,
All my strength I draw from Jesus,
By His breath I live and move;
E'en His very mind He gives me,
And His faith, and life, and love.
4 For my words I take His wisdom,
For my works His Spirit's power;
For my ways His ceaseless presence
Guards and guides me every hour.
Of my heart, He is the portion,
Of my joy the boundless spring;
Savior, Sanctifier, Healer,
Glorious Lord, and coming King.
So dear ones, whatever today brings, keep sinking into God!
Joanne
Monday, June 30, 2008
Prayer and The Throne of Grace
Sorry for the delay in posting. Things are really crazy here. There hasn't been much progress on the flood damage due to the erratic showing up of some of the workers and the poor jobs they do once they show up. It is just overwhelming. It is hard to imagine but my rather cluttered house has reached new heights of clutter and we are all really at a loss for what to do next. Please pray for this situation - it is hard to continue to live this way - and we've been like this since the end of March.
I see Dr. Brooks again tomorrow - He is concerned that the hernia will recur, so he is having periodic check-ups to make sure everything is still in place. There is a 2" lump in my abdomen that he needs to look at - I am not sure what it is, and my imagination is of course coming up with all kinds of diagnoses of this lump. I have a CT scan on July 11th and I see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18th. I also have to see the naturopathic doctor about how the supplements are working.
This morning when I was praying, I really appreciated that Lord's throne in the heavens is a throne of grace. I can have boldness to come forward to this kind of throne.
The verses in Hebrews talk about this throne and the One who sits upon it:
Hebrews 4:15-16:
15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all respects like us, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help.
Here are the wonderful footnotes from the Recovery Version Bible for throne of grace and mercy:
16-1 [throne of grace] Undoubtedly, the throne mentioned here is the throne of God, which is in heaven (Rev. 4:2). The throne of God is the throne of authority toward all the universe (Dan. 7:9; Rev. 5:1). But toward us, the believers, it becomes the throne of grace, signified by the propitiation place (the mercy seat) within the Holy of Holies (Exo. 25:17, 21). This throne is the throne of both God and the Lamb (Rev. 22:1). How can we come to the throne of God and the Lamb, Christ, in heaven while we still live on earth? The secret is our spirit, referred to in v. 12. The very Christ who is sitting on the throne in heaven (Rom. 8:34) is also now in us (Rom. 8:10), that is, in our spirit (2 Tim. 4:22), where the habitation of God is (Eph. 2:22). At Bethel, the house of God, the habitation of God, which is the gate of heaven, Christ is the ladder that joins earth to heaven and brings heaven to earth (Gen. 28:12-17; John 1:51). Since today our spirit is the place of God's habitation, it is now the gate of heaven, where Christ is the ladder that joins us, the people on earth, to heaven, and brings heaven to us. Hence, whenever we turn to our spirit, we enter through the gate of heaven and touch the throne of grace in heaven through Christ as the heavenly ladder.
16-2 [mercy] Both God's mercy and God's grace are the expression of His love. When we are in a pitiful condition, first God's mercy reaches us and brings us into a situation in which He is able to favor us with His grace. Luke 15:20-24 tells us that when the father saw the prodigal son returning, he had compassion on him. That was mercy, which expressed the father's love. Then the father clothed him with the best robe and fed him with the fattened calf. That was grace, which again manifested the father's love. God's mercy reaches farther and bridges the gap between us and God's grace.
God's mercy and grace are always available to us. However, we need to receive and find them by exercising our spirit to come to the throne of grace and contact our High Priest, who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. By this word the writer of this book encouraged the wearied Hebrew believers to receive mercy and find grace for timely help, that they might be set upright (12:12).
The revelation I received was two fold - at least - that God's throne to us who believe is a throne of grace and that this throne of grace is accessible through my spirit which is God's habitation in me. Is this not so wonderful? In the midst of all the chaos in our environments, or in our thoughts or our emotions, we can exercise our spirit to come to the throne of grace to enjoy and fellowship with our wonderful High Priest who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. What a mercy! That the Lord Jesus is not sitting on a throne of judgment for us today but a throne of grace and we can come to Him just as we are to get the supply of grace is too wonderful! Human language is just inadequate to express how marvelous this is.
This hymn is about our Wonderful High Priest:
1 Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea;
A great High Priest, whose Name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
2 My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while with God He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
3 When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
4 Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.
5 Behold Him there, the risen Lamb!
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace.
6 One with Himself, I cannot die;
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God.
So dear ones, my prayer is that today will be filled with much enjoyment of accessing our Wonderful High Priest Jesus, Whose throne is a throne of grace! Praise Him.
Joanne
I see Dr. Brooks again tomorrow - He is concerned that the hernia will recur, so he is having periodic check-ups to make sure everything is still in place. There is a 2" lump in my abdomen that he needs to look at - I am not sure what it is, and my imagination is of course coming up with all kinds of diagnoses of this lump. I have a CT scan on July 11th and I see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18th. I also have to see the naturopathic doctor about how the supplements are working.
This morning when I was praying, I really appreciated that Lord's throne in the heavens is a throne of grace. I can have boldness to come forward to this kind of throne.
The verses in Hebrews talk about this throne and the One who sits upon it:
Hebrews 4:15-16:
15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all respects like us, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come forward with boldness to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace for timely help.
Here are the wonderful footnotes from the Recovery Version Bible for throne of grace and mercy:
16-1 [throne of grace] Undoubtedly, the throne mentioned here is the throne of God, which is in heaven (Rev. 4:2). The throne of God is the throne of authority toward all the universe (Dan. 7:9; Rev. 5:1). But toward us, the believers, it becomes the throne of grace, signified by the propitiation place (the mercy seat) within the Holy of Holies (Exo. 25:17, 21). This throne is the throne of both God and the Lamb (Rev. 22:1). How can we come to the throne of God and the Lamb, Christ, in heaven while we still live on earth? The secret is our spirit, referred to in v. 12. The very Christ who is sitting on the throne in heaven (Rom. 8:34) is also now in us (Rom. 8:10), that is, in our spirit (2 Tim. 4:22), where the habitation of God is (Eph. 2:22). At Bethel, the house of God, the habitation of God, which is the gate of heaven, Christ is the ladder that joins earth to heaven and brings heaven to earth (Gen. 28:12-17; John 1:51). Since today our spirit is the place of God's habitation, it is now the gate of heaven, where Christ is the ladder that joins us, the people on earth, to heaven, and brings heaven to us. Hence, whenever we turn to our spirit, we enter through the gate of heaven and touch the throne of grace in heaven through Christ as the heavenly ladder.
16-2 [mercy] Both God's mercy and God's grace are the expression of His love. When we are in a pitiful condition, first God's mercy reaches us and brings us into a situation in which He is able to favor us with His grace. Luke 15:20-24 tells us that when the father saw the prodigal son returning, he had compassion on him. That was mercy, which expressed the father's love. Then the father clothed him with the best robe and fed him with the fattened calf. That was grace, which again manifested the father's love. God's mercy reaches farther and bridges the gap between us and God's grace.
God's mercy and grace are always available to us. However, we need to receive and find them by exercising our spirit to come to the throne of grace and contact our High Priest, who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. By this word the writer of this book encouraged the wearied Hebrew believers to receive mercy and find grace for timely help, that they might be set upright (12:12).
The revelation I received was two fold - at least - that God's throne to us who believe is a throne of grace and that this throne of grace is accessible through my spirit which is God's habitation in me. Is this not so wonderful? In the midst of all the chaos in our environments, or in our thoughts or our emotions, we can exercise our spirit to come to the throne of grace to enjoy and fellowship with our wonderful High Priest who is touched with the feeling of all our weaknesses. What a mercy! That the Lord Jesus is not sitting on a throne of judgment for us today but a throne of grace and we can come to Him just as we are to get the supply of grace is too wonderful! Human language is just inadequate to express how marvelous this is.
This hymn is about our Wonderful High Priest:
1 Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea;
A great High Priest, whose Name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
2 My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart;
I know that while with God He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
3 When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
4 Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.
5 Behold Him there, the risen Lamb!
My perfect, spotless Righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace.
6 One with Himself, I cannot die;
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God.
So dear ones, my prayer is that today will be filled with much enjoyment of accessing our Wonderful High Priest Jesus, Whose throne is a throne of grace! Praise Him.
Joanne
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the week off - our family went on a vacation together to Lewes, Delaware where Paul's family has a condominium. It doesn't really have reliable internet access so I wasn't able to post. It was the first time we'd been there in 6 years and probably the last time we will all get to be together due to everyone's schedules and life changes. It is a really nice place and close to the beach. I am so thankful that I was able to be there with my family. We even were able to attend my graduation at Drexel University - I was able to finish the course work in spite of so many obstacles and I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have such a great distraction from all the other "stuff". I am also thankful that He enabled me to use my brain cells, which I thought were really deteriorating. They were able to get a workout and be used!
I have significantly less pain today - only when I get in and out of bed, a car etc. and use those abdominal muscles to I feel any. I have a CT scan and blood work on July 11 and see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18. I am still taking those supplements but they have caused some digestive problems so please pray for the Lord's leading in this area. These supplements are very expensive so I don't know how long I will be able to take them, but they are strengthening my immune system, which is necessary. I am still trying to eat healthily but it is harder in the summer since due to the heat no one wants to eat soup.
The house is still torn apart on all 3 levels - it is quite difficult to move around, find things or relax much in this kind of atmosphere. It is a good thing that we can find refuge in a wonderful person, the Lord Jesus.
Hebrews 6:18-20
18 In order that by two unchangeable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us,
19 Which we have as an anchor of the soul, both secure and firm and which enters within the veil,
20 Where the forerunner, Jesus, has entered for us, having become forever a High Priest according to the border of Melchisedec.
These verses are so wonderful - we have strong encouragement - we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us - and that hope is an anchor to our soul and it is also within the veil where Jesus is! These verses are too marvelous.
Here is an excerpt from the Life Study of Hebrews, Message 30 about the refuge, the anchor and the forerunner:
How wonderful that we can flee for refuge! How wonderful that we can flee to our spirit where the Lord Jesus is!
Here is a wonderful hymn by Charles Wesley about all that we have in Christ. Here is a link to the tune, which is quite lovely:
1 Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all-sufficient love divine;
My help and refuge from my foes,
Secure I am, if Thou art mine;
From sin and grief, from guilt and shame,
I hide me, Jesus, in Thy name.
2 Jesus, my All in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, mine ease in pain;
The med'cine of my broken heart;
In war, my peace; in loss, my gain;
My smile beneath the tyrant's frown;
In shame, my glory and my crown.
3 In want, my plentiful supply;
In weakness, mine almighty power;
In bonds, my perfect liberty;
My light in Satan's darkest hour;
In grief, my joy unspeakable;
My life in death; my Lord, my all.
So, in the midst of troubles, we can flee for refuge!
Praise Him.
Love you all,
Joanne
Sorry for the week off - our family went on a vacation together to Lewes, Delaware where Paul's family has a condominium. It doesn't really have reliable internet access so I wasn't able to post. It was the first time we'd been there in 6 years and probably the last time we will all get to be together due to everyone's schedules and life changes. It is a really nice place and close to the beach. I am so thankful that I was able to be there with my family. We even were able to attend my graduation at Drexel University - I was able to finish the course work in spite of so many obstacles and I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have such a great distraction from all the other "stuff". I am also thankful that He enabled me to use my brain cells, which I thought were really deteriorating. They were able to get a workout and be used!
I have significantly less pain today - only when I get in and out of bed, a car etc. and use those abdominal muscles to I feel any. I have a CT scan and blood work on July 11 and see Dr. Berkowitz on July 18. I am still taking those supplements but they have caused some digestive problems so please pray for the Lord's leading in this area. These supplements are very expensive so I don't know how long I will be able to take them, but they are strengthening my immune system, which is necessary. I am still trying to eat healthily but it is harder in the summer since due to the heat no one wants to eat soup.
The house is still torn apart on all 3 levels - it is quite difficult to move around, find things or relax much in this kind of atmosphere. It is a good thing that we can find refuge in a wonderful person, the Lord Jesus.
Hebrews 6:18-20
18 In order that by two unchangeable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we may have strong encouragement, we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us,
19 Which we have as an anchor of the soul, both secure and firm and which enters within the veil,
20 Where the forerunner, Jesus, has entered for us, having become forever a High Priest according to the border of Melchisedec.
These verses are so wonderful - we have strong encouragement - we who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us - and that hope is an anchor to our soul and it is also within the veil where Jesus is! These verses are too marvelous.
Here is an excerpt from the Life Study of Hebrews, Message 30 about the refuge, the anchor and the forerunner:
I. THE REFUGE
Verse 18 speaks of having “fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.” Have you ever heard that the New Testament tells us to flee into a refuge? The Greek word translated “have fled for refuge” means to flee intensively; it refers to an intensified fleeing. The Greek word does not have the meaning of refuge. The simple English equivalent is “fled.” The Greek word is the same word used in Acts 14:6, where we are told that the Apostle Paul fled the persecution in the city... From what are we fleeing? From everything other than Christ and the church life. We must flee from the world...and from ourselves. We must flee the department stores, the course of this age, religion, our old concepts, and every kind of tradition. We must flee anything that keeps us away and holds us back from Christ. I have consulted a number of translations of this verse. Some versions say, “fled the world.” We must flee our old position, ambition, and self-love. We must flee everything. The writer of this book undoubtedly wanted the Hebrew believers to flee Judaism, their old religion. It would have been dangerous for them to remain in it; they had to flee. The Greek word for flee implies fleeing to a safeguard. This is the reason the translators added the words “for refuge.” The writer seemed to be saying, “Hebrew Christians, you are in a very dangerous situation and you need to flee to a safeguard.”
Where is this safeguard, this safety, into which we must flee? It is in the spirit, in the church, and in the heavenlies. What is there in the heavenlies? The Holy of Holies within the veil. The Hebrew Christians were in danger of being held back in the camp. They had to flee into the veil. The writer seemed to be saying, “Flee within the veil, into the Holy of Holies, into your spirit. Don’t stay in your staggering soul. Flee your wandering mind. Flee into your spirit where you can be safe.” Although it is difficult to say definitely what the refuge is, we may say that it is the heavenlies where the Lord Jesus is today.
II. THE ANCHOR
According to the context of 6:9-20, the writer, using the word “anchor,” pictures us all as being on a stormy sea. Since we are in a boat sailing on a stormy sea, we need an anchor. Undoubtedly, the safeguard into which we must flee is our haven. This haven is in our spirit, in the church life, and in the Holy of Holies in the heavenlies where the Lord Jesus is. If we would stay in this haven, we must have an anchor. The anchor is our hope (vv. 18-19) which is constituted with two unchangeable things—God’s promise and God’s oath (vv. 12-18). God’s promise is confirmed by His oath. God’s promise is God’s word, and God’s oath is His final confirmation. By God’s promise and oath, both of which are unchangeable, we have our faith and patience, issuing in our hope which is the anchor of our soul. Our hope, as a secure and firm anchor, has entered into the Holy of Holies within the veil and holds on to it, and we may now enter in spirit (10:19-20). By this anchor of hope we are held to the Holy of Holies. Without it, we may shipwreck (1 Tim. 1:19).
We must flee whatever situation we are in. Every situation is a stormy sea. Are you rich? Your riches are a stormy sea. Are you poor? Your poverty is a stormy sea. To say that every situation is a stormy sea simply means that it can hold you back, keeping you from entering into today’s rest. This is the danger. Consider the type of the children of Israel who came out of Egypt. Although maybe two million came out of Egypt, only two of them entered into the rest. All the others were distracted. Do we not face the same possibility today? There is not one thing which cannot hold us back... We are the fleers. We even must flee our own country and locality. The writer included himself in this matter of fleeing, for he used the word “we” in verse 18. After saying so many good things in the foregoing chapters, he concluded with the word “flee.”
III. THE FORERUNNER
The writer now tells us that Christ is not only the Captain of our salvation, but also our Forerunner. The Lord Jesus as the Forerunner took the lead to pass through the stormy sea and enter the heavenly haven to be the High Priest for us according to the order of Melchisedec. As such a Forerunner, He is the Captain of our salvation (2:10). As the Forerunner, He has cut the way to glory, and as the Captain, He has entered into glory, into the Holy of Holies within the veil. In order to enter into the Holy of Holies within the veil, the Lord Jesus fled everything. He fled His mother. He fled His brothers (Matt. 12:46-50). He fled Judaism and entered within the veil. Here we are not told that Jesus entered into the heavens, but that He entered “into that which is within the veil.” He entered into the presence of God. He fled everything to enter into the presence of God within the veil, where we anchor our hope with full assurance (vv. 19, 11).
How wonderful that we can flee for refuge! How wonderful that we can flee to our spirit where the Lord Jesus is!
Here is a wonderful hymn by Charles Wesley about all that we have in Christ. Here is a link to the tune, which is quite lovely:
1 Thou hidden source of calm repose,
Thou all-sufficient love divine;
My help and refuge from my foes,
Secure I am, if Thou art mine;
From sin and grief, from guilt and shame,
I hide me, Jesus, in Thy name.
2 Jesus, my All in all Thou art,
My rest in toil, mine ease in pain;
The med'cine of my broken heart;
In war, my peace; in loss, my gain;
My smile beneath the tyrant's frown;
In shame, my glory and my crown.
3 In want, my plentiful supply;
In weakness, mine almighty power;
In bonds, my perfect liberty;
My light in Satan's darkest hour;
In grief, my joy unspeakable;
My life in death; my Lord, my all.
So, in the midst of troubles, we can flee for refuge!
Praise Him.
Love you all,
Joanne
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The 5 minute Doctor and the Lord
Hi dear ones,
I saw Dr. Brooks yesterday morning. He really is a 5 minute doctor. No session I have ever had with him is more than 5 minutes! He said that the hernia repair was still intact and that everything was perfect at this point. He is concerned about it not holding however, due to the fact that the tissue has been weakened by the chemotherapy. I need to continue to take it easy for another month and see him again July 1. So, as the Lord leads, please pray for the strengthening of that tissue so that the mesh will stay where it should and the hernia will not recur. I have been having a lot of pain this past week - perhaps I did too much (I couldn't resist cleaning the refrigerator on Sunday....really not a good idea). Dr. Brooks said the pain is not surprising because they had to suture across the abdominal wall and it will pull. I am quite tired from dealing with the pain and from all the stuff going on in the house. Please pray that the delays would lessen and the work would be done so that our house can be inhabitable and useful again.
After seeing Dr. Brooks today, for those brief moments, I was reminded that although the Lord upholds all things by the word of His power and is really the center and circumference of the entire universe, He has time for us. He encourages us to linger in His presence.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
18 But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.
I am reminded of the Lord when he visited with Abraham in Genesis 18. It is really a marvelous story:
Genesis 18:1-8
1 And Jehovah appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre as he was sitting at the entrance of his tent in the heat of the day.
2 And he lifted up his eyes and looked, and there were three men standing opposite him. And when he saw them, he ran from the entrance of the tent to meet them. And he bowed down to the earth
3 And said, My Lord, if I have found favor in Your sight, please do not pass on from Your servant.
4 Please let a little water be fetched, and do wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree.
5 And let me fetch a morsel of bread that you may sustain yourselves. After that you may pass on, since you have come to your servant. So they said, Do as you have said.
6 And Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah and said, Quickly prepare three measures of fine flour, knead it, and make cakes.
7 And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the servant, and he hurried to prepare it.
8 And he took curds and milk and the calf which he had prepared, and set them before them; and he stood by them under the tree while they ate.
Here is a portion from the Life Study of Genesis, #50.
It is so marvelous that the Lord took the time to have a meal with Abraham and converse with him about the things that were very much of concern to Abraham. The Lord took the time. I’m so glad He’s not a 5 minute God! He enjoys fellowshipping with us, spending time with us. Praise Him.
I thought of the first verse and chorus of an old favorite: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Spend some time today looking full in His wonderful face - even 5 minutes or more. He’s available to all who call on Him.
Much love,
Joanne
I saw Dr. Brooks yesterday morning. He really is a 5 minute doctor. No session I have ever had with him is more than 5 minutes! He said that the hernia repair was still intact and that everything was perfect at this point. He is concerned about it not holding however, due to the fact that the tissue has been weakened by the chemotherapy. I need to continue to take it easy for another month and see him again July 1. So, as the Lord leads, please pray for the strengthening of that tissue so that the mesh will stay where it should and the hernia will not recur. I have been having a lot of pain this past week - perhaps I did too much (I couldn't resist cleaning the refrigerator on Sunday....really not a good idea). Dr. Brooks said the pain is not surprising because they had to suture across the abdominal wall and it will pull. I am quite tired from dealing with the pain and from all the stuff going on in the house. Please pray that the delays would lessen and the work would be done so that our house can be inhabitable and useful again.
After seeing Dr. Brooks today, for those brief moments, I was reminded that although the Lord upholds all things by the word of His power and is really the center and circumference of the entire universe, He has time for us. He encourages us to linger in His presence.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says:
18 But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.
I am reminded of the Lord when he visited with Abraham in Genesis 18. It is really a marvelous story:
Genesis 18:1-8
1 And Jehovah appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre as he was sitting at the entrance of his tent in the heat of the day.
2 And he lifted up his eyes and looked, and there were three men standing opposite him. And when he saw them, he ran from the entrance of the tent to meet them. And he bowed down to the earth
3 And said, My Lord, if I have found favor in Your sight, please do not pass on from Your servant.
4 Please let a little water be fetched, and do wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree.
5 And let me fetch a morsel of bread that you may sustain yourselves. After that you may pass on, since you have come to your servant. So they said, Do as you have said.
6 And Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah and said, Quickly prepare three measures of fine flour, knead it, and make cakes.
7 And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the servant, and he hurried to prepare it.
8 And he took curds and milk and the calf which he had prepared, and set them before them; and he stood by them under the tree while they ate.
Here is a portion from the Life Study of Genesis, #50.
“God likes to appear to us in this way. He does not come in the form of God but in the form of man, without making any declaration that He is Jehovah God. God talked with Abraham as one man talks with another. Suddenly He asked Abraham, "Where is Sarah thy wife?" This might have shocked Abraham, and he might have thought, "This man knows my wife! How could He know her? Isn't he a stranger?" Then the Lord said, "I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life" (v. 10). Abraham might have said, "Who are you? You must be the very El-Shaddai who gave me the promise of Isaac's birth" (17:19, 21). Probably Abraham was still uncertain about this until God said, "Sarah thy wife shall have a son." Sarah laughed when she heard this. No human being could have known at that time that Sarah was laughing within, but the Lord said, "Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?" (v. 13). At this juncture, the Lord clearly unveiled to Abraham that He was Jehovah God by saying, "Is anything too marvelous for the Lord [Jehovah]?" When Sarah denied laughing He said, "Nay; but thou didst laugh" (v. 15), indicating that He was the omniscient God, the One who knows everything, even what is in man's heart. At this time Abraham was clear that this man was the Almighty Jehovah, the very El-Shaddai. In like manner, the disciples of Jesus gradually came to know that the man Jesus was God.
We all need to experience God in this way. …Many times God comes to us while we are sitting at our tent door. Although we may be unprepared to worship God, we may see someone approaching and ask him to stay with us for a while. Eventually we learn that this One is God. Have you not had this kind of experience? …But God often visits us in a very normal way, in a way which is extraordinary as far as religion is concerned. I like the God who appeared to Abraham in the form of a mortal man at his tent door. Many sisters have the experience that while they are cooking in their kitchens or doing the laundry, the Lord comes to them in a very intimate, human way, and they have a pleasant time of sweet fellowship with the Lord, conversing with Him as with a friend. Many brothers have the same kind of experience. While they are working on their jobs or resting at home, the Lord comes to them as a dear friend, and they have an intimate conversation with the Lord. This is the experience of the Lord coming to visit us on our human level so that we can commune with Him as with an intimate friend.”
It is so marvelous that the Lord took the time to have a meal with Abraham and converse with him about the things that were very much of concern to Abraham. The Lord took the time. I’m so glad He’s not a 5 minute God! He enjoys fellowshipping with us, spending time with us. Praise Him.
I thought of the first verse and chorus of an old favorite: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:
O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
Spend some time today looking full in His wonderful face - even 5 minutes or more. He’s available to all who call on Him.
Much love,
Joanne
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